A few days ago I said that I wanted to talk about process and motivation. I talked a little bit about my story process so today I thought I'd talk about motivation. When I think about my motivation to work on my game, there are 2 forces that I notice pushing and pulling at me. One force is all of the things that make me want to continue making my game. The other is all of the things that slow me down.

"Give me the bad news first."

The bad news is that I work very slowly and I am distracted very easily. I have a difficult time focusing on things so really any and everything can distract me. Some distractions last only a few seconds while others can delay me for weeks or even months. As I write this, I will probably stop a few dozen times to watch a movie scene, get a drink, read something else, talk to someone, etc. This blog is distracting me from my game and other things are distracting me from this blog. I'm dreaming in my dream. My distraction has distractions. I don't know why I am like this but you can't really blame me. Some aspects of game-making are boring. If I have to choose between testing the same cut scene for the 20th time or surfing some message board, there really isn't any choice. On the bright side, these distractions are quickly overcome and while they do slow my work, they don't put the entire project in danger like the next one does.

The other kind of distraction is the long-term distraction. Long term distraction usually takes the form of some new video game that I've just discovered or an old one that I've decided to replay for the 100th time. There are other long term distractions but this is the big one. I'm not sure if I get tired of game making and that leads me to seek out a game to play or if it's the game that pulls me away from making my game but the bottom line is that I become addicted to the game and forget about game making. Then, the few months between when I leave and when I come back makes a mountain between me and my game.

Coming back after a break sucks. It sucks because you forget everything. You forget what you were trying to do with this or how you did that. After a 2-3 month break I have to take at least a day or two to re-familiarize myself with my own mess. So why do I do it?

I can think of a few things that make me want to work on my game and finish it. On a day to day basis, my participation in the rpg making community gives me some motivation to continue. I like to be active and participate in the community and working on my game makes me do that. At the very least, it gives me a reason to read articles, polls, threads, etc. I said that this blog was a distraction but it also gives me a reason to work on my game so that I have something to report. But there's another reason why I want to work on my game and finish it.

There's another reason why I spend hour after hour hunched over a computer making a game one pixel at a time. It's because for all the work that goes into making this game, I want to finish it. Why? So that I can start over and do it again. I have a dozen ideas that I want to see take shape. But I want to finish this game first. I have already abandoned a million weird game ideas. But for the first time, I feel like I have one that can be a good game. It can be a success if only I am willing to see it through.

Dragon Warrior Tactics is my commercial hit. It is my safe-picture that I have to make before I am willing to give myself permission to make some gonzo noir art-house game or something. I want to finish this game is because I do not allow myself to start another game until I finish this one and I have a whole library of new projects that are screaming at me to finish the game.

"I shall finish the game"
William H. Bonney aka Billy the Kid, Young Guns II