I've had a terrible day. Well no, I've had a bad week, but this is the absolute terribleness of terrible. Not looking for sympathy; it all ties in with the purpose of the blog.

Looking for distractions to take me away from daily life, I message someone on here asking for some good games to play. And he gave me some great games. Actually, they were too good. It wasn't the type of entertainment my mind needed right now.

So, after a few hours of moping, I click on the 'GAMES' link on the menu bar... Thingy. I set the minimal rating to 0.5 and searched in order of rating. Reversed. My ploy to cheer myself up was to play a god awful game and get some kicks out of it.

This is where I feel bad. I know my games not perfect, and although I've played some great games on RMN, it's not like I've blogged about any of them. However as soon as I play a terrible game, I blog about it. But whatever. It doesn't detract from the fact that the game I played was almost as bad as Godfrey Ho's 80's ninja/martial arts movie, 'Ninja Terminator', and the dialog just as corny. And if anyone has seen at least the trailer for 'Ninja Terminator', they'll know how bad I mean.



Yep. The 679 download count tyrant, Sword of Aegis. Completed in 2007, Sword of Aegis boasts incredible grammatical skills, story telling, epic battles, and the deepest character development that will leave you touched for at least a week afterwards.

Of course, I'm being slightly sarcastic.

However, as they say, you cannot judge a book by its cover. Lets pretend I opened the game with an open mind. Sure, the title screen needed work, but at least he had tried, Check: Chapter one doesn't really have one at all, so who am I to comment.

I enter the game and find the main character, Spark, in bed. There's no music, but the comforting sound of a warm fire. Waiting for a few seconds, I realize I can move. Stepping out of my bed, the dialogue begins instantly. After Spark tells us about his dream (In which he was with a beast, and in front of some friends. I wondered if 'fiends' was the intended word.) but never mind about all that; Spark tells us that today is not to be wasted on dreams, because his father is going to teach him his special move.

Fair enough.

'I can't Believe it! Today is the day Father is going to teach me his secret attack move! I can't believe it! Finaly!!'

I shrug at the grammatical errors here and there. I'm not a grammar nazi, nor am I brilliant at grammar myself (although I'm 'Finaly' getting the hang of it. Ha. Ha. Ha.) Back to the open mind.
Walking around the vastly large and rather empty house, I approach a lady, who is pacing up and down. Speaking to her, she wants me to find her necklace. 'It should be somewhere around the house'.
Anyone else who has played this can probably say the same... It's not.

I searched everywhere. It doesn't exist. Or maybe it does, but it certainly eluded me. But her necklace wasn't even important. Heading outside, nobody stopped me to make sure I found it. Fair enough.
Greeted by loud RTP music as I step outside, I approach the bridge that crosses the lake. Touching it, I teleport to the other side! But the bridge is but ONE tile long! Why am I teleporting?!

Crossing the vast, green meadow that is supposed to be Sparks front garden of sorts, I find a gravestone. Speaking to it, I am overwhelmed with emotion, as Spark speaks to his deceased sister. I will find the monster that killed her, Spark tells us.
'Sister, mother misses you alot. She tries to hide the tears, but I see them.'
'Father... Well, he's always busy at the school, isn't he. By the way, I graduate today!'
Starting out as an emotional wreck, as Spark speaks to his sisters grave, he tells her that her mother cries for her, and her father is too busy to think of her. Cheering up instantly, he lets her know that he graduates today, and says goodbye as he leaves in higher spirits.

The RTP music picks up to a more upbeat song. None of this sadness anymore. Today is a happy day! Right?!



Walking through this large and well mapped field, I show absolute confidence in the direction I'm going in. I couldn't go wrong with going right, because there doesn't seem to be any other way I can go. And if I was to wander, I may never find my way back to the actual path.

But wait! I am not alone on this pleasant, grassy, bright field! Random encounters kick in, and I am faced with a very unusual foe; a ghost.
I'm not sure whether the ghosts hide within the trees or what, but it just seemed a very unusual place to encounter them. Worry not! I dispatched the ghost with a single 'Cross cut' and continued my journey... For another few steps.

This time I am greeted by two Basilisk's. Frustrated, I try to run. Several. Times. I've came to the conclusion that you cannot run away in this game. Attacking the basilisks for a steady 18-19 damage, I kill each one after a good 7 hits. Each. 7 HITS. This isn't including the 7 times I missed. The next map was the same thing. Poorly designed, just grass with a few trees, and more unusual monsters to boot. Passing through, I reach the first village.



I'm not sure I'd have known it was a village, if not for the CAPITAL LETTERS informing me. FERHUNN VILLAGE. ... Is that a play on words? FERHUN? Fun? I'm sure not having any. Back to an open mind. There may still be hope for this game. Lets go and find my Father-

Oh wait. None of the houses have doors.

This is quite the massive oversight. For a good while, I wondered how the villages got in and out of their houses, whether they were trapped in there for eternity and beyond. I wondered how they had taken the washing outside to dry, or whether that washing was about 9001 years old, back when they did have doors, and the people of FERHUNN VILLAGE had wore only one set of clothes their entire lives.

... But then I noticed a pathway to the side of a large building. Following the pathway, I am teleported inside the house. Ah. So the houses have no sides. That explains everything. Speaking to the man at the counter, he asks me if I want to rest at the inn, and save, after telling me that my father and my class are upstairs.

I'm curious to the purpose of this building. It seems to have an inn, a bar (where there was a drunkard there, in close proximity of... A school?!), and a classroom on the upper floor. I try to stop pondering the mechanics of this strange, strange universe and head upstairs.

Oh no! Turns out I'm late for class! Apparently, my own Father doesn't wake me up for school, even though he goes to the same place. Maybe he doesn't live at home? Possible. Capital letters are everywhere. This large amount of dialogue is filled with random words having capital letters. This may have been to make up for the absence of the 'full stop' or the 'period' as some people call it. Even still, the random capitals just looked awfully messy.

Father tells me to stop daydreaming and to 'face my responsabilities', and then tells me to take my seat. I do as he says, as he seems somewhat angry, and I don't really want to get on the wrong side of the man who is going to teach me his special move today.

After a short graduation ceremony(?) where Spark and Leila receive a badge for graduating, he dismisses the class. What a wonderful lesson that was! I sure learnt a lot! But here we go! Father has called me outside, it's time to learn this special move! I've been waiting for this moment for so long! 'Finaly!'

Father tells me that he is going to perform his 'Fusion Strike' upon me, and I have to copy. Spark shows his excitement, but is silenced by his Father. 'Quiet, Boy!' Fair enough. Lets see what you can do, Father!

Father charges towards me with a random mash-up of animations, of what seems to be two scratches, an attack that hits, a sword slash and the animation that plays when you use a skill. Lovely. Seems like a great skill. However, Father tells me. 'Now you try' (No full stop/period, as per usual.)



... Now it could have been ANY one of them. ANY. I didn't have a clue. There was no way of telling. Thinking this was a trivial matter, I took a guess. I chose the second choice. ... I was wrong. Learning this skill is srs bsn. (Serious business).



After this, and I mean LITERALLY after I press enter, I am greeted with a Game Over screen. My terrible day was instantly improved as I almost fall off my chair in laughter.

I'm not sure if much else needs to be said. If this was a review, I'd give it a 2.5 for entertaining me so much. I'm quite grateful.
If this was a critical review, I wouldn't have bothered. There is far too much to improve here. Far too much.

However, I feel a lot better. So thank you, Sword of Aegis! On another dull day, I may just revisit you. For all the wrong reasons.

I'll have to do a good review soon now. I feel like I owe it. To somebody. Although if I may so say, that Lloyd Herim is quite good. I recommend checking that one out.