A return to the wacky world of Drag.

  • Dudesoft
  • 04/28/2012 08:12 AM
This game is being played currently by CAVE_DOG_IS_BACK.

Drag-Master (DM) is played by Dudesoft
Ashley Elliot (AE) is played by CAVE_DOG_IS_BACK

Level 2 Adventurer - Dead!
Name: Ashley Elliot
Sex: Male
Preferred Weapon: Karambits (or "indie daggers.")

HP: ||||| |||||
MP: |||||

karambits or "indie daggers" x8 (+1 Attack roll)
Basic Clothing
Book of Cliche Dialogue
1 Chunk of Worm Meat
Dave, the Maggot! HP: |||, MP: 0, inventory: 1 stomach worth of corrosive spit. Recharge 4 turns
Spider Unit 5 Alpha Echo Code Foxtrot (5 Spiders, HP: | each)

Animal Husbandry: Animals will like you. You can befriend smaller animals. Roll 4 or 5 to succeed. All else is fail. Passive Ability
The Werewaif: During the night, become a hairier, indier, faster and weaker version of yourself. Auto-matic Ability

In an underground tunnels. Beneath that, a mysterious cavern with some sort of ruins.


The setting is a quazi-slapstick medieval fantasy world. Anything mythical or fantastical exists in its place. You will be in the farthest southern tip of Essenogglefruit. A country west of Rumpturnip, South of Frankfoil, and north-west of Ferngullythemovie, home of the elves...

Something stinks. You find yourself awake in a dark room. Light glints off various surfaces, but nothing distinct. From the feel of it, you have your weapons and clothing on...

Ashley Elliot calls out nervously, "Hello...?" while looking for the source of light, feeling around for any kind of door.

Above, you see a distant hole leading into the light. After reaching, you find there is no way up. Feeling around, you find that you are in a wide tunnel of sorts. There are two directions, North and South.

Something to your West makes a squelching sound of someone dragging rotten meat across a floor.

Alright, I am gonna go north because this sounds like a pit where they throw people to get eaten by a giant beastie.

You follow the tunnel for what feels like a mile. Along the way, the sound of dead meat dragged along the floor persists. At least here you find another hole above you, this one is quite larger, and not far above. At first, the light is blinding. Once your eyes settle, you can now see a glisting maggot as big as your head. It's been slithering along beside you, in vain hope you drop dead and it has a meal.

Well, maggots only eat dead flesh, I think, and I am not dead, I think, maybe, so I attempt to use my made-up Animal Husbandry skill to convince the maggot that if it helps me out of this cave, I will find it delicious deadmeats.

The maggot seems amused by you, and slithers onto your shoulder.
+1 Maggot(unnamed)
(party member. HP: |||, MP: 0, inventory: 1 stomach worth of corrosive spit. Recharge 4 turns)

After the maggot joins you, the ground begins to rumble! From the direction you came, there is a terrifying screech.


"Seems there is no time for introductions now, maggot friend! Er, I guess I will call you...Dave! Brace yourself Dave, I dunno what this thing is, but it might be your next meal!"

I put away my book of cliched dialogue and take out a pair of indie daggers, entering my fantasy battle stance and making swooshing noises.

Your eyes are adjusted to the slightly lit darkness. It's clear now that you're underground, in a large, round hole.
Suddenly, a giant worm, who fills the hole appears before you opposite the light coming down from above...
*cue battle music*

"Why are there so many worm things in here."
"Dave! This thing, it's like, a big worm. And big worms like to boss around little worms. If you ever want to be the big worm, you gotta take out the other big worms. But don't worry, little worms won't want to take out the big worms when you become the big worm. Because we'll tell them that they're being racist. Also, are you a worm? DAVE HIT HIM WITH YOUR CORROSIVE SPIT"
I elect to attack the side of the worm's head, hoping that it isn't agile enough to maneuver itself to bite me or smack me with it's big old worm body.

The Big Old Worm HP: ||||||
The corrosive spit connects! (roll 4)
-1 Damage!
Your attack works! (roll 4+1=5)
With the deft skills of an assassin, your blade follows the acid spit's path and rips the giant worm's face with amazing grace.
-5 Damage!
The Big Old Worm shrieks in anguish and dies from internal bleeding.

+1 EXP!
Level Up! You are now level 2!
To reach each level, you must gain the current level's number in EXP. Example: If you are level 5, to reach level 6 you must gain 5 EXP. EXP Can be found killing beasts or completing difficult tasks.

You may select 1 new ability.

The giant worm completely fills the cave, blocking the way you came, leaving one way to journey from here.

For my ability, I desire the power to, at night, become The Werewaif, a hairier, indier, faster and weaker version of myself.

I cut off some worm meat with which to feed my maggot familiar at some point of time and begin to climb. Or walk. Whatever gets me out of this freaking cave.

+1 Chunk of Worm Meat
You find suitable leverage from the top of the worm to get some handholds on tunnel leading up. You make some great headway towards the light, but the further you go up, the more the dirt becomes sand... (Roll 3)
You lose your grip and fall to the tunnel below. The ground is so weak, it gives way and you fall through the tunnel floor! Here, you fall further, perhaps three stories... Until SPLASH! You are in an underground lake. There are holes similar to the one you fell through all over the ceiling, presumeably made by the giant worm. This cavern is relatively well lit.

Okay, well, I'm gonna try to swim out of the lake because who knows what kind of underground lake monsters are in here. I'm gonna scan the surroundings real quick and head in a northernly direction if possible, unless Dave has a better idea.

You find the edge of the lake, and clammer on shore. Here, you find a carved stone archway with burnt out torches resting in them.
Around you, you see the cavern is filled to the brim with water, and it is too dark to see how deep the pool is. In the center of the pool is a small island, it seems like there's nothing on it. You make off towards the north, away from the carved stone archway and (roll 6) Dave has a better plan. (Head towards the stone door)

Dave...I trust you. Whenever this worm meat is sufficiently gross and dead, you may eat it as you desire.
I head towards the archway/door thing and OPEN/WALK THROUGH IT

Beyond the door, you find a long man-made corridor. There is not much light, save for a single-lit torch beside you.

I take the torch and do hell of walking through that corridor. I am totally gettin in there. Just, totally nailing this walking thing.

You walk the length of the corridor. It has four doorways, all of which have burnt out torches. At the end of the hall, another door sits. The corridor is rather unimpressive, and dark. So dark in fact, you did not notice the golden-retriever sized spider in the up-most corner of the hall.
It leaps at you.
Spider HP: |||||||||

I thrust my torch all up in its eye area. "Iris I knew about that spider." "Keep an eye out, Sting." "Eye before C, except after Death." "I'll give you 15 lashes." "You're a spider."

The attack (Roll 2) fails, but the spider is kept at bay this turn.

I'm gonna totally throw two knives at its dumb spider face.

-2 Daggers!
The first fails horribly (roll 1), infact it ricochets off the floor, off the door, and lands perfectly in your left foot! You now have a limp, -1 to dodge roll.
The other dagger lands square in the stupid spider's thorax! (roll 5)(roll 4 for atk... 2+1=3) -3 damage to the spider!
Spider HP: ||||||
The spider attacks with its web! It succeeds to wrap the web around your left arm, but the thread breaks and it's only annoying. No damage/effect.

I'm so SICK OF SPIDERS. Although I don't want the torch to go out, I want to be poisoned by a spider even less, so I am going to attack its eyes with the torch again.

(Roll 5)the spider is now blind! It will receive a -2 to attack rolls. The flames also do 1 damage.
The spider flails at you with the giant legs... (roll 2-2) it completely fails, and actually smashes a wall so bad one of it's legs is snapped off. -1 damage!
Spider HP: ||||

YOUR TIME IS OVER SPIDER. Ashley Elliot, fueled by pure rage (instant backstory: Ashley Elliot's father was murdered by a spider whose wife he slept with) elects to use the secret art passed down through his family: Stab to the body!
(Roll 4!) (2+1=3)
Your dagger sings true, but for some reason, this damn spider won't die!
Spider HP: |
Now, weak and desperate the spider attacks your with it's venom! (Roll 5, -2)(3!)
The spider hits you for -1 HP, but does not poison you.

"Please tell me you don't have children. or parents. or cousins."
I slash at the spider's big dumb idiot body, hoping to god that it is truly dead now.

The spider dies!!! +1 EXP.
But inside are tiny hatchling spider!
You encounter...
Baby Spider 1
Baby Spider 2
Baby Spider 3
Baby Spider 4
Baby Spider 5
Each have 1 hp.

Babies, huh. I wonder how imprinting works for spiders.
I elect to use my animal husbandry skill!
"My spider children that are mine! Hello! I am your mother!"
I point to Dave.
"This is your father!"

It's super successful! Except they know you're lying. All of them, including Dave think that you're their father! All except Spider 5. It attacks you! It hits for 0! Ouch!

I pick the disgruntled spider 5 up and put him on my knee. (I sit down.)

"Spider Unit 5 Alpha Echo Code Foxtrot, I understand how you feel. I know things have been rough since mom went moved away to Fantasy Mexico and I understand your anger. I was a child living in a single-parent household once too. But please, try to understand my position. It's not easy being a highly-paid lawyer who represents supermodel princesses. That said, I've talked to the head of the Fantasy Firm and I'm gonna be taking some time off. I promise that I will be a better father to you and the rest of the brood. Things will be different now."

There is a loud, far-off thud coming from the door at the end of the hall. The floor shakes and dust falls from the ceiling.

I run over to the source of the noise while holding the torch, not giving into my urge to shout expletives at any and all cave inhabitants.

You find the next room well lit. Torches line the wall. The floor is uneven, as if a cobbler was in the middle of a divorce and couldn't give a damn if anyone walked on his damn road.
The walls are strewn with roots and mushrooms. There are skeletons here or there with arrows in their knees. Down the long room you see two men trying to cross a deep hole by walking on a pillar they clearly pushed over.
You step on a pressure plate, and a million arrows go in your knee until your body explodes. It's a tragic death, but the maggot gets a meal...



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dungeons and drag-queens, what a great title! dudesoft, your posts are always extremely entertaining :)
Cave, I think you fought my worm's father. While I like your story, I suppose mine has its own particular charm too.
I've heard that you're having trouble with spiders. :P
I hope he doesn't get completely wiped. I was having troubles with an assasin earlier--I had to make up 2 new moves and have Norman go into camel attack mode. I ended up losing a limb and got a hole right through my chest.
always a dudesoft, never a soft dude.
Cavedog has died, idida1 will begin shortly.
Cavedog has died, idida1 will begin shortly.


~Such is the life of an adventurer~
It was quite an adventure to say the least. Gazpar gives you his most sincere condolences. Not that he even knows you exist or anything.
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