DUNGEONS AND DRAG-QUEENS 2 - STEVE

A return to the wacky world of Drag.

  • Dudesoft
  • 05/05/2012 01:15 PM
  • 1760 views
This game is being played currently by ldida1.

Drag-Master (DM) is played by Dudesoft
Steve (S) is played by ldida1

Level 4 Stud (EXP: ||)
Steve
Sex: Extremely Manly Male
Preferred Weapons: Really Manly Axes
Race: Lizard-Man
Stats:

HP: ||||| |||||
MP: ||||| |||||

Inventory:

Really Manly Brown Leather Chaps (+1 Style)
Really Manly Iron Giant Axe (+1 ATK)
Golden Dagger (+1 ATK, +1 Style)

Skills:
Waterbreathing: (Able to stay underwater indefinitely) Passive Ability
Fashion Sense: (Always co-ordinate your clothes, regardless what you wear. +5 Style) Passive Ability
Cleave: MP Cost: 5 (Roll for Damage, + weapon ATK modifier) Cool-Down 4 Turns
Take Manhood: MP Cost: 3 (Takes a male foes *ahem* Manhood from them, very painfully I might add. Adds Shame. Roll for amount, apply amount as demerit on the enemy's atk.) Cool-Down 2 Turns

Map:
Nothing yet.


Level 4 Tour-Guide (EXP: ||)
George
Stats:

HP: ||||| |||||
MP: |||||

Inventory:

1 Iron Dagger (+1 ATK)

Skills:

Find: (Able to find treasure anywhere there is treasure)Passive Ability
Mend: MP Cost: 4 (Roll for amount. Distribute amount to heal HP on the person who needs it most. If two characters are tied for low HP, roll again to determine who gets it.) Cool-Down 4 Turns
Invoke Shotgun: MP Cost: 4 (Summons a large two barrelled shotgun, each barrel with one shell in it. Roll twice for damage.) Cool-Down 6 Turns


Level 4 Red Mage (EXP: ||)
Lord Kenton
Sex: Male
Stats:

HP: ||||| |
MP: ||||| ||||| |||

Inventory:

Toga
Sandals

Skills:

Doublecast: MP Cost: 1 (Cast any spell twice during one turn. MP Cost of one casting is also deducted from MP.) Once Per Day
Weak Cure: MP Cost: 3 (Roll for Amount to Heal any target.) Cool-Down 4 Turns
Magic Missile: MP Cost: 2 (Roll for Success. Roll for Damage.) Cool-Down 4 Turns
Create Water: MP Cost: 3 (Can create water from nothing.) No Cool-Down
Force Lightning: MP Cost: 4 (FORCE LIGHTNIN'!!! Roll for damage. If there are other enemies, roll again for each enemy to determine if they are hit. If they are hit, they take 1/2 the amount of damage the target took.) Cool-Down 5 Turns


Level 4 Escort (EXP: ||)
Sally
Sex: Female
Stats:

HP: ||||| ||
MP: ||||| ||||| |||

Inventory:

Silk Dress (+4 Style)
+12 Style

Skills:

Flicker: MP Cost: 3 (Her sultry dance, brings forth a ring of fire to be cast at the enemy. Roll for Damage. If Target is still alive, roll for Burn.) Cool-Down 4 Turns
Erotica: MP Cost: 2 (Roll for chance to ensnare an enemy target with her erotic dancing. Does not affect female targets.) Cool-Down 4 Turns
Bonus Feats: (Can learn one Passive Ability at every level divisible by 5.) Passive Ability
Linguist: (Can speak most common languages in the realm of Essenogglefruit.) Passive Ability
Molebat: MP Cost: 4 (Turns a foe into a mooglesmall mole/bat creature for awhile. While in this form, the target deals out 1/2 normal damage and cannot cast spells. Roll for longevity of curse.) Cool-Down 10 Turns

--------------------------------------------

DM-
How this game works, is similar to a text-based adventure game. You try an action, and I determine the outcome via dice. There are combat, puzzles, character interactions and exploration to be done, as well as a Quest you will find along the way.
You can only use what is in the environment and in your inventory. Through combat you with learn spells by levelling up, and we'll get to that during combat.

The setting is a quazi-slapstick medieval fantasy world. Anything mythical or fantastical exists in its place. You will be in the centre of Essenogglefruit. A country west of Rumpturnip, South of Frankfoil, and north-west of Ferngullythemovie, home of the elves...

Pyramids. The Great Pyramids. The Valley of Kings... All of the stories you heard were true. Here they are before you.
Your guide insists you stay hidden in the oasis with him. But the pyramids call to you.
To the North you find Pyramids. To the East, you find a long road, and wasteland. To the South, mountains and deserts. To the East, a small oasis.

Your turn... What do you do, what do you say, or where do you go.

S-
I figure i might as well go north. I run north yelling "FOR SPARTA!".

DM-
Your tour guide leaps out of his hiding spot and chases after you.
+1 Party Member
Guide (unnamed)
Holds 1 dagger (+1 ATK) and is able to find treasure anywhere there is treasure to be found.

The tomb of ancient kings is before you. A few patrolling guards turn to see you. They wait no moment to confront you.

Guard A
HP: |||| (+1 ATK Sword)
Guard B
HP: ||||| (+1 DEF Armour)

S-
I swing my axe down at Guard Aa head and tell George to attack Guard B.
George stabs at guard B. (Using the dagger obviously)

DM-
Steve's manly axe crushes Guard B, with a whopping -3 damage. Guard B is basically missing an arm and half his torso at this point.
George misses entirely and takes -2 damage. He managed to trip onto his own dagger, and now only has 1 liver. No more heavy drinking for George!

Guard A and B attack Steve simultaneously. They nail you for -3 Damage.

Guard A
HP: |||| (+1 ATK Sword)
Guard B
HP: || (+1 DEF Armour)

S-
OK.. I swing my axe at Guard A, while George attacks Guard B with the dagger.

DM-
George yanks the dagger from his liver and thrusts it into a sweet spot in Guard B's neck. The guard crumples at his feet as he cleans the blood on his blood-soaked clothing, and puts the weapon away.
Guard A cuts clean in half. As you slide your manly axe away, his two halves slide slowly apart, and then explode with blood.
+2 EXP!
You are both now Level 2.
At on even number levels you will gain new skills and spells. On odd number levels, you will increase your stats.
Also, when you level up, your HP/MP will be restored.
So... Pick 1 skill for Steve and George. I'll determine the exact MP Cost, Cool-Down time between uses, and modify the description if it's too powerful.

S-
Steve will get: Cleave (EXTREME DAMAGE!)
George gets: Mend (Recover Life!)

DM-
Where do you go next?

S-
I look for an enterance to the Tomb of Ancient Kings.

DM-
The guide points out that there are 4 pyramids and one ancient hall to enter here. He shows you the way to the Tomb of Motept, the Brutal Pharaoh. The pyramid is difficult to discern from the other pyramids, and there are no visible entrances.
Even George fails to find an entrance (Roll 1).

S-
Dammit George.
I enter the hall.

DM-
The hall is huge. You see it is very empty. However, George spots a tiny jewel on an ancient stone throne.

S-
I walk up to the jewel, staring at it... I slowly reach out and poke it with my finger.

DM-
As soon as your finger touches the jewel, the world around you flashes white. For a moment, white is all you see. Suddenly, you are in the same hall, except now, it is full of people instead of dust. There are fabulous birds strutting around, and of all things, a pharaoh sitting where your finger is touching. He is completely startled by your sudden appearance, and he calls for the guards, who are already on their way to apprehend you.
The people here have tanned skin and long pointy ears. Their eyebrow make-up is simply fabulously Stylish, and before you can really take it all in, you are surrounded by guards. There are ten of them.

S-
I fall to my knees in front of the Pharaoh in respect, and tell him i do not know where i am. I tell him that some strange magic has brought me here.

DM-
The crowd gasps, and the guards look amongst each other. The pharaoh strokes his long goatee. He looks to his advisers, and questions them privately in a mutter you cannot hear. (Roll 5)
The Pharaoh turns to face you. He announces loudly, in a commanding voice, "You are in the Mighty nation of Essenogglefruit. I am your god and king, Motept. Here, you are in my realm. Rise, lizard, and I shall decide what your fate will be tomorrow. For now, you will reside in the lower chambers and await my sentence. Guards, take him away!"
You are hauled off, rather abruptly and led into an underground passage. Here in the shade it is cool and damp. You are led past the a kitchen where slaves bustle tirelessly to prepare a feast. In the next chamber, you are led into a cell. Two guards remain at the door in case you need anything or plan on escaping.

S-
I ask the guard wether he thinks the high god king pharaoh of magicalfruitplacelandthingieEssenogglefruit will spare my life. While im doing that, george (is he still with me?) takes a look around the cell.

DM-
(Roll 3) The guard seems to think you'll be okay, but only if you stay in your cell.
(Roll 6) George finds a loose brick that opens a secret passage beneath the bed. It's big enough to crawl through.

S-
Fuck dem guards, me and george crawl through the passage. I think of yelling "FOR SPARTA!" but decide against it.

DM-
The words "For Sparta" echo through the aquaducts (of which you are in) and throughout the palace. The guards outside your room look around them as if a ghost is present. The people in the great hall pause mid-party to question what ominous voice it could be. God or what? Such things happening all at once! The Pharaoh sends one of his guards to check on you, as he is suspicious of the coincidence.
The guard of course finds nothing but two cowering door guards. The alarm is raised, and a search party starts marching around the great palace. Meanwhile, in the aquaducts...
You and George are cruising easy. The tunnel leads to a crossroad in the tunnel. You can continue the way you're going, or go north or south.

S-
Apparently i suck at controlling my vocal system. Meh, real men dont need self control. Anyway, i go north. And yell "For Sparta" again.

DM-
While you elbow through the tunnels below, the palace guards look everywhere. In the hall, the Pharaoh hears your echoing voice yet again, this time fainter. "What is this meaning, 'Ferspartah'?"
One of the more adventurous advisors licks his lips thoughtfully and comes up with, "Ah, that... would be the God of Turmoil. That, ah, is the brother of the God of Threats, Ash. You see, they are, ah, both born from the Great Sea, and, ah, wish us no good will. Perhaps, we should, ah, please Ferspartah."
The Pharaoh Motept seats himself and begins stroking his chin. "Yes, send for offerings from the peasants, and slaughter five lambs above the aquaducts. The people shall drink virgin blood tonight in sacrifice to the Great Ferspartah."
Down below, the aquaducts comes to another bend. This time your choices are left or right.

S-
I turn right, and ask george if he thinks i should grow a beard.

DM-
As you continue onward, you see ahead an opening into another room.
George thinks you should grow a massive beard, however the cruel fate of being a Lizard-Man means you will never grow a single hair on your body.


S-
I tell george that i should find some awsesome spell to make hair just sprout on my chin. Although it would probably backfire and end up turning me into an ape or something. >.>
Anyway, i stop, and search for anything that might be hidden.

DM-
George notices a small chest in the next room, tucked inside a hidden compartment in the wall.

S-
I inspect the chest for traps. Since my vocal cords are getting tired i ask George to yell "For Sparta!" a few times while im searching.

DM-
(Roll 5) You find a trap and delicately remove it. The treasure is yours. You find a Golden Dagger (1 ATK 1 STYLE)

S-
What are the exits available in this room?

DM-
The room is made of carved marbel. There are four tall windows on two of the walls, and two doors on the other two walls.

S-
I exit through the door that i didnt come in through.

DM-
You come into a new hallway. You spot a lone guard patrolling the area.

S-
I charge the bastard and swing my axe at his face. George follows carefully behind.

DM-
Your manly axe chops his face and head in half, the top falls on the floor like half a coconut.
+1 EXP!
Steve and George are Level 3! +5 HP/MP!

S-
I do a dance, then investigate the hallway.

DM-
As you dance, a woman enters the hall. She admires your moves and style.
"Please, dance for me more, oh Great Dancemaster!" she pleads.

S-
You dance incredibly manishly, while George claps in delight. While dancing, i ask the woman who she is.

DM-
The woman is too mesmerised by your dancing. It is a long while before she responds. The woman is clearly human, though you detect hints of orc blood in her. She has red hair, green eyes and a few noticeable scars. She is slightly taller than George, but less than a head shorter than Steve. On a scale of 1-10, she is a 5.
"With moves like that, you can call me whatever you wish, Sire!"
Just then, a fat man holding a greasy leg of lamb in one hand and a gauntlet of mead comes stumbling into the hall.
"Aha! There ye be, wench! Come hither, and play with my dangle berries a while. I thirst for thy juicy embrace!"
The woman shudders at the thought. "Sire, help me! You're my only hope..."

S-
I signal to george, and he tells the man that i am the great god ferspartah, and that he should bow before me. I then proceed to chop of his head with an axe.

DM-
(Roll 1) As the man bows before you, fearing his life, you miss his head entirely. Your manly axe pierces the floor, and the fat man mistakes this for the mercy of a God.
"Please, forgive my insolence. I owe you my life, Lord Ferspartah! Please, allow me to join you on your Holy Pilgrimage..."
+1 Party Member!
Level 3 Red Mage (EXP: 0)
Unnamed
Sex: Male
Stats:

HP: ||||| |
MP: ||||| ||||| |||

Inventory:

Toga
Sandals

Skills:

Doublecast: MP Cost: 1 (Cast any spell twice during one turn. MP Cost of one casting is also deducted from MP.) Once Per Day
Weak Cure: MP Cost: 3 (Roll for Amount to Heal any target.) Cool-Down 4 Turns
Magic Missile: MP Cost: 2 (Roll for Success. Roll for Damage.) Cool-Down 4 Turns
Create Water: MP Cost: 3 (Can create water from nothing.) No Cool-Down


The woman, repulsed by your befriending this man, considers leaving. (Roll 1)
However, she finds a new light in the situation. CLEARLY, the Great God Ferspartah is taking this filth as an underling to teach him the ways of the Force, so he can be a Jedi like his father.
"And me, as well, Your Grace!" the woman adds, bowing slightly with a sensual flourish.
+1 Party Member!
Level 3 Escort (EXP: 0)
Unnamed
Sex: Female
Stats:

HP: ||||| ||
MP: ||||| ||||| |||

Inventory:

Silk Dress (+4 Style)

Skills:

Flicker: MP Cost: 3 (Her sultry dance, brings forth a ring of fire to be cast at the enemy. Roll for Damage. If Target is still alive, roll for Burn.) Cool-Down 4 Turns
Erotica: MP Cost: 2 (Roll for chance to ensnare an enemy target with her erotic dancing. Does not affect female targets.) Cool-Down 4 Turns
Bonus Feats: (Can learn one Passive Ability at every level divisible by 5.) Passive Ability
Linguist: (Can speak most common languages in the realm of Essenogglefruit.) Passive Ability

(You may name both characters)

S-
I will name the man 'Lord Kenton', and the woman 'Sally'.

I look around the room for treasure and exits. (While thinking that maybe i am a god.. I mean, this encounter seems like the high god king Dudesoftington set it up so that i would gain ONE of the two NPCs as a party member, but my godly manliness gained me both.)

DM-
You find no treasure, and five exits. When peeking through the fifth door, you happen to upset a card game, and in a huff, the guards attack you.

Guard A: HP ||||| |||||
guard B: HP ||||| (atk +2)
Guard C: HP ||| (style +40)
Guard D: HP ||||| MP ||| (skill: Doom: MP Cost 3, causes a count-down until knockout (not death) roll to determine countdown) Cool-Down Same As Countdown)

S-
Steve uses cleave on Guard A. George spits on guard C (Attempting to ruin is style. We can have someone sexier then the god of Ferspartah)
Lord kenton casts Magic Missile on guard B, Sally uses Erotica on Guard D.

DM-
-4 damage to Guard A by Steve!
George makes a PPPPTTTTT sound when spitting (he's really bad at it) and the spit sprays in a mist. The mist crests through some light from a window, and surrounds Guard C with sparkles. He bats his thickly painted eyelashes and flips his lucious long, black hair. For this turn, Guard C is too busy being fabulous to act.
Meanwhile, Lord Kenton summons Magic Missile, but it fizzles and lands on his foot. The explosion knocks Lord Kenton all the way down the hallway. It will take him all of next turn to rejoin the fight.
Sally slips around Guard D, running her sultry fingers down his neck, dips to show ample cleavage, and begins to dance. Guard D will be mesmerized next turn.
Guard A retaliates against Steve, with a punch to the face! Hits for -3!
Guard B swings at Lord Kenton, but misses when the explosion knocks him back, he tumbles forward and impales himself on his sword! -5 damage to Guard B, and he loses the +1 atk modifier. Also, he dies.

Guard A: HP ||||| |
Guard C: HP ||| (style +40)
Guard D: HP ||||| MP ||| (skill: Doom: MP Cost 3, causes a count-down until knockout (not death) roll to determine countdown) Cool-Down Same As Countdown)

S-
Steve slashes at Guard D, Sally kicks guard C in the nuts, and george stabs at guard A. Kenton calmly walks back towards the fight.

DM-
Guard D takes a might gash across the chest, ripping apart his burly flesh, and even cutting one of his nipples clean in half! -3 HP
Sally winds up and BLAMMO! Right in the love spuds! -6 O-O-O-O-OVERKILL! Seriously, what a bitch! Some of Guard C's style rubs off on her foot. She now has...
+12 Style!
George then whirlwinds like a hero and goes for the throat with his dagger! But, what's this!? George trips up and lands on his own dagger while trying to tumble safetly after missing. Dear gods, he gets a dagger in the knee! -4 Damage!
SUDDENLY A WILD KENTON APPEARS~
Guard D is still mesmerised.
Guard A flails helplessly at Kenton, and deals 3 damage!
Guard D is no longer mesmerised!

Guard A: HP ||||| |
Guard D: HP || MP ||| (skill: Doom: MP Cost 3, causes a count-down until knockout (not death) roll to determine countdown) Cool-Down Same As Countdown)

S-
Kenton uses weak cure on george. Steve does some stuff to guard Ds head with his axe.
Sally and george double team attack guard As, both using their hands and feet.

DM-
Kenton begs the angels above, the angels of mercy, the angels of life, begs them for the poor creature, known simply as, "George". And 'lo, the angels sigh, and a radiant light surrounds George! He is healed for 5 HP.
Steve, as if about to throw a discus, spins with his axe, and sends the cutting edge to Guard D's head... and does -1 Damage. Apparently, Guard D's head is made of titanium.
When Sally and George do business, they mean business. All eight of their limbs somehow rip towards the enemy, doing -11 Damage. So, yeah, he's dead. Since George and Sally were coming at Guard A from opposite sides, the guard's blood and cuts smothers them as their bodies intertwin in a loving entanglement. They will be...busy for the rest of battle. Possibly after it as well.
Guard D in pure desperation summons the unholy power of Doom on Steve... He will be knocked out in... 3 Turns.
Guard D begins to pray for salvation, because he knows at his point he is basically fucked.
Guard D: HP |

S-
Kenton watches sally and george, while steve punches the crap out of guard D.

DM-
While the party members do their thing, Steve's fist crushes every bone in the guard's body in one blow.
+4 EXP! Everyone is now Level 4. Each of your characters gain a skill!

S-
The party goes through the fourth door.

The skills learned are:
Steve: Take Manhood (Takes a male foes *ahem*Manhood from them, very painfully i might add)
George: Invoke Shotgun (Summons a large two barrelled shotgun, each barrel with one shell in it.)
Kenton: Force Lightning (FORCE LIGHTNIN!!!)
Sally: Moogle (Turns a foe into a moogle for awhile.)

DM-
Take Manhood: MP Cost: 3 (Takes a male foes *ahem* Manhood from them, very painfully I might add. Adds Shame. Roll for amount, apply amount as demerit on the enemy's atk.) Cool-Down 2 Turns
Invoke Shotgun: MP Cost: 4 (Summons a large two barrelled shotgun, each barrel with one shell in it. Roll twice for damage.) Cool-Down 6 Turns
Force Lightning: MP Cost: 4 (FORCE LIGHTNIN'!!! Roll for damage. If there are other enemies, roll again for each enemy to determine if they are hit. If they are hit, they take 1/2 the amount of damage the target took.) Cool-Down 5 Turns
Molebat: MP Cost: 4 (Turns a foe into a mooglesmall mole/bat creature for awhile. While in this form, the target deals out 1/2 normal damage and cannot cast spells. Roll for longevity of curse.) Cool-Down 10 Turns

Behind door number 4, you find a pool of water with a long boat in it.

S-
Not liking the water, i leave the room and go through door 3 instead.

DM-
Behind door number 3 you find a live gameshow, where someone is answering questions for money. There's a live audience --because there are no camera or technology in this age-- and a lot of flashy candle-lit stage props.
The host has slicked back hair and says, "Now for the 5,000 Gold question---Who is the God of the Flakes of Skin You Find Behind a Sofa?"
The woman goes wide eyed and snaps her fingers, "Doh.. I know this one too! Oh, oh, oh, who is it... oh, oh, oh..."
"50 Seconds..." says the host.
"Oh, oh... OH! Is it, Testastaola?"
The audience goes "aww" as a big sign drops from the ceiling saying, "WRONG."
"I'm sorry, the correct answer was "Dandracles". I'd say, 'Better luck next time' however, you are about to be fed to crocodiles."
The audience begins cheering and applauding as the woman contestant is dragged, screaming towards the live crocodile pit on stage. She shrieks as she falls, there is a thud, followed by a short cry that is abruptly cut off.
"That's all the time we have this week for "Who Wants to be a Pharaoh", and as, ah hah, Alice there would say... See ya, in a while crocodile!" the host waves to the audience, and the audience laughs.
Curtains close and the audience leaves the room, taking you with them.
So, that's what's behind Door #3, Charlie Brown.

S-
To door #2!

DM-
Just then the host from the gameshow slides in front of you.
"Did you know that behind Door #4 is a brand new boat? Door #1 has a goat! So, do you take the goat... the -BRAND NEW- boat... Or do you want to try and see... what's behind Door Number 2?" The host smiles winningly, holding what looks like a microphone, but is actually just a marshmallow on a stick.
The host looks strikingly like Monty Hall...


S-
I ask him if i get to switch doors after i find out whats behind door 2.

DM-
"Aha, my dear fellow," he says wrapping an arm around your shoulder. "is the catch! Once you collect your prize, that's all there is."
You notice there is an audience now, all sitting in bleachers that were not there before.

S-
I ask him what time it is.

DM-
He replies, "It's time to make your choice, Son."

S-
I tell him i want the prize behind door 2. And the door itself as well. Fuck, just give me the entire room.

DM-
At your unusual request, the host winks and casts a magic spell. Suddenly the door vanishes, being replaced by a wall, as if the door never existed in the first place. He then hands you a door that is as big as a comicbook, perhaps slightly larger.
"There you go, son. Your own personal pocket dimension. As a parting gift for being on today's show, you'll get this designer leather carrying holster!"
As he hands you the portable pocket dimension, and pocket dimension carrying holster, the host and audience leave through the room where you found the golden dagger.
+1 Pocket Dimension! Store all your items here!
+1 Pocket Dimension Holster (+2 Style!)

S-
I look into the pocket dimension too see what the original prize actually was.

DM-
you find 4,000,000 Gold! Hoever it's super small now. Probably only worth 40 gold.

S-
Fuck.
Anyway, steve wears the holster, and we all go back to the room with the boat.

DM-
You find a small, starbed looking boy in rags trying to steal the boat.

S-
Steve punches him in the face.

DM-
He was cold, alone and hungry. He hadn't eaten in a week, and his parents died a month ago. His life was terrible.
Steve's fist punches through his head causing a tremor that makes his blood and bones and guts fly everywhere.
+1 EXP.

Posts

Pages: 1
LEECH
who am i and how did i get in here
2599
Dudesoft is awesome.
I'm going to assume the italics is supposed to be that way. Ooh, and party members that aren't in your inventory? I want! Wonderful adventure so far.
Pages: 1