WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?

Posts

pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
32388
Something was going to happen. He constantly talked about what he was drinking. His posts looked like he had been drinking. He's too young to be drinking. Nobody needed glasses to see that plane crashing. The only question was where it was going to come down.
Roden
who could forget dear ratboy
3857
author=pianotm
Something was going to happen. He constantly talked about what he was drinking. His posts looked like he had been drinking. He's too young to be drinking. Nobody needed glasses to see that plane crashing. The only question was where it was going to come down.


The legal age in Canada is 19 (or is it 18? idk) bro. Why everyone is acting like I have some completely uncontrollable drug problem is beyond my grasp. Not that what I choose to put in my blood is any of their business anyways, but.

If it was so obvious that something bad was going to happen then it's odd nobody approached me about it. Hindsight is a fuck of a thing I guess.
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
32388
author=Pizza
author=pianotm
Something was going to happen. He constantly talked about what he was drinking. His posts looked like he had been drinking. He's too young to be drinking. Nobody needed glasses to see that plane crashing. The only question was where it was going to come down.
The legal age in Canada is 19 (or is it 18? idk) bro. Why everyone is acting like I have some completely uncontrollable drug problem is beyond my grasp. Not that what I choose to put in my blood is any of their business anyways, but.

If it was so obvious that something bad was going to happen then it's odd nobody approached me about it. Hindsight is a fuck of a thing I guess.


Just because you can doesn't mean you should, and how was anyone going to approach you? You were drunk. I was worried about you, and knew I could do nothing about it. You didn't know me and had no reason to listen to me, still I said that drinking didn't solve anything. You at least acknowledged me. And then you ragequit.

Odd that you can trample on people who are only trying to help and then tell us it's none of our business. And since your memory is clearly failing you, people WERE approaching you and trying to help you.
Hm... I'm kinda on the fence with this one - Australia's laws allow 18 drinking age which I think is fine. In fact the law states that inside a home a child can drink when under-aged if the parent is present. I approve of under age drinking in the aspect of culture experience, like a glass of wine at Christmas or tasting at a function.

I think the real issue is how much is drunk and how often. And it's different for different people. I mean, I can drink a lot before I even get tipsy but my sister has a glass or two and she's taking off her top and belly-dancing (not that she doesn't do that when sober, but she's more likely to do so when she's not. Yeah, she's a bit of a card).

Personally, I don't do it often because I don't like losing control of myself, but I can understand why others would - to dull emotional pain, as something to do if bored (though that always strikes me as odd as there's about a billion things to do), or as a social thing. Hell, drinking for tradition is understandable and I've nothing against having a glass or two of something every now and then.

But yeah, excess all the time is a sad thing to see (my brother was a drink every day kind of person before he had to go on medication that forced him to change that habit. It was sad to see him in a drunken state all the time.)

As for Pizza: well, it's up to him how much he drinks. He's old enough by law to do so and conscious of how it affects him so I think it's really his business as long as he doesn't go off on another tirade.

That said, I also think it's sweet that people care enough to worry about you, Pizza. It may come across as a bit nosy in some cases but I think it's good that people want to care.

:shrug:


Also, the guy that was being talked about calling out a mod thing wasn't Pizza. It was a very recent thing.
Roden
who could forget dear ratboy
3857
Frankly I don't understand why people keep dragging me back down to this if they're trying to avoid me having another breakdown.

As an FYI, piano, you're a cool guy. One of the coolest on the site. But implying that I'm not smart enough to control my own life is a REALLY efficient way to stoke the fires and get me screaming and banned again. If you really want me to talk about this stuff then that's cool. I've come to the conclusion that if this is to be cleared up, then you'll need a crash course in Pizzology.

The reason I was so frequently drunk during those weeks before my ban was because I was getting ready to permanently move away from my hometown. I wanted to turn everything off and live life with my friends for the short time that I could. But that's over now. For good. I live in Toronto, I'm beginning my "for real this time" game making career and I don't have the money, time or inclination to abuse drugs anymore. So we're cool, and as long as people don't continue to poke at the festering wounds it won't happen again.

I will freely admit that drug use has caused me some problems. But for me they've been worth the sense of freedom, and the exploration of self. I'm talking moreso about the pot in that regard, yeah, but it's not like alcohol hasn't led me to learn things about who I am. Example: I've developed Alien Hand Syndrome since I started smoking up. My left arm does stuff on its own sometimes now- especially so when I'm going to sleep and 100% of the time when I'm high. For me however having the AHS is worth moving forward with my artistic sensibilities, my connections with my friends, and my exploration of my own mind. I would always say that it's been a hugely positive experience in my life, and I enjoy recreationally smoking.

Basically my tl;dr is that the root of my emotional and social problems isn't as simple as "stop drinking" or "you aren't smart/old/reasonable enough to drink". If those aren't the root of my issues, then what are? Well, there are a few.

Romance. I've had problems with love and compassion ever since I was a kid, because even then I knew that the things and people I felt love for weren't real. That they wouldn't ever be. Problems in this regard still dog me today, as if the part of my brain or soul responsible for those emotions is fractured and broken. I can't even tell my parents that I love them. The words won't come out of my mouth, they won't even come out of a text. I have never told my mother that I love her. My father? Only once- because I had to to save my parent's marriage.

Then with the romance comes the anger. I feel resentment towards people for no reason at all. People who display their love in public make me enraged- as if they're bragging right in my face that I'll never have the opportunity they have. When anger and loneliness are combined they tend to create paranoia. I have a hard time sharing my ideas with people because I feel like my stories and characters- some of the only things I have to love will be stolen from me and destroyed. I'll assume too much in conversations, I'll take offense to something benign and have it ruin my mood for hours. This distrust and anger at society has materialized to the point that I find myself barely able to even be interested in forming relationships with people anymore. As soon as I become aware of someone new they're marked as an enemy by my subconscious, as if they'd planned to tear me apart from the inside since before we even first saw each other. I have to convince myself that not everybody is out to destroy me.

I can't force myself to explain any more or any deeper, so I hope you get it. This is why I wanted to return here so badly- because I like people on this site. That in itself is an anomaly in my life. I want to try to reverse some of these problems here. Because I think that it might be possible.

I need to go to sleep. Please, if you have any interest in continuing this discussion then PM me or something, piano. I don't want to talk about anything I haven't posted here in public. I see no reason to pollute the world with it anymore.
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
I think a lot of people just find it fascinating. Your life is a really interesting daytime drama that they want to hear the behind-the-scenes commentary from and speculate on the next episode of. Myself included.
Roden
who could forget dear ratboy
3857
author=LockeZ
I think a lot of people just find it fascinating. Your life is a really interesting daytime drama that they want to hear the behind-the-scenes commentary from and speculate on the next episode of. Myself included.


Isn't that the kind of person every artist should be?

Also as an FYI I am touched that people genuinely care about me, especially just based on forum activity and npthing else. Being loved by others is something I'm working on understanding and accepting.
I don't know you, Pizza. You don't know me. So as an outsider looking in, I have basically no idea what really went on back in the day, but it's obvious that you made some mistakes. We all make mistakes. Nobody's perfect (not even me, contrary to popular belief). What I think is important is that you recognized and learned from those mistakes. Not everyone is willing to learn the hard lessons. So for what it's worth, that makes you okay in my book.

ALSO: The drinking age in Canada is 18. I live in Michigan, like 20 minutes from Canada, and those wily youths under the ages of 21 like to venture into Canada to partake of the sacred brew that is otherwise unavailable to them in the United States.

author=Liberty
Welp~ Guess I can't help being an egomaniac, apparently. ^.^;
Nothing wrong with that.
Dudesoft
always a dudesoft, never a soft dude.
6309
Pizza, I keep forgetting you're in Toronto.

Oh, and @Liberty: same boat! I can drink a lot before I get stupid (with Beer at least...) and regardless, tend to restrain because I don't like loosing control. Fun at the time, but then I usually wake up into a world of regret and strange bed mates. X(
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
One time Dudesoft chugged a bottle of 1800 Select, and woke up the next morning naked in the dog bed with 6 chihuahuas wearing drag.
Dudesoft
always a dudesoft, never a soft dude.
6309
It was a bad time.
There is something genuinely terrifying with a society that concludes a kid of a certain age can decide to enlist with the military and go fight in a war but not drink some alcohol.


This is why I have pictures of dogs in funny cloths!
nhubi
Liberté, égalité, fraternité
11099
Priorities. Nice.

Also, Corgis are cute even without the outfit, with it they are very happy inducing.
While scrolling down to the bottom of the page to write a comment I saw the word pot. That is now what I'm thinking about.
Old enough to kill but not old enough to drink always seemed stupid to me. I mean, yeah, alcohol is bad for your body but so are cigarettes. (Though I stand by the thought that cigarettes should be banned because holy fuck people, there's a reason they're called cancer sticks! It's like selling really diluted arsenic tablets that you can take just because you want. Fucked up. :/)
I like trains
author=karins_soulkeeper
I like trains

author=karins_soulkeeper
I like trains

author=karins_soulkeeper
I like trains

author=karins_soulkeeper
I like ...




Sorry, not sorry.
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
32388
author=Liberty
Old enough to kill but not old enough to drink always seemed stupid to me. I mean, yeah, alcohol is bad for your body but so are cigarettes. (Though I stand by the thought that cigarettes should be banned because holy fuck people, there's a reason they're called cancer sticks! It's like selling really diluted arsenic tablets that you can take just because you want. Fucked up. :/)


And cyanide. Don't forget that cigarettes have cyanide.

And I understand the point people make about fighting for their country but not being able to drink, but the thing is, the thing that makes an 18-year-old ideal for a soldier is the very thing that makes drinking a bad idea. I don't get that we have a society full of drunks getting people killed, flying into rages, drinking themselves into depression, but then we turn around and say, "Drinking and carrying an AR-15, depleted uranium rounds, while wearing body armor? I'm cool with that."
nhubi
Liberté, égalité, fraternité
11099
author=Liberty
Sorry, not sorry.

*giggle* *snort* Nope not enough, *ROFLMAO*, yep that's better.
Roden
who could forget dear ratboy
3857
author=Liberty
Old enough to kill but not old enough to drink always seemed stupid to me. I mean, yeah, alcohol is bad for your body but so are cigarettes. (Though I stand by the thought that cigarettes should be banned because holy fuck people, there's a reason they're called cancer sticks! It's like selling really diluted arsenic tablets that you can take just because you want. Fucked up. :/)


Cigarettes are a population control mechanism. In the past, non-cancer causing cigarettes were successfully invented, but tobacco companies apparently didn't like the insinuation that their product was unhealthy. Ooooookay then. Whatever you say.