Chicks dig scars.

(Honestly, though, I never know what to say to situations like these and I don't have an insightful and meaningful comment to add). Just get better okay?
IMO, you'll be fine. Just keep chillin' no matter what <:'3c
Take care, take lots of rest and don't push yourself!
Chicks dig scars.

Can I be perfectly frank here?

Yes. We do.
I'm not kidding we really do. (at least, the kind of chick I am and associate with.)
What caused your lung(s) to collapse!?

No concrete conclusion. The doctors say that it just randomly happens in tall skinny guys (the way our bodies are built I guess?), smoking is also a factor apparently but I never smoked in my life. Was weird because a dude next to my bed that got in a car accident was in much better shape than I was.
Good luck. Surgery sucks and I understand the fear. It took me about two years to man up and give up a kidney because I was terrified of being cut open. Whatever your procedure involves, hopefully it improves your quality of life.
Good luck man, Max. Rest well and don't worry so much! We hope to see you recover, that's what's most important! You're a great man :)
Resident Nonexistence
The doctors say that it just randomly happens in tall skinny guys

... Well that's just... great.. fuck
Max McGee
with sorrow down past the fence
The doctors say that it just randomly happens in tall skinny guys

what. (note: I know we are referring to spontaneous pneumothorax. that wasn't a "what?", just a "what.")


Status: Unchanged since last update. Because you're dying to know this, I just pooped, and it really really hurt. Not like...my butt, but further up and in, inside me. It was a very sharp pain and it felt like something was ripping. The pain almost felt like it was...in...my prostate? But apparently my prostate is normal, and I don't really know where my prostate is, not going to lie, and apparently my nerves are fucked up so bad that guessing at the source of referred pain is really fruitless; literally sometimes I have pain that is simultaneously in my heel, my ankle, and my groin, throbbing through all three of them, and is ostensibly caused by my small intestine. Nerve damage is fucking weird. You don't need to be concerned, though, as this (the ripping pain deep inside my body, not the weird fucking ankle thing) is something that I feel basically every day or at best every couple of days, and have for years.

Man right now everyhing is at such an awkward point. Like, I need the surgery, everything indicates I need the surgery, but I really want to make myself go to a urologist first to make sure I'm not "treating the wrong wound" so to speak (Catch 22 comes to mind). There is no good time to find out you have testicular cancer, but when you're laid up and recovering from unnecessary bowel surgery is probably the worst. Unfortunately, everything is on me right now and I'm the one who's gotta call surgeons and push things forward and call the urologist and schedule an appointment and that's like...REALLY awkward.

Because for a person with extreme unmedicated social anxiety disorder, honestly, and a lifelong procrastinator of everything unpleasant (like...homework, say), it is really hard for me to just pick up a phone and move forward with something scary. This is why my psychiatric shit is unmedicated; I have literally never been able to pick up the phone to schedule an appointment with a shrink. (Well, I will also admit that I don't believe in psychology or therapy, only psychiatric medication, and that seeing a therapist is fucking expensive and not all crazy people are also rich, and healthcare is not so good.)

My tolerance for pain/discomfort/inconvenience is tremendous, almost superhuman, fueled by a great...inertia. I have a lot of inertia as a person. I can endure a lot of stuff just because it is very hard for me to move on anything in my life. I resist every possible change that is imposed from outside myself, and I never actually initiate change if it involves any effort or unpleasantness. Even if this wasn't incredibly unpleasant to deal with, I can still see myself procrastinating a really, really long time just because it's like...a thing, that I have to do. It's totally impossible for me to tell where laziness-motivated inaction ends and fear-motivated inaction begins. And functionally there's no difference, but I've always attributed it more to fear than laziness. It's not a good scene. I mean, I cannot even do relatively low stress things like calling and ordering Chinese food or like, asking someone for help finding something in a store. I cannot approach people. And obviously while I can and do make myself do those things in my daily life...making myself arrange for a strange man to prod my testicles and discover-god-knows-what is wrong with them is much, much harder. But of course there's also this insane hypochondriac anxiety that is absolutely certain I have cancer and is viciously berating myself for turning what might have been a totally treatable case into certain death by procrastinating going to the doctor like a fucking complete dumbass. And the self-preservation/extreme hypochondria and the inertia of anxiety are battling in my head every day, and the inertia keeps winning because inertia always has home field advantage, because you are where you are.

"I'll do it tomorrow" has been the mantra of my entire life.

There really should be a flag within the health care system, honestly, for people like me. A checkbox on digital medical forms that says: "do not make this person the prime motivator in scheduling their own surgery; it will never fucking happen, just make them a damn appointment with the surgeon". Because given a choice between literally anything else at all I could be doing with my day and calling doctors, I will consistently go with the literally everything else time and fucking time again.

As an organism, I fear I am stupendously ill-adapted for survival in the modern world where not-dying sometimes involves dealing with receptionists, being placed on hold, and filling out redundant paperwork in triplicate. Of course, rather than turning my hatred inward, I have a tremendous amount of resentment--I think justified--for the world and the country in which this is the case. Why must the insult of bureaucratic bullshit and financial ruination be added to the injury of serious illness? It is fucking god-awful.
Fuck, man...I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must be going through right now... Ugh...that really fucking sucks, man.

I never want to see anybody go through shit like this like you have to deal with Max, but I guess the best thing is to continue the fight and keep your spirits up. I'm also glad you're willing to share your story with everybody here and keep us posted on what's up. I know you and I have never seen eye-to-eye with each other over the years, but I hope you come through with this and get back to doin' what you do best. :D

God speed.
Yeeeeeah mental health problems are a mouldy bag of dicks and make everything a little harder to deal with. (A little? A lot harder to deal with ahahahaha fuck them seriously)

Is there some way you've been able to get shit you've had to get done outta the way in the past? Say, you needed to make some sort of deadline for work, or for school, something. How did you get yourself to do it? What steps did you take to make that successful?

If "I wanted to do it" comes to mind and you don't really want to make appointments for things, try and reframe it. You want to not be in pain, right? And to not have this make your life uncomfortable and miserable? That's your motivation: you want to get better, so you need to take the steps you have to take to get there.
(Therapy does actually work; a good therapist will give you strategies for dealing with your issues rather than try to fix your problems for you! It's entirely possible you've seen shitty therapists in the past, or you haven't clicked with one you've seen. If you can see somebody cheaply that you click with, I defs recommend it. Also, you're not crazy - just sick. Social anxiety is something that can be treated, and there's nothing crazy about you having it, so don't tell yourself that! Give yourself a break. :< )

Also, if there's someone close in your life that you can ask for help from, do it. Like, a partner, your parents (yeah even adults need help from parents sometimes), a sibling, a close friend, whatever; sometimes a little support or someone nudging you can help you make your appointments and get to those appointments. I've also been dealing with some mental health issues that have made it really difficult for me to motivate myself to seek help, but my parents have been excellent in nudging me to see my doctor, help me pay for a therapist, reminding me to take my meds, and generally being supportive when I start feeling really gross and down. My friends have also been really awesome in keeping my spirits up, so defs don't underestimate the power a little support can have!

Feel better, man. Sounds like you're having a pretty rough time at the moment. :<
Ugh, Crohns. I've read someone else's personal stories of dealing with it on another forum (he also had to undergo many freaking painful surgeries), and it is one of those diseases that I wish was just stricken from existence in the human race.

Unfortunately, I have also had the "pleasant" experience of calling various different doctors for various things, and...it really is nervewracking. You are basically trying to shop for the best person that is qualified to determine the rest of your life. I hope that everything turns out for the better for you, and that you do find a good surgeon! (that you can afford, too..)
You are going to get through this.

This is a fact.

If you want some non-denominational agnostic prayers sent your way, drop me a line.

I'm wishing you the fastest, least-gross surgery possible.
Max McGee
with sorrow down past the fence
I've been trying to post here less, but I'm not sure how well that's going. Even before this shit all started, I have entirely too much free time.

I am going to try to brutally force myself to call some doctors on Monday. We'll see if that's still the case come Monday, though. I'm great at planning what I'm going to do "x days in the future" and fucking awful at actually following through.

I ran out of Pentasa (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug) on around Wednesday, because the stupid fucking doctor decided to prescribe only half the dose I'm actually supposed to be on, therefore I, taking my normal dose, finished all the medicine I was given in half the time and the pharmacy was unwilling to give me my refill "ahead of schedule". Initially, I did...nothing. Like, my inertia/social anxiety was so great that I could not bring myself to call even my regular doctor to try and threaten this out. But yesterday I managed to get out the door and go to the pharmacy, whereby I flew into towering rage mode and did not exit that mode until I had my fucking pills. Mikaela went with me to the pharmacy which I was grateful for because I had someone to talk to about how much I wanted to kill every single person there, which kept me from actually doing it. So, mission accomplished, baby steps, and all that; I was genuinely relieved to find that apparently I am not SO fucking retarded with anxiety that I will just go without my medicine indefinitely rather than do anything to get it.

I just hate that this fucking shit even happens, though. I mean on one level it's an understandable mistake and really was not the pharmacist's fault but on the other level...I have a stress-triggered fucking condition so I really wish that all parties involved could curb their apathy-borne incompetence at least temporarily. *sigh*

I would like to again thank everyone here for all their kind words, sympathy, and positivity. As hard as it is for me to appreciate anything--and it really is and always has been hard for me to appreciate the positive things in life, while I tend to take the negative ones really hard; that's independent of my physical illness, I think--I appreciate the hell out of that.
suck it up, quit being a little bitch and get 'er done.
(Did that motivate you at all? :)
(Socrates would certainly not contadict me!)
Well, now that you made one step, make the other one : call. You know it's got to be done.
Lone Wolf, or something cool.
Keep your head up, Max! You'll get through it! If you need someone to talk to while you're recuperating, pm me! Best of luck! <3
*click to edit*
Now I know why To Arms! was so bad - it was your physical and mental pain projected outwards! Were you involved in the making of Human Centipede 2 by any chance?
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