LOCKEZ'S FORUM RPG

Gourd_Clae
You decide, with your moogle's encouragement, that the best way to attack a 20 foot tall slime monster is the same as the best way to deal with any other problem: a well-timed punch to the face (rolled 1). Sadly, your punch was not well-timed at all, and you accidentally hit Limn instead as he dances around cheering you on. Your moogle now has a black eye.

Storm
In a moment of inspiration, you suddenly recall a magic spell you heard about on 4chan one day, and attempt to cast it (rolled 5 - Tornado was cast). True to your name, you create a wild tornado in the middle of the cavern (success: rolled 1)! It is nowhere near the Whelk, though. In fact, it picks Yellow Magic up into the air and slams him into the ceiling, bringing him to the brink of death. Yellow Magic cannot act this turn and will receive -2 to all attack and defense rolls from now on.

Dorakyura
You attempt to do a reasonable facsimile of a flying roundhouse kick (rolled 2 +1 = 3). It ends up being, at best, a reasonable facsimile of kicking the Whelk in where its shins would be if it had shins. Actually, aside from its facial features and shell, it doesn't really have any body parts to speak of; just a big mass of slime. So, really you're just kicking it in the slime. Since you're totally pumped up and it's lying on the ground, this actually ends up working out sort of all right. You can at least imagine that the reason it's grunting and spasming is because of your kick, and not because it's been knocked on its side, anyway. (Whelk HP: 9)

Whelk
The Whelk rocks back and forth to gain momentum, and finally uprights itself. It makes a *plop* sound as it lands back on its... belly? Neck? Uh, it lands back on its slime, I guess. It is kinda super pissed now and launches two lightning bolts at the party; one at Zeuzio (rolled 3 -1 = 2) and one at Dorakyura (rolled 6 +1 = 6). Zeuzio successfully parries the lightning with a karate blocking move, while Dorakyura is hit squarely in the chest and is launched backwards into the air. He cracks his head agains the wall, and is dead.

Dorakyura's bike has had enough. First it got electrocuted, and now its rider got electrocuted. This cannot stand. The motor damage only makes its fury greater as it activates its limit break, and joins the battle of its own accord.

KANEDA Bike
The greatest motorcycles are not mere machines. Though crafted by human hands with mundane tools and simple methods, they possess a property that no other mechanical device exhibits to the same degree: passion. This passion is a form of energy, and like any other energy, when it coalesces with enough density, it can cause a reaction. A chemical reaction is caused by chemicals; a kinetic reaction is caused by movement; and a passion reaction is caused by the heart.

This motorcycle's heart has moved, and its wheels and pistons have begun to turn. It turns towards the Whelk. Its engine revs up. Its handlebars lower. Its safety mechanisms disengage. Its headlight shines forward, blinding the Whelk's eyes. It screeches forward and drives up the side of the whelk's neck, skidding into a turn and leaving tire tracks across its face before landing on the ground. (Whelk HP: 8)

Its energy used up, and its vendetta achieved, the motorcycle reverts to its original state. It falls to the ground, inanimate once again.

In the mayhem and darkness of the battle, no one actually saw what happened. If you asked those present, they would say that Dorakyura must have still been alive at the time and gotten the bike working for one final attack before he died. Dorakyura himself would deny this, but would lack an explanation. Only the machine itself knows the truth.

Zeuzio
Lacking the inspiration to perform a more creative attack, you settle for snapping off a one-liner while shooting the Whelk in the head (rolled 1 +1 = 2). You give a cocky, lopsided smirk and quip, "Hope you don't suffer from shell shock!" as you aim and fire. You get a 5x irony multiplier as you miss your shot, accidentally hit the thing in the shell instead, and are damn near shocked to death as it shoots a bolt of lighting in retaliation. Fortunately, its aim is as bad as yours, and the lightning bolt fizzles against the cave wall.

Arandomgamemaker
It doesn't actually have eye stalks, so you just jump onto its head and attempt to rip one of its eyes out (rolled 2). It turns out that climbing onto a 20 foot tall snail's head is actually kind of hard, and it knocks you off way before you can get up to its eyes.

Yellow Magic
You cut across the Whelk's face, giving it a cool Squall-style diagonal scar right between the eyes(rolled 5 +1 = 5). You then spin your blade in a figure eight and sheathe it in one cool motion. (Whelk HP: 7)

RabitZ
You leap into the air, do a forward flip, and drive your sword with both hands directly into what you're sure would be the Whelk's brightly flashing weak spot if this game were based on Zelda instead of Final Fantasy. It pulses and screeches in pain, and has been blinded by the successive attacks to its eyes! It will receive -1 to attack rolls from now on. (Whelk HP: 6)

Idida1!
You take this opportunity to show off your ability to deliver better one-liners than Zeuzio as you shoot the Whelk with your firearm (rolled 2 +1 = 3). "Sorry, snail. At your pace, you'll never catch up to me." The shot misses, but the one-liner is so bad that the Whelk, despite not even understanding human speech, is physically damaged by the stupidity of it. (Whelk HP: 5)

Nightowl
You do your best impression of a lawn chair and hope that nothing will attack you. So far, so good.