SPACE NOIR STORYLINE HELP

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I'd really really appreciate some help with this script. I think this is the right forum, but, I'm not totally sure.
My brother says that the script is terrible, and I'd like a second opinion.
I don't know much about mystery or writing in general. I haven't found anywhere to get help with this so.
Any tips or critiques are welcome!

Take me to the Storyline!
You're not getting a lot of use out of the Space/Sci-Fi setting. Your detective does some hacking at one point, and there is a jump into a garbage chute, but beyond that it could happen at roughly any time in just about any place. If the setting you're going for, and, in fact, naming the piece after (SPACE Noir) doesn't do anything for the story, it feels like a waste of effort.

Also the middle is just a big roundabout. The detective leaves the scene to go back and get his gun, then returns to the scene to check around a bit. There are other ways of putting a weapon in his hand. Also, a scene where the detective (who went ahead and started looking into things right away) gets in trouble and needs his gun, before remembering that he doesn't have it, gives more room for characterization. We can see how he deals with that.

I didn't get any feeling about the type of person the detective is supposed to be, except that he seems a little socially awkward, can kill people, and can do some hacking. Does he have any tattoos we should know about?
Thanks for the reply, I've rewritten some of it:

New Storyline Here

How could I show characterization? I was planning on showing character traits when I go more in depth with this, in what they say and specific animated actions they take.
I like how you get the space setting involved in the middle part now, but the ending is really wtf territory. To me, the Detective is acting in self defense, so it makes no sense for him to go suicidal over that.

Is this for a game, or some other type of medium?
Well, one of my problems is that, I have no idea on how to end it well. But its for a game.
screenshot
If you would like, I could upload something I wrote that is in a similar vein (sort of, it is more pulp than noir) that might help spark some ideas for you.

Actually, I have a piece up on this site that was part of a recent storyline writing contest. I took the award for Best Entry, but that doesn't mean all that much since there were so few voters!

The best piece of advice I can give is a general one. I hate outlining a story. It feels like it drains all the creativity out of it, but at the same time you don't want to just fall down the rabbit hole with no idea where you're going.

I like to use notecards to organize my scenes and characters. I don't generally think of a narrative in a straight line. I have scenes, bits of dialog, and characters come to me almost at random. Once I have a nice stack of cards with bits of the story squared away, I can reshuffle them until it makes more sense. From there, it is just a matter of connecting the dots. That was the method I used for my entry in the contest.

To know how to end a story, you need to have an idea what it is about. The theme in yours seems to be betrayal with a sprinkling of mistaken identity. People are having affairs, hiring assassins, betraying their partners left and right. Is the player character some kind of white knight with a spotless record, or does he have a few skeletons rattling around in the closet too?

I can't really tell you how your story should end, because it is your story and not mine! I will say, however, that protagonist suicide is not something I'd shoot for in a game script. If the plot builds up to it, or it fits with the theme, or the character was very clearly troubled all throughout, then it might make sense. It might still feel like a giant middle finger to the players though.
I have decided to just redo it from the ground up. I will starting anew with new characters and places. It will be a whodunit.
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