LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

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Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
That description is riddled with grammatical errors. I've seen worse, but, let's try and fix this up.

Ultimate decision is a classic RPG with a bit of a twist. Usually, when you play RPG game, you are faced with a lot of choices. For example, when talking with a villager, there may be a decision about how to respond to the situation/question. Sometimes the response is important to something somewhere, but, most the time, it's a pretty useless decision that has no effect on anything. This game wants to change that.

Ultimate Decision focuses strongly in the storyline, where every choice, even the seemingly insignificant ones, affect the outcome. The game has only three endings panned out, but, the obvious intention is that which ending a player would get will largely depend on the choices made in-game.


Anyway, the one thing I want to point out is this tournament/battle arena feature that you're listing. The reason you give for it's inclusion is, almost literally, "just because people seem to like this kind of thing". This is terrible reasoning. Don't include a feature in the game on a "just because" basis. It will ultimately feel tacked-on. Particularly in the case of this game, as the focus is supposed to be on the storytelling, and not in fighting battles. I'm not saying that you should have absolutely no battles at all, but, they would not a major part of the gameplay if they were included.
Thank you Marrend for your correction. But, i decided to change my description completely. I have decided to tell the introduction of my story rather than just tell about what kind of game my game is. Can you or someone else check if this description is riddled with grammatical errors too? Here is my new description :

Ultimate decision is a classic RPG game that tells a story about a young boy named Dillon. This young boy has a best friend named Dartz who has a dream since a kid to become a mercenary at the Guild. One day, for an unknown reason, a black robed man made a plot to take Dartz. That plan is successful, a tragedy occurred in the town, and Dartz has been taken away from Dillon.

Since that day, Dillon, that actually doesn't like fighting, renew his resolution.
He trains so hard to become a mercenary to take back his best friend. But he'll face many hardship that made him choose a lot decision in his life. Some wrong decision can ruin his plan to save his friend. Can you help him? Help this young boy to make the right decision and help his childhood friend
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
Maybe...

Ultimate Decision is a classic RPG that tells the story of Dillon. His best friend, Dartz, dreamed of becoming a mercenary. However, when the town came under attack by black-robed men, Dartz was nowhere to be found. Nor was he found after the attack, and was presumed dead.

Despite being a pacifist at heart, Dillon decides to to take up his lost friend's cause. He would soon find that the life of a mercenary is filled with uncomfortable choices. However, a decision must be made. Which one shall be the Ultimate Decision?


...though, that last sentence seems a bit corny? Eh, well, if it works...
author=Marrend
Maybe...

Ultimate Decision is a classic RPG that tells the story of Dillon. His best friend, Dartz, dreamed of becoming a mercenary. However, when the town came under attack by black-robed men, Dartz was nowhere to be found. Nor was he found after the attack, and was presumed dead.

Despite being a pacifist at heart, Dillon decides to to take up his lost friend's cause. He would soon find that the life of a mercenary is filled with uncomfortable choices. However, a decision must be made. Which one shall be the Ultimate Decision?


The game description that you write somehow changes my storyline, Marrend. In my story, his best friend wasn't presumed dead, because he saw it with his own eyes, how his friend was taken. But, i don't want to explain that, because it will spoil the reader about the game. Please help me, because my description got denied again
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
6138
...So just remove the phrase "and was presumed dead"?

Geez.


-------------------

I tried to edit your description above to just fix the grammar and not make any other changes:

Ultimate Decision is a classic RPG that tells a story about a young boy named Dillon. This young boy has a best friend named Dartz who has had a dream since a kid to become a mercenary. One day, for an unknown reason, a black robed man plotted to kidnap Dartz, and succeeded. A tragedy occurred in the town, and Dartz has been taken away from Dillon.

Since that day, Dillon has renewed his resolution, despite his distaste for fighting. He has trained hard to become a mercenary to rescue his best friend. But he'll face many hardships, and one wrong decision can ruin his plan to save his friend. Can you help him? Help this young boy to make the right decision and help his childhood friend?
I got your point Lockez, but that sentence is just one from many others that actually somehow change my story a little. If i keep remove those part, it will become a short description and doesn't meet the submission rules.

By the way, thanks a lot for fixing the grammar in my description and not make any other changes, Lockez. I'll try submit this one and see if it's gonna pass the submission rules
Dears

I tried to submit my game but t was refused for the description reason.
Please help me to write the needful.

Please take a look and I would love to get your thoughts on the website and the trailer too :)

Game title: Promise.
This is my description

Promise is a 2D horror game made with the RPG MAKER XV ACE.

Mia is a young girl with no memories of her childhood, unease feeling deep in her heart not knowing what happened to her when she was a child, Lately she's been having nightmares of shadows hunting her and a voice calling her to get back.

While seeking answers about her past, She discovers an old orphanage said it was demolished a long time ago after she was adopted, curious about her past if she can recover some of her childhood memories, She rushes to where the orphanage was, Without knowing what nightmare awaits her.

☆ Features ☆
• Jump scares
• Blood and violence
• Original arts
• Puzzles.

www.promisegame.net

Thank you, please help.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
If I may suggest, khalil...

Promise is a 2D horror game made with the RPG Maker VX Ace.

Mia is a young girl with no memories of her childhood. She has grown with an uneasy feeling deep in her heart of not knowing what happened to her. Lately, she's been having nightmares of shadows hunting her and a voice calling her to get back.

While seeking answers about her past, she discovers an old orphanage. It was demolished a long time ago after she was adopted. Curious, about her she rushes to where the orphanage was, without knowing what nightmare awaits her.
Dear Marrend

Thank you so much for your support, I will update it and try again.

Thank you.
Well apparently it got denied again and there is new reason Description and mapping now though I submitted 3 different screenshots in game.

in which way exactly the description needs more work ?

Dears please can I get more help ?
You didn't post anything, so I assume you used Marrend's version?

Well, I think it's too short. I'm not so sure if that is the reason, though.
You could try expanding the description a bit. Maybe add more tidbits of the story or the gameplay somewhere.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
The word-count is 97 on my version (with a character count of 536). I recall Liberty saying that the minimum description length would change from 300 characters to 300 words. I could be misremembering the specific numbers. Anyway, being too short could be a possibility. You may want to follow karins' advice.

Also, if mapping is a reason given for the denial, try this thread for assistance.
author=Marrend
The word-count is 97 on my version (with a character count of 536). I recall Liberty saying that the minimum description length would change from 300 characters to 300 words. I could be misremembering the specific numbers. Anyway, being too short could be a possibility. You may want to follow karins' advice.

Also, if mapping is a reason given for the denial, try this thread for assistance.

That's for reviews, not descriptions. Descriptions remain at 500 characters.

@khalil: Try posting your images in the screenshot topic and asking for some direction to do with them there. Also, as for the description, here's an edit:

Promise is a 2D horror game made with the RPG Maker VX Ace.

Mia is a young girl with no memory of her childhood. She has grown with an uneasy feeling deep in her heart from not knowing what happened in her past. Lately, she's had nightmares of shadows hunting her and a voice calling her to get/come? back.

While seeking answers about her past, she discovers the old orphanage from where she was adopted. It was demolished a long time ago after her adoption. Curious, she heads to where the orphanage used to be, without knowing what nightmares await her.


Calling her to come back? Or to 'get back' as in get behind someone? There's a big difference. I cleaned up some tense issues as well as substituting some words for better ones. For example, there were some parts that didn't read well.

Also, I'm guessing the orphanage was the one she was adopted from, yeah?
Dear Liberty

Thank you for your kind support,
Yes its the same orphanage she got adopted fromm when she was a child.

ill update the description and submit it again, thank you very much.
also thanks for anyone who is trying to help really appreciated.

Dears

Thank you very much for all the support, the game has been accepted and it's available.

Looking forward to release it in few days :)
Next time just edit your previous post instead of double-posting. We prefer that people don't do that.

That said, glad to be of help.
Hello. I got a notice which pointed to fix the following description for SMBX episode:
__________________________

Classic SMB1/SMB3 Episode.
There is no division into worlds - world map has complex structure and path variations. Gameplay is SMB3. This means there is no acting creatures, who can be grabbed from top. No SMB2 vegetables. No any rideable Yoshi in this episode.

Link is disabled, but all other characters are available. However, levels in this episode were created for Mario Brothers.

Any character can beat direct levels in any form and without special abilities like spinjump, Peach fluttering, etc. However, abilities may needed during searching bonuses, secret exits or completing bonus levels.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
I'm thinking players would want to know how many levels are involved in is this episode. The term "episode" may suggest a shorter game, but, I still believe players should know this up-front.

Aside from that, maybe a bit of story background? I know Mario games can be as simplistic as "Bowser has kidnapped Princess Peach again, and it's up to the Mario brothers to flush out the Koopa Clan!" (or something equally cheesy), but I think you should have something.
Hi my game has been denied twice now for game description and from what I can tell it fits all the requirements and I don't think it is poorly worded. Can anyone help me out with it? http://rpgmaker.net/games/6852/
Ygdrasil> post the game description here. We can't reach it via link. Just copy-paste it here :)