LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

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author=karins_soulkeeper
Ygdrasil> post the game description here. We can't reach it via link. Just copy-paste it here :)
ah my bad I didn't realize. Ok here it is then.

Story and Setting:
In the world of Morith there was an old story that was known all over the world. The story told was of a war, a great and devastating war that plagued the world for many years. It went a little something like this, there were two kingdoms that lied in the far northern region of Galerin. There was the Kingdom of Alashu, who had been around for far longer than any other kingdom on the world at that time. The other kingdom was the kingdom of Aruin who was not as big as Alashu but was given a much greater task. Their task was to watch over a very powerful treasure, a treasure so powerful it could change the entire world for good or for worse.

One day the new king of Alashu attacked Aruin out of nowhere and launched a full scale invasion to acquire the treasure being hidden by Aruin. The treasure had the power to open a gate the world of the demons which was supposed to be forever sealed off from mankind. Alashu wanted to open this gate and take over the demon world as the king so that he may return and reign as a god over the humans. However there was one person who stood above everyone else and against all odds decided to fight back against the king and defend the world. He gathered warriors of the heavens and journeyed to end the war before it could cause any true damage to the world.

You play the role of this hero, you will enter the world of Morith and attempt to save a world that might be doomed to oblivion.

Features and Screenshots:
The game implements the common turn based battle system seen is most RPGs. There are 2 puzzles as well as a fishing mini game and 2 very very important side quests for the later chapters. A mini map and day/night cycle has also been implemented and I am working on implementing alchemy for chapter 2 which would go along with fishing. Another feature I added was the Stat EV training type thing like off of pokemon where you have items that can boost your stats permanently. I have also added a new bestiary accessible from the menu!

All in all I think the first chapter for a normal playthrough will give a good 2 hours of gameplay maybe even 3 if you go for doing everything there is.
Today is Friday October 30 first 1710 A young man by
the name of Kasey has Got stranded on an unknown road
That he Has never scene before Willie looking around
He here,s a voice call his name that he has never herd
Before.in his head. a voice of an unknown girl After
hearing this he finds his sister laying on the bog
floor she is heart and needs medication fast your sister
tells you she has heard the voice of the girl and came
to find her on her own. what is this unknown place
And who is this girl is she dead or is she alive
author=redwall10
Today is Friday, October 30, 1710. A young man by the name of Kasey has been stranded on a road that he has never seen before. While looking around he hears the voice of a girl in his head, calling his name. After hearing this he finds his sister, <insert sister's name>, laying on the ground. She is hurt and needs medication fast!
<insert sister's name> tells Kasey that she heard the voice of a girl and came to find her. What is this unknown place and who is this girl? Is she alive? Or is she... dead?

It needed a lot of clean-up. I got rid of the Your sister stuff because you started it in third-person and established Kasey as the protagonist off the bat, so you need to keep that consistent and relate the story to him. Thus, giving the sister a name and using it helps to make it read better. I also fixed a lot of spelling and grammar issues, and reworked a few bits to flow better. All you need to do now is put in the name of Kasey's sister where I put <insert sister's name> and double-check that it works for you.
Wow Thanks Liberty. now it looks like this
author=redwall10
Today is Friday, October 30, 1710. A young man by the name of Kasiya has been stranded on a road that he has never seen before. While looking around he hears the voice of a girl in his head, calling his name. After hearing this he finds his sister, Bahiti laying on the ground. She is hurt and needs medication fast!
Bahiti tells Kasiya that she heard the voice of a girl and came to find her. What is this unknown place and who is this girl? Is she alive? Or is she... dead? welcome to the world of dragon star
my game description was denied..i know right!?..because i suck at English
so please make this description look polished or something...please!

Description:
In the Roman poet Virgil’s Latin epic, the Aeneid, Aeneas descends into Dis (the underworld) to visit his father’s spirit
This game was inspired by this story..as the hero “Jack” must go on a quest for his father soul
that was taking without his well..But only thing that prevent him from this
is the Gate of sorrow and it only open with 12 gems..even if Jack passed the the Sacred land
The tower of infinity is the only connection between heaven and hell..
but darkon has a lust for power if he gather the feather of algos and the nail of zerius
he can get the Chaos energy which it belongs to the fallen emperor “manvill”…
The Jupiter Kingdoom is aware of Darkon plan and it need to prevent the opening..
Can Jack finally save his father soul?or he will fail the greatest test of his live?
the test of Gods!!
the game contains:
Mini games,Party selector,Class changer(only one member can change classe),Summons,Overworld skills

Tons of secrets,and more…
The Game is a sample RPG with a rather cliche plot more like dragon quest..

your objective is to gather 12 gems and travel into the tower of infinity..

the game is still in progress i'm going to release a demo soon...
if you have any ideas for the game feel free to tell!!
History of Development:

Originally A Destiny Reborn was going to be very lighthearted RPG with the protagonist and companions travelling the world, to restore the Mana that had gone missing do to an unknown factor. It story was somewhat to cliched and lighthearted for my taste, so I scrap the idea. A couple of month later I started thinking about what I can do to create a game revolving around a darker plot but still keep some of lighthearted moment and eventually I came up with this.



The Story:

Nine player from the chosen current time period are brought into the struggle of becoming the next God. The God of time and space has suddenly weakened, do to the constant destruction of multiple Time Divergences that are starting to appear. Slowly fading, he must choose a successor to his throne so that this world can return back to it former state. Our story resolved around Eren, a blacksmith apprentice, who is unsure if he want to become a blacksmith like his father, has suddenly found himself as candidate in this game to become god.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
@riderx40: Here's my humble suggestion for you:

Jack's father died under mysterious circumstances. Believing that his soul was taken prematurely, Jack decides to brave a trip to the underworld to save him. Jack's first trial are a set of 12 gems that he must collect to open the Gate of Sorrow. His next trial is passing through sacred land to the Tower of Infinity, the only connection between Heaven and Hell.

Meanwhile, Darkon has a lust for power, and desires to gather the Feather of Algos and the Nail of Zerius. With these artifacts, he would be granted energies such that has not been seen since the mad emperor, Manvill. The Jupiter Kingdom is aware of this, and does what it can to prevent it. In an ironic coincidence, these artifacts are on the trail Jack needs to follow for his own quest. Darkon will doubtless show no mercy, but, how will the Jupiter Kingdom perceive Jack?

Personal background:
This game was inspired by Virgil’s epic, The Aeneid. The inspiration being that Aeneas descends into Dis (the underworld) to visit his father’s spirit.


I'll get to you momentarily, legend101.
NEW AINCRAD

Plot(Sidequest only)

After the Sword Art Online incident and the fall of Alfhiem online. The Seed was spreaded through out the world by an unknown person who believed that he/she is a companion of the creator. The Seed is a program that can make virtual reality games. Because of that program, Sword art online was reborn and renamed as "New Aincrad". This game was somehow popular because it was just like the SAO except will not die in the reality. Unfortunately, because of this game, players takes it seriously and willing do bad things on other players such as killing them in reality. You will be protagonist who seeks a solution on how to stop this problem
.


Main Quest or Grand Quest
Your Quest will is to Clear all 100 floors. Each floor have unique boss which is required to beat in order to proceed to the next floor (I KNOW THAT IT LOOKS LIKE SAO). Some of the Floors have unique theme.

Gameplay

This game is basically just a 2D RPG game made in RPGvxAce.
The Battle system is in First Person Mode but modified because of YEA-Input Combo Script.
This game has also a simple parkour system with jumping so in the future updates of the game, their will be a parkour puzzle.






PLEASE HELP ME FIX IT OR SOMETHING BECAUSE I SUCK AT GRAMMAR.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
@legend101: My suggestion as follows:

The very fabric of time and space is weakening. The being who has overseen this for time immemorial has similarly weakened. This being desires to find a replacement, but this replacement must be proven worthy of the terrible burden.

Thus, are nine people are brought together in a contest. This story focuses on one such contestant, Eren. He was but a blacksmith's apprentice before, but now, finds himself in this contest for reasons he cannot fathom.

Personal Background
Originally, A Destiny Reborn was going to be very lighthearted RPG. The protagonist and companions would be traveling the world to restore Mana, which had become missing due to an unknown factor. It's story was somewhat to cliched and lighthearted for my taste, so I scraped the idea. A couple of months later I started thinking about what I can do to create a game revolving around a darker plot but still keep some of lighthearted moments. Eventually, I came up with this.


Totally palindromic aside: Do nine men interpret? Nine men? I nod.


@tgcteku: My suggestion:

Story:
After the Sword Art Online incident, and the fall of Alfhiem Online, The Seed was spread throughout the world by an unknown person who believed that he/she is a companion of the creator. The Seed is a program that can make virtual reality games. Because of that program, Sword Art Online was reborn and renamed as New Aincrad. This game was somehow popular because it was just like the SAO except it's users will not die in actual reality. Unfortunately, because of this game, players takes it seriously and willing do anything to other players. Such as killing them in actual reality. You will be protagonist who seeks a solution on how to stop this problem.

To do this, players will find themselves clearing 100 floors, each one having a unique boss which is required to beat in order to proceed to the next floor. Some of the floors have unique theme.


Gameplay
This game is a 2D RPG game made in RPG VX Ace. The battle system is standard first-person mode, modified with the YEA-Input Combo Script. While it might not be in the current demo, the intention is to have a parkour system and have puzzles in the game revolve around that.


Personal background:
In the case it wasn't potently obvious, this game is a Sword Art Online fan-game.


I'm not sure what else to put in "personal background". If you're taking measures for it to be more accessible to non-fans, that would be the place to put it. Assuming that's an aim for the game. If not, I dunno.
I need help, my submission for revive the dead got denied, with only two days away from 30th, english isn't my first language so basically I used google translate to make the description:

CAVE ADVENTURE

Monsters have appeared in a mining cave, and many people have been attacked, your mission is to explore the cave and solve the problem, but the deeper you go, the more dangerous are the enemies

Cave Adventure is a simple RPG/Dungeon crawler, made for the "Revive the Dead" event, inspired by a old unfinished project about four people trapped in a castle

The goal is to reach the deepest floor solving some puzzles on the way, as you go down the cave changes with a good variety of themes, you can find underground lakes, forests , volcanoes, and even lost civilizations...

This one of my first games (actually, the first I upload to the internet) so I tried to keep it simple, any feedback is appreciated
In the year 2030 there lie a solar system.called the Algol solar system.and the planets
were called Motavia with a vertically slanted orbital path. Palma the second planet out from the star,
and Dezor is the third and final planet. all the planets lived in a grate peace. however it did not last
long. days after. a darkness came to wipe out the photons forever by making masonry bots to blackout
all the planets. now you and your friends must destroy these dark masonry bots and find a new energy source
to light the world.
CashmereCat
Self-proclaimed Puzzle Snob
11638
Firstly, the solar system specifically refers to the planetary system where the Sun is the centre - ours. I think you should refer to all such references as planetary systems from now on. Also, what do you think "mansions" are? In English, it's a large house. So I doubt that large houses will block out entire planets, unless those houses are very, very large indeed.

author=redwall10
In the year 2030, there lies a planetary system named the Algol system, and the planets are called: Motavia, with its vertically slanted orbital path; Palma, the second planet out from the star; and Dezor, the third and final planet. All the planets lived in great peace. However, it did not last long. Days after, a darkness came to wipe out the photons forever, by making mansions to black out all of the planets. Now you and your friends must destroy these dark mansions, and find a new energy source to light up the world forevermore.
author=redwall10
In the year 2030, there lies a planetary system named the Algol system, and the planets are called: Motavia, with its vertically slanted orbital path; Palma, the second planet out from the star; and Dezor, the third and final planet. All the planets lived in great peace. However, it did not last long. Days after, a darkness came to wipe out the photons forever, by making masonry bots with a super type of shields to black out all of the planets. Now you and your friends must destroy these dark masonry bots, and find a new energy source to light up the world forevermore.
CashmereCat
Self-proclaimed Puzzle Snob
11638
author=redwall10
In the year 2030, there lies a planetary system named the Algol system, and the planets are called: Motavia, with its vertically slanted orbital path; Palma, the second planet out from the star; and Dezor, the third and final planet. All the planets lived in great peace. However, it did not last long. Days after, a darkness came to wipe out the photons forever, by making masonry bots with a super type of shield that will black out all of the planets. Now you and your friends must destroy these dark masonry bots, and find a new energy source to light up the world forevermore.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
I think "orbital platform" is more likely than "dark mansion", or whatever. Possibly something on the scale of Star Wars' Death Star. Though, from the description, they would block out Algol's rays all year around for all three planets in the system? I guess it might be possible, but the science/math behind that possibility would be insanely precise. Though, maybe it just seems that way from a layman's perspective.

That aside, I think it would look more like:

The year is 2030. The place is the Algol system, and it's planets: Motavia (with a vertically slanted orbital path), Palma, and Dezor. For a long time, the denizens of these planets have lived in peace and harmony. Then, one day, there came gigantic orbital platforms that blocked out the life-sustaining rays of Algol. It's up to a handful of adventurous spirits to go to these stations to destroy them, or, failing that, to find a new energy source.

Aside: Is that fan-art of KOS-MOS in your title screen? Now, I don't have an issue with this. However, your target audience is clearly fans of Phantasy Star, and using fan-art from Xenosaga might, at best, quirk a few eyebrows from that audience. I dunno. I guess it's up to you.
I have recently attempted to post my game I've been working on and was
denied due to a bad description. Can someone look over this?
Thanks in advance!

In the year 3007 a great War, known as the World Wars, took place between all of the nations
of this world and the Abyssal Forces. Lord Sean who was the leader of the Abyssal Forces
sought to rule over all of the nations! They brought destruction to many Towns and Villages
in order to achieve their goal. Nobody was able to stand up to the might of the Abyssal Forces,
except those from the Sacred Electric Clan.

While the War continued to rage on the Great Sage of the Sacred Electric Clan sacrificed
his life to seal away Lord Sean in order to bring an end to these World Wars. This was
the beginning of the end for both the Sacred Electric Clan and the Abyssal Forces!

17 years later(Year 3024) Lord Sean is freed from the seal the Great Sage placed
him in! However, Lord Sean's powers have not fully returned yet so he cannot achieve his
goal of controlling all of the nations, like he attempted to do during the World Wars.
In addition to that almost all of Abyssal Forces were killed off. So a new recruit in the
Abyssal Forces who is now known as the Darklord is given a mission to retrieve the
Nature Emerald, a vessel which contains enormous power. Which can be used to grant Lord Sean
his powers! Can you prevent the Darklord from obtaining the Nature Emerald?
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
The first thing I'm noticing about that description are the capitalization of random words and the weird line breaks. Unless there is a good reason for the line breaks than I don't quite understand? Another thing I can't help but to notice is the lack of identity for the playable character? I dunno. Could be on purpose. Aaaaannnnyway, this is the kind of thing I would propose:

In the year 3007, Lord Sean lead the Abyssal Forces with one purpose in mind: To rule the entire world. Alliances between the other nations of the world quickly formed, and history would later proclaim this the start of the World Wars.

Unfortunately, the Abyssal Forces were virtually unstoppable. Many towns and villages were brought low in the wake of their conquest. Only the forces of the sacred Electric Clan had any kind of stopping power. Upon noticing this, the Great Sage of the Electric Clan made a choice. He sacrificed his life to seal Lord Sean away in an attempt to bring an end to the war. To the relief of many, the attempt succeed, and the Abyssal Forces quickly dwindled after his capture. However, it was not over.

The Year is now 3024, and Lord Sean has escaped from his prison. While his power has not fully returned, he is still dangerous. His minion, a being calling himself Dark Lord, is seeking a gem that would restore his master's powers. Your job is to obtain it before he does.

Thank you for your feedback! =]
The line breaks are probably a result of copy-pasting.
As for the main character, yep, you got me the lack of identity
for the main character is done on purpose.
Also, you may have already noticed that, this isn't my complete description.
I felt the issue was the lack of detail in my description, which is
something I can easily overlook due to me knowing the story already.
I only posted the story because I wanted to see how it is perceived
by my viewers.
Anyway here is my entire description:

-Background
This is a project that I worked on awhile back(2010).
I've recently found this game(2014), played it then I decided to finish it.
After coming back to this game with fresh eyes, I am no longer conditioned to
like my own game. I feel that it has potential but lacks polish.

-Story
Now, lets get to the story! The story is heavily inspired by anime like
Dragon Ball Z, Naruto, Bleach, Avatar the Last Airbender and One Piece, so you
can expect something of that nature as you play through the game. As the game is
episodic it is divided into parts, this being the 1st part. So the story can be
pretty linear with a few minor plot twists, nothing major here!

In the year 3007 a great War, known as the World Wars, took place between all of
the nations of this world and the Abyssal Forces. Lord Sean who was the leader of
the Abyssal Forces sought to rule over all of the nations! They brought
destruction to many Towns and Villages in order to achieve their goal. Nobody was
able to stand up to the might of the Abyssal Forces,except those from the Sacred
Electric Clan.

While the War continued to rage on the Great Sage of the Sacred Electric Clan
sacrificed his life to seal away Lord Sean in order to bring an end to these
World Wars. This was the beginning of the end for both the Sacred Electric Clan
and the Abyssal Forces!

17 years later(Year 3024) Lord Sean is freed from the seal the Great Sage placed
him in! However, Lord Sean's powers have not fully returned yet so he cannot
achieve his goal of controlling all of the nations, like he attempted to do
during the World Wars. In addition to that almost all of Abyssal Forces were
killed off. So a new recruit in the Abyssal Forces who is now known as the
Darklord is given a mission to retrieve the Nature Emerald, a vessel which
contains enormous power. Which can be used to grant Lord Sean his powers! Can you
prevent the Darklord from obtaining the Nature Emerald?

-Characters
*Rob
-Age 17
-He is the main protagonist of the game and one of the survivors from the Sacred
Electric Clan. He is a very logical person. Because of this he displays a calm
nature. He analyzes enemy tactics and uses that to his advantage.

*Tea'a
-Age 16
-Rob's younger sister, Tea'a is a kind-hearted, strong willed, brave and tough
warrior. She can be very emotional and short-tempered at times as well. She
overwhelms her enemies with brute strength and power.

*Master John
-Age ???
-One of the survivors from the Sacred Electric Clan, who fought against the
Abyssal Forces and survived. He is known to be the best teacher in the world, as
he trained many powerful warriors that were from the Sacred Electric Clan. He is
a mentor to both Rob and Tea'a, he also teaches them how to fend off the Abyssal
Forces.

*Darklord
-Age ??
-He is the main antagonist of the game.
He's short-tempered, power hungry, ruthless and very strong willed.
He was sent by Lord Sean in order to obtain the Nature Emerald.

-Features
*A Story that grips you from the start.
*Classic Sideview Battle System that is easy to adjust to
*Side Quests that do not distract from the story
*Customizable characters that can be built in various ways
*Tons of Skills that each character learns as they level up!(1 Skill per level)
*A Bestiary that gives various information on monsters.
*An estimated 10-12 hours of gameplay when complete(about 50% complete as of now)

-Planned features
*Ability to reset distribute points spent
*Optional areas and dungeons to explore
*More intelligent AI for a more challenging experience
*More weapons, armor and items to choose from
*Unlockables from completing challenging quests and/or dungeons