LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

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Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
If there's one thing that pops out at me, it's who the heck "he" is in the final sentance of the story section. Though, I might suppose that you're talking about the leader of the bandits? Possibly.

So, with that in mind, I'm thinking it can be something like...
A group of bandits kidnapped the king, and demanded a ransom. A day passed with no response. Days became weeks, and weeks became a month. Deciding that enough was enough, they decided to give an example of how serious they were, and burnt a village to the ground.

Akage has trained herself in the way of the blade, speding years in dedicated isolation. When she finally came home, she found a burnt, charred mess. She searched frantically for survivors. When she found one, she learned of a mysterious man in a mask. With ideas of vengeance in her head, Akage sets out to search for this man, regardless of what else stands in her way.


...or something like that. I think the rest is okay-ish, but, maybe putting the credits in a different tab (that would be after you get a gamepage), or under a hide-tag? I dunno.
Ok, I'll try this one too. I wrote right what I had on my mind. By the way - I'm not native speaker, as you see: :)

This is a story about trading during the war. Prices are different in all towns around. One town needs a food but it has plenty of weapons, cause it has Castle with blacksmiths in it. Other towns has expensive weaponstore, but you can buy cheap drugs here.

You play with trader Jo, who must expand his balance to get away from war-torn island.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just started with rpgmaker as well as with programming, so this is just my first experiment. If you think that game seems empty, you're right. I'm publishing it here just because I'm doing it all by myself and testing this (even this little) game alone is kinda hard.

So I please, if you have some free time, take a look at this game and tell me bugs that you'll find. I'd appreciate it.

--
btw. Prices aren't balanced properly. There is a chance, that you'll never get 10 000 gold. And even if you will, it won't show you Victory screen or the like.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
So, the game has a pick-up-and-deliver mechanic, and the protagonist is trading between towns (nations?) in order to escape the island where the war is taking place. Though, I'm questioning this statement about collecting 10,000 gold, and showing the victory screen. That translates in my head that it takes 10,000 gold to charter a ship off the island. Which doesn't seem terribly realistic to me, but, if there is some other reason why the protagonist needs that kind of money (he/she/it/whatever is in debt?), that isn't quite explained.

Aside: Have you played Wing Commander - Privateer, Privateer 2 - The Darkening, Freelancer, or, are you looking forward to Star Citizen?
Ah yes.. My game was denied due to description. It said that description need a little work of wording...


Here is my description
Black sheep...
Black sheep...
Come and eat all my sad dreams..

There is a girl named Nina who always had a nightmare. Everytime she got nightmare, her brother will wake her up and calm her down. Her brother even brought the music box so Nina will stay calm.
That night is same like always yet it's kinda different. Nina slept and had a nightmare as always, but she wake up every 10 minutes and she realize that her brother gone to somewhere. In order to get her brother back, she exploring the night...

There are 3 endings in this game. 1 good end, and 2 bad ends.

Marrend - As you said, protagonist here is trading between towns (every town has different issues. 10 000 gold to victory is temporary goal in the game, but it's just like you said, again. We can assume that 10,000g is enough for ship, rent and other outlay. In game player have his own chest (at home) where he can put his money. When he'll have enough gold, he can submite victory or continue with playing. I don't really think that this is just only issue why my text was denied.

Btw. I know all these games (I'm interested in games in general) but space games aren't really my favourite. Why do you asking?
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
@Prince89: I think the main reason why your description was denied is that what description you do have is very minimal. It does not provide players the incentive to play your game. As for why I asked if you played those games, there's two reasons for that. One is because I think they would provide a lot of inspiration for a game like this. Another is because I happen to be working on a space-trader for an event, which is very heavily inspired from those games!

@deeno: More than a few grammatical errors in there! Corrections/modifications below


Black sheep
Black sheep
Come and eat all my sad dreams


There is a girl named Nina who always has nightmares. Everytime she woke up, her brother comes over, and tries to calm her down. He even bought a music box so that she would stay stay calm.
The first night the box was used, her nightmares remained. Yet, this night, her brother was not there. Or anywhere else in the house. Where did he go?
@deeno : My game too deeno,

@All : help meeee >.< english is not my first language helpppp >.<

here :d

Grind Quest

Skip the Cheesy Stories and Plunge into the real Strategic and Fast Paced Battle with Full Custom Character.
4 Maps To Grind your LV and 100 Boss Challenge, Can You Defeat All of Them?

Credits (Mr. Bubbles is not there yet, sowwy D:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZvOhkn6eKg

Enjoy the fun of Grinding, Lv-ing, Collecting Equips, Runes, Grathnodes, Perfecting your characters with Titles Achievement that will grants you stats and stuffs!

Enjoy the simple story it has (the genre should be Casual RPG :p) and the simplest
plot twist ever so you could enjoy the grinding without thinking what will happen next :D

Enjoy more than 60 Classes with REALLY SPECIFIC abilities so you could form a unique party of your own, like grinding classes party or boss fighting party. Every class will REALLY have their own strenght and weakness so you will enjoy the confuse-ness of mixing classes!

Enjoy 4 Tiny Maps (u won't be stranded, trust me) to help you not to think 'where am i?' at all!

Enjoy 100 floor of Bosses with Tactical Bosses such as Boss with Ultimate Defense
or Boss with every-turn Magic Reflector that will make you try different classes and combos to kill the boss!

Enjoy Fast Paced Battle that will make you Focus only to the battle and not anything else with THE FAMOUS ATB system!



NOT THE RPG YOU SEARCHING FOR IF YOU SEARCHING FOR GOOD STORY
IT'S THE GRIND BRO!



- 4 Maps that leveled up every 10 floor you defeat to help the grind
- 100 Tactical Boss (or maybe 90 :v) that have different challenge
- over 60 Jobs to Grind and with their distinct features
1st Class - Monk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38sk8ruTAMY
1st Class - Thief
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rV6uXRFppjw
1st Class - Archer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLqy60S9zy0
- a Full party of 4 People when you done with the 3 First Maps
- a Simple and Generic 1 Hour Fantasy Storyboard with As-Long-As-You-Want GRINDING

Warning : TLDR


Featuring your Famous Scripters :
- Yanfly : http://yanflychannel.wordpress.com
- Kread-EX : http://grimoirecastle.wordpress.com
- Yami : http://yamiworld.wordpress.com
- Fomar0153 : http://cobbtocs.co.uk/wp/
- DoubleX : http://rpgmaker.net/users/DoubleX/scripts/
- ESTRIOLES : http://www.rpgmakervxace.net/user/11700-estriole/
- Mr. Bubbles : http://mrbubblewand.wordpress.com

Featuring Full Custom Character

Kread-EX's Grathnode
- Able to enchant and power up your skills with the power of Grathnodes

Kread-EX's Rune Enchantment
- Enchant and Empower your weapons and armors with abilities to win the battles

Fomar's Equip LV
- Add LV to weapons and armors making them more powerful the longer you wear

Yanfly's Class System
- Huge Array of classes Awaits!

Yanfly JP System
- Learn Skills using JP or Job Points so you could pick your favorite skills first!

Kread-EX's Skill Upgrade
- Spend your Extra JP to power up your skills, skills can evolve too!

ESTRIOLES's Subclass Specifics
- EXP for Subclass made possible, and some other options for Subclasses

Yami's CATB
- your Classical Active Time Battle for Dynamic and Fast Paced Battle

Mr. Bubbles's Tales of Grace Title System
- give additional status arsenal and achievement-like system that will spice up the grind

Progress :

21/01/2015 :
- Done with 6 Basic Jobs
- Still got some bugs on scripting (imma n00b)
- 3 Maps
- over 20 Grathnodes created
- over 15 Runes created

22/01/2015 :
- Done integrating the Title System
- perfecting the script with help of DoubleX
- Done with 1st n 2nd Map Storyboard


Firstly, Sorry for any bad taped vids because i use my phone.. for fast result...
Secondly, If anybody interested to join this project, i will welcome you with warm hand >.<
i need RGSS3 scripter and Artist for the whole game if i want to make it a really not default game ><
or u could give some idea or script that could enhance the game >< just PM me ><
Is there anything wrong with this description?

Slayers Legends Episode 1: The Land Corruption Story Summary -

The legend that was once known is now being experience once again. The chaos begins to overshadow the peace in our world "Zyia". Ages ago the world was brought back in peace by 13 people who possess the lost magic class. The classes are Demon, Dragon and Titan Slayer to name a few.

After the crisis ended the heroes sealed theirs powers away including the Demon Slaying magic. They are the people who are descendant of the Heroine Yumia. The original Demon Slayer who serve the creator "God". Are hidden away from humanity on a island in the sky that is not visible.

But now the era of darkness is about to told yet again. Now that the demons have now been freed from the seal that was placed on them. They run free without anyone coming to slay them. Who could have done such a thing? Who will bring peace to our world Zyia?

The new story of darkness is about to unfold!!

------------------
Gameplay:
Will be based around the Academy within the game. Similar to Final Fantasy VIII's Garden and Seed. Battle system will be intense with every playable characters is unique. Some quest will have you look for items on monsters, hunt monsters or deliver certain items. This will also allow you recruit other academy students temporarily. Quest that are completed reward you with Guardian Points. Which can be used to get rare items, equipment or find hidden location.
---------------
Features:
- Targeting 7 hrs for Episode 1
- Traditional Turn-base Battle System
- Individual Classes for characters
- Challenging Bosses
- Quest System
- Expect some original characters and monsters (Party and several others)
- Original Music is currently being produced
- No Over World(Every place is connected)
- Recruit NPC( Academy students )
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
@zilgaant: Darigaaz, what's with the capitalization of every other word? Er, anyway, my general take on that lies within the quote-tag (because the hide-tag hates the list-tag, amongst other things).

Skip the cheesy stories and plunge into real strategic, and fast-paced battles with full custom characters! Four maps to grind your levels with, and a hundred floors worth of boss challenges! Can you defeat all of them?

Enjoy:

  • The fun of grinding!

Level up, collect equipment, runes, and grathnodes! Perfect your characters with titles and achievements that will grants you additional stats and stuff!

  • Simplistic story!

This isn't meant to be a very story-heavy game. The focus is on the gameplay, pure and simple!

  • Over 60 classes!

Each having their own strengths, weaknesses, and abilities to make your party unique!

  • Small maps!

Tried of getting lost? Shouldn't be an issue with the maps of this game!

  • Boss Challenge!

One hundred floors worth of dungeon, each with their own boss! Finding the right class/ability combination is key!


I'm not quite sure what you mean with your last bullet point. Fast paced battles where players can focus on fighting, and nothing else? I feel like I'm missing something huge with this statement, as it seems a rather obvious one.

Also, I would suggest that, after getting a gamepage, setting up those videos as a separate media page, and not within the body of the description. Same kind of deal with the credits. Put them in a different tab after getting a gamepage.
@Marrend : Thank youuuu >.<
That was fast btw O.o

first question, how do i use the list tag? i'm n00b on bbcode too sowwy D:

@Marrend : Sowwy againn i forgot i can copy if i quote >.<
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
For your information: It's "sorry". Not "sowwy". Also, you can edit your own posts!
Is there anything wrong with my description for my game. I posted it above.

Don't know if it got denied for since it doesn't say.
Don't know how my other game. I had over a year ago got accepted.

-------Edit:
Anyone willing to help?
author=Marrend
@Prince89: I think the main reason why your description was denied is that what description you do have is very minimal. It does not provide players the incentive to play your game. As for why I asked if you played those games, there's two reasons for that. One is because I think they would provide a lot of inspiration for a game like this. Another is because I happen to be working on a space-trader for an event, which is very heavily inspired from those games!

@deeno: More than a few grammatical errors in there! Corrections/modifications below


Black sheep
Black sheep
Come and eat all my sad dreams


There is a girl named Nina who always has nightmares. Everytime she woke up, her brother comes over, and tries to calm her down. He even bought a music box so that she would stay stay calm.
The first night the box was used, her nightmares remained. Yet, this night, her brother was not there. Or anywhere else in the house. Where did he go?


Thank you so much...
@Marrend : hehe, Sorry i just want to act a bit cute xD
I guess coming here won't help.
I'll try fixing myself for now.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
@djking: Oops! I probably didn't notice your initial post, as I was in the process of typing up a response to somebody else!

Anyway, there's a bit of weird wording in there. For example, I'm not sure if "class" is the right word to use, as two of the three examples that you provide are races (ie: demon and dragon). I would probably use the term "heroes" then use "with a demon, dragon, and slayer of titans being among them". That's just me, though.

You you really have to keep using "our world, Zyia"? Once it's established that the name of the world is Zyia, you could just use "Zyia" or "the world".
author=Marrend
@djking: Oops! I probably didn't notice your initial post, as I was in the process of typing up a response to somebody else!

Anyway, there's a bit of weird wording in there. For example, I'm not sure if "class" is the right word to use, as two of the three examples that you provide are races (ie: demon and dragon). I would probably use the term "heroes" then use "with a demon, dragon, and slayer of titans being among them". That's just me, though.

You you really have to keep using "our world, Zyia"? Once it's established that the name of the world is Zyia, you could just use "Zyia" or "the world".


I'll try that.
Still not good enough :/

This is a story about trading during the war. The whole country is in a war, every single journey is dangerous cause bandits on the roads and everyones have a bad times.

You play as a trader Jo, who must earn some money to get away from war-torn island. In one town you'll buy some goods (drugs, food or weapons) and then you can sell it in other towns (you can sell it in same town you buy it, but it isn't worth it. You also have to watch over your Popularity status because more popularity equals cheaper goods. There are hidden ways to increase your popularity.

As I said at the beggining, you have to keep eye to safety of your group (you play with only one hero, but he has group of people, who helps him on the roads) while travelling. For example:


  • you have to keep eye on quantity of your weapons, which makes you stronger and able to defend
  • you have to feed your group on the roads or you will starve to death

Your goal is, as I said, earn certain amount of gold to escape island and start to live awesome life without fear of death.

--
I just started with rpgmaker as well as with programming, so this is just my first experiment. I'm publishing it here just because I'm doing it all by myself and testing this (even this little) game alone is kinda hard.

So I please, if you have some free time, take a look at this game and tell me bugs that you'll find. I'd appreciate it.