LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

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Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20691
@Prince89: Hrm. My take on that would be something along the lines of...

This game is about trading during a war. Each run you make is fraught with danger! An encounter with bandits is just as likely as getting in the way between two factions!

You play as Jo, a trader who prefers a quiet life, but is stuck on the entrenched island where the game takes place. He (she?) must earn some money to get away from the fighting. As Jo is a trader, you'll be purchasing goods in one location, and shipping them to a different location to turn a tidy profit. Certain actions will either increase, or decrease your popularity. With a more positive popularity, the bartering table is tipped in your favor, whereas a negative one will reduce your profit margin, if not outright negate it.

While you control Jo directly, you are also responsible for those underneath him (her?). Looking after them is important! For example, you have to keep an eye on the quality of equipment, and make sure everybody is fed while on the road.

Personal aside
I just started with RPG Maker and with programming in general. This game is totally an experiment for me! I'm publishing it here, because I'm doing it all by myself, and testing this game by myself alone is kinda hard! So, please, if you have some free time, take a look at this game and tell me about the bugs that you find. Or, hey, just leave a bit of feedback. I'd appreciate it!


...that. Though, I may have been a bit overzealous at some points.
Thanks for help! I'll try to rewrite it again with some points which came on my mind and then I'll share the result :)
http://rpgmaker.net/games/7288/

Well,because I'm new at submissions.Could you find out the problem with my game's description?|> ω <|
Well great. I am about to give up. My game been denied almost 15 time.

I don't even know anymore.
This is current description.
Slayers Legends Episode 1: The Land Corruption Story Summary -

The legend that was once known is now being experience once again. The chaos begins to overshadow the peace in our world "Zyia". Ages ago the world was brought back in peace by 13 people who possess the lost magic class. Heroes with a demon, dragon, and slayer of titans being among them.

After the crisis ended the heroes sealed theirs powers away including the Demon Slaying magic. They are the people who are descendant of the Heroine Yumia. The original Demon Slayer who serve the creator "God". Are hidden away from humanity on a island in the sky that is not visible.

But now the era of darkness is about to told yet again. Now that the demons have now been freed from the seal that was placed on them. They run free without anyone coming to slay them. Who could have done such a thing? Who will bring peace to our world Zyia?

The new story of darkness is about to unfold!!


------------------
Gameplay:
Will be based around the Academy within the game. Similar to Final Fantasy VIII's Garden and Seed. Battle system will be intense with every playable characters is unique. Some quest will have you look for items on monsters, hunt monsters or deliver certain items. This will also allow you recruit other academy students temporarily. Quest that are completed reward you with Guardian Points. Which can be used to get rare items, equipment or find hidden location.
---------------
Features:
- Targeting 7 hrs for Episode 1
- Traditional Turn-base Battle System
- Individual Classes for characters
- Challenging Bosses
- Quest System
- Expect some original characters and monsters (Party and several others)
- Original Music is currently being produced
- No Over World(Every place is connected)
- Recruit NPC( Academy students )


Description need fixing. I tried everything.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20691
@YouChouEntame: We cannot see your gamepage, or the description contained therein, because (presumably) it has not passed through the submission queue! Copy paste the description here, then we can talk!

@djking: Fifteen times!? Okay, well, let's try and clean this up a bit. First, the story section. It's a bit out-of-order, I think. My take on it would probably look something like...


Ages ago, the world, Zyia, was brought back to peace by thirteen heroes who possessed magic. Among them were a dragon, a demon, and a slayer of titans. After the crisis ended, they sealed away their powers, even the demon-slaying magics. In time, the heroes came to be known as the Children of Yumina, as Yumina was the original demon-slayer who served God.

But now, the legend is about to come full circle. The seal has been removed, and demons run free. Who would do such a thing, or why? Thus, a new legend unfolds!


...that. A few fixes in the gameplay section, if you will.


Based somewhat on Garden and SeeD from Final Fantasy 8, the game puts you into the shoes of academy-students-for-hire. The hope is to present intense battles with unique characters. Jobs will probably include item-hunts, monster-hunts, and item delivery. There may also be jobs where you may recruit additional allies. However, all jobs net you Guardian Points, which can be turned in for rare items, rare equipment, or unlock optional dungeons, which very well may contain rare items and/or equipment!


Here's the description:
This highly-customizable character creation program allows you to create characters to use them in upcoming YouChou Gothic Fairytale games,as well as your projects.

-The version 0.1 features 3 built-in bases and 9 custom base slots,12 in total bases.
You can either use built-in bases, or create your own bases to replace one of free slots with.In Picture directory,bases numbered between 03 and 11 are for custom bases.This also applies to eyes and accessories.
-Two Minigames are included for you to test and debug your custom-made charsets.
-3 backgrounds for customization and 3 BGM support to listen to while you work.
(Currently only checkered tiled pictures are supported,since the BG scrolls diagonally.)

Credits
-Graphics:100% Custom-made
-Soundtrack:100% Custom-made
-Inspiration:RPG Maker VX Ace's Character Generator for the program
Most NES video-games for minigames(This includes Yume Nikki's NASU minigame.)

If you have any suggestions about this project,then ask to us at our website.|> ω <|
I'll be awaiting to get what's the main problem. |> ω <|
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20691
Waaaaaaaiiiiit a sec. Would this happen to be the same thing as from this status? If this is the case, it seems possible to me that you are being denied because you're submitting what looks like a utility. It may use the RPG Maker 2K3 engine for it's base, but, it's purpose is to make assets for games, and not, in itself, a game. If that makes any sense!

The best suggestion I can make at this time is to basically take this post, and submit that as your description for the utility. This would be done with Submission -> Submit Utility/Plugin, then, presumably, select the engine the utility is for as RPG Maker 2003.

*Edit: Though, if you want to simplify it to the post you just made above this one, and add in the pictures to show what the utility is capable of, that's probably also fine.
author=Marrend
Waaaaaaaiiiiit a sec. Would this happen to be the same thing as from this status? If this is the case, it seems possible to me that you are being denied because you're submitting what looks like a utility. It may use the RPG Maker 2K3 engine for it's base, but, it's purpose is to make assets for games, and not, in itself, a game. If that makes any sense!

The best suggestion I can make at this time is to basically take this post, and submit that as your description for the utility. This would be done with Submission -> Submit Utility/Plugin, then, presumably, select the engine the utility is for as RPG Maker 2003.

*Edit: Though, if you want to simplify it to the post you just made above this one, and add in the pictures to show what the utility is capable of, that's probably also fine.
Thanks,now I know where to post my utilities like this project I'm going to submit ^_^
@Marrend

Thanks you for your help.

My game has now been approved!
@Marrend Thanks a lot, my game was submitted and now its downloadable :)
author=Marrend
@riderx40: Here's my humble suggestion for you:

Jack's father died under mysterious circumstances. Believing that his soul was taken prematurely, Jack decides to brave a trip to the underworld to save him. Jack's first trial are a set of 12 gems that he must collect to open the Gate of Sorrow. His next trial is passing through sacred land to the Tower of Infinity, the only connection between Heaven and Hell.

Meanwhile, Darkon has a lust for power, and desires to gather the Feather of Algos and the Nail of Zerius. With these artifacts, he would be granted energies such that has not been seen since the mad emperor, Manvill. The Jupiter Kingdom is aware of this, and does what it can to prevent it. In an ironic coincidence, these artifacts are on the trail Jack needs to follow for his own quest. Darkon will doubtless show no mercy, but, how will the Jupiter Kingdom perceive Jack?

Personal background:
This game was inspired by Virgil’s epic, The Aeneid. The inspiration being that Aeneas descends into Dis (the underworld) to visit his father’s spirit.

I'll get to you momentarily, legend101.

Thanks I really appreciate it,..Even though Jack's Father is alive...somehow?!
Hm...I need to change the plot i little bit.

Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20691
author=riderx40
Thanks I really appreciate it,..Even though Jack's Father is alive...somehow?!
Hm...I need to change the plot i little bit.


Wait, what? I thought he was dead. Mostly from...

author=riderx40
Aeneas descends into Dis (the underworld) to visit his father’s spirit
This game was inspired by this story..as the hero “Jack” must go on a quest for his father soul that was taking without his well.


...this. Reasoning being that one does not typically go to the underworld to visit the spirit of a person that yet lives. Also, you specify that Jack's father's soul was taken without his will. Which suggests "murder" to me, but that could be me jumping to conclusions.
author=Marrend
author=riderx40
Thanks I really appreciate it,..Even though Jack's Father is alive...somehow?!
Hm...I need to change the plot i little bit.
Wait, what? I thought he was dead. Mostly from...

author=riderx40
Aeneas descends into Dis (the underworld) to visit his father’s spirit
This game was inspired by this story..as the hero “Jack” must go on a quest for his father soul that was taking without his well.


...this. Reasoning being that one does not typically go to the underworld to visit the spirit of a person that yet lives. Also, you specify that Jack's father's soul was taken without his will. Which suggests "murder" to me, but that could be me jumping to conclusions.


Technically,His father did live somehow,but his "soul",which means his Free-will
was taken,and he can't seperate the wrong from right...making him a puppet.
So "Soul" in the game is just like a protoplasm thingy.
Hey there! I have a question!
My game was denied. Why?
Link to my game: http://rpgmaker.net/games/7352/
Name : Miss...Please I have to know...0.0
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20691
@riderx40: I think "soul" might not be the word you're looking for, then. Possibly "consciousness", or perhaps "willpower".

@RPGHorrorGirl: If your gamepage was denied, I cannot see your gamepage, or the description contained therein! If your game was denied based on the description (I'm pretty sure there's some manner of blurb about why the gamepage was denied), you can copy-paste the text in this thread, and it can be analyzed from there!
Once you enter this place, there is no going back.

Description:

The game "Miss" is a HORROR-ADVENTURE-PUZZLE game.The game is created using RPG Maker 2003.

Story:

Lara is a 16 years old girl who was abused as a child. She started living a normal life, when she escaped from her house, because of her father. He was abusing her.
One day, a boy named Jack and a girl named Melissa break into Lisa's house. She catch them right before they try to kill her. The next morning she got a message from someone. They are supposed to meet in a abandoned school.
When Lisa enters the building..she knows she is never going to leave this place alive...

Characters:

Lara
Lara is a 16 years old girl, who was abused as a child by her father. She is a really good girl. Lisa would listen to anybody, no matter who he is. Well, sometimes she may be naughty or act really weird..She runs away and she starts living alone. She have old friends, so she is doing great by her own. Until something happens, of course..

Jack
Jack is a bit younger than Lara. He is 14 years old. He was a nice boy, but soon he became Lara's father victim. He was locking everyone in a cell, with a partner. Lara's father locked Jack with a girl named Melissa. They became best friends. Lara's father tell them to break into Lara's house and kill her, otherwise he is going to kill them. Jack don't have another choise, so he accept his mission, which was really hard.

Melissa
Melissa is 13 years old girl. She was really tough, before Lara's father catch her. She became really weak, because she was hungry all the time.
Lara's father lock her in a cell with a boy named Jack. First, she doesn't care for him that much, until she get that he is going to be the last person she is going to see. Lara's father tell Mel and Jack to go kill Lara.
After these words, Mel believed that Lara's father is going to set them free, after they kill Lara. She becomes tough again.

Luise
Luise is Lara's father. He was abusing her as a child. The only thing, that made him do that, is because her mother died, when she was still newborn. He went insane and this is what he done.
At Lara's 16 birthday, Luise was thinking to kill her. When he opened the door that goes to her bedroom, she is gone...He is confused..and scared for her revenge..

WARNING: ENEMIES WILL NOT BE WRITTEN!

Bonuses:

All the sprites are designed by my own
Pictures made by my own
3 different endings! True (Good) Ending; Bad Ending; Secret Ending!
A lot of puzzles and mysteries to solve

Credits:

Resources:
EBETH'S FANTASY RPG GRAPHICS PACK - Used for tilesets. Link to download: http://rpgmaker.net/resources/77/
SOUND BIBLE - Used for some of the music and sounds. Link: http://soundbible.com/
GOOGLE IMAGES - Used for tilesets. Link to Google Images: https://www.google.bg/imghp?hl=bg&tab=wi&ei=RuDHVI_6CoT9UqK8gegD&ved=0CAQQqi4oAg
AUDIO SPARX - Used for some of the music and sounds. Link: http://www.audiosparx.com/
LAST - Used for some of the music and sound. Link: Last.fm
AND OTHER SITES...

Creator:
RPGHorrorGirl
Make sure to check my profile in RPGMaker.net - http://rpgmaker.net/users/RPGHorrorGirl/
If you find a bug, please contact me!

It may contain grammar mistakes.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20691
@RPGHorrorGirl: I would put those credits in their own tab, but that would be after the gamepage is accepted.

Anyway, the thing that was jumping out at me the most was...

Lara is a 16 years old girl who was abused as a child. She started living a normal life, when she escaped from her house, because of her father. He was abusing her.
One day, a boy named Jack and a girl named Melissa break into Lisa's house. She catch them right before they try to kill her. The next morning she got a message from someone. They are supposed to meet in a abandoned school.
When Lisa enters the building..she knows she is never going to leave this place alive...


...that. First off, I'm pretty sure you mean that Jack and Melissa break into Lara's house. Which means it would probably look a bit more like...

Lara is a 16 year old girl who was abused by her father as a child. She managed to escape from the house, trying to live a normal life. However, one day, a boy named Jack, and a girl named Melissa, break into her new house. Lara barely escaped with her life yet again.
The next morning, she gets an anonymous message. They are supposed to meet in a abandoned school. When Lara enters the building, a feeling of dread comes over her as she realizes that she is never going to leave this place alive!


...that. Though, now that I'm looking over your character overviews, I'm a bit confused about Jack, Melissa, and Luise. Jack and Melissa were catching Luise in the act of attempted murder on Lara? That's... not what I'm reading from your story at all!
Well, I'm really sorry about all mistakes..English is not my first languege, so..
The thing about Lisa and Lara - It's supposed to be Lara. The story is that Luise (Lara's father) catch Melissa and Jack and tell them to kill Lara. That's it..I just don't know how to say it.. :/

And..what do you mean by "putting those credits in their own tab"?
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20691
First, let me apologize a bit for...

author=RPGHorrorGirl
And..what do you mean by "putting those credits in their own tab"?


...talking over your head. When you get a gamepage, there is a place in Manage Games -> <Insert Game Name Here> where you can add a tab to your gamepage. The label to look for would be "Pages", but, yeah, that would be after the gamepage gets accepted.

Now, to the next point. If it's Luise that catches Melissa and Jack, and convinces them to kill Lara, I believe the description might look something like...

Lara is a 16 year old girl who was abused by her father as a child. She managed to get the opportunity to escape escape from the house, with the hope of leading a normal life. However, the very day she tried to escape, a boy named Jack, and a girl named Melissa, broke into the house. Lara's father caught them, but told them he would forgive them for the intrusion if they did a "small favor" for him. With this position, he convinced them to "get rid of a pest". They soon found out that this meant killing Lara, though they did not know she was his daughter. Lara barely escaped the ordeal with her life.
The next morning, she gets an anonymous message. She was supposed to meet the author of the message in an abandoned school. Yet, when Lara enters the building, a feeling of dread comes over her as she realizes that she is never going to leave this place alive!


...or something very much like this.
Yeah, it's exactly what it's supposed to be! :)
Thanks a lot. So I have one question, too...Can I copy what you just wrote, post it in the game description and..try it again? To see if it's going to be denied again? Can I?