LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

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DONE~

now i wonder, is there someone who working
as a translator for games?

currently im remaking my game into english vers,
but it's hell for someone like me...
my english (even my writing skills) is so so to bad.


but hey again,
thank you so much for everyone's help.

nhubi
Liberté, égalité, fraternité
11099
What is your native language, or more accurately in what language are the games written?
author=nhubi
What is your native language, or more accurately in what language are the games written?


for systems,
like menu screen, items name, equip name,
char status, skills, monsters, cities, titles,
im using english.

but the dialogue is in bahasa(indonesia).

nhubi
Liberté, égalité, fraternité
11099
Sorry don't know and Bahasa/English translators in the community, but there may be one or two around, we're an international group. Then again you do have a grasp of English so what you would actually be looking for is a native speaker who could clean it up for you after you'd done the translation.
yeah, I think that the best option I could take. :)
have resubmitted my game, doing my best to do the translation.

thanks alot for infos.
I need help with writing the plot of my game so far I written

"Arima was just a young child when she was found by her adoptive mother in the woods, wandering and not knowing who she was and where she had came from.
A couple years past, she is now a 17 yr old child who one day receives a letter
from unknown sender; telling her to go to Faragashi Mansion to find the answers
she seeks of herself and the past she no longer remembers."
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20691
Perhaps something on the order of...

When she was a small child, Arima lost herself in the woods. Wandering aimlessly, she came across a woman who eventually became her foster mother. The years passed without incident. Now seventeen, she gets a letter in the mail from an unknown sender telling her to go to the Faragashi Mansion to find out what kind of family she's actually from.


...this, or something like that.
Yeah it me again.

Story:
As usual,The king tell you that a big dangerous evil is threatning the world and
"YOU" the player must defeat this evil and save the wordl but,something goes wrong
and somehow the king himself join you in your quest for the Unknown Evil!
along the way the Hero and the King must bound their relationship and surpass
the annoying habbit of the King.


Unique Stuff:
-Old-School FF system but with DQ monsters (look at the images)
-Long but simple Storyline.
-Explore diffrent kind of dungeons along your quest.(that was lame)

Add some stuff to the plot!?,I mean anything!..i'm still working on it!
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20691
Without changing all that much, my suggestion for your story would be...

As usual, a king tells a hero/heroine of a big, dangerous evil that is threatening the world. Of course, the hero/heroine is the only one capable of defeating it. However, a string of events occur that makes the king join him/her on his/her quest! Along the way, both hero/heroine and king must trust each other, and work together, despite the annoying habits they each have that get in the way.


...or something to this effect?
nhubi
Liberté, égalité, fraternité
11099
author=annme090
I need help with writing the plot of my game so far I written

"Arima was just a young child when she was found by her adoptive mother in the woods, wandering and not knowing who she was and where she had came from.
A couple years past, she is now a 17 yr old child who one day receives a letter
from unknown sender; telling her to go to Faragashi Mansion to find the answers
she seeks of herself and the past she no longer remembers."


How about:

Found wandering lost and alone in the woods as a small child Arima has never known who she is or where she came from and the only family she knows is the woman that found and adopted her. Now she is 17 and a strange letter has arrived pointing her towards the Faragashi Mansion where she will discover the mystery of her heritage and perhaps answers to the questions she has sought all her life.
nhubi
Liberté, égalité, fraternité
11099
author=riderx40
Yeah it me again.

Story:
As usual,The king tell you that a big dangerous evil is threatning the world and
"YOU" the player must defeat this evil and save the wordl but,something goes wrong
and somehow the king himself join you in your quest for the Unknown Evil!
along the way the Hero and the King must bound their relationship and surpass
the annoying habbit of the King.


Try,

It's just an average day in the kingdom, evil once again threatens to destroy the world and the king charges you with defeating this menace, but things are not as they appear and a series of events forces the King to join you on your quest. Now you not only have to defeat evil, but do so while dealing with the King's annoying habits and problems and somehow find a way to work together.
author=nhubi
author=annme090
I need help with writing the plot of my game so far I written

"Arima was just a young child when she was found by her adoptive mother in the woods, wandering and not knowing who she was and where she had came from.
A couple years past, she is now a 17 yr old child who one day receives a letter
from unknown sender; telling her to go to Faragashi Mansion to find the answers
she seeks of herself and the past she no longer remembers."
How about:

Found wandering lost and alone in the woods as a small child Arima has never known who she is or where she came from and the only family she knows is the woman that found and adopted her. Now she is 17 and a strange letter has arrived pointing her towards the Faragashi Mansion where she will discover the mystery of her heritage and perhaps answers to the questions she has sought all her life.


I'll add this edit to the above.

Found wandering lost and alone in the woods as a small child, Arima has never known who she is or where she came from. and The only family she knows is her adoptive mother, the woman who found her all those years ago. Amira is now 17 and a strange letter has arrived, pointing her towards the Faragashi Mansion, a place of mystery and blah blah expand on history of place a little maybe.

There, will she discover the mystery of her heritage and perhaps answers to the questions she has sought all her life, leading her to the past she no longer remembers, or will the mysteries of the Mansion swallow her whole/something else negative and mysterious to bait the hook?
CashmereCat
Self-proclaimed Puzzle Snob
11505
author=riderx40
Yeah it me again.

Story:
As usual,The king tell you that a big dangerous evil is threatning the world and
"YOU" the player must defeat this evil and save the wordl but,something goes wrong
and somehow the king himself join you in your quest for the Unknown Evil!
along the way the Hero and the King must bound their relationship and surpass
the annoying habbit of the King.

Try:

Big evil threaten world and YOUUUUUU as player defeat the evil and SAVEEEE THE WORLD but then something is wrong and somehow then you must go and kill the unknown evil!!!!1! but along the wae hero and king bind their relationship in a consummation of love and surpase the unnoying habbit of KING.



(Yeah, OK, I'm just kidding, go with Liberty's edit of nhubi's one.)
nhubi
Liberté, égalité, fraternité
11099
You could probably throw in Haunted or Forbidding or Abandoned in front of Faragashi Mansion to add that level of danger.

Yeah it probably needs a little 'will she ever return from those ruined/haunted/deserted halls' to add a bit of suspense.

author=CashmereCat
(Yeah, OK, I'm just kidding, go with Liberty's edit of nhubi's one.)

Actually Libby's edit was for another description. I double posted but I though that made more sense since it was for two different descriptions.

Guys i need some help whith my game i'm not very good with english so i wanna some help here
i tried change it many times but it still denied i can't figure out the error could someone help(the title of the game isn't a joke... i really need some help...)?
http://rpgmaker.net/games/7770/
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20691
Ardraki, the gamepage cannot be accessed publicly at this time. I suggest you copy-paste the description in your next post, and we can go from there.
oh sorry
but the Private profile isn't checked...
sorry my grammar errors...
i think one of the problems could be the size
but here is the description :

~"Help me" is a Horror game that you choose your own way, decides who lives or dies, depends of your decisions...
the game takes place in a village, were the protagonist finds out about his past future and present.
the main characters are:
protagonist,"H","T","S","K".


The story follows protagonist is a boy of 16 years old and lives with his uncle. As a child, he had a strong trauma, which began to forget everything that happened. The village doctors said it was a common retrograde amnesia, and it was encouraged to write daily in a notebook what had happened all day. His parents died when he was small making it more difficult to have a memory of them. He spent his childhood in a village where he dont remember the localization, and his uncle said everyone had gone to the big city in search of better conditions of life, except his grandmother, who still lives there.Because of his amnesia he does not remember what happened in childhood, however this has already been treated thanks to the help of several experts. Thus, the protagonist already have an almost normal memory, but still has missing memories.
Suddenly as he helped his uncle to do the cleaning he finds old letters along with a diary, the boy took the diary to the bedroom and began to read , however the most intriguing in the daily was the first four "H", "T", "S" and "K". When he got enough money to travel the boy took a train to visit the village.
One night the boy finds himself in an unfamiliar place much like a forest, and not remember how he got it. After reading a note that was on the floor and pick up a flashlight, followed by a dirt road, with the hope of finding the village, however all are finding butterflies, bats, rats and a rabbit. After walking through the woods and almost stepping on some mice he sees a local stranger and decides to investigate, finding a small piece of crumpled paper. It was written the phrase: "Help me."



http://helpmethegame.tumblr.com is the site that i will make my updates;
http://helpmethegame.tumblr.com/ask for questions;~
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20691
Your gamepage is probably inaccessible because it is in a state of denial. Given that you're here, the reason stated was that the description needed to be worked on, and, maybe, you were given a link to here to fix it up. Which I will now attempt to do.

Ignoring the letters of the alphabet at the beginning, I think you should start with the part about the 16-year-old boy. I'm thinking something like...

The story follows a boy of 16 years old who lives with his uncle. When he was younger, he was in an accident, and began to forget everything that happened beforehand. The village doctors said it was a common retrograde amnesia, and encouraged that he write a journal on a daily basis in the hopes that some memories would surface.

One day, as he was helping his uncle with some cleaning, he found some old letters in a diary. As he read them, certain things that he read seemed to spark vague memories. The recipients of these letters, "H", "T", "S", and "K", seemed especially important.

With a new-found purpose, the boy collected enough money to travel to the village. However, an unfortunate bout of amnesia strikes, and he finds himself lost in a wooded area. Luckily, he finds a flashlight by a road nearby. He follows the road with only the vaguest of memories of why he was there in the first place. After walking a spell, he sees a stranger drop something on the ground. It was a note with the simple phrase "Help me."

...this. Though, there might be more than a bit of embellishing on my part, and there were certainly more than a few things that I was confused about. For instance, I'm a bit confused about the explanation of the wildlife that the protagonist finds in the forest. Unless they presented clear and present danger (which I kinda doubt), I wouldn't mention them (and I didn't, as you can see).
Marrend, thanks for help and sorry to trouble you;
and yes the part about the explanation of the wildlife that the protagonist finds in the forest can be excluded as you said i will take your version as reference,I hope it works ^^
thank you
nhubi
Liberté, égalité, fraternité
11099
Marrend's is pretty good, I'd just make a couple of very small changes.

author=Marrend
The story follows a boy of 16 year old boy who lives with his uncle. When he was younger, he was in an accident, and began to forget everything that happened beforehand. The village doctors said it was a common retrograde amnesia, and encouraged that he him to write a journal on a daily basis in the hopes that some memories would surface.

One day, as he was helping his uncle with some cleaning, he found some old letters in a diary. As he read them, certain things that he read seemed to spark vague memories. The recipients of these letters, "H", "T", "S", and "K", seemed especially important.

With a new-found purpose, the boy collected enough money to travel back to the village where his grandmother still lived. However, an unfortunate bout of amnesia strikes, and he finds himself lost and alone in a secluded wooded area. Luckily, he finds a flashlight by a road nearby to help him see as he follows the road animal trails with only the vaguest of memories of why he was there in the first place. After walking a spell, he sees a stranger drop something on the ground. for a while he sees someone in the distance but when he approaches them they mysteriously disappear and he finds a note with the simple phrase "Help me."


However it still needs a hook. Something with a bit more threat and a reason to draw me into the story.