LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

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author=Marrend
I am perfectly aware of the 500 character minimum. If you are looking to me to fill that, the only thing I can think of to add to that would be something like...

Gameplay
Players take control of Princess Ninjato, with the AI taking control of Siluna. While Siluna is able to fly and follow the princess that way, Ninjato is grounded. However, Ninjato has the ability to wall-jump. Ninjato's wall-jump will be used in several places, so it is advised you practice it often and early!
-Normal.

...this? The point I'm least certain about from your original post is...

author=MorphingThruTime, snipped
...make the jump, the following should do right away, and after waiting about 0.4-0.5 seconds, otherwise the character can not jump.

...this point. Are you trying to say "To double-jump, wait about 0.4 to 0.5 seconds after the initial jump activates," or something like this?
-After the jump, when the character fell to the ground, a second jump to do not less than 0,4-0,5 seconds
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
author=MorphingThruTime
After the jump, when the character fell to the ground, a second jump to do not less than 0,4-0,5 seconds


Let me see if I understand correctly. After the jump concludes, the character cannot jump again until at least 0.4 seconds have elapsed? Interesting.
author=Marrend
author=MorphingThruTime
After the jump, when the character fell to the ground, a second jump to do not less than 0,4-0,5 seconds
Let me see if I understand correctly. After the jump concludes, the character cannot jump again until at least 0.4 seconds have elapsed? Interesting.
-Yeah, it's not much. Less than a second.
I write in PM you, read it please.
Mirak
Stand back. Artist at work. I paint with enthusiasm if not with talent.
9300
What is your native language? If by any chance it's spanish i can help you translate correctly.
I got something else to say that dose not have anything to
do with this Subject I want to know if anybody could fix
all my bad spelling in grammer In my Dragon cult game just the
story party of the game not the npc's
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
I think if there is anywhere on this site one would ask about proofreading a game (that isn't a request-blog asking for that service), this would be the place. It's a good sign too see that you're asking for help, rather than closing out the gamepage!

Saying that, from the little I've seen of Dragon Cult, I get the sense that it would probably take quite a commitment to fix up that game's spelling/grammar issues. One I feel ill-prepared for at this time. Maybe, after the review event, I can take a look at the copy of the game that I downloaded to see if it worked? Eh, we'll see.
Request of making the description of my game better!

STORY:
Hundred of years ago, the race known as The Ancients lived in armony with the world and Enta, the goddess of energy.
Building temples around the world to worship their goddess.
But no everyone lived in armony for so long, a small part of The Ancients was ambitious, and started using the energy in a wrong way, corrupting such energy, which started creating monsters, and from all that corruption, which was increasing slowly, a very powerful "Demon" emerged.
The "Demon" began to destroy everything in his way, and The Ancientsknew that they couldn't defeat him.
After a long and hard fight against the monsters, the Six Sages
used a great amount of power to seal this "Demon". The fight was over, but the corrupted energy wasn't gone, they knew Enta was mad with them.

Thousands of years have passed and the race of The Ancients has disappeared with their knowledge, all that can be found everywhere are ruins and remains of temples.
Peace, durable, it is on a fragile thread. Dark forces plan to release the "demon" from his captivity.

The Energy:
The energy of the planet crystallizes into crystals, filled of that energy, most of them have neutral energy, but sometimes crystals form with elemental properties.

Technology:
The base Sphelia's technology is based on the crystals as an energy source.
Using it as light sources or into complicated machines. Crystals are also used as a weapon, by putting them in a special bracelet people can cast powerful "spells".
Or even in weapons.

Enta:
Enta is the name of the energy goddess, people believe that she is the planet itself, bringing life or taking it as she want.

Features:
-Eight total party members.
-Achievement System.
-Crafting System.
-Optional bosses and secret places everywhere.
-Side quests everywhere.

-Learning skill by earning Points while leveling up/fighting.
-Day/Night cycle. (Affects to the world)
-Weather system.
-Swimming/Diving.
-Fishing.
-Weight system + dinamic chest.
-Crystal equip in bracelet. (Materia system)
-Animated battle system.
-Translate system of The Ancients language in old temples to
learn stuff.

Notes:
-I plan to make this game very long.
-I'm spanish but I'm trying to make this game in English so i can reach more
people.

Characters.
Kaito.


Age: 21
Weapon: Bastard Sword
He is very reserved, He doesn't like to talk too much. His parents died when he was a kid, and he blame himself for that.

Zoria.
Age: 19


Weapon: Bow
She is friendly, cheerful, eager for adventure, but it bothers her being the only orc in the village and that people look bad at her or insult her for that.

Bradley (Chocolo).
Age: 24


Weapon: Spear + Tower Shield
He's so energetic, very cheerful, always happy and loyal to his friends. His father founded the village and he live alone with his sister, Amanda.

NOTE: The rest of characters are in development.


About Game:
-Game is in early development, I'm drawing my own graphics.
-Music by Aaron Krogh.
-Scripts by Yanfly, Theo and Mr. Panacio.

Kickstater: I plan to open one if i get some support.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
My first observation is that the description is cluttered. For instance, I feel like the character information could be on a separate page, or given a format like...


Kaito
Age: 21
Weapon: Bastard Sword
He is very reserved, and doesn't talk much. His parents died when he was a kid, and he blames himself for that.


...so. I question the use of colors for various terms in the description. Is it a stylistic choice, or has some in-game meaning?

As for the story, I can see a few errors. My suggestion below:

Hundred of years ago, the race known as The Ancients lived in harmony with the world, and Enta, the goddess of energy. They built temples around the world to worship the goddess. The era of harmony was long-lived, but, a small number of The Ancients became ambitious, and started using the energy in the wrong way. Corrupting such energy started creating monsters, and, eventually, released a very powerful demon.

This demon began to destroy everything in his way, and The Ancients knew that they couldn't defeat it. After a long and hard fight, six sages used a great power to seal the demon. The battle was over, but the corrupted energy remained. They knew Etna was not going to assist them with getting rid of it.

Thousands of years have passed and the race of The Ancients has disappeared, along with their knowledge. All that can be found are ruins and the remains of their temples. Peace is on a fragile thread, with dark forces planning to release the demon from his captivity.
Hey Marrend thx for your advice :D i'll take it.
Is there anybody would like to help me in fixing the description?

The dark era was ended...
And the lifetime cycle turn the world into hopeful transition.
An arrogant ex-criminal begin his new life by become a clan member and live calmer. One day he got a mission to steal an important document without knowing anything. From this point, his life was dragging him into whole new adventure,
but with the same tones : dark, tense, and absurd.

His painful past keep on stabbing him with bleeding heart and sins.
No turn back and go down, he must keep stand on his negative way, stepping the hard road with humour, hatred, vengeance, and dark love...


Is it too short or I made mistakes here?
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
My thoughts are along...

The Dark Era has ended, and the world turns into a more hopeful era.

An arrogant ex-criminal begins his new life by becoming a member of a clan. He hopes to live a peaceful life. Yet, because of his background, he was tasked with a mission to steal an important document. He reluctantly agreed. It is from this point that his "new" life became as his "old" life: dark, tense, and absurd.

The pain of his past, and the circumstances of his present join to stab at his heart, as regret is the heaviest of burdens. There is no turning back, though. He must keep going, stepping on the road with as much humor as he can, for it is filled with hatred, vengeance, and dark love.

...these lines? Though, I'm fairly sure "humour" can be considered a correct spelling, depending on what manner of English you are aiming for.
author=Marrend
...these lines? Though, I'm fairly sure "humour" can be considered a correct spelling, depending on what manner of English you are aiming for.

Thank you so much for show me the better description.
It's a bit different, but I'm sure you tried to understand my description point.
And replace it with more clearly and understandable plot. It's really much appreciated.
I'll take it. Thank you once again.
"Droid Crisis, was denied. Reason was: "Description needs a little work when it comes to sentence structure."

Please help correct description of my game, I really do not know much English.

Description:
Failed to control droid system, and now they are out of control. The Control Center of the accident will de-energize the system by depriving communication and control capabilities. You need to find all Symbols in all sectors in order to manually open the Control Center and fix damage. For each destroyed enemy your vitality is charged. Part of your health is recovered when vitality is filled. If your HP hits 0 - game over. At the end of each sector, you will find the command post, which will restore your life and will give you information about Symbols.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@Rie: I'm happy to be of help!

@MorphingThruTime: My take on that is something like...

A droid system in a facility critically fails, and now the droids they would control are out of control! By deactivating the control center of the facility, the wayward machines would be deprived of a communications system and their chief power source. Of course, the way to the control center is locked down with various security measures, and players are tasked to find symbols in each sector of the facility to open it.

The facility is a dangerous place! There's lots of ways to get hurt, and die, but there's methods to restore health as well. The chief methods are defeating enemies, and finding command posts that will also give you information about the symbols in their sector.

...this. Though, I'm a little concerned that your not telling players what they must do/for to the symbols, once they find them. I'm a worry-wart to a fault, so my concerns might not matter in the end. However, given what you say about the command posts, I could guess that players are tasked with an activity to (de)activate/unlock them (not sure what the best term is here), or participate in some manner of mini-game. I'm mostly thinking that the task is different each time, so that the command posts serve as instructions/tutorials on what the players do for the symbol.
...this. Though, I'm a little concerned that your not telling players what they must do/for to the symbols, once they find them. I'm a worry-wart to a fault, so my concerns might not matter in the end. However, given what you say about the command posts, I could guess that players are tasked with an activity to (de)activate/unlock them (not sure what the best term is here), or participate in some manner of mini-game. I'm mostly thinking that the task is different each time, so that the command posts serve as instructions/tutorials on what the players do for the symbol.


Oh, how heavily on foreign websites upload the games ... =(
Well, I do not know exactly what you have written here, but I'll try to use your option. Thank you. I have head spin from the English language.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
author=MorphingThruTime
Well, I do not know exactly what you have written here, but I'll try to use your option. Thank you. I have head spin from the English language.

Let me try to boil down my worries a bit. You say players need to search out the symbols. Okay, fine. However, you fail to mention what players have to do when they do find them! Maybe that's what the command centers are for, though?
author=Marrend
Let me try to boil down my worries a bit. You say players need to search out the symbols. Okay, fine. However, you fail to mention what players have to do when they do find them! Maybe that's what the command centers are for, though?

The goal - to get to the control center, but in order to get there, you have to find all the symbols in all sectors. They are something like a keys. At the end of the sector in the command post talking about sectors symbol. I mean, he has them or not, or it is locked in their vault.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Well, yeah, symbols would have to be like keys if they unlock the control center. I get that part. Good to know about the command center, though. What I still don't quite get is what players have to do in order to acquire, or activate, the symbols, themselves. There's myriad possibilities here. To numerate a few off the top of my head:

  • Are the symbols floor-tiles that players activate by stepping on them?

  • Do players download symbols via terminals?

  • Are symbols some kind of item-drop from boss fights?

*Edit: You need not respond to me right away, or at all. However, maaaaybe keep this kind of thing in mind, okay?
author=Marrend
Edit: You need not respond to me right away, or at all. However, maaaaybe keep this kind of thing in mind, okay?


When a player comes to the command post of this sector to him a symbol is issued automatically if it was at that point. And if there is a symbol locked up in the vault, you need to have a different symbol to open the vault. Thus it is necessary to go to another sector in search of another symbol.
My description in game:

Story :

The chaos of the world was divided into between Human and Hunter :

Human : The soldier want  to prevent the evil actions of the Hunter caused and arrest them

Hunter : The shape like the human , white hair because of the cursed , no emotion , murder without reason even the same generation , summon a lots of monsters in everywhere and their strength is stronger than human and their life expectancy just only 18 to 19 years

Rento a 14 years old boy was Hunter but was arrested by human , but it's confident by human and they're given him a chance to life . A stranger created the seal ring and make him from Hunter to turn human and erase his memories what has he done before .
Rento had joined the soldier and make a friend with 2 the human , Kenji and Mimi . They're with together to save the world

I need your help.