LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

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Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
Given what is there, I can suggest the following:

After a few years away from home, Officer Ethan was called to attend a party. He soon learns his father was murdered. After a series of apparently supernatural events that he couldn't explain, Ethan begins to uncover his dark family's long-hidden secrets. Will he found out who killed his father? Is it the same person that's been manipulating the events of late? Does either of these two have anything to do with his family's secrets?

This game contains domestic violence, murder, sexual assault, and is NOT recommended for children. Play at your own pace and risk.

The game contains 7 chapters with multiple endings, and an engaging storyline.


I'll note, however, that, within my capacity as site moderator, I can see the denial message. It suggests to have a paragraph on the gameplay. That shouldn't provide too many opportunities for potential spoilers. For example, is this strictly a murder/mystery where the player is tasked to search objects, or talk to people to uncover clues/leads? Does the "apparently/supposedly supernatural events" possibly include combat with creatures, whither they are actually supernatural, or not? As a suggestion, you can probably include such statements below, or with, the sentence after the trigger/content warning. So, as a further example, you could write something like...

The game contains 7 chapters with multiple endings, and an engaging storyline. Lead Ethan through the town to uncover his family's secrets, the truth behind his father's death, and the truth behind the strange events happening in town!


...this, in the case the gameplay is more centered on the murder/mystery aspect.
Frogge
I wanna marry ALL the boys!! And Donna is a meanc
18304
Notably there's nothing on what the actual gameplay is. The amount of chapters, endings, etc doesn't tell you anything about what you do.

Is there investigating? Do you talk to people and gather evidence? Is it more of a linear narrative game? Are there puzzles? Battles? Is the supernatural event that you mention in the story tied to the gameplay in any way?

Even something as basic as this would work:

Throughout the game, you will explore the (setting) and gather evidence to uncover the mystery. Some pieces of evidence will require you to solve small puzzles or perform quests to reveal them. There are no battles, but you may encounter a few deadly threats that you will need to learn how to avoid, get past, or defeat.

Or maybe it's something like this:

Most of the gameplay involves talking to people and gathering their alibis. You will use these alibis to piece together what really happened and solve the mystery.

Or even:

The game is largely linear. It mostly involves exploration and talking to people to move the story along. There aren't many puzzles or quests - it's more similar to an interactive visual novel.

As for the story paragraph, what you have already is fine if you just use Marrend's proofread version.
Spoiler:

His father gets murder the second day after he comes home and he is has to find the murderer by getting people's alibi and find clues and murder weapon and in the end say who the killer is and the mastermind is someone who wants his father to be murdered so he is making people do it for him but i don't want to reveal to much about the mastermind and supernatural is this is a loop game he loops with pandant he finds on 3rd day every time the game ends the 7 chapters are 7 loops but i don't want to reveal about the loop there no battle
Frogge
I wanna marry ALL the boys!! And Donna is a meanc
18304
I would highly suggest mentioning the loop mechanic since it seems to be the game's whole gimmick. It's not much of a spoiler. You don't really have to say anything about the mastermind. Maybe try this?

Officer Ethan is returns to his home for the first time in a few years to attend a party. But when his father is unexpectedly murdered, it causes him to question his family's dark history. As inexplicable supernatural events begin to occur, he must try to uncover the secret his family is trying to hide. Can he find the one that killed his father? And who is the mystery person pulling the strings behind the scenes?

The game is split into 7 chapters, in which you will be looping time with a magical pendant to uncover the truth. In each loop, you repeat the same 3 days as you witness events from different perspectives. You will explore, gather alibis, and discover clues. It is a mystery solving adventure game with multiple endings and a narrative focus.

This game contains sensitive content including domestic violence, murder, and sexual assault. Please play at your own discretion.

Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
If, by saying the game is a "loop game", you actually mean that the player plays the same in-day game over and over again until... whatever breaks the loop breaks it, and that this Groundhog Day effect is among the supernatural aspects that you'd rather not tell players about right off the bat? Still, even if that was the case, I think you could still write something like...

In this game, players will lead Ethan to question people and search locations for clues as to his father's murder. What ending you earn will depend on what items you uncover during the game.

...this. I could also suggest writing that not all discoveries will be related to the murder, or be obvious, but, I'm not sure how clues will be relayed in-game. Like, it's one thing to have searchable objects have a shine/outline to them, but, on the other hand, I'm not sure if you want to apply that kind of feature to only objects that grant a valid lead, given the type of game that it is.

*Edit: I would tend to agree with Frogge that if the game does repeat in-game days as a mechanic, it would not hurt to be forthcoming about it. You might be able to leave out the detail about the pendant, since the precise method/device of day-looping probably isn't important until people play the game? Borrowing/editing Frogge's suggestion for a bit...

Officer Ethan is returns to his home for the first time in a few years to attend a party. But when his father is unexpectedly murdered, it causes him to question his family's dark history. As inexplicable supernatural events begin to occur, he must try to uncover the secret his family is trying to hide. Can he find the one that killed his father? And who is the mystery person pulling the strings behind the scenes?

The game is split into 7 chapters, in which you will be repeating the same three days from different perspectives. You will explore, gather alibis, and discover clues. It is a mystery solving adventure game with multiple endings and a narrative focus.

This game contains sensitive content including domestic violence, murder, and sexual assault. Please play at your own discretion.
The game is like this he has to find the murderer the game is 7 days on the 7 day he finds the murderer but for some reason he goes back to the 1st day but this time someone else kill's his father this goes on until the 7th loop in the 7th loop he finds the mastermind all of the murderer are victim of his father's, his father is very bad people even he doesn't like his father
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
The misinterpretation of how many days the game loops can be easily corrected.

Anyway, I'm now understanding that the pendant that allows for the time-looping mechanic can be found on day 3 of each loop/chapter. How players come across this item isn't important to the game description. It might not even be important to the game description for players to understand that it's a different person that murders Ethan's father each loop/chapter. The idea of a mastermind existing might not even pop up in-game until maybe the fifth loop/chapter, so that definitely has no place in the description.

My opinion is that the things get across in regards to the gameplay is say that the game includes a day-looping mechanic, and that each loop the player has the opportunity to (if one excuses the reference) reach out to the truth with the actions the player can take (ie: investigating places and/or questioning people).
Officer Ethan is returns to his home for the first time in a few years to attend a party. But when his father is unexpectedly murdered, And an inexplicable supernatural events begin to occur, he must try to uncover the secret his family is trying to hide. Can he find the one that killed his father? And who is the mystery person pulling the strings behind the scenes?

The game contains 7 loops with multiple endings, and an engaging storyline.

This game contains sensitive content including domestic violence, murder, and sexual assault. Please play at your own discretion.

How is this

And thank you for all your help
Frogge
I wanna marry ALL the boys!! And Donna is a meanc
18304
You... pretty much removed the entire gameplay paragraph. Is there a reason you don't want to mention that you gather clues and talk to people? Because that's pretty much the most important thing to mention, as it sounds like that's what most of the gameplay is going to be.

Think of it like this - imagine that you're trying to sell the original Mario Brothers as a game to someone who has never seen a Mario game. You could say "You play as a plumber trying to rescue a princess from a turtle," but does that really tell you about what you do in the game?

Then compare that to this: "You play as a plumber trying to rescue a princess from a turtle. The game is a 2D platformer where you jump your way across 9 worlds. You defeat enemies by jumping on them, gather power-ups that help you in various ways, and search for secrets hidden throughout its various levels." Now you actually have an idea of how you as the player will interact with the game.

Perhaps some people will read that and go "oh, I don't like platformers, so I might not play this" but others will read it and go "oh, I love platformers, this is a game I should play!" But if you only tell people about the story, then how will they know that they'll enjoy playing through it?

At the very least, I would say don't make it any shorter than Marrend's version.

Officer Ethan is returns to his home for the first time in a few years to attend a party. But when his father is unexpectedly murdered, And an inexplicable supernatural events begin to occur, he must try to uncover the secret his family is trying to hide. Can he find the one that killed his father? And who is the mystery person pulling the strings behind the scenes?

The game contains 7 loops with multiple endings, and an engaging storyline.
In each loop, players will lead Ethan to question people and search locations for clues as to his father's murder. What ending you earn will depend on what items you uncover during the game.


This game contains sensitive content including domestic violence, murder, and sexual assault. Please play at your own discretion.

How is this
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20932
Hrm. Maybe...

Officer Ethan is returns to his home for the first time in a few years to attend a party. But when his father is unexpectedly murdered, And an inexplicable supernatural events begin to occur, he must try to uncover the secret his family is trying to hide. Can he find the one that killed his father? And who is the mystery person pulling the strings behind the scenes?

The game is split into 7 chapters, each of which repeats the same week. In each chapter, players will lead Ethan to explore the city, and gather information via questioning people and searching locations for clues as to his father's murder. What ending you earn will depend on what items you uncover during the game.

This game contains sensitive content including domestic violence, murder, and sexual assault. Please play at your own discretion.

...a bit more like this?
Frogge
I wanna marry ALL the boys!! And Donna is a meanc
18304
Either of these will work. (Although the first paragraph has some typos that I fixed below).

Officer Ethan returns to his home for the first time in a few years to attend a party. But when his father is unexpectedly murdered, and inexplicable supernatural events begin to occur, he must try to uncover the secret his family is trying to hide. Can he find the one that killed his father? And who is the mystery person pulling the strings behind the scenes?
Thank you very much for all your help
Now i will talk to my brother jester who the co-developer and writer of the game he is the one that wanted the loop to be hidden and resubmit it

Thank you for your help