LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

Posts

Marrend
Guardian Ghost of the Description Thread
21129
This is my take on what's given, though I might be wrong on a few points:
It is usually said that good inevitably triumphs over evil. What if good did not triumph? What if evil became omnipresent and omnipotent?

Dragon Quest - The Anti-Evil Cave, is an RPG. Based on the story told in Dai No Daiboken, this tale conveys the trials and tribulations of Avan, and his training in the town of Manga. For great strength is needed to save this corrupt world.

pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
30581
Brevity, people. On a store shelf, you simply don't get that much room to describe a book or a game. There's absolutely no reason you can't describe a game in a single paragraph.

Magic and science collide in a classic tale of heroes and monsters as the unassuming Mary Sue must discover her incredible hidden destiny. Guide her through 60 hours of gameplay with a few trusted friends, using devastating attacks and skills against a corrupt government and an army of monsters arrayed against her.

There you go. There's a game description. It'll fit on the back of any game jacket, can describe hundreds of different titles...
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
30581
Brevity, people. On a store shelf, you simply don't get that much room to describe a book or a game. There's absolutely no reason you can't describe a game in a single paragraph.

Magic and science collide in a classic tale of heroes and monsters as the unassuming Mary Sue must discover her incredible hidden destiny. Guide her through 60 hours of gameplay with a few trusted friends, using devastating attacks and skills against a corrupt government and an army of monsters arrayed against her.

There you go. There's a game description. It'll fit on the back of any game jacket, can describe hundreds of different titles...
guys i need help my game Denied

this my description

author=tersnetwork
What if Goodness suddenly ere Defeated?
and Evil Became Omnipresent and Omnipotent!
What would you do ?
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Dragon Quest - The Anti-Evil Cave, is RPG Game A sub-part of the story of Dai No Daiboken in Manga. I'm talking about Adventures of Avan in Anime, When he Battling with the evil leader and lose, some how to save from evil and he gone to the The Anti-Evil Cave for Training to be strong to save the World. the Story begins from here. you must be stronger to save the world from evil.
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Avan = is main character
Manga = is a Japanese genre of cartoons and comic books (I explain here)

because this stroy is continue of Anime dragon quest - Dai No Daiboken.
Marrend
Guardian Ghost of the Description Thread
21129
To be honest, I was really confused why a town was called Manga before, but I think I have a better understanding of what's going on.

So, here's my new take, based on that description:

It is usually said that good inevitably triumphs over evil. What if good did not triumph? What if evil became omnipresent and omnipotent?

Dragon Quest - The Anti-Evil Cave is an RPG based on the Dragon Quest-based manga, Dai No Daiboken. The game follows the trials and tribulations of Avan: His defeat at the hands of an evil leader, and his subsequent training in the titular Anti-Evil cave.


Minimally, you probably want to do specify the name of the evil leader. I assume the source material has an appropriate character that you can use for that role. Also, what are Avan's motivations for this training? Is it merely saving face? Revenge? Something more personal? I think you should state that, but I'm not really sure where.
I really appreciate your replay Marrend, evil leader name Hadlar Because the story is not yet complete, and Avan he want Revenge, Because of the increase in the forces of evil, and human have limited power, he want to training in Legendary Cave name " The Anti-Evil cave " to increase has power. All the friends and the world believes that Avan had died but the truth is the opposite.
Marrend
Guardian Ghost of the Description Thread
21129
That's what this thread is for! As for this new info, let's see how we can finagle this. How about...

It is usually said that good inevitably triumphs over evil. What if good did not triumph? What if evil became omnipresent and omnipotent?

Dragon Quest - The Anti-Evil Cave is an RPG based on the Dragon Quest-based manga, Dai No Daiboken. The game follows the trials and tribulations of Avan: His defeat at the hands of Hadlar, and his subsequent quest for vengeance. How much training in the legendary Anti-Evil cave would be needed for him to be able to attain his vengeance? How would his friends and family, who think he is dead, react to his return?


Something like this.
My game's description
Currently Denied (proof read and level design)


Can you find the exit??? or will the fields prove to frustrating???
MineWalk offers 4 levels of increasing difficulty with more coming soon.

Currently using two different types of mines:
- Respawn mines
- Gameover mines

Thoughts for new features:
- hints for exit locations
- more levels
- more bomb types
- added dangers

Aim: To make your way through the Minefield and find the hidden exit,
Watch out for mines.

If there are any problems you encounter or any feedback you wish to give, feel free to send me a message ^-^
Marrend
Guardian Ghost of the Description Thread
21129
This is the kind of thing I would suggest:
MineWalk is a fairly straightforward in it's concept: players are tasked to navigate their way through a minefield. Can you find the exit, or will the field prove too frustrating?

Currently, the game offers 4 levels of increasing difficulty, though more may be coming down the pipe.

Mine types currently in-game:
  • Respawn mines
With this kind of mine, players take damage when walking over them. After a certain amount of time, the mine resets. Having your health reduced to 0 by one of these mines results in a game over.
  • Gameover mines
Pretty much what it says on the tin: walking over these mines are an instant game over.

Do not hesitate to leave feedback, or point out issues/problems with the game!

I might have taken a few liberties with this, so take as much that is relevant to your plan. The "Thoughts on new features" section feel like a comment/status/blog to me, so I wouldn't put that on the game page description.
hi, i'm from indonesian
there is anyone can help me for my game project...?
I many times submit my project, but it's also keep denied because the description.
i'm just can use simple english grammar....
i keep fix my game description, but the result is same..."denied"
please somebody help me....
this is my game description....

start
the story begin on the world, where human and monster live together. the people of the world tame & living together with the monster. because of that, they also known as "monster tamer". the main story takes place on a small town. on this town, you will play as the son whose dreaming to become the best monster tamer.


on the beginning of the game you can decide two genders and four different monster. after the monster reach some level, it can be evolve to another forms. there are 100 monster you can collecting in this game. the focus of the story is to complete all the tournament. but, it won't be so simple, because you must complete several quest on the townspeople before you can participate the tournament. many quest & hidden story available on this game.


feature :

good story


monster collection (100 monster)


monster evolution


turn-based rpg


many hidden monster & quest

end



if there somebody can help to fix my game description, please reply me.....
thank you..........
Marrend
Guardian Ghost of the Description Thread
21129
It kinda sounds like you would want to say something like...

In a world populated by humans and monsters, there are those that choose to tame monsters. Actually, monster taming is incredibly popular, to the point that regular tournaments are held. It is many a person's dream to be in such a tournament, and prove that they are the best monster tamer in the world. Including the game's protagonist.


Loosely based on the popular Pokemon series, this turn-based RPG has players choose the sex (and name) of the game's protagonist, and have up to four different starting monsters. There are over 100 base monsters to collect, and a system to evolve monsters (after attaining a certain level) is planned.

The focus of the story is competing in the tournaments, but getting into one requires various tasks to be completed first. Also planned would be a slew of optional tasks and hidden lore of the game world.

...though, I could be wrong. Also, if this is a Pokemon fan-game, you should probably say that straight out of the gate.
Help me my project denied.
My english is bad.
Help fix my description.
Thank you.

Description
After the collapse of Highland Government and Dunan Republic have it's peace, some of the 108 Star of Destiny left Dunan Republic and continue on with their own adventure. In this demo we tell about Flik adventure after he left Dunan Republic a year ago. Viktor create a Guild in Handiks Village and because Flik don't have any work, finally he decided to become the member of that guild. After he become the guild member he only know how to gamble, but after someone give him work, new adventures that await him begin.
Marrend
Guardian Ghost of the Description Thread
21129
I'd say go with this:

Set a year after the events of Suikoden 2, this fan-game focuses on the adventures (misadventures?) of Victor and Flik. Viktor and Flik have returned to their mercenary fort, but Viktor gets it in his head to make a guild. It's a rocky start (Flik gets roped into gambling for a time), but a strange client makes for new adventures for the duo.

I sorta have to ask how Nina might be involved in this. Is she still clinging to her illusion that Filk likes her? On that note, what other members of the S2 cast might players run across? I highly doubt players would see Riou, Jowy, Nanami, and Pilika in this game, but there's still a pretty large cast to consider. As I'm sure you're aware.
I have a scene where the MC's friends are attacked by a vampire, just as one of them wished he was here, the MC immediately showed up and attacked the vampire. This is what I wrote for the dialogue:

Vampire: Who was that!? Who dared to disturb me!?
MC: It was me. You mad, bro?
Vampire: What!? Who the hell are you?
MC: Don't worry, girls, because I'm here!
(Heart icons showed up above the female NPCs, then the three members previously in your party reflect on his entrance)
Mem 1: Yay! You're finally here.
Mem 2: Heh, speak of the devil.
Mem 3: He picked a good time to show up with a cool entrance. Clever guy.

Is the dialogue too cheesy or too bland in anyway? I wanted to make it funny, while still making the characters acknowledge that the way the MC showed up was cool and baddass-like, and he was showing off. But somehow, I feel that the party members' dialogue are a bit lackluster. This is after I already edited the dialogue. Member 2 used to say "That was sorta cool.", and member 3 had "Wow. What a badass!".

Marrend
Guardian Ghost of the Description Thread
21129
I'm thinking Mem2 could say, "That was oddly coincidental!" while Mem3 could say, "Maybe so, but, um, is isn't really the time for stuff like that?"

Just my opinion, though.
It's kind of hard to write dialogue without knowing the characters, but just judging from what each of the three say:

Mem 1: Yay! You're finally here.

Has been waiting for the hero and is sincerely happy that he's come.

Mem 2: Heh, speak of the devil.

Is more amused by the coincidental nature of the situation than anything.

Mem 3: He picked a good time to show up with a cool entrance. Clever guy.

Is sort of envious of the hero, maybe? I read this as sort of self-conscious rather than just "wow!"

What are each of these party members' opinions of the MC? I think sorting that out will help you write snazzier dialogue. You don't want their words to be interchangeable, unless all three of them are just there to fawn over how bad-ass the hero is, but that's not interesting.

By the way, which of the three wished he was there?
author=Marrend
I'm thinking Mem2 could say, "That was oddly coincidental!" while Mem3 could say, "Maybe so, but, um, is isn't really the time for stuff like that?"

Just my opinion, though.


Mem 2 is alright, but what Mem 3 said doesn't make any sense. :v

author=Rod_Wadd
It's kind of hard to write dialogue without knowing the characters, but just judging from what each of the three say:

Mem 1: Yay! You're finally here.

Has been waiting for the hero and is sincerely happy that he's come.

Mem 2: Heh, speak of the devil.

Is more amused by the coincidental nature of the situation than anything.

Mem 3: He picked a good time to show up with a cool entrance. Clever guy.

Is sort of envious of the hero, maybe? I read this as sort of self-conscious rather than just "wow!"

What are each of these party members' opinions of the MC? I think sorting that out will help you write snazzier dialogue. You don't want their words to be interchangeable, unless all three of them are just there to fawn over how bad-ass the hero is, but that's not interesting.

By the way, which of the three wished he was there?


If it helps, Mem 1 said out loud that she wishes the MC was there with them, as he could probably have done something to help. Her personality is supposedly the most charming in the party, also a little shy. Mem 2 is a really smart, usually calm, and could be a bit quiet sometimes. Mem 3 is energetic, while the MC has a tendency to show off in front of people, especially girls. :D

Their opinions on the MC aren't very clear at this point, since they only started getting to know him. But in general, they trust him and are friendly toward him. They used to just fawn over how cool the MC is, until I decided to revise the dialogue. :P
Marrend
Guardian Ghost of the Description Thread
21129
author=Mr_Detective
Mem 2 is alright, but what Mem 3 said doesn't make any sense.


I probably meant to type "Maybe so, but, um, this isn't really the time for stuff like that!" Though, if Mem3 is the energetic type, I'd think "I dunno about you two, but I'm joining in on the fun!"

That... might be more the kind of thing Momotami Ruri might say in that situation than "Mem3", now that I think about it.
Description for my RM Venture contest entry, Engalia: The Wager:

Engalia, a nation steeped in ancient lore that is dotted with uncountable ruins from civilisations passed. Flanked to the north by uninhabitable, snow-covered tundra, and to the south by arid deserts that only disparate, savage tribes call home, Engalia is the largest kindgom of man known to the modern era. Ruled by a fair and courteous Queen, and having been at peace for more than a generation, Engalia's recent prosperity has lead to an influx of skilled sellswords and adventurers willing to plunge into the depths of caves, caverns and ruins left undisturbed during past times of war.

This story begins in the sourthern town of Neodym, where after a few too many meads a sellsword named Zack is challenged by his good friend Burns to find a historic treasure horde supposedly lost when the "legendary explorers" known only as Alex and Brian entered the nearby Neodymous Cave and never came out. Using any combination of adventurers he sees fit to accompany him, Zack must retrieve the lost treasure without meeting the same, dark end as those who've gone seeking it before him!

I'm going to use the same gameworld for at least one other game (I'd already started tinkering with that game before the contest started) so what I really want to work on is making the opening paragraph sound better.
Sated, if you want to sell the world, sell the character first. People connect to people more than they connect to masses of land. I would condense that first paragraph down to a few short, punchy sentences so you can more quickly get to the game's conflict. I'd also have them go in increasing dramatic order. So--and you'll be able to do this better than me since you know more than what you've written--I would do something like this:

"Engalia: a nation forged from the fire and ice that surround it.
Engalia: built on the ruins of long-dead civilizations.
Engalia: home to hidden treasures--grave of those who seek them.

Adventurers flock to Engalia, entranced by the whispers of its secrets."

That would be how I would handle the first paragraph--I'd use that final sentence as a transition into your second paragraph. The big thing, I think, is cutting down the details so you can sell the drama, and that would go for the second paragraph, too. There are four names and two locations in the first sentence of that paragraph. That may be important information to you, it may be important information to the story, but it's not important information to the player; feed that stuff to them naturally in the game--don't force it on them from the outset. Zack's the only name you should introduce, and if Neodymous Cave is the location for the action, then you can introduce that as well. Sell the danger of the cave and sell Zack's motivations. If Zack is thirsty for adventure, that's something people in their crappy boring lives can connect to, so sell that.