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Shadows is a Sci Fi adventure game about a lost man with a dark and tragic past. Do to an incident that drove him out of his mind. Dugan finds himself in a Crazy world surrounded by danger and mystery. A world he feels he must burn! Until he meets a young girl by the name of Karla Nelson. Who softens his black heart and gives Dugan a new meaning to his life


The Demo is just the first level of the game. As i'm still working on the rest.

I have worked hard on making this a family friendly game. Although the story line can be dark and tragic given Dugan was driven to insanity by it

In this Demo. Dugan is at his lowest point. And attacks a nation that he believes to have connections with his past. On his way to the reactor. He meets a prisoner named Karla nelson who pleads with Dugan to free her. Dugan refuses at first. But after watching Karla get interrogated by the Guards. He intervenes and saves Karla. Who becomes his first party member

The demo ends after the final boss. But now. Dugan has regained his sanity and after defeating the 1st boss. Him and Karla go on a quest to recover his forgotten past

:Other Notes: This game is only the first level of what is to come. About 30 Minuets of game play.
InfectionFiles
the world ends in whatever my makerscore currently is
4690
^The do's and dont's of what a game description should be.

edit: And it's one sided :P

It needs a lot of work Kyle, for starters change "do" to "due" as in "Due to an incident that drove him out of his mind"
but man, that's just the tip of the iceberg
Hello there, I'd love you native english speakers to check out my description text this time, because whelp, my english sucks. ; P

this is the text:

author=Nebelsoft
"Project Azoth"(Working Title) is a casual but sweet and entertaining little dungeon crawler with a few supporting mini quests and a non-restricting storyline.
You play as a young man named "Hiro", who finds himself in a small, desolate town called "Yonaguni", literally in the middle of the ocean.
After there it seems like there is nothing much left to do in town, Hiro decides to become a "Tower Explorer".
The tower is filled with dangerous monsters - and very hard to conquer. The exact number of floors is unknown, but they all seem to be themed after natural elements.
Hiro can build up relationships with the townspeople / the pretty girls and has to take care of his Elemental-Homunculi.


Azoth is designed to be a game of medium length (maybe 8 hours).
It is inspired by Dungeon Crawlers like "Azure Dreams".
All of this game's visual content is completely original and custom made.

Pixel graphics (sprites / icons / tilesets / HUD and effects ) are made by me. (Nebelstern)
Illustration Art (Character avatars / title screen) by the professional(game-illustration) artist Ninjin Shiru.
Gameplay mechanics (action battle system / script) XAS classic / original
It is a zelda-like action battle system.
Music (various tracks) is borrowed from various games and other sources, that are going to be listed soon.
Sound (all) sounds are sounds from royaltiy free open sources.
author=NebelSoft
Hello there, I'd love you native english speakers to check out my description text this time, because whelp, my english sucks. ; P

I'm gonna post what I recommend in the hide tag below. I rearranged a few sentences to try and drive out the passive voice a bit and make them flow a bit better. Also took out little and entertaining since casual already points to a game being on the shorter side, and entertainment is for the player to judge - telling them it's entertaining is pushing your opinion on the player which should be avoided.

I'd kinda recommend setting up the story a little more - perhaps expound about how Hiro got to the island/why he's there to begin with. Even if it's short like "After accidentally stowing away on a ship after running from some local thugs, Hiro finally manages to escape to the small town of Yonaguni - a desolate place empty of any and all entertainment. Bored out of his wits, Hiro decides to take on the Tower - a dangerous building in the middle of the town, filled with monsters, traps and mysteries unknown."
I mean, that just spices it up a little more, giving him a small backstory for how he got there and tying in the different aspects together. Just a thought for you to expand on a little.



"Project Azoth" is a casual but sweet dungeon crawler with a few supporting mini-quests and a non-restrictive storyline.

You play as a young man named Hiro, who finds himself in Yonaguni, a small, desolate town in the middle of the ocean.
After it seems like there is nothing much left to do in town, Hiro decides to become a "Tower Explorer".
The tower is hard to conquer, filled as it is with dangerous monsters. Not much is known about the tower bar that each floor corresponds to a different element and no-one knows just how many floors there are.

Join Hiro as he builds up relationships with the townspeople / the pretty girls and has to take care of his Elemental-Homunculi.


Azoth is designed to be a game of medium length (maybe 8 hours).
It is inspired by Dungeon Crawlers like "Azure Dreams".
All of this game's visual content is completely original and custom made.

Pixel graphics (sprites / icons / tilesets / HUD and effects ) are made by me. (Nebelstern)
Illustration Art (Character avatars / title screen) by the professional(game-illustration) artist Ninjin Shiru.
Gameplay mechanics (action battle system / script) XAS classic / original
It is a Zelda-like action battle system.
Music (various tracks) is borrowed from various games and other sources, that are going to be listed soon.
Sound (all) sounds are sounds from royalty free open sources.

CashmereCat
Self-proclaimed Puzzle Snob
11505
I'd alter one sentence in Liberty's great description:

"Not much is known about the tower, bar that each floor corresponds to a different element and no-one knows just how many floors there are."

Because I have never seen a tower bar before in my life. The sentence is possibly still right but it's a really confusing one.
Lawl, I would forget a comma. Good catch, Cash~ ^.^)b
Thank you sweeties! : 3

Yeah, I added the comma, and " With no recollection of his past, he gets to know the mysterious townspeople in their everyday life. " after ' in the middle of the ocean.'

Because you might or might not find out where he's from at the end of the game and the description should maybe not spoiler that, I assume... XD

So let's try a resubmit for now. Testplayers are very welcome, even tho admittedly, this one is more of a personal project. : 3
thank you Marrend :) I'll include those fixes in.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20691
Okay, ProjectKyle100. I'm gonna take a crack at this.

Due to an incident that drove him out of his mind, Dugan sets out to destroy anything and everything that is unfortunate enough to cross his path. However, a small fragment of sanity and warmheartedness lingered. It was not until the day he met a young woman named Karla that he realized it existed. Where his path leads after this meeting...

Shadows is a sci-fi adventure game. The hope is to make it as family-friendly as possible, but the story may inevitably fall into darker tones, given the subject matter.

I'm aware this isn't a lot of information. However, the rest of what you wrote sounds more like a blog post than what would appear on the gamepage description.
My game has been denied for grammatical reasons, so native speakers please help me.
I've been working very hard on this game, therefore I would want to see it accepted.

If you happen to find the entrance of the cave, don't hesitate to come in. I don't want to be alone anymore.......

I'm Seiichi Kirishima...........You're my family..........

The game "HIDEOUT" is loosely based on the horror manga Hideout.

The game follows our protagonist, who gets stranded on a lonely and deserted Island.

But the Island may not be that lonely........

A cave where Monsters dwell......

A cave that contains secrets yet to be discovered.......

The secrets about 'Seiichi Kirishima' and his 'Family'. The family that drove him to madness. The family that transformed him into a MONSTER.

The family, whose part, you're about to become.......

Join our Protagonist in this game, where he'll try to survive, find the secrets, and maybe find a way out of the cave.

* Multiple Endings

* Every choice you make will lead to some kind of ending.

* Use of 3D sounds to maximise the spookiness.

* Fluent narration, and lots of dialogue.

* Death art for every ending.

* Immersive and addictive gameplay.

* Psychological horror.

* Ao oni like chase.

* Heavily inspired by Corpse Party: Book Of Shadows.

* Twisted Ending.

Use headphones, turn up the volume, and finally, play at night in a dark room.

This game is guaranteed to give you nightmares.

Warning: Not for emotionally weak people, and definitely not for people who are easily scared.

Do you have what it takes to survive the "HIDEOUT"?

The game is currently in pre alpha state, therefore the quality of the final product will be totally different. The images shown are not final by any means.
@Soul_Hacker I took creative liberty. I hope you don't mind.

If you happen to find the entrance to the cave, don't hesitate to come in! I never wanted to be alone...

I'm Seiichi Kirishima... you are part of my family now...

This game is loosely based on the horror manga Hideout. The game follows our protagonist getting stranded on a lonely and deserted island. But it may not be that lonely after all. A cave where monsters dwell. A cave that contains secrets yet to be discovered.

Secrets about Seiichi Kirishima and his Family. The family that drove him to madness. The family that transformed him into a Monster.

You will be a part of this family.

Join our protagonist in a game where you try to survive, find secrets, and maybe a way out of the cave.

Features
  • Multiple Endings
  • Every choice you make will contribute to an ending
  • Use of stereoscopic 3D soundscape to maximize spookiness.
  • Fluent narration; dialogue much.
  • Art of people dying for every single ending.
  • Immersive and addictive gameplay.
  • Horror of the psychology.
  • Ao Oni-like chase mechanics.
  • Heavy inspiration from Corpse Party: Book Of Shadows.
  • A thoroughly twisted ending.

Use headphones, crank up the volume, and finally - play at night in a very, very dark room. This game is 100% guaranteed to give you nightmares.

Warning: Not for emotionally weak people, and definitely not for the infirm.

Do you have what it takes to survive the HIDEOUT?

(The game is currently in pre alpha state, therefore the quality of the final product will be completely different. The images shown are not final. Side effects may include nausea, depression and/or death. You have been warned.)
Wow, Soul_Hacker you only really have minor mistakes there and it's completely understandable, not sure why they'd deny it for grammar reasons unless they're just being really picky! Good luck.
It's because they aren't minor mistakes. He uses 6 points for every ellipses, and an ENTER for every single line. He sometimes uses fragmented, incomplete sentences, and some proper nouns don't use upper case like they should. That among other things. So no, I don't think it was acceptable before I edited it.
I'd consider all of those things pretty minor compared to what I see in games from native speakers, but to each their own.
I wouldn't.

Using the revised description will work, Soul. ^.^
Fair enough, Liberty, if the formatting isn't up to your standards. Seriously though "I don't want to be alone anymore" and "I never wanted to be alone" are both grammatically correct, they just mean different things.
author=ProjectKyle100
Shadows is a Sci Fi adventure game about a lost man with a dark and tragic past. Do to an incident that drove him out of his mind. Dugan finds himself in a Crazy world surrounded by danger and mystery. A world he feels he must burn! Until he meets a young girl by the name of Karla Nelson. Who softens his black heart and gives Dugan a new meaning to his life


The Demo is just the first level of the game. As i'm still working on the rest.

I have worked hard on making this a family friendly game. Although the story line can be dark and tragic given Dugan was driven to insanity by it

In this Demo. Dugan is at his lowest point. And attacks a nation that he believes to have connections with his past. On his way to the reactor. He meets a prisoner named Karla nelson who pleads with Dugan to free her. Dugan refuses at first. But after watching Karla get interrogated by the Guards. He intervenes and saves Karla. Who becomes his first party member

The demo ends after the final boss. But now. Dugan has regained his sanity and after defeating the 1st boss. Him and Karla go on a quest to recover his forgotten past

:Other Notes: This game is only the first level of what is to come. About 30 Minuets of game play.


Here's the edited version. I'll put reasons below.

Shadows is a Sci-Fi adventure game about a lost man with a dark and tragic past. Due to an incident that drove him out of his mind, Dugan finds himself in a crazy world surrounded by danger and mystery - a world he feels he must burn! That is, until the day he meets a young girl by the name of Karla Nelson. Will meeting Karla help soften a heart gone black or will Dugan carry out his tragic plans to destroy the world in which he is caught up?

The demo covers the first level of the game as I'm still working on the rest.


I have worked hard on making this a family friendly game. Although the story line can be dark and tragic given Dugan was driven to insanity by it

In this Demo. Dugan is at his lowest point. And attacks a nation that he believes to have connections with his past. On his way to the reactor. He meets a prisoner named Karla nelson who pleads with Dugan to free her. Dugan refuses at first. But after watching Karla get interrogated by the Guards. He intervenes and saves Karla. Who becomes his first party member

The demo ends after the final boss. But now. Dugan has regained his sanity and after defeating the 1st boss. Him and Karla go on a quest to recover his forgotten past

:Other Notes: This game is only the first level of what is to come. About 30 Minuets of game play.


The orange part is basically going over what you already explained in greater detail - best left to the game itself to expand on - and information that really isn't necessary in a description of a game. It reads a bit more like a blog post.

Edited some grammar/punctuation errors and fixed some lines. I changed the last part to leave something for the player to find out. It's usually best to give them a reason to play - don't tell them straight out what will happen. Instead, pose it as a question - will the hero prevail? Will he change his mind? Will love be enough to carry them both through the evils ahead?

This gives the player a sense of possibilities. Sure, they know that the answer will most likely be yes, but the fact that it's left open, that there may be a chance of failure - that will make them want to play the game to find out.

Hope that helps!

@Rod - Yeah, the sentences do mean different things and I'd recommend the original "I don't want to be alone any more" instead of "I never wanted to be alone" as it gives the feel of the person saying that line having been alone. It's also said to someone else as opposed to the second line being more introspective.

Apart from that, the reworked version is much more up to standard.
author=Loser
It's because they aren't minor mistakes. He uses 6 points for every ellipses, and an ENTER for every single line. He sometimes uses fragmented, incomplete sentences, and some proper nouns don't use upper case like they should. That among other things. So no, I don't think it was acceptable before I edited it.

Thanks for correcting my description. But I don't think there's any error in the following sentences:
"If you happen to find the entrance of the cave, don't hesitate to come in. I don't want to be alone anymore.......
I'm Seiichi Kirishima...........You're my family.......... "

I'm saying this as those lines have been borrowed from the manga itself, which means they had been proofread by the proofreaders, and people who do proofreading are native speakers, i.e. in most cases. Therefore I won't be changing them.

Now, as you've edited my description, so should I be sure that it won't get rejected this time? Should I re-submit with the provided description?

author=Rod_Wadd
Fair enough, Liberty, if the formatting isn't up to your standards. Seriously though "I don't want to be alone anymore" and "I never wanted to be alone" are both grammatically correct, they just mean different things.

Pretty strict moderators I see there. But, it's a good thing, as it makes sure that only perfect games get accepted. I think I still have a long way to go before becoming fluent like natives.

Once again, everyone thanks for the help. I greatly appreciate it.
The manga translation is wrong, 6-dot ellipsis only exist in Japanese (and Chinese). There's no such thing in English. They're supposed to be 3 dots. Just like how ¿ and ¡ don't exist in English either.

霧島誠一…… = Seiichi Kirishima...
author=Kaelan
The manga translation is wrong, 6-dot ellipsis only exist in Japanese (and Chinese). There's no such thing in English. They're supposed to be 3 dots. Just like how ¿ and ¡ don't exist in English either.

霧島誠一…… = Seiichi Kirishima...


Oh! So the error is in the ellipsis. And I was thinking that the sentence is wrong. I didn't know about that rule, thanks for telling me.

Anyway, I'm going to submit the corrected description, so please look forward to my game.