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redid it what do you think?

You play as Mario trying to get back Princess who has been taken by the Browser clones. Defeat them all to rescue her. You travel through some weird lands in these tricky and skill challenging levels.

Worlds:
1-1 - Pipe land
1-2 - Rising water level
1-3 - Spike Castle
2-1 - Desert Rush
2-2 - Under Ground Block Land
2-3 - Big Boo's Ghost House
3-1 - Controlled Flood Lands
3-2 - Big Block Lost Doors
3-3 - Donkey Kong to Bowser
4-1 - Level Warp
4-2 - Super Metroid 1
4-3 - Super Metroid 2 Killer Brain
5-1 - Window Land 1
5-2 - Window Land 2
5-3 - Window Land Castle
6-1 - Underground Pipe Land
6-2 - Forest Ride
6-3 - Air Ship
7-1 - Sands of plants
7-2 - Ghost House of Puzzles
7-3 - Bowser's Elevator
8-1 - Cloud Hopper
8-2 - Bowser's Tanks
8-3 - Billy's Castle
9-1 - Star Castle
9-2 - Dark Hills
9-3 - SMB Level 8 Castle
9-4 - Ghost House Maze
9-5 - Air Ship and Tank Rage
9-6 - Castle of Platform
10-1 - Bowser's Tanks 2
10-2 - Air ship 2
10-3 - Boss Tower
10-4 - Air Ship 3
10-5 - Up and Down Ghost House
10-6 - Air Ship 4
10-7 - Air Ship 5
10-8 - Air Ship 6
10-9 - Bowser's Castle

This is a crazy hard Mario game. There are 10 levels and each level has 3 stages, except for worlds 9 and 10.
You may think this is impossible but I assure you it is beatable, I have completed it all. So it leaves you the challenge to get through it. It's lots of fun and interesting triggers and scripts.

Enemies include Goombas, Koopa Troopas, Buzzy Beetles, Koopa Paratroopas, Bullet Bills, Hammer Bros., and jumping Cheep-Cheeps. All these enemies can be defeated when Mario jumps on them. Koopa Troopas and Buzzy Beetles cower in their shell when jumped on, which Mario can kick to defeat other enemies with. Koopa Paratroopas lose their wings and fall to the ground when Mario jumps on them. Other enemies include Piranha Plants, the Spiny-throwing Lakitus and the Hammer Bros., and Mario has to either shoot fireballs at them or just avoid them. There are a few levels which take place underwater. In the water, Mario can swim freely from the top to the bottom of the screen. The enemies in underwater levels are Bloopers and Cheep-Cheeps. Mario can only defeat these creatures by shooting them with fireballs.

PS - there is a world based on Microsoft see if you can get it?
This is made for the skilled Mario players.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
This is not the post you're looking for.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@Nebelsoft: Most of the wierdness that I'm seeing with your first one lies in...

After an apparent, elusively crash in the nearby forest, former phamacist Liam Kobayashi heads out to look for survivers - but what he finds, will alter his perception of reality. Only his decisions will show how this fateful event will turn out...

...this paragraph. Would you, by some chance, mean an abrupt crash? An "apparent, elusive" crash doesn't make too much sense to me. Also, change "phamacist" to "pharmacist", and "survivers" to "survivors". Maybe break up the run-on sentence with the hyphen, and go with "What he finds will alter his perception of reality."


With your other one, I'm going to make changes in bold, keeping the original text stricken through rather than go point-by-point. So sue me.

The four adventurous heroines, Miruka, Hanako, Edelweiss, and Aquamarin have come came a long way. They fought their way to level lv 99 and finally stand before the world's worst nightmare, an the evil warlock "evil warlock", whose whos evil plans contain nothing but malice! However, But can they stop him? Can they stop the the evil warlock from summoning of the bringer of apocalypse abocalypse, Pyramid Golem, in time? Will And will their adventure really end with victory over them him?
Or, will this be only the beginning of a whole different kind of adventure... a challenge challange of courage and friendship through confusing time-leaps timeleaps.

It's a short, classic adventure in fast forward ( or rather, "in rewind"? ) with a few comedic elements and a (hopefully) curious 'background' story.
My game was recently denied on the basis of my description. I have already made some changes, but am looking for any other feedback on how I can get it up to snuff.

On a related note, I also recieved the note that my mapping was on the cusp? Does this mean I should select better screenshots?

Meet Audrey and Miles, a young couple of little ambition. Both still live at home with their parents and have little in the way of carreer asperations. What begins as a simple task, help Miles put some minutes on his cell phone, quickly spirals into a sprawling quest that will take all of the young couple's strength and cunning. Laugh, cry, and fall in love all over again, as Audrey and Miles are forced to examine themselves, their relationship and the city they live city.

Super Basic Human Needs is an RPG prequel to the upcoming independent comedic feature film Basic Human Needs. For the first time ever in a video game, explore alovingly recreated Regina, Saskatchewan as you help Miles and Audrey complete the Quest for Time! Battle your way through hoardes of ennemies in such locales as the Cathedral District, Victoria Park, and the deadly Cornwall Center. Grapple with terrifying bosses such as the Safeway Manager and Little Red. Can you complete the Quest for Time and save Miles and Audrey's the future?
I need a bit of help in my game description.

Here's the original:
Some time ago, a girl, whose name is unknown, had a broken life. Living alone on her apartment, she decided to get a stereo system in order to feel better about herself. After buying a particular old and large stereo system, she discovered what lied beyond the electronic device: it was a portal.

But where did the portal lead? The answer was a dream-like world that reflected her, populated by several beings who were living there somehow. However, she recieved a simple mission, its reason not disclosed: she had to get 30 mysterious objects, called orbs, scattered across the world like papers on the wind. Aiding her are some items that change her appearance, called by convenience "Effects", also found across the bizarre landscapes.

But what to make about the orbs and their purposes? Some say that they were memories of her rotten life, as she attempts to fix herself and uncover the truth. And thus, she nicknamed herself "Me" and started the fetch quest on that land.

What do you suggest for improving the description? Did I make any english mistakes (it's not my native language, so...)
i need you to check out this description for me please.

This game is pretty much a dungeon crawler where every dungeon layout is different, you can also blacksmith, cook, and have alchemy crafting skills.

You start off abandoned on a strange island, luckily you get picked up by some fellows. The objective of the game is be able to beat all 3 dungeons when there's an Easy Dungeon, Medium Dungeon, and Hard Dungeon, which the hard dungeon is beyond hard. In order to make the gear needed to beat the medium/hard dungeons you will need to increase your blacksmithing level to unlock greater weapons/armor to craft. You will need to farm the dungeons and finding things in boxes or on animals to help you get crafting supplies.

You will be able to pick up 2 followers to help you along the way with the dungeons and the dueling mini game. The 2 followers you will be picking up is a Paladin and a Witch 1 for defense/healing and the other for high damage output plus power ups so you're free to be any class you want to be without have to lose a healer/damage dealer. While playing the game you find to be some comedy in the game as you explore the camp/game. The camp you come acrossed is filled with lively people wanting to help you out with your journey into the dungeons.

There's also 3 mini-games you can play:

1. Triple Triad Card battle game - buy/collect cards from the shop and duel AI opponents
2. Invaders Mini-Game - just take out as many alien ships you can and post your scores if you'd like.
3. Actor Duel Mini-Game - you can vs and AI or another player/friend next to you.

You get to customize your name, and pick out of 4 Actors/Races and about 13 Classes before you go into the dungeons.
Actors/Races = Boy, Girl, Clown, and Unicorn. <-- the Unicorn is quite amazing i must say. :p

So i hope you enjoy the game and i'm looking for feedback.

P.S. This is a finished game but if anyone finds any bugs or any fixes/add-ons i'll be sure to see if i can do what you ask, and keep the download link updated.
They denied similar description but I changed few things. Is anything wrong in it?
"My best completed game and probably first RPGmaker horror game about going to the office. It's puzzle game with dark atmosphere and few surprises. There's 4 endings.

All game is about girl, who goes to the office with unusual request. Plot is not horror in this case. It's different, than in other horror games. All effect is in the world creation.
This game is surreal, the action takes place in abnormal, haunted, a little bit grotesque world.
Changes, that are creepy and typical for horror seems to be part of "normality".

She has been waiting for months...
Finally the time has come... "
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
First off, the phrase "All game is about..." jumps out at me in all the wrong ways. It could be "This game is all about a girl..." and retain what I believe you want to say.

Second, I don't like how you keep repeating how this game is different than your atypical horror game. Even if your claim about the setting is true (which I kinda doubt), nothing in that description suggests how your game would be different from any other horror game ever? It's possible your screenshots could go a long way in covering this point, but, I cannot see them.
author=Marrend
First off, the phrase "All game is about..." jumps out at me in all the wrong ways. It could be "This game is all about a girl..." and retain what I believe you want to say.

Second, I don't like how you keep repeating how this game is different than your atypical horror game. Even if your claim about the setting is true (which I kinda doubt), nothing in that description suggests how your game would be different from any other horror game ever? It's possible your screenshots could go a long way in covering this point, but, I cannot see them.


Thank you.
Anybody can help me to check grammar ?
my project has denied XD
--------------------------------




Title :Darkness of Hope - Save The Heart of Painful
Code Project : DoH - STHoP
Genre : Short RPG, Comedy, Drama
Duration : 30 - 60 minutes


Overview


It's the side story of the main project, Darkness of Hope. The game tells the story of Checilia Silviana and takes the setting in 5 years before the main story of Darkness of Hope begin.
Even though it's an RPG, there is no experience, level, stats or such--it's a completely linear RPG.


Synopsis
Darkness of Hope: Save the Painful of Heart tells the story about the little Checilia in her search of reasons behind the people's discrimination, hatred and agony upon her clan.
"Why?" She ask her parents, but no clear answer given.
"Why?" She ask her sister, Eris, but still the answer didn't satisfy her thirst of the answer.
Then, the little girl left into the dark with no answer and clue she desires...
Till one day there came a bunch of unknown army invaded their residence. They killed her father, killed her mother. Eris, her older sister, took Checil into safety. But was it really safe?

Features

Unique yet Thrilling Battle System!
May the fortune with you. Though it's all based on randomness, try your best and not to be trapped in the endless battle.

Solve the maze, in cooperative way!
Because you can't solve the mazing paths alone...

Download Game:


Because this game is for a contest to rpgmakerweb, support us by vote for our game in Indie Game Maker Contest (IGMC).
Well, to vote +1 must register first page of its web.
In other way, you can vote for us via FB and twitter.

Download link:
http://contest.rpgmakerweb.com/game/view/id/207
NOTE: Make sure to install the font before playing the game. Read the 'MUST INSTALL FONT !!!' text file for further info.

Fanspage:
https://www.facebook.com/DoHProject

Comments and critiques welcome. :D

Contributors Save The Heart of Painful:

Story Writer:
RonDChild
Zenisher

Translator:
Princess Dewintari

Editor:
Casian
richter_h
NachtEinhorn
Kuro DCupu

Eventer:
RonDChild
Kuro DCupu

Programming Battle:
Kuro DCupu

System / UI Programming:
Theo Allen
Yanfly

Composser:
Theo Allen
Jasson Prestilano
Freedom House Midi
Tam Music Factory
Enterbrain

Graphic:
RonDChild
Ciel Hyde
Enterbrain

Special Thanks:
Superkudit
LightNightKnight
Arc Silverberg
Kuru
Alvinofelix
numfanklewhat
Gramadi
rpgmakerid.com
segitia.net
you
Just thought I'd share this. Just some back of box art I did for fun for my project. Edit: I am seeking feedback on this. I'm aware it's not too visually impressive, I don't own photoshop. And I like working in MS Paint.

Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@RonDChild: Among the first things I would do is to set up that video into a Media submission, once the gamepage is up. I haven't actually watched the thing, but I assume it's some kind of promotional video. Also, I would suggest putting the credit list in a separate tab once you get a gamepage.

Anyway, onto the grammar-check. The thing that pops out at me first of all is the protagonist's name of "Checilia". Now, names can be all over the place in games, but, are you absolutely sure that you don't mean "Cecilia"? I dunno. This could be a moot point.

The next thing that jumps out at me is, what, exactly, makes your game an RPG if there are no stats, levels, and what-not (which are the among the defining features of RPGs)? My guess it that the category would be more "adventure" than anything else, but, you aught to know better than I.

At this point, I feel like it's better to show the changes that (I think) need to be made rather than explain them. Crossed out words are the original text, and things in bold are what I added:

Synopsis

Darkness of Hope: Save the Painful of Heart tells the story about the little Checilia Cecilia in and her search of for the reasons behind the her people's clans's discrimination, hatred and agony upon her clan by the other clans.
"Why?" She asks her parents, but no clear answer is given.
"Why?" She asks her sister, Eris, but, still the answer didn't satisfy her thirst of the answer.
Then, the little girl Thus, she was left into the dark with no neither answer and nor clue she desires...
Till Then, one day, there came an bunch of unknown army that invaded their residence. They killed her father, killed and her mother. Eris, her older sister, took Checil Cecilia into safety. But was it really safe?

Features

Unique, yet thrilling, battle system!
May the fortune be with you.! Though While it's all based on randomness, try your best and not to be trapped in the endless battle.

Solve the maze with cooperation!
Because yYou can't solve the mazing labryinthine paths alone...

Download Game


Because tThis game is for a contest to rpgmakerweb, support us by vote for our game in Indie Game Maker Contest (IGMC) the Indie Game Maker Contest, but is not submitted to that event-page. However, a link to rpgmakerweb's event-page can be found there.
Well, to If you want to vote +1 for this game, you must register first page of its web at rgpmakerweb.
In other way Alternatively, you can vote for us via FB Facebook and tTwitter.

Download link:
http://contest.rpgmakerweb.com/game/view/id/207
NOTE: Make sure to install the font before playing the game. Read the 'MUST INSTALL FONT !!!' text file for further info.

Facebook link:
https://www.facebook.com/DoHProject

Comments and critiques welcome. :D

@marrend : Protagonist's name is Checilia :D
thanks for correction :D
My submission was denied so I'm here to aks you some advices...

That is the description denied:
------------------------------
Darkness Ascension is an Action RPG created for Rpgmaker Vx Ace. The game was done in just 22 days to participate in the Indie Game Contest 2014. You play with Halbert Halfgrand, that is trying to free himself of a deep unknown dungeon. The game is an Action Rpg.

The gameplay consist of an action battle with RPG elements.


Story of Darkness Ascension

Halbert Halfgrand was the heir of a legendary dynasty, descendant of the founders of the kingdom of Taldorn in the island of Hossus.
When reached sufficient age, he decided to be a priest, not giving heed to his father and disowns the post that is his by inheritance, the title of Taldorn lord protector.

He studied hard in another region, Highrock, more precisely in the temples of Callen and Wasgramor. Started to become obsessed with the god of Darkness and outraged by the existence of his servants, who acquired minor powers in exchange for their souls and learn to use tricks that the gods prohibit to mortals.

Halbert took the decision to join the knights and priests began their training. For years he trained to kill mages, to capture them and kill them, their training was cruel but he achieved his ultimate goal: become a killing machine, full of tricks and ruses to defeat opponents that would be almost equal to the gods.

For years he worked for the Templar Knights and their order of witch hunters. Hunting and torturing a lot of suspects of devotion to the dark arts, and his life was devoted to the church until he received a letter, his father was dying.
Halbert asked permission to leave his temple and departed on a long journey to Taldorn. Upon arriving in the capital, was approached by soldiers of his father that gave him a order of prision. Halbert did not accept it, and then fought bravely for his life, until he was wounded and be unconscious by a knight's attack.

Halbert woke up and open his eyes seeing just darkness. They left food and water every day but never gave him a word. He was just about to go crazy, but his obsession for revenge not left him to perish, began to train his body waiting for opportunity, and to be as healthy as possible when he find the opportunity to escape.

After a long time being locked up in that dungeon, Halbert sees a man in a hood and hear words of hope. But Halbert have experience of years analyzing lies in the eyes of his victims, and the guy did not seem sincere, something was wrong at that visit.

The man approached with drawn sword, Halbert pretended not to notice until he arrived at a proper distance, Halbert broke his arm and killed him breaking his neck, grabbed his clothes and then thought that it was the time that he waited so long throughout their time in captivity. And then the game begins.

(Sorry for the english and if you encounter some grammar errors, please send me the corrections to do...The English is not my first language.)

Download

You could download the game here, and if you think it deserves, I beg you to vote in the game if you like it! It is very important for me.
http://contest.rpgmakerweb.com/game/view/id/110#.U7sbbfldVRp
My Description got denied. Maybe because there are some grammatical errors? I am not native English.

:In general:
This is my first RPG project I've ever made. Only the Prologue is done yet, but I'm working on the first and only chapter and on the Epilogue.
This RPG is not a "fighting" style RPG. It's more about the story, so sometimes you can get a lot of text.
The prologue should take you about 20-30 minutes to complete (rough estimation).
I have no idea when the full game is done. I want to complete it this year at last.

If you find bugs, grammatical incorrect sentences or other imperfections, please contact me. I posted this game because I want feedback.

Oh, and if you find any spelling errors/incorrect grammar, I am not a native speaker of the English language :3

:Story:

While Ethan pays a visit to foreign country, his better half Angel gets diagnosed with a serious brain tumor. When he returns and finds out, he is heartbroken when the doctor tells him Angel will slowly forget things about him and their relationship.

The only thing that can temporary prevent her memory from fading are things that have to do with the young couple, such as photos, letters, videos and so on.
Ethan is determined to let Angel not forget about their special relationship and searched far and wide to gather as many objects he can find.

:The main character:
Ethan is the one you'll play as. He is very attached to his girlfriend Angel, in such a way you could call them meant to be. He would do anything for her.
You could count Angel as a main character as well. Though you won't see her that much in the game, she is a major element because the whole story is about her.

:Controls:
When you extract the game and open the map, you'll find a document which says "Controls". Nevertheless, here they are:

To move:
Arrow Keys

Run:
Shift

Open Menu:
Escape

Cancel:
Escape/select with arrow keys -> Enter

Select choice:
Select with arrow keys -> Enter

Interact:
Touch object/person (walk towards it 'till you "press" against it).

:Credits:
In the extracted game map you'll also find a document called "Credits_READ_ME". I find it extremely important to point out that I am not the owner of most drawn characters, music and tilesets.
I only generated faces and characters, but I also searched on forums for other characters. If you consider yourself to be in the credits while you're not, and are sure that you deserve a place there, contact me.
I tried to put everyone from whom I've taken resources in the credits, but I could have forgotten someone.

One of the most important people that are not in the credits is Kevin MacLeod. I got most of the ingame music from his website http://incompetech.com/ . Next update I will include him. Check it out, he is awesome!

:Walkthrough:
In the extracted map is also a Walkthrough document. Please only use it if you are really stuck on the game.
My game was denied aswell so i ask for help.

Release Date not known yet



What is this about?
This Project is about another Adventure from Mario which involves him into a somekind of other world then he normally encounters.
Play as Mario and encounter old and new enemies as you make your way trought the world and find the stolen Treasures.

Levels:
Some levels are made with Wohlstand's Engine and SMBX together

We still look out for some Level Designers.

Story:
"Mario's just got fat by eating spaghetti. It seemed as if he was gonna explode peacefuly forever until a new and dangerous encountered appeared out of nowhere one that Mario may not be able to stop... Can he do it or is this end?"
World List:

Rice Beach
Mt. Teapot
Sherbet Land
Stove Canyon
SS Tea Cup
Parsley Woods
???
???
???
???

Graphic Credits:
SMBX Graphic Pack by Red_Yoshi Supermarioman and Squishy Rex + all the people who contributed graphics for it and those who made them.
Wario Land npcs by GMarioX and reghrhre
Playable Captain Syrup by GMarioX


Support Banner:


Original made by Darkonius edited by GMarioX
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@metal_kitty: I'm not 100% sure you need to talk about controls if it's an RPG Maker game? Though, if you have a packed-in manual that explains all that stuff, say that you have one, and that should suffice (even if we both know that nobody would actually look at it). With that out of the way, there's very little left to the description, outside of the personal background (which is fine by me), and this reference to Angel being the center of the story (whatever the story actually is), while Ethan's the protagonist of said story.

The question that comes to my mind is how do you plan on relaying how much Ethan cares for Angel? The advise of "show, don't tell" seems appropriate in this case. Angel may show up rarely, but, I think there could still be ways to show how much he cares for her, rather than having him spout lines about how much he cares.

*Edit:
@Frozen: Some things bugging me about your description. First, the "What's it about" should probably look more like...

This project is an adventure with Mario, which places him in a different world that what he would normally encounter. Encounter enemies both old and new as you make your way through the world, and find stolen treasures!

The other thing that's popping out at me is your "Story" section. I'm not too keen on the part about Mario getting too fat on spaghetti, but, I would otherwise suggest something like...

For Mario, it seemed like he was going to peacefully retire until a new, and dangerous, threat appeared out of nowhere! One that Mario may not be able to stop. Can he overcome it, or, is this his end?
Thanks Marrend my submission got accepted now.
@Marrend

Thank you so much!
I'll remove the "Controls" section.

I got a question tho over your second paragraph (might want some advice too :3)

I want to show that Ethan loves her so much not by telling her lines as "I love you so much". But more through things he does for her. The main part about collecting the "memories" is to show how much they care about each other. So I plan to kind off "tell" their story through those memories.

If you have any advice about "showing" it, or ideas, I'm glad if you want to help me :)

Oh, and about this sentence: "(whatever the story actually is)".

Is it not clear what the story is about? If so, do you have any ideas how I could make it more obvious (is that the right word?) so that people will get it?

Thanks a lot!
Myrthe
hi, i need some help please !

game description :

once apon a time, A girl called Lilith finds this diary. The diary of Freya.
Not knowing what the diary held she took it home and read it, just to find out a tragic story.
After finding out what has happened she embarks on a mission to find Freya's best friend, who was made to part with her. But she doesnt know whats going to await her on her mission.


main protagonist: Lilith
age: 17
description: A teenage girl who has a passion for helping people, when someone asks for help she wont stop until she fulfils it

~ Dairy of freya ~
Genre: Horror and puzzle
gameplay time: not known

notes:
~This is made into chapters and parts, The part ill release soon will be Chapter 1 - 1
~ the desks and chairs are used from the famous corpse party games, and you will need to go around some , sorry!