LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

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author=metal_kitty
@Marrend

Thank you so much!
I'll remove the "Controls" section.

I got a question tho over your second paragraph (might want some advice too :3)

I want to show that Ethan loves her so much not by telling her lines as "I love you so much". But more through things he does for her. The main part about collecting the "memories" is to show how much they care about each other. So I plan to kind off "tell" their story through those memories.

If you have any advice about "showing" it, or ideas, I'm glad if you want to help me :)


@umm, Myrthe?
Hi! Yeah, I know I'm not Marrend but I have an idea for this...

You could create 'flashback' scenes for each 'memory' collected. This will, not only show the background of their relationship, but it will also give the characters some depth.

Hope I helped!
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@metal_kitty: I'm looking at the post again, making the conclusion that I must have not seen the story write-up that you had. Sorry!

Collecting what photos they may have taken of their relationship sounds like an okay plan, but, I was thinking more in line of little day-by-day things that she would enjoy. You would know your characters better that I, but, a few examples I can think off the top of my head is, like, I dunno, watching a movie they both enjoyed, or sometimes being able to predict what she wants, or is about to say? Eh, I guess it's harder to explain than I thought.

@hornetlick: Here's the kind of thing I would suggest:
Once upon a time, a girl called Lilith finds a diary entitled The Diary of Freya. Within it's pages lied a tragic, but true, story. She embarks to find Freya's best friend (who had parted ways by the end of the novel), not entirely aware of the danger she was about to face.

Additional notes:
Dairy of Freya is a horror/puzzle game divided into chapters, further divided into parts. For example, the first section of the game will be Chapter 1-1, followed by Chapter 1-2, and so on.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by...

~ the desks and chairs are used from the famous corpse party games, and you will need to go around some , sorry!

I think you mean to say...

The desk and chair sprites are from various famous Corpse Party games.

The game may contain significant amounts of backtracking.

...but I could be wrong.
author=Marrend
@metal_kitty: I'm looking at the post again, making the conclusion that I must have not seen the story write-up that you had. Sorry!

Collecting what photos they may have taken of their relationship sounds like an okay plan, but, I was thinking more in line of little day-by-day things that she would enjoy. You would know your characters better that I, but, a few examples I can think off the top of my head is, like, I dunno, watching a movie they both enjoyed, or sometimes being able to predict what she wants, or is about to say? Eh, I guess it's harder to explain than I thought.

@hornetlick: Here's the kind of thing I would suggest:
Once upon a time, a girl called Lilith finds a diary entitled The Diary of Freya. Within it's pages lied a tragic, but true, story. She embarks to find Freya's best friend (who had parted ways by the end of the novel), not entirely aware of the danger she was about to face.

Additional notes:
Dairy of Freya is a horror/puzzle game divided into chapters, further divided into parts. For example, the first section of the game will be Chapter 1-1, followed by Chapter 1-2, and so on.


I'm not quite sure what you mean by...

~ the desks and chairs are used from the famous corpse party games, and you will need to go around some , sorry!


I think you mean to say...

The desk and chair sprites are from various famous Corpse Party games.

The game may contain significant amounts of backtracking.


...but I could be wrong.


wow thank you! and yh thats what i ment x3 thank you so much C; ill re-submit it with that description C; thankyou! ill tell if it gets denied ;3
@karins_soulkeeper
Exactly what I was planning to do ;) Amazing, thanks for the help :D

@Marrend
Thank you so much! That's actually a great idea :)

Thank you all guys for my help.
The game is now pending :3
HI, I asked for help here some time ago, but I didn't get reply yet so I tried to change game information and my game description was denied again. Please help me to make it right. EDIT: I changed it a bit with google translator/:

2D Action/Arcade platformer with RPG elements.

The Land is terrorized by an evil goblin king and his minions. The village is on the brink of power and someone has to stop these evil goblins before it's too late ! And that is why one becomes a Hero. A young boy goes out into the wilderness to stop the goblin king
Concept:
- Point allocation (increasing strength, hp, sp... etc.), really easy-made
- Possibility to visit the completed zones to get new things
- 3 different zones full of bloodthirsty goblins
- 3 Magic relics = 3 different magic spells
- Boss at the end of each stage / Sub boss in mid-stage
- No Game Over screen, Loss of 20% gold and 10% exp after recovery
- Gamepad possibility (*Logitech Dual Action)
- Different kinds of goblins (a goblin scout, goblin hoplite, goblin bomber...)
This is one man project and development will be based on my free time.
I will be using music under CC license.
*Optimized for min. 1.7+ Ghz 1core CPU, check the vids if you want to.
the very first movement, got a bit changed in the current version.
gameplay vid 1 (showing worms and bees enemies)
gameplay vid 2 (showing goblin scouts and killer fishes)
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@Rebezion: The gameplay vids could probably be shelved into a media submission, once you get a gamepage. Otherwise, here's what I'm taking from that description:

This game is a 2D action/arcade platformer with RPG elements.

Story:
The land is terrorized by an evil goblin king and his minions. The village is on the brink of despair and someone has to stop the goblins before it's too late! A young boy, with dreams of becoming a hero, steps up to the plate, and goes out into the wilderness to do just that.

Features:
  • Stat-point allocation! Customize your character the way you want to!

  • Metroidvanina-esque! Revisiting old ares with new abilities gets you stuff!

  • Fight in three different zones, each filled with nasty enemies!

  • Acquire magic relics to cast spells!

  • No "Game Over" screen! Instead, you loose 20% of your gold and 10% of your experience!

  • Playable with a gamepad! (Logitech Dual Action preferred)

Additional asides:
Bear in mind that this is one-man project. Development will be based on my free time.

I will be using music created under a Creative Commons license.

Though, to be honest, in a place like this, the aside of "this is a one-man project" is pretty much a given, isn't it? Though, I do have some questions about the "No Game Over" feature. Do players get sent back to a checkpoint? Does the game only have autosaves? Are there hard saves at all? What's the deal?
author=Marrend
Though, to be honest, in a place like this, the aside of "this is a one-man project" is pretty much a given, isn't it? Though, I do have some questions about the "No Game Over" feature. Do players get sent back to a checkpoint? Does the game only have autosaves? Are there hard saves at all? What's the deal?
Oh great! Thank you very much. True that one-man project information is not neccessary I will delete that.
You guess right. When you die in zone, it will return hero to the last checkpoint statue. Those will be also automatic - save points. Player can leave zone anytime back to the world map, manual save is on world map then. There is's going to be only one save slot. So when you begin new game, it will warn you that if you progress you will overwrite it.
Edit : game was accepted finally, http://rpgmaker.net/games/6368/
I haven't really submitted this yet since I don't have screens atm. Anyway, here's my description for my next game...

Oh hey, I'm back! Karin's Soulkeeper here.

Introduction
All Fall Down is about how the lives of two people intertwine, how fate steps in to break them apart, and how they pull the pieces together to triumph all odds.

Features to be Implemented:
  • Active and Logic Puzzles.
  • Field abilities.
  • Choices have more Impact. Your next choice could pretty much be your last.
  • Multiple endings. (A total of six planned)


Thanks! Stay posted for updates!


Yes, it's short. And yes, I just wanted to reach the 500-character minimum. But hey, I put effort on this.
Hey everyone, I resubmitted it, but it got denied again...

Here it is:

:In general:
This is my first RPG project I've ever made. Only the Prologue is done yet, but I'm working on the first and only chapter and on the Epilogue.
This RPG is not a "fighting" style RPG. It's more about the story, so sometimes you can get a lot of text.
The prologue should take you about 20-30 minutes to complete (rough estimation).
I have no idea when the full game is done. I want to complete it this year at last.

If you find bugs, grammatical incorrect sentences or other imperfections, please contact me. I posted this game because I want feedback.

Oh, and if you find any spelling errors/incorrect grammar, I am not a native speaker of the English language :3

:Story:

While Ethan pays a visit to a foreign country, his better half Angel gets diagnosed with a serious brain tumor. When he returns and finds out, he is heartbroken when the doctor tells him Angel will slowly forget things about him and their relationship.

The only thing that can temporary prevent her memory from fading are things that have to do with the young couple, such as photos, letters, videos and so on.
Ethan is determined to let Angel not forget about their special relationship and searches far and wide to gather as many objects he can find.

:The main character:
Ethan is the one you'll play as. He is very attached to his girlfriend Angel, in such a way you could call them meant to be. He would do anything for her.
You could count Angel as a main character as well. Though you won't see her that much in the game, she is a major element since Ethan does the whole "memory-searching" for her.

:Credits:
In the extracted game map you'll also find a document called "Credits_READ_ME". I find it extremely important to point out that I am not the owner of most drawn characters, music and tilesets.
I only generated faces and characters, but I also searched on forums for other characters. If you consider yourself to be in the credits while you're not, and are sure that you deserve a place there, contact me.
I tried to put everyone from whom I've taken resources in the credits, but I could have forgotten someone.

One of the most important people that are not in the credits is Kevin MacLeod. I got most of the ingame music from his website http://incompetech.com/ . Next update I will include him. Check it out, he is awesome!

:Walkthrough:
In the extracted map is also a Walkthrough document. Please only use it if you are really stuck on the game.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@karins_soulkeeper:

A few things. With the "Oh hey, I'm back! Karin's Soulkeeper here." line? Call me crazy, but I don't think this belongs on a gamepage at all. Something like this might be okay for an introduction to a podcast, or a Let's Play (or Let's Try). A gamepage? Not-so-much.

Another thing is that it probably should be "...triumph against all odds."

Last thing is the "Thanks! Stay posted for updates!" line. It sounds more like what you'd say in a blog more than what you'd say on a gamepage.


@metal_kitty:
Hrm. I'm kinda thinking the sections need to be rearranged to "Story", "Characters", "General", then "Credits". Otherwise, here's the kinds of things I'm seeing.

General section:
  • Maybe it's just me, but, it may be more appropriate to say "the first of three chapters"? I dunno.

  • "I have no idea when the full game will be done."

  • You ask twice, in succession, to be notified about spelling/grammatical errors. I know it's important to you, but, asking twice like that seems a bit much.

Story section:
  • "... his better half, Angel, gets diagnosed..."

  • "...can temporarily prevent her memory from fading..."

  • "Ethan is determined to have Angel's memories retained as long as possible, and goes to great lengths to achieve this goal."

Character section:
  • My main beef is how you're like, "Oh yeah, I guess you can count Angel as a main character." I think it would serve you best if you just say something like, "While she doesn't get a lot of on-screen time, the game is really about Angel, and recovering her fading memories."

Credits section:
  • I don't mind that you have a file for credits that is packed-in with the game. What I don't get is why you're not putting in that one credit that you're mentioning until "next update". I mean, yeah, the game is bound to be updated eventually, but, I don't see why you can't just insert the credit for Kevin MacLeod before the initial uploading?
@Marrend
Thank you so much!
About the credits; you're right. I will render the game again with the updated credits in it :)

I have a problem with the "chapters" though. It goes from "Prologue" to "Chapter 1: remembering" to "Epilogue". I know "Chapter" suggests more chapters, but I don't know how I would call it otherwise.

EDIT: Maybe I should call it "Stage"? I need something to indicate that the actual game-play will start then, but won't suggest more "chapters"

Oh, and completely off-topic:
It's really great you're here spending your time to help others like me. I really appreciate it! :)
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
I know you have no idea how long the game is supposed to be, but, the prologue taking anywhere between twenty minutes to a half-hour seems to indicate that it's long enough to be it's own chapter?

I dunno. I'm not thinking straight right now.
@metal_kitty
I think you could just call it 'Remembering'. But that's just me, so...
Oh and it's not just Marrend who's willing to help. Everyone is. This was the reason why I decided to stay here. These guys are the best ;D

@Marrend
Yeah I gues it does sound a bit unprofessional. I'll rewrite it then put it back up here, hoping for improvements :)
Thanks!
@karins_soulkeeper
That's actually a genius idea :)
And I know right, those forum people saved my ass a few times now!

Thank you for your idea, just "Remembering" is a good replacement :)

author=karins_soulkeeper
@metal_kitty
I think you could just call it 'Remembering'. But that's just me, so...
Oh and it's not just Marrend who's willing to help. Everyone is. This was the reason why I decided to stay here. These guys are the best ;D

@Marrend
Yeah I gues it does sound a bit unprofessional. I'll rewrite it then put it back up here, hoping for improvements :)
Thanks!
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
author=karins_soulkeeper
@metal_kitty
I think you could just call it 'Remembering'.

Here's the kind of thing I was thinking for chapter-titles:

  • Chapter 1 - The Diagnosis
  • Chapter 2 - What Was Once Lost
  • Chapter 3 - That Which Has Been Found

Though, this is merely a suggestion.
I'm planning on submitting my first game soon, and the description I've written so far is definitely too short. How can I improve what I have so far, and what other details should I add? Thanks!

"An engineer in a Star-Trek-inspired future wakes up from a nap to find that most of her co-workers have been replaced by monsters. Fighting her way through the hallways of the starship, she encounters other survivors of the mysterious disaster, and they band together to search for answers about what happened. Throughout their adventure, our heroes fight a variety of adversaries, solve some puzzles, and even dabble in theater production.

Slimes is a traditional RPG in a science-fiction setting, and approximately an hour long."
I improved my description a bit, and wrote the story in now.
All Fall Down

Introduction
All Fall Down is about how the lives of two people intertwine, how fate steps in to break them apart, and how they pull the pieces together to triumph against all odds.

Main Plot
Shin, an orphan who grew up wandering from town to town stumbles into a quaint village. The village of Seraphim. There, he meets Aki, and his life changed. The pair only grew closer with each passing day. It has been a year now, and it was nothing but blissful.
Then she descended from above. The one who will break them apart. Out of contempt, she forces them to play a game. A game where their lives are at stake. At the end of the game, they were given a choice: Save yourself, or save your other.

Features to be Implemented:
  • Active and Logic Puzzles.
  • Multi-Actor Switching.
  • Formation-sensitive Interactions.
  • Field abilities.
  • Choices have more Impact. Your next choice could pretty much be your last.
  • Multiple endings.


Thanks!



@sempersapiens
I think you should move this phrase: 'in a Star-Trek inspired future' down to the 'Slimes is a traditional...'

Something like this:
'Slimes is a Star-Trek inspired RPG, and approximiately an hour long.'
or something like that...

Good luck on your game!
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@sempersapiens: As-is the description meets the 500 character minimum. Whither or not it would be accepted, well, that's not my preview. Anyway, what's the name of the ship? I'd say go with...

An engineer aboard the starship <whatever-it's-name-is> wakes, only to find her fellow crew turned into amorphous blobs!

...and so on. The part about the game being inspired by Star Trek may be an aside that can come later. I guess it may depend on how many other factoids-of-interest like that that can be made about the game.

*Edit: This somehow reminds me that there's this idea called Nakaishi Wars that never really got off the ground.
author=sempersapiens
I'm planning on submitting my first game soon, and the description I've written so far is definitely too short. How can I improve what I have so far, and what other details should I add? Thanks!

"An engineer in a Star-Trek-inspired future wakes up from a nap to find that most of her co-workers have been replaced by monsters. Fighting her way through the hallways of the starship, she encounters other survivors of the mysterious disaster, and they band together to search for answers about what happened. Throughout their adventure, our heroes fight a variety of adversaries, solve some puzzles, and even dabble in theater production.

Slimes is a traditional RPG in a science-fiction setting, and approximately an hour long."


To beef it up, I would include descriptions of gameplay features, character information, setting information, credits and other stuff.
Thanks, guys! I took those suggestions into account and I think it's much better now. :)