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Anyone that would be so kind and help me with my description?



Silence:
Is a short game about a young person (gender choices) that is unable to speak, but still manage to get him/her into all kinds of adventures/trouble.


When your town is attacked by a herd of slime monsters, your mom gets kidnapped!
You soon discover a note with terrifying information that your mom left behind, leaving you with a lot of questions.
Will you be able to get answers without asking questions ?.............. because you can't speak..........


The game is made with the Old School Modern graphic packs one and two.


Features:
- Music box with 12 songs.
- 15-20 minute gameplay so far.
- Custom boss!
- Spell books with different kind of spells that you can learn.
- And...... Uhm.... Err..... more things to come! XD
nhubi
Liberté, égalité, fraternité
11099
Something like this?

Born without the ability to speak you've always relied on your mother as you were growing up, but after an attack on your home town by a herd of slime monsters you find she's gone missing. Knowing she would never voluntarily abandon you and believing she's been kidnapped you frantically search for clues and find a note she left behind containing terrifying information that leaves you with more questions than you can answer.

Silence is the story of your quest to answer those questions, and to rescue your mother from those who have taken her, but how are you to find answers when you have no voice to ask?

Features:
- Gender choice, play as either male or female (wasn't sure if you offered third gender options)
- Music box with 12 songs.
- 15-20 minute gameplay so far This isn't a feature
- Custom boss!
- Spell books with different kind of spells that you can learn.


Can someone please help me with my description, english is not my native tongue.
It is a Visual Novel, with RPG too. Like the Game Persona if you know it.

Im so embarassed because it doesnt sound right in english, but in spanish does.
Im unable to change the description there, it was denied.

Your text to link here...

Im making a new one here, but it will sound weird. Please help.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

(So it start with a quote/phrase i dont know how to say it, the motto of the game is that you cant win, because you are fighting against destiny)

How does it feel to know... that you can't win?
No matter how hard you try... you can't escape...
It is written... you can't change it...


(and then we are supposed to start the description)

Destiny Chronicles is a Visual Novel and a League of Legends battle based RPG game.
Genre: Roleplay, Fantasy, Romance, Horror


(im gonna be honest with you guys, i dont know how to start, so im telling you a part of the story to you can help me create one)

(So it is a normal town alright, the main character is an student that likes to play online games with his friend, so then one day strange things start happening there, murders, assasinations, uhm disapearings?, and nobody knows whos behind.
In one moment, you figure out whats happening and you will try to stop this, it is a very good reason to do it.
I was thinking here in a welcome to the destiny cinema, the people want enterteinment.
You must train your soul with the help of a weird guy at the Destiny*s Cinema, its like the central place of the game, this place only happens on your mind.
This weird guy enjoy watching tragedies at the cinema, and he is watching you all the time, he says he enjoys the movies much more when they last long, so he is helping because of that.
And then you got to asemble a group of friends to fight against this things, demons. You got to watch their back all the time because this game is a bloody one.
And each choice/desicion you make in the game, will change to course of the story, so for example, if youre always flirting with a girl, and then that girl watchs you chatting with another, she will be mad, and maybe she try to fight her or leave you, and in the worst of the cases, killing her, or killing herself.
Another example is to choose to stay fighting with an ally, or run. If you stay maybe you can save him, or die with him, but you will leave your others friends that were running)




If you need more details im here all the time.

Marrend
Guardian Ghost of the Description Thread
20541
@Evaan:
...battles based on League of Legends...

I'm afraid I have zero knowledge of that game, so this tells me nothing about how the game plays. As for everything else, my suggestion is as follows:

<insert protagonist's name here?> is a student that enjoys playing online games with friends. It is a quiet, normal life. Then, one day, news of murders and disappearances seem to come out of nowhere.

Looking for solace amongst the chaos arises Destiny Cinema. <Protagonist> is no different in this regard. There, he/she meets a peculiar individual that enjoys watching tragedies. Cryptically saying that your tragedy might be the best one to watch, he says he will help <Protagonist>.

<Protagonist> wakes in a cold sweat. Was it all just a dream? The morning news spouts of murders and disappearances. Those are real. However, when attempting to find Destiny Cinema, there are no results. It does not actually exist. What is going on? What is going to happen?
Yess, that is what i need! thaaanks! and the protagonist has no name, it is the Player, but i guess i can put him a name, and let the players choose too.

and can you please fix this features? they are so bad.

- Choose from over 15 League of Legends starting characters.
- Gain experience, levels, learn unique Magics, techniques, and unleash your champion' maximum potential.
- Meet people, friends, enemies, and others.
- Build relationships with them.
- Play in tournaments, contests and all kinds of events.
- Fight powerful Bosses and Minions.
- More than 15 different endings, Bad endings, Endings, Good endings, and the REAL ENDING.





Marrend
Guardian Ghost of the Description Thread
20541
author=Evaan
the protagonist has no name, it is the Player, but i guess i can put him a name, and let the players choose too.

In that case, you can probably replace instances of "<Protagonist>" with "you", and be okay.

author=Evaan
and can you please fix this features? they are so bad.

- Choose from over 15 League of Legends starting characters.
- Gain experience, levels, learn unique Magics, techniques, and unleash your champion' maximum potential.
- Meet people, friends, enemies, and others.
- Build relationships with them.
- Play in tournaments, contests and all kinds of events.
- Fight powerful Bosses and Minions.
- More than 15 different endings, Bad endings, Endings, Good endings, and the REAL ENDING.

I don't particularly care for feature-lists, if only because they always seem to make the same points. Anyway, maybe something like...

  • Choose from over 15 starting characters, each inspired by League of Legends!

  • Learn unique magics and techniques to unleash the potential of your characters!

  • Meet interesting characters! Build relationships with them, if you so choose!

  • Play in tournaments or more casual contests!

  • Battle against powerful foes!

  • Over 15 different endings, including various "bad" endings, "good" endings, and one "real" ending!

...that?

*Edit: I dunno. The point about bosses/enemies is kinda generic in both versions, to be perfectly honest! Also, if players get stuff for participating in tournaments, a note about what the rewards might be could be useful.


Yessss! thank you so much Marrend, im updating the post right now and hoping for good news.

This game is going to be epic!
Here is a description for my game. What could be wrong with it?

"Brother and sister turn on magic lamp of their grandmother and fell into strange crazy dimension. They can not die here, but every wrong action drive them into beginning of their journey. Can they find the way to their home or stay in this world forever?
This is not a real game. It is just a short interactive animation, where you can make some choices. There is only one ending. Can you find it?

Use the arrow keys to choose action. "

Marrend
Guardian Ghost of the Description Thread
20541
My suggestion to that would be...

A brother and sister come upon an old lamp that once belonged to their grandmother. Upon trying to use this foreign-to-them devise, they find themselves falling into another dimension. Here, they cannot die, but, are put back to where they started, and find themselves forced to overcome what challenges they faced all over again.

...that, or something like it. Also, the gameplay you are describing sounds to me like a visual novel.

Aside: It seems to me that, given what I'm reading, it's only really a matter of time until the player figures out which choices are the "right" ones, and these kids get home. Which I largely assume to be the one ending that you mention. Though, I could be utterly wrong on that point.
nhubi
Liberté, égalité, fraternité
11099
Another variation

A brother and sister stumble upon an old lamp that belonged to their grandmother and unknowingly activate it. Finding themselves trapped within an alien dimension they must try to find their way home, and although they soon discover that they cannot die every wrong choice they make transports them back to the beginning of their journey. Will they be forced to wander this unknown world forever, or can they discover the right path to lead them home?


I'm with Marrend on this, it seems like the gameplay would be a simple case of attrition, each wrong choice revealing the right one until the player is left with a final run where not only do they know the answers they've been over the route multiple times. You may want to look at that pretty closely because unless you offer a bit of variety or the choices are intuitive you may run into a bit of player frustration.
My description says this You Go on a quest as a boy named ninjadeath and Kid Death Trys to Find Kaneki,A Ghoul, And stop him From Hurting Anyone Play PT 1 of Tokyo Ghoul:Destiny Children To save Akira And Shirigaia! Hurry and save them Or You Might die in the process

FEAR GOING THROUGH YOUR VEINS

play this horror/Action game I spent along time and tryed hard finishing my 2nd RPG
in The Action/Horror Genre Terror Evil And Deaths all Happening through you!

SAD STORIES

Im very sorry my english isnt good im Japanese so my puncuation wasnt righeit(i think thats how you spell it)
i think
nhubi
Liberté, égalité, fraternité
11099
The RpgMaster9303, we're probably going to need a bit more information before we can help. Can you confirm a few things?

The game is called Tokyo Ghoul:Destiny Children.
The hero is a boy named Ninjadeath.
The villain is Kaneki, who also happens to be a ghoul.

Is that right?

Also,
Who are Akira And Shirigaia?
Who is Kid Death?
Is the game set in Tokyo, and if so modern or historical?
What is the gameplay? Is it a race against time, are you trapped somewhere, is it a rescue mission?

Game descriptions have a minimum length and content requirement and yours needs some more information before it can meet those.
Got denied twice because of grammatical errors, and now i'm asking for help. Somebody :(
Here's my description:

"If the world is coming to an end...
then so be it"

STORY:
Angel lives alone with an obsession about solitude. He has no goals or purposes ahead of him, he lacks that what an average human has. As time flows by changing
everything, it seemingly leaves Angel alone until all the other people in his small town mysteriously disappear. Even though he likes the silence and emptiness it gives, Angel knows he will be the one to fix things right.

NOTE:
Angel Key has 2 episodes, and both have 1 ending. The game does not have jumpscares and is not scary, but for the best experience, play in a dark room by yourself.

TRANSLATOR: Blurry Mind
Special thanks to Jimmy Brouwers for helping me with the grammar. :)
nhubi
Liberté, égalité, fraternité
11099
OK try this

If the world is coming to an end...then so be it.

Angel lives alone and that's the way he likes it. He's never sought the company of others and prefers to be left alone to follow his solitary and aimless pursuits. The world going on outside his door is a necessary evil, but he wants little to do with it. He knows he's not like other people, but he's never cared what everyone else does, as long as they leave him alone.

It seems he's been granted his wish.

Recently everyone in his small town have mysteriously disappeared, and though he enjoys the solitude and silence this brings, he knows it isn't right. Against his own desires he has to set out to try and discover what happened to the townspeople and find a way to bring them home.

Note: Whilst Angel Key is a horror game it does not employ jumpscares or similar tactics, for the best experience play in a dark room by yourself.

TRANSLATOR: Blurry Mind
Special thanks to Jimmy Brouwers for helping me with the grammar. :)

You may want to include a passage like

'Investigating the abandoned homes of his neighbours he sees no sign of an organised departure, it's as if they simply vanished in the midst of their lives.'

in between 'he knows it isn't right.' and 'Against his own desires' to give an idea that this is something extraordinary and worth investigating. Of course that has to be something that happens in the game for that passage to work, and I was extrapolating from given information, it may not play out that way.
Hi nhubi, thank you so much for taking time editing my description. I thought you would fix "grammatical errors" in the description, but seems like you... rewrote everything thing. I appreciate your help, but i don't know if i would use it. It's just... too much detail, and it's not really my style.
nhubi
Liberté, égalité, fraternité
11099
That's fine, this thread is here to offer suggestions, it's up to you if you choose to use them. I should say however that without some form of hook or detail you may get your page accepted, but you probably won't get a lot of players without giving them a reason to play.


If you want a straight up fix then here you go

Angel lives alone an consumed by his obsession about with solitude. He has no goals or purposes ahead of him and he lacks that what which an average human has. - What is it he is lacking? Compasion? Understanding? Emotion? Family? Relationships? Ambition? You need to indicate the area that is lacking here.

As time flows by on changing everything, it seemingly seems to leaves Angel alone until all the other people in his small town mysteriously disappear. Even though he likes the silence and emptiness it this gives brings, Angel knows he will be the one to fix set things right.


Not sure what it is he is trying to set right though. Given his dislike of other people a town without anyone else in it would be something he would consider to be right for him. You need to explain why he would want to 'fix' things, and how he 'knows' he's going to be the one to do it.

Good Luck.
Awesome. Thank you so much, nhubi.
And... yeah, just like i said, way too much detail is not what i really wanted, at least in this case.
The month is April 3rd the year is 1580. and
a new breed of humans have been born on the
Earth. humans with marks on them marks of holy wings.
they are all different races. however they are
hated by the unmarked people of
Lake wood and other Places of the world
you start you're story as a young man named
Chris and His younger sister named Ashley.
you are only two of the marked ones so far.
however there are more like you in the world.
and you must find them and team up to stop a
mad man named Black Dragon that wants to
destroy all the marked one's of the land.
Black Dragon is the leader of a group
of men called the black knights of Shadow Law
that wants to Corrupt the world. and take
away all that is holy left on earth.
you must hold on and do not give up the
power in you're hart. Because you are
now Outcast's. the end of the world is close
and race does not matter.