LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

Posts

Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@vishi221: Off the top of my head, I would suggest something more like...

The world is divided between the hunters and the hunted. Those that are hunted are just regular people. These are the men and women that fight against the hunters as best they can. Those that hunt are super-human. These are the men and women that show no emotion, murder without reason, able to summon grotesque monsters, not to mention being physically stronger than regular humans by far. The one disadvantage they have is that curse that they bear only allows them to live 18 to 19 years.

Rento is a 14-year old hunter that a group of people manage to capture. With an experimental procedure, they used a "seal ring" to erase the memories of his past, and possibly make him closer to human. Shortly after, Rento joined the group, and even made a few friends, despite the apparent fear they had of him. Together, they represent the best hope this world has.


...this? I mean, I imagine the folks that captured Rento would be exceptionally apprehensive to accept him, even with this "seal ring" thing on him.
Snowcacau
My game is pending wet?
25
LOL this gonna help me so much!
I'm brazilian, so my english is very... bad :P



Preview
Being straight, this game it's a reboot and crossover of games what I made years ago. This project and the games are of my team, Dreamer Mockingbird Studios.

The game it's in portuguese/english.

Story Telling

The story envolves the Yin-Yang concept: a two forces equilibrium. But in Bushukin, the forces are Life and Death, and he demonstrates the break of them.

Life and Death remains in equilibrium?

Exist two "Manzon" planets. The first it's full of life and naturally rich. And the second, only shows death and ruins. Both planets connects each other, balancing the humanity destiny.

According to legends, when the force of one planet shows more power, breaking the equilibrium, anyone can subsist or die. The game tells the history of Ravi Seitelf, a young man who is Bushukin (a human what can use elemental magics to fight) and can enter in the second Manzon to kill the monsters and creatures of the planet, inside a one hour.

Systems
  • Ferquente use of the Parallax Map technique
  • Linear game, with oldschool Adventure and RPG games characteristics
  • CMS and ABS systems
  • Elemental Gems (Weapon ATK and form evolution)
  • Launcher programmed with the software Delphi 7

Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@Snowcacau: I'm not sure what you mean by "subsist or die", but, my general take on that might look something like...

Some believe in a balance of good and evil. For the Bushukin, the balance is between life and death. Know, then, of two "Manzon" planets. One vibrant, full of life, and plentiful resources. The other, aught but death, decay, and ruins.

Legends speak of such a time as this when one planet so overshadows the other in terms of life. With this equilibrium broken, it is said anyone can find a way to live immortal, or die suddenly. Ravi Seiteif is a Bushukin from the first Monzon. With his skills, he seeks to realign the equilibrum between the two Monzons.

Systems, Features
  • Linear game, with old-school adventure/RPG characteristics

  • Custom menus

  • Action Battle system

  • Elemental Gems (Weapons ATK and form evolution)

  • About an hour of gameplay


Personal asides
This game is a reboot, and cross-over, of games I made years ago. You may visit my team's website, Dreamer Mockingbird Studios, for more information.

This game is Portuguese/English.

...this?
Snowcacau
My game is pending wet?
25
@Marrend
I meant survive or die, and in the story nobody gonna be immortal XD Sorry

Well I edited a litte the text e.e

Some believe in a balance of good and evil. In Bushukin, the balance is between life and death. Know, then, of two "Manzon" planets. One vibrant, full of life, and plentiful resources. The other, aught but death, decay, and ruins.

Legends speak of such a time as this when one planet so overshadows the other in terms of life. With this equilibrium broken, it is said anyone can survive, or die suddenly. Ravi Seiteif is a Bushukin from the first Manzon. With his skills, he seeks to realign the equilibrum between the two planets.

Systems, Features
  • Linear game, with old-school adventure/RPG characteristics
  • Custom menus
  • Action Battle system
  • Elemental Gems (Weapons ATK and form evolution)
  • About an hour of gameplay

Personal asides
This game is a reboot, and cross-over, of games I made years ago. You may visit my team's website, Dreamer Mockingbird Studios, for more information.

This game is Portuguese/English.

The text have errors yet?
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
I would suggest linking to your team's facebook page when you mention the website. Otherwise, the sentence...

With this equilibrium broken, it is said anyone can survive, or die suddenly.

...seems a bit awkward to me. I'm kinda thinking...

With this equilibrium broken, one is as likely to survive and thrive as it is to die suddenly, and without warning.

...this might be better as far as how the sentence flows.
author=Marrend
@vishi221: Off the top of my head, I would suggest something more like...

The world is divided between the hunters and the hunted. Those that are hunted are just regular people. These are the men and women that fight against the hunters as best they can. Those that hunt are super-human. These are the men and women that show no emotion, murder without reason, able to summon grotesque monsters, not to mention being physically stronger than regular humans by far. The one disadvantage they have is that curse that they bear only allows them to live 18 to 19 years.

Rento is a 14-year old hunter that a group of people manage to capture. With an experimental procedure, they used a "seal ring" to erase the memories of his past, and possibly make him closer to human. Shortly after, Rento joined the group, and even made a few friends, despite the apparent fear they had of him. Together, they represent the best hope this world has.


...this? I mean, I imagine the folks that captured Rento would be exceptionally apprehensive to accept him, even with this "seal ring" thing on him.

Because he lost his power and the memories , he has nothing , the people won't worry about him and in game will mention it
And thank you very much for help my description
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
They may not have to worry that he won't turn against them, thanks to the seal ring. However, I figure some will probably retain some manner of... prejudice? Can we call it that?
Jon Will Navidson's mind is split apart in a dream they had.
One a female, the other a gender confused male.
As the game progresses there minds are split apart further.
You must guide Jon and his proxies though a dangerous and confusing world.
Where people seem to know you, but you do not know them.

***

Control 2 players at once.
Each has up to 5 proxies that you must control too.
This is done by randomly assigning a value between 1-5 to the proxies
every step of then game.

So it may be something like 1-1-4-3-2
Another random number value is generated every step.
In this case it's 1.
So two proxies would accept the movement you made.

~25 min long
No RTP is used.
Custom music/audio.


Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Off the top of my head, Xoe, I would go something like...

Jon Will Navidson's mind has been split. One personality is that of a female. The other is that of a gender-confused male. Even as these personalities drift apart from each other, the player guides Jon's proxies through their subconscious. Will the two personalities ever come to terms with one another?

The player controls the proxies that may help get the two personalities to get along, but are never in direct control of the proxies. The player programs their movements, and assigns them numbers. By example, if players assigns 1-1-4-3-2, and the AI "rolls" a "1", the first two proxies will move as ordered.

...this. Though, I must admit to being a more than a little unsure about the latter half? I'm also a little unsure as to the proper pronoun to use for Jon. I use the phrase "their subconscious", as "they" (and it's variants) seems the right pronoun to use in case of multiple personalities.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
author=MattMats via https://rpgmaker.net/forums/topics/21145/
Hi,
I'm Matt and currently I'm producing Grain.
I have made a little game description for it and I will post the tumblr-links here,
so that the page won't be overloaded. (You need to open them in a new tab)

The world of Grain
http://65.media.tumblr.com/29a48b255b86617f1ab9e0b34abee1aa/tumblr_oa5vgeLFoT1v3hba9o1_r2_1280.png

Stop right there. Stash the "characters", and "enemies" sections into a new tab. Or as a media object with your game description image. I'm pretty sure both of these options aren't available until after a gamepage is accepted. The other images in that post can probably be set up as game images.

As for the text of your description (I do not consider it my job to criticize the images therein)...

Grain is about Tear, a prisoner that has fled from Schwarzminen, and his firends. After he breaks out, and sees the outside world that was long denined him, he sets out to explore.

The world of Grain is a fragile one. A world where survival comes first above all else. As if the air pollution was bad enough, there are also and phantoms make the world even more dangerous than it already is! Yet, there are those that keep their lands safe from these threats. The sheep can live peacefully under their shepherd's protection as it were.

Nevertheless, let us keep in mind the more comfortable and colorful aspects. Our little friend is already getting afraid!

...this is what I'm going to suggest for you. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to suggest with that last sentence. I suppose the overall context might be that somebody in-game is telling you this, but, the speaker is unidentified, or otherwise not important?

*Edit: I dunno. It starts off with "Grain is about Tear". Which seems to suggest a more third-person perspective. As in, it's being told to us by somebody that merely observes the events in question, has very little to do with it, and has no personal stake it it's telling. Whereas the very last sentence sounds more like a second-person perspective. It was spoken by somebody who exists in that world, was a part of whatever's happening, and has no qualms telling you their version of the truth (regardless of how true it actually is).

*Edit2: Optionally, it should be one perspective, or another. Not that I have a more appropriate suggestion for "Our little friend is already getting afraid!" at this juncture.
Tittle:
Kingdom Hearts: Choice

A small side-project of mine, that is beginning to take strength thanks to the help of some awesome people.

What is the story?

The story takes place just after Kingdom Hearts 2, but before Kingdom Hearts DDD and becomes an AU from that point onwards,

Light and Darkness are supposed to be on balance, and the story would show you what happens when either side gains to much strength, you'll play with Sora, Riku and Kairi in this adventure, the three of them had one job, search for those who had been hurt by the plans of a madman a decade ago.

You'll fight Heartless, Nobodies and even some people that seemed lost.

What will it have?
It's going to use the SV battle system from RPGMV engine, the use of a lot of Yanfly scripts that make the game more dynamic and hopefully enjoyable.
Challenging game.
Quest System with Rewards.

And more.
So please enjoy.

Credit:

Yanfly awsome Plug-Ins
McAshe awsome Art
Of course Square Enix as the original game and saga is theirs.


I know it needs some work so please a little help.
Jon's totally a dude, just a gender confused dude. so "He"
However, will the female, take over?

Ugh. I'll rework it making some notes and stuff and writing stuff.

***

a noble goal;
One day, impress Marrend with a solid game description.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@Xoe: Calling Jon "him" seems fair enough to me, but, I'm certainly no expert in such matters.

@emelian: I'm not particularly familiar with the Kingdom Hearts series, but, my suggestion for you might be something like...

Set between the events of Kingdom Hearts 2 and Kingdom Hearts DDD, Kingdom Hearts: Choice puts players in the familiar shoes of Sora, Riku and Kairi.

Light and Darkness are supposed to be in balance, and this story shows what may happen if one side gains too much strength. The task the three heroes are given is to search out those that have been hurt by a madman affected by this imbalance a decade after the fact.

Features
  • Side-view battles

  • Challenge at every corner

  • Quests with relevant rewards

  • ...AND MORE!



...this? I must admit to not really knowing what you mean by "...and becomes an AU from that point onward", but, I'm trying not to dwell on that too much.
How about this?

Inside the Deep NetField, Jon Will must find himself.
Using the power of his dreams.
You must guide Jon Will, and defeat the demons inside his mind.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@Xoe: I would suggest something more like...

Inside the deep NetField, Jon Will must find himself. Using the power of his dreams, players guide him, and defeat the demons inside his mind.


...this. It's a bit on the short side, though! Unless... you were seeking help with a short description?

*shrugs*
Need some help with this game description improvement ....

Game Description:
An "Open World" Role Playing Game with a unique and intense episodic story telling. Game is divided into 2 Acts each act contains 6 Chapters or (Episodes). Every Chapter Unlocks a set of missions related to the chapter.

The open world is divided into several islands and some of the islands are locked at the beginning of game they will be unlocked as you make progress in the game. Once a map is unlocked it will remain unlocked and accessible throughout the game. Free roam during missions is possible. You can wander on islands buy new businesses, build relationships with people. There are 50+ resources hidden in the world. These resources can be combined together to form "blueprints". 5000+ combinations are possible. You can also sell these Blueprints. There are a total of 8 "Personality" Skills in the game. Increasing certain skills will cause a permanent change in player’s personality like than person is likely to engage in more fights if the "Aggression" skill has increased to certain limit. (Updated)

Story Preview:
"You were a billionaire once owner of software Developer Company "Regenerate". The software "Regenerate" is capable of regenerating software's in case of an attack from computer virus. Some strange things started happening when one day you wake up in the meeting room of your company and you don't remember how you ended up there. After office hours when you are about to go home you end up in an accident and you wake up in the same meeting room as before. This situation repeats for 3 days leading to the death of your close ones and you winding up in a psychiatric hospital."

Game Features:
- Open World
- Day/Night Time System
- Dynamic Weather System
- Character Development
- Skill System
- Battle System
- 50+ Resources
- Resources Meshing
- 2 Currencies (cash and research)
- More than 26 Missions
- Business Development System "purchase lots start business and increase your daily income."
- Education System (in game college "you can take admission, if you like")
- Extensive in game story mission
- Real time cut scenes
- And much more.

Platforms:
Windows
Mac
Android
iOS
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
My general thought is to put the story first, then talk about how the game is divided, then the feature-list. As for other suggestions for improvement, my take on the story is...

You are a billionaire, and owner of a software developing company. Your company's latest software, Regenerate, is capable of restoring a computer's software in case of a virus.

You find yourself in a meeting room one day with no particular memory of what the meeting was about, or how you even got there. Trying to shrug it off, you go home only to get into an accident. Rather than going to a hospital, you regain consciousness in the meeting room. This repeats itself three more times, and leads to even more tragedy with each iteration, with the death of those close to you, and winding up in a psychiatric hospital.

...this. As for how the game is divided, my thoughts are along...

This game is an open-world RPG with unique and intense storytelling. The game is sub-divided into 2 Acts, each Act containing 6 Chapters (or Episodes).

The world itself is divided into several islands, some of which are inaccessible until later in the game. The free-roaming elements include buying businesses (you're a billionaire, after all), and building relationships. There's over 50 collectibles that can be found. With the right blueprints, they can be combined, with over 5000 possible results.

You may also pick up various personality traits in the game. Increasing certain traits will change the player's personality, and how others react. For example, ranks in the "Aggression" trait may cause you to engage in more fights.

...these lines?

*Edit: The feature-list itself... well, it's mostly okay, but I can suggest a few fixes. Such as...

- Open world
- Day/Night system
- Dynamic weather system
- Character development
- Skill system
- Battle system
- 50+ resources
- Resources meshing
- 2 Currencies (Cash and research)
- Over 26 missions
- Business development system (Purchase start-up business and increase your daily income.)
- Education System (Use the in-game college to learn new skills.)
- Extensive in story missions
- Real time cut scenes
- And much more.

...this?
Thanks, Thumbs up! This is perfect!
Can I hire you to revise and improve my game script?? :-)
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
author=orbit93
Can I hire you to revise and improve my game script?? :-)

I have done as much on a voluntarily basis not too long ago. Though, to be fair, it was for a person I kinda knew. It was quite a slog to go through, honestly, and, you'll have to forgive me for this, I'm not quite up to doing that again any time soon.
Need some help with the punctuation of my description :D

Hello there today i present you Pokemon Raygeki.

Straight from the rules in this order:

"Show what you're using to make your game"
I am using the Pokemon Essentials GS Kit by Comboy to make this game
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=349305

"An introduction to your project"
Well, some time ago i though about making a GSC styled Fangame for Pokemon since Gen 2 has been my favourite Gen since i played all 3 of them. First it started out to be a hack based on Pokemon Ruby, but later on i decided to devel it Pokemon Essentials. After i found out there even is a Kit for it i started using it and started to re-learn all the stuff i gotta do.

"The plot and back-story of the game"
"Welcome to Raygeki. Our major is proud to welcome you to our homeland, and we hope you will enjoy your stay." This story has nothing to do with the original Pokemon G/S/C games! You and your mother have traveled to the Raygeki Region. Your new home is Zeron Town, a quiet and calm place. This is also where you get your first pokemon from Professor Oak, who happens to be there, Since you graduated, you have been promised to get a Vulpix... and you're getting it today! Meanwhile, Team Rocket has also appeared in the Region to steal some Pokemon, and perhaps even legendary Pokemon who watch over this Region. You think the Police is going to stop them? You couldn't be more wrong, as the Police and the entire government are corrup; you will have to fight against the law! Meanwhile, the new Gyms have opened their doors, and even the Elite Four have arrived.. Are you strong enough to take them all out? And who is this mysterious person you keep running into, and what is he up to? The Raygeki Region has a lot to offer, and now's the time to find out what!

"A list of features"
All of the features which Comboy put into his kit aka:
- Modified resolution and graphic coordinates for GBC visual accuracy.
- "Day-Morning-Night" tile swap system, according to the time in the computer.
- More than 300 battle moves animations (Repeated for some of them).
- A complete source of graphics and some music/sound effects from the original Gen 2 games, and even "devamped" front and back Pokémon fan sprites from Treecko to Genesect, including their alternate forms.
Credit goes to COMBOY for all of this stuff

"Progress report"
So far about 0.8% has been done, yeah it's still early in devolpement.

Want to help improving this Game?

Here are some things i offer as help for this!

- Mappers (I already do mapping, but i mean teamwork is the solution to a really good map)
- Scripters (I know about basic stuff, including battles but another Scripter wouldn't hurt
- Eventual someone who can loop Music (I can't seem to get them loops right..)

"Credits"

POKéMON ESSENTIALS
was created by:

Flameguru
Poccil (Peter O.)
Maruno

With contributions from:

AvatarMonkeyKirby
MiDas Mike
Boushy
Near Fantastica
Brother1440
PinkMan
FL.
Popper
Genzai Kawakami
Rataime
Harshboy
SoundSpawn
help-14
the__end
IceGod64
Venom12
Jacob O. Wobbrock
Wachunga
KitsuneKouta
xLeD
Lisa Anthony
and everyone else who helped out


"POKéMON ESSENTIALS GS"
was created by:

COMBOY


3rd, 4rd & 5th generation POKéMON
devamped sprites made by:

COMBOY
DarkDoom3000
Koolboyman
AkaiIsamu
Neslug
NICKtendo DS
Wes
pokekoks
Mighty Jetters
Alpha Six
Jeremy
Lockerz102
JoshR691
Koopaul
Parasect047
Ike
ClawedNyasu
Layle
SengirDev
Devicho


Special thanks to:

THE SPRITERS RESOURSE
Maruno
FL.
Umbreon
Pia Carrot
kcgcrazy
mej71
out written
kiedisticelixer


"RPG MAKER XP" by:

ENTERBRAIN