LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

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Edites for my new presentation with your conseil @Marrend :



You play as Soren, a young man with a strong personality who would like to join the prestigious army of Asmil order.
While everything was going as planned, he was the victim of a malicious lie that would have a serious impact on his future.
At the same time, Payne, the elected Valhsin, approaches the island of our hero to complete her pilgrimage.
Their fate will intersect by the greatest of chances and push them to unite to accomplish their original purpose.

Follow the adventures of Soren who is accompanied by Payne on the Isle of Wullsa. Discover the rich world of A lost dreamer!​




> Many custom resources
A team comprised of a pixel artist, an illustrator, a writer and a composer to bring you original and unique content.

> The exploration world ​​
An island with more than 250 maps, vast places and landscapes without any loading times. Each map is linked to each other.

> A living world
Many secondary scripted quests.

> And many other things
A bestiary created entirely by our artist pixel.
A Ost created entirely for the game. Multiple choices of dialogue with all their consequences in more or less long terms.
Several alternative ends
A talents tree inspired by Final Fantasy 10


More features to come as the game is still in progress
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20073
I don't have too many issues with the feature list. The text of the synopsis is fine. However, the formatting of it looks like each sentence has a hard return at the end. Such is not necessary, as the site has it's own word wrap. It should probably look more like...

You play as Soren, a young man with a strong personality who would like to join the prestigious army of Asmil order. While everything was going as planned, he was the victim of a malicious lie that would have a serious impact on his future. At the same time, Payne, the elected Valhsin, approaches the island of our hero to complete her pilgrimage. Their fate will intersect by the greatest of chances and push them to unite to accomplish their original purpose.

Follow the adventures of Soren who is accompanied by Payne on the Isle of Wullsa. Discover the rich world of A Lost Dreamer!​


...this. As something of a heads-up, I understand that descriptions that use hard returns when none were necessary have been denied on the basis of how the site is formatted on mobile devices, and what-not. Keep that in mind if you make further edits.
Dear, forum.

My game was denied because of my description.

Here’s the link : https://rpgmaker.net/games/10510/

And here’s the description:

Hi everyone. This is my hobby project where I made it dedicated to my friend where we made our own crossover animation. So, this is S&H : Excellect Adventure.

https://youtu.be/6gnqf-c5RRo
https://youtu.be/28s7YmzaFVk


Me and my friend Alex (not a forum member here) made animations on goanimate.com but I quit. I have unfinished crossover story and so, here, the RPG Maker engine by Kadokawa Game.

STORY

Suzuki left his village of Ka-Ge and his family (a wife and an adopted daughter) but Harris (OC by It’s A Trapp Production) travelled time using “time machine” and stop Suzuki from leaving his family. He ignored Harris and show Suzuki’s true color. Harris also ignore Suzuki’s reason but suddenly, Harris’ “time machime” activated remotely. He tried to stop it but too late, they travelled to another world. Redrum City. They caught themselves into underground crime gang that runs the city. Will they able to go back their own home?

GENRE - RPG with CTB Battle System

FEATURE: Yanfly's Act. Seq., Voice Over, Neon

REASON I MADE THIS GAME

1) I want to finish my unfinished story that I made with my friend Alex.
2) For study. Thanks to everyone that inspire me to buy the engine and start creating the game.
3) To learn my mistakes. My first problem is that I made story spontaneously + lazy.
4) To learn tips and trick (same as 2), terms of use using resouses and whose to be credits.
5) What I can do other things with RPG Maker MV. I used Procreate to redesign something.

CREDITS
Yanfly , SumRndmDde , BaconSmite , FarenhiteGR64 , Strawberry Bubblegum , DreamX , Moghunter, It’s A Trapp Production, Denom, Yuki...


REMINDER/ATTENTION

I felt ashamed that someone ‘stole’ games from rpgmaker.net and publish in itch.io for ransomware trap.

https://rpgmaker.net/forums/topics/23742/

I don’t want this happen for everyone. This place is for fun, not for trap. So, scan virus or ransomware if it does. Play safe, everyone.

p/s: I have this game in itch.io and I published.

Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20073
I might suggest something...

Suzuki was about to leave the village of Ka-Ge and his family before he was interrupted by a man called Harris. The main claimed to be a time traveler, and needed to stop Suzuki. Suzuki had no intention of changing his mind, and thoroughly ignored the man. Harris proved stubborn himself, and ingonred Suzuki's reasoning. As the two argued, Harris' time machine activated remotely. It sent them to another world, completely foreign to either of them. They soon find themselves caught by an underground gang that runs the city they warped into. Will they be able to put aside their differences, and go back home?

Personal Aside
This game started as a compilation of animations with a friend of mine. We've since ceased the activity, but, this game is a dedication to our friendship.


...like this. The part about the game being one of the games that was targeted with the itch.io scandal can be a blog after the gamepage has been accepted. Also, if you want to include that feature-list, go ahead. Though, I'm not sure what you mean when you list "Neon" as a feature?
My game's description
Currently Denied

Hello , Salute, Ohayo ,Bonjour, Bonjorno Salam alikoum ... < _ < First of all, thank you for downloading my first
game made entirely by me on RPG Maker XP that I choose.

My goal : create a good (graphically with varied resources and not basic) short game ( in my opinion a nice and short game is better now than a long and ugly game especially difficult)and simple ( simplistic system of movements that uses objects automatically , for example) and especially scary (yes , I want to make the player sitting in front of his screen eaten with fear)
For fans (I mean by that free) to play for everyone (why not the whole family) I took pleasure in creating it, I hope you like it ^ o "
STORY
Tomoya and Yasmine are two pupils passionated for urban legends and anything related to the paranormal. They are the only members of their club. Because nobody wants to join them, they decided to visit a haunted school and justify certain morbid rumors to increase the popularity of the club.
But what they will discover tonight will give them the scare of their life.
The game has several " jump- scares " (scary pictures that appear suddenly) This is absolutely the charm of my game, For a better experience , play at night, the volume adequate with headphones .
*********** THE GAME IS IN FRENCH **************
Download link here : ************

if there somebody can help to fix my game description, please reply me.....
thank you..........

Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20073
The suggestion that comes to mind would be something alone the lines of...

Tomoya and Yasmine are two students with a passion for urban legends and the paranormal. They attempted to make a club for school, but, did not receive any support. Not to be deterred, they nonetheless visit a school with a background that's just up their alley. The stories of the school being haunted, and morbid rumors surround the place. However, the pair finds that, with this instance, they are in way over their heads.

Personal Aside
First of all, thanks for visiting my humble gamepage! Please be advised that, since this is a horror game, there will be jump scares. It is recommended that you play the game at night with headphones to maximize the ambiance of the game. Also, please bear with me on my English, as I speak/write French for the most part.


...this. If there will be any attempt to make an English translation, maybe that last sentence could read something like...

Also, please bear with my English, as I speak/write French for the most part. That aside, an English translation will be worked on in the future.


...so.
So put official little offtopic but idea for near this? Are you think a "blog" at hints for good it, Marrend? Hmm...
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20073
The original intent of this thread may have been to help with game descriptions. However, I would still consider blogs, skill descriptions, and dialog as inside the scope of this thread. What would be considered outside the scope of this thread is writing assistance across an entire game.
Hi Marrend, it's been a while. :) I need your help ( again >_< ) with this one :


++SETTING++

God Realm refers to highest educational academy in Diaclou Sky Kingdom, resides on the outskirts of Diaclou Island, the largest floating island in the sky. Founded by the First Human, this institution trains candidates in hopes of becoming the Avelions, a group of trained men adept in Elmsh Mantra that combat the Fallen Fairies from Althandr Dimens (Divine World) and Stranded Heroes from Sheidh Dimens (Mortal World). Armed with magic devices and astral armor, the Avelions patrol their respective territories to destroy the enemy that comes from "above" and "under" the sky.

++PLOT++

Lucain Garveil is a Bronze Astral Armor wearer who trains and lives at Teirra Haven, a famous God Realm in Teirra. At the Realm, he learns Elmsh Mantra, a substantial elemental magic in preparation for a team mission : kill Maegarf Thal,a former Avelion who had betrayed the Sky Kingdom and currently leads the Stranded Heroes in the Northern Sky. Rumor says, Maegarf travels in time to fulfill all the Demon Wishes that was written in the Lost Testament, the unbreakable ancient scroll he stole from the Sky Kingdom.

On the other hand, Maegarf Thal, who brings the Lost Testament with him, leads his troops to conquer the city of the deads, Lazim, in the middle of a multi-sided war between the four greatest military forces in the sky. He tries to assert the authority of local religious zealots as he uncovers the secret of Demon Wishes and find the truth behind the murder of Lord Eiriou, former Leader of Stranded Heroes.

Eventually, as the two begin to engage each other more directly, a string of bizzare events related to Lucain and Maegarf begins shaking the entire Sky Islands. A mysterious entity called Zreck Historia that came from the world that lies beyond the sky rift distorts the fate of the two and stretches their credulity to the utmost. The dark one becomes a hope and the holy one brings the ultimate despair...

++FEATURES++

STORY DRIVEN MISSION with ACTIVE CHARACTER SHIFT
You'll play two different groups throughout the main mission and may switch between the two party leaders when you get a flash message. This feature is optional though, as it gives the player the ability to view other perspectives that are happening at the same time elsewhere in the sky continents. You'll have a full-risk decision making based on these perspectives.

ELMSH MANTRA MECHANISM
You can install 361 different Elmsh Stone on your Elmsh Caster device. The stone will grant its user with various Elmsh Mantra that can be used in a battle, or reproduce specific mantra that can only be conjured by a character proficient in that type of mantra spell to interact with object / person outside the battles.

DEEPER STATS BUILD + VIRTUAL TRAINER
You can build unique stats : Leadership, Social Threads, Engineering, etc. You can also do various things to increase these unique stats. For example, to train your Leadership, you have to make the right decision during a mission. You will need to either study or take a class to increase Mantra Power, etc. Your stats are not enhanced through repetitive training, and is only affected by your actions throughout the gameplay.

DAILY ACTIVITIES & CALENDAR SYSTEM
You need to sleep at night to restore your Action Points and have 3 meals per day to keep your AP in a prime regen rate. You'll also find different activities in each city/academy : magic trainings, doing exams & ranking duels, attending special events, gardening (growing plants), part-time jobs and side-missions while not doing your main mission. Most activities will be affected by the time system.


I wrote the game description carefully and yet, I guess it still has a lot of mistakes in it and feels a little bit unpleasant to read. Sorry for a long description. Thanks a lot! :)
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20073
I kinda want to ignore the setting section entirely. It's fluff that players probably don't need to know up front. Though, if I would suggest a re-write, it would look something like...

Diaclou Island is the largest of the floating islands, and God Realm is the best educational facility there. The institution's main focus is in it's Avelion training. Avelions are adept in the Elmish Mantras that combat the Fallen Fairies from the divine world Althandr Dimens, and the Stranded Heroes from the mortal world of Sheidh Dimens.


...that. As for the rest, my thoughts are along...

Lucian Garveil has achieved the title of Bronze Astral Armor, who trains and lives at the God Realm facilities in the Teirra prefecture. As part of his studies, he learns Elmish Mantras in preparation for his team's next mission: to kill Maegarf Thal. Rumors abound that Maegraf travels in time to fulfull the Demon Wishes, as foretold in the Lost Testament.

Even as Maegraf marches toward his goal, Lazim finds himself in the middle of a war between the four greatest military forces of the Sky-islands. He tries to assert the authority of local religious zealots as he uncovers the secret of Demon Wishes, and finds the truth behind the murder of Lord Eiriou, former leader of Stranded Heroes.

As Lucain and Maegarf engage with each other more directly, a bizarre string of events related to the pair begin to shake the Sky-islands. A mysterious entity that came from a world that lies beyond the sky rift distorts the fate of the pair. The dark becomes hope and the light becomes ultimate despair.


Features
-Story-driven missions with active character shifts
You'll play as two different groups throughout the game, and may switch between the two party leaders when you get a flash message. This feature is optional though, as it gives the player the ability to view other perspectives that are happening at the same time elsewhere in the Sky-islands. You'll have a full-risk decision making based on these perspectives.

-Elmish Mantras
There are 361 different Elmsh Stones that can be installed on your Elmsh Caster device. The stones will grant it's user with various Elmsh Mantras that can be used in a battle, or reproduce a specific mantra that can only be conjured/used by a character proficient in that type of mantra/spell to interact with objects, or people outside battle.

-Deeper Stat-build & virtual training
You can build unique stats, such as Leadership, Social Threads, Engineering, etc. You can also do various things to increase these stats. For example, to train your Leadership, you have to make the right decision during a mission. As another example, you will need to either study or take a class to increase Mantra Power. Your stats are not enhanced through repetitive training, and is only affected by your actions throughout the gameplay.

-Daily activities & time management
Sleeping at night will restore your AP, and having three meals a day will keep yout AP recharge rate optimal. You'll also find a variety of activities in each city, or academy. Such activities include magic training, doing exams, ranking duels, attending special events, gardening, part-time jobs or side-missions. Most activities take time, so, suffice it to say, keep watch on what you're doing, and when!


...these lines. More or less.
Thanks a lot!

*Lazim is the name of a city, not a person, so, can I change the sentence like this :

Even as Maegraf marches toward his goal, he finds himself in the middle of a war between the four greatest military forces of the Sky-islands

or this one :

On the other hand, Maegarf Thal who leads the Stranded Heroes, finds himself in the middle of a war between the four greatest military forces of the Sky-Islands.

Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20073
I would tend toward the first option, myself. Though, maybe...

In Lazim, as Maegraf marches toward his goal, he finds himself in the middle of a war between the four greatest military forces of the Sky-islands.


...that might work too?
author=Marrend
I would tend toward the first option, myself. Though, maybe...

In Lazim, as Maegraf marches toward his goal, he finds himself in the middle of a war between the four greatest military forces of the Sky-islands.

...that might work too?

Ah i see. Yes, that worked and pleasant to read. Thanks a lot! :)
author=Slime Quest
This was a game entry in the "Theme Roulette" event. This version includes bug fixes but is not intended to differ substantially from the original.

In the backwaters of a kingdom at war, monsters have arisen unchecked. Monster hunters have stepped in to fill the gap, killing for hire. Follow Anton, an experienced hunter, and Rain, his plucky young assistant, as they undertake an expedition into a wet cave north of Laravelle to eliminate a local menace. Perhaps they'll find evidence of the missing Princess and claim a bonus as well?

(Spoilers)
Or you will kill and eat them to learn their knowledge. Decide for yourself who deserves to live and die in this world. Perhaps you want to escape and find a safer place to live out in the wilds. Perhaps you have higher ambitions, or you'll absorb a soul and learn to become her.


In this game, there are three playable characters:
  • Anton, the monster hunter
  • Rain, the rogue
  • Shalath, the sentient slime


This game was an experiment in the "choice and consequence" genre, a lot of dialogue is varied depending on what you have done beforehand. This is tracked through the game and feeds into some of the nine endings.


Here are two ways a conversation could go, depending if you attempted to disguise yourself or rocked up looking like a monster.

Hints and walkthroughs to obtain the other endings are available in the endgame summary after obtaining any ending.

Shalath has some unusual abilities both in and out of combat:
  • Divide yourself into multiple slimes with different abilities using "fission"
  • Level up, heal, and learn new abilities by eating
  • Shape-shift to look more or less human, altering NPC reactions

Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20073
Hrm. Well, I would switch this around a bit, so that the story is first. So, more like...

In the backwaters of a kingdom at war, monsters have arisen unchecked. Hunters have stepped in to fill the gap, killing for hire. Anton is one such hunter, and is followed by the young and plucky Rain. They nab a job to explore a cave north of Laravelle, but, they are also on the lookout for evidence of a missing Princess. If they can find her, or some clue, they should be able to snag a bonus!


This game was originally an entry into the Theme Roulette event, which a few touch-ups applied. An experiment in the "choice and consequence" genre, dialogue is varied depending on what players have done, or haven chosen beforehand. The game keeps track of these decisions, and feeds into some of the nine possible endings.

As part of the given theme of "Slime", players can...
-Divide into multiple slimes with different abilities using "fission".
-Level up, heal, and learn new abilities by eating certain objects.
-Shape-shift to look more or less human, altering NPC reactions.

...this, or something like that. The rest of what you have kinda sounds to me more like a blog describing how the game applies/relays it's features, rather than part of the game description, though?
That's better for avoiding having to spoiler the game to write a required story section, thanks.

I also misread the requirements as 500 words not characters(!)
My Game is being denied for grammar an punctuation? Can someone help me our give me some advice, please!





https://rpgmaker.net/manage_games/10619/
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
20073
The link would be "https://rpgmaker.net/games/10619/". However, to paraphrase this post:

Giving a link to a game profile that is not yet accepted will raise a 404 error (ie: the anti-climbing paint page). Please copy-paste your description into your post, and we can go from there!
Better picture begin than put even some spoilers...

Well... is paradox... what it called?
Or are the better rule in that?

Well... Not ask help to me or google to change to your L to eng...
although, that Google get better ( slow...)
( if youre not Usa or Eng or these L user land...)
Coelocanth: the bureaucrat seems to be massively under-reacting to Shalath in her undisguised form. I'm not sure of the finer points of the lore of your world but from what you've written here, it seems like his reaction would be more along the lines of "Agghhh! What the hell is that? What the hell are you? Guards! Guards!" than a mere "No. No I don't think so." (which incidentally needs a period).

Nickdoe420: what is your native language? Someone on the site might speak it and be able to help you write your game description in English. This is a very diverse site in terms of countries of origin, and even though it's English language, I think a plurality of users are bilingual.

EgyLynx: The phrase you were looking for is 'Catch 22' I think. Anyway, same thing I said to Nickdoe420 but I'll try to use simpler words to make it easy. What language do you speak? Someone here might speak both your language and English and be able to help you.