LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

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Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Kenjivn, there's a lot of information there that I don't feel should be on the "front page" of your game. However, from what I can gather, you might want a description kinda like...

What is the magic recipe to make a successful game? The question burned Dang's mind, and went to college to study the matter. However, he eventually discovered that the subject matter was simply not covered in any course. He left in disgust, and found a group called SU NGHIEP that might just have the answers he's looking for!


Features
- Tactical battle system
- Side-questing based on current date, and time of day
- Life-like traffic
- Pet system

-Personal aside
This is based on my own personal experience. Like, I wanted to create a game, so, like our protagonist here, I went to college. However, during that time, I couldn't really learn about how to create. A. Game. So, I decided to leave school and do a bit of self-study on the matter. Hence, this humble attempt!

...this. Though, I get the particular impression that "SU NGHIEP" is some kind of acronym. Or has some other context (either in-game, or otherwise) that I'm not familiar with. I'm not 100% comfortable with a character whose name is "Dang". I mean, it's not "damn", and the profanity (or reference to such) could certainly be worse. However, in the end, it's your game.

*Edit: When I read "The side quests by date and event", I imagined something akin to Persona 4 or Persona 5 where certain Social Links/Confidants where available only during certain "time slots". If that's the kind of thing you're going for, fine. Otherwise, I vaguely suspect that game-time passes on some kind of real-time basis. Which... has it's own issues, in my personal experience (*shakes fist at Radiata Stories* and Idolcraft).
Thank you @Marrend,
When I had submit this game, and then It denied by Reason: Wrong with grammatical issues.
Is the above issues grammatical else thing?
DANG is personal name in Viet Nam. (not like this *** it!).As SU NGHIEP is career synonyms, but can't translate properly if it is translated into english. It's like company (organization)
The story is still in development, I hope to hear more people's comments so that it gets better.
It's entry IGMC 2018
link here: https://uhpdgames.itch.io/out-school
As well, if you feel it is interesting, please vote for it: https://itch.io/jam/igmc2018/rate/327844
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
When I had submit this game, and then It denied by Reason: Wrong with grammatical issues.

That follows. Your initial offering was riddled with such errors, sorry to say.

Is the above issues grammatical else thing?

I'm not 100% sure if you're asking if my suggestion has no errors (it certainly has fewer!), or if you're asking something else that I'm not quite understanding.

DANG is personal name in Viet Nam. (not like this *** it!).As SU NGHIEP is career synonyms, but can't translate properly if it is translated into english. It's like company (organization)

I'll admit that the possibility that "Dang" was a proper name in a different language (Vietnamese or otherwise) did not occur to me. For what it is worth, I apologize. However, if I'm understanding what you're saying about "SU NGHIEP", I dunno.

In my initial suggestion, I said it's a group. However, if the term is synonymous with some kind of career, or organization, it might be able to stay as-is? I might need to know what kind of organization it is to make a better suggestion. Like, if they are some kind of rebel cause, or have no actual official standing, "group" might work. However, if they are a more corporate entity, you might be able to say that he was hired by them, or volunteers for them? It would depend on the circumstances in which he joins their number.

That aside, you probably should mention in the description that the game is a part of the IGMC. So, assuming no other changes, it might look a little bit like...

What is the magic recipe to make a successful game? The question burned Dang's mind, and went to college to study the matter. However, he eventually discovered that the subject matter was simply not covered in any course. He left in disgust, and found a group called SU NGHIEP, that might just have the answers he's looking for!


Features
- Tactical battle system
- Side-questing based on current date, and time of day
- Life-like traffic
- Pet system

Personal aside
This game was made during the 2018 IGMC, and can be found here. Please vote for it here!

This is based on my own personal experience. Like, I wanted to create a game, so, like our protagonist here, I went to college. However, during that time, I couldn't really learn about how to create. A. Game. So, I decided to leave school and do a bit of self-study on the matter. Hence, this humble attempt!

...this.

*Edit: Though, I'm kinda re-considering the sentence, "That is why he left school and joined in the SU NGHIEP team against the Process" a bit. I'm pretty sure "the Process", in this instance, refers to the idea of going to school/college to get a degree, and from there, get a job, and what-not. Hrm.
help pls...
"Description needs some work in the grammar and punctuation areas"
my Description
Tells the story of four young men who wear rings Satanic user armor complete with power in the world because the devil ring, the rings Satanic users make war everywhere, but they don't kill civilians.
However, they were eventually defeated by a legendary magician who could seal the power of the ring when the ring seal successfully then all the armor used by the four lads devastated.
5 years later after the ring seal, and that's when the four rings Satanic it is in use by an evil witch who lives in the black tower, its strength misused so much that it changed the witch humans into monsters, but the youth of the former the wearer of the ring demon decides to save the world from the evil sorcerer, witch one it tumbles and the devil wear ring back to save the world.
But there is one King that use swords legendary swords such as the use of the users can be very powerful.
The King became King of darkness that want to rule the world. But the Efforts in gagalkan by its former wearer of rings Satanic, King of darkness ever succeed in the face of the world and be safe.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
It's certainly garbled and incoherent, sad to say. However, the sense I can make out of it looks a little something like...

Four young men wore Devil Rings, and donned powerful, enchanted armor. They waged war with each other as some kind of sick competition. While civilian casualties were at a relative minimum, their rings and armor were sealed by a legendary magician. So reliant on the power of those artifact, the four men were utterly devastated, laid down their arms, and the land knew a brief peace.

Five years have passed since then. The seal on the rings and armor have been broken. Forces gather to obtain their great power. One is headed by a witch, who lives in a black tower. Another is headed by a sorcerer. A third is headed by a self-proclaimed king of darkness. Even the former bearers of the artifacts, ever obsessed with their power, make an effort to re-obtain them. With war moving with inevitability, the question becomes if the world will ever be safe again.


...this? Though, I feel I could be mistaking, or misinterpreting, a lot of facts here.
Could someone please fix the grammatical mistakes of my description?
Below -V-

"Two brothers have been passing their days in the street since the day their parents died. They lost their parents because of a tragic car accident. After the accident, they lost their home as well. The reason behind losing their home right after the accident occurred is unknown.

The two brothers haven't reached the stage when they can earn money for themselves. They have started spending their life by begging food and staying in the street. It is very difficult for them to survive every day. The difficulty has increased when the evil eyes have made the two brothers apart from each other for a bad intention.

Will they ever know the reason behind losing their home?
Can they escape from those evil eyes?"
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Maybe a little something like...

Two brothers are in dire straits. Not only did they loose their parents due to a tragic car accident, but, they had also lost their home. Nether have a steady job, and end up in the streets, begging for food. They barely scrape by, making little-to-no progress on the mystery of why their house was taken so soon after their parent's death.

Eventually, they sense a force trying to tear them apart. They can feel it watching their every move. How long will they be able to live this way? Will they be able to escape these evil eyes?


...this?
Hey guys, can someone check my game description?

Long time ago, in the Realm of Shengli...
The world entered in a great war: the humans, in the right
side, and the monsters, in the left side.
For hundred of years, they fought each other, provoking
many deaths to humankind.
After a battle to reconquer the middle of the realm, a
period of stability has appeared, and the Monks of
the Enlighted Sun were chosen by the King to scout the
Beiai Mountains.
Some monsters are still in the human territory, but only
the inferior species, that cause no threat to them.
But since our Tale starts and you, monk, start your journey,
the tides flow once again...
CashmereCat
Self-proclaimed Puzzle Snob
11638
author=sedenha
Hey guys, can someone check my game description?
Sure thing, I'll try!

author=sedenha
A long time ago, in the Realm of Shengli...
Our world has entered into a Great War: the humans of the East, and the monsters of the West.
For hundreds of years they have fought each other, provoking many deaths of humankind.
After a battle to reconquer the realm's centre, a period of stability has emerged, and the Monks of the Enlighted Sun have been chosen by the King to scout the Beiai Mountains.
Some monsters still reside in human territory, but only the inferior species that cause no threat to them.
But since our tale has started, and you, monk, have started your journey, the tides have begun to flow once again...

Not sure if that's 100% but I tried. :)
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
I guess I can pitch in a little something-something.

A long time ago, in the Realm of Shengli, the world had entered into the Great War. On one side, humans. On the other, monsters. For hundreds of years, had these two fought. There was a decisive battle for an area in between the two sides saw a era of peace and stability.

You are a monk of the Order of the Enlightend Sun. Your mission, given to you by the King, is to scout the Beiai Mountains. Rumors of monsters in the area, supposedly inferior to the old foes, have surfaced. The tides of history have begun to flow.


author=Marrend
I guess I can pitch in a little something-something.

A long time ago, in the Realm of Shengli, the world had entered into the Great War. On one side, humans. On the other, monsters. For hundreds of years, had these two fought. There was a decisive battle for an area in between the two sides saw a era of peace and stability.

You are a monk of the Order of the Enlightend Sun. Your mission, given to you by the King, is to scout the Beiai Mountains. Rumors of monsters in the area, supposedly inferior to the old foes, have surfaced. The tides of history have begun to flow.

Ooh... much easier to read! Well... not s at all...
I need help fixing the grammar and spelling to my description.

History

The year 2019

Humankind is about to start its 3rd world war.

The year 2020
The war rages on for almost a year until a large object from space crash lands on earth. This event came to be known as the "Chicken Little Effect", after which all the leaders in the world stopped waring with one other and came together to investigate this object and what they found was astounding, this object was, in fact, alien in origin.

The year 2040
Thanks to the discovery of the alien technology humanity entered a new golden age and developed a new form of tech called the Gai-on Gears, humanoid mobile weapons to help protect them from outsiders from beyond the stars, who wish to invade earth.

Year 3013
Humanity as a whole formed the universal union alliance, comprised of a new council of individuals who serve as leaders and representatives of humanity.

Year 4014

Humanity went to explore the stars leaving their home planet behind, leaving it to be nothing more than a memory.

Year 6018

Now that humankind left their home solar system behind, they went off to colonize more than 40% of the galaxy they encountered. Until one day, they found a new home system with six earth like planets called the eden system. It was there that they discovered a new home planet which they named New Gaia. Each member of the council was given reign over one of the six planets within the Eden System.
While they are now an advanced civilization, they each chose to remake their societies like the patriarchy/matriarchy of old.

Year 7014

The Eden System had enjoyed many centuries of peace since the mass exodus of Earth and were on the verge of celebrating their 1st millennium as a united system of planets. However, four years before they could celebrate, a rebel faction emerged on Helion to overthrow the king, Authur Cross. They called themselves the "Vizar Dominion", who wished to spread their influence throughout the Eden System and
shape the six worlds in their image. On the day the Vizar Dominion attacked, King Cross's daughter Lana was to undergo her coronation, marking her as the rightful heir to the Helion Kingdom. Very little could be done to stop the uprising and it was also on that day that Helion lost their queen.

As the war raged on across the planet, Princess Lana joined the U.G.A Taskforce: Pegasus, so that she could retake her kingdom and planet.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
I will suggest...

In the year 2019, a war began. They were calling it World War 3. Thankfully, it wasn't as grandiose as that. A strange object crash-landed on Earth a year after the war broke out, and a temporary truce was called to investigate it.

It was eventually discovered that the object was of alien origin. With the study of the object, it takes Humanity about 20 years to develop the technology of Gai-on Gears - humanoid mobile weapons used to protect Earth from threats from beyond the stars.

In the intervening millennia, the Universal Union Alliance is formed. Akin to the United Nations, it is comprised of a council of individuals who serve as leaders and representatives of humanity. Humanity also reaches the stars, colonizing more than 40% of the Milky Way. One such system was the Eden System, in which each of the six members of the council was given a world to reside upon. Yet, even as technology advances ever onward, the old form of patriarchies and matriarchies were used.

Know, then, that it is the year 7014. Even as the Eden System prepared in celebration of it's anniversary, a rebel faction arose to overthrow the king. The day of their attack was the self-same as the coronation of Princess Lana, the heir to the throne. Her best chance of reclaiming her throne lies with the U.G.A. Taskforce, "Pegasus".

...this. I mean, I don't think players need a specific date-by-date analysis of what transpired before the game "up front" if you will.

Also, I am not sorry for the slight Dune reference ("Know, then, that it is the year 10192.").
Actually, this came out better and i love dune, thank you for the help.
Could someone take a look at the description I've typed up for my new game "Every Vote Counts"?

I haven't submitted it yet but I'd like to know if there's anything which could be improved upon.


Short Summary: A cat has been elected as leader, but is he calling the shots?

A country with a very strange constitution. Due to Amonena's historical laws, a cat has been been elected as their head of state. This has never happened before, but when a single apathetic citizen, with nothing else to do, decided to put forth their pet, as a potential candidate for Prime Minister, well, nothing could be done about it, and nobody cared. Think about it, who'd have so little faith in Amonena's leadership that they'd cast their vote for a feline?

Seems that there were quite a few.

Now, though, things have started to go downhill in the corridors of the government. The deputy Prime Minister, Weston, has now got full control over access to the cat. No one can see the cat, except by Weston's approval. The opposition leader, Penny Bradelgast, has been interviewed on national television about this problem, and the fool who nominated this cat in the first place, has made up their mind to meet her, and try to return things to a state of normality in the politics of Amonena. Of course, they'd never tell Miss. Bradelgast that they were the one who started all this chaos.

It seems that the cat couldn't care less about ruling the country. Weston has held the position of Prime Minister before, but what is he trying to get out of it this time?
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
I'd change to structure a little bit. Break up the second sentence into multiple sentences. So, maybe more like...

This has never happened before. Yet, when a single apathetic citizen, with nothing else to do, decided to put forth their pet as a potential candidate for Prime Minister, there was no protest. No actions, or moves of any kind, to stop it.


...that. I'd also change the sentence that follows...

Who would have so little faith in Amonena's leadership that they would cast a vote for a feline?


...by a smidgen. I'm not 100% certain about the period when referencing "Miss Bradelgast". Like, I know, there is a "Mrs." that can be used as a shortcut for "Misses". At the same time, I don't think "Ms." as a shortcut to "Miss" is right either, considering that there is a "Ms" to delineate a woman of unknown marital status?
Thanks for the recommendations, Marrend.
Could someone please help me with my game's description =/
It has bene denied because some errors.
Here it is, thank you very much:

ABOUT THIS GAME

The World
the story takes place in the Medieval time, where Human, Monsters and Demons are coexisting. Humans live in a fear of becoming Monsters' meal, being killed or kidnapped by Demons. This is the era at which heroes are needed, who will be the one to save the day? Who will stand up, chase away the Evil Forces and bring back the peace in Midgard?

Story
Mel, the orphan girl, who had been adopted by Valleta family is now living with them as their servant. Her life is full of hardship, she gets tormented by Raven - Valleta's only daughter who has twisted mind. One day, a big event happened and change Mel's life.
She got kicked out of Valleta house, she has to go on an inevitable adventure, meet many new friends, together they will face dangerous challenges, dead-or-alive situations.
There is a secret about Mel that she isn’t aware of herself. In every 500 years, there is only one person who can possess the "Perfect Balance" body, the only body that fit to become the vessel for the Demon God - a cruel, evil ancient God who had been sealed away by the almighty Odin with the support of Asgard's Gods thousand years ago...

Key Features
Deck-building: build your own deck to fight against dangerous Enemies, you can choose your own fighting style
Customize Hero Girls' outfit: unlock new Costume and dress our hero girls the way you want
Classic RPG + Action: you can jump to house's roof top, climb up hills, pick/throw/smash stuffs

Version History
v1.0 - initial release
v1.1 - fix Missing UI graphics, crash bug in Gedrosa Map & some minor problems

Credit List (being updated)
Sixth - for the awesome Card System & dynamic Custom Log
BlackMage - for the pretty Battle UI & Enemies' Features
Theo Allen
Mog Hunter
Yanfly
Shaz
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
So, my thoughts on that look a little something like...

The World
The story takes place in a Medieval-like period, where Humans, Monsters and Demons exist. Humans live in a fear of becoming a Monster's meal, and also from being killed or kidnapped by Demons. This is an era where heroes are needed. Who will be the one to save the day? Who will stand up, and chase away the evil forces, and bring back the peace in Midgard?

Story
Mel, the orphan girl, had been adopted by Valleta family, living as a servant. As such, her life is full of hardship, and is often tormented by Raven, Valleta's only daughter who has twisted mind. One day, an event changed Mel's life.

She was forced out of the Valleta house. On one hand, she had nowhere to go. On the other hand, she was free to do as she pleased. She decides to go on a journey, and on this journey, she meets new friends, and will share with them many life-or-death situations.

However, Mel harbors a horrible secret she does not know about, but others might. A cruel, ancient god has been sealed away, and she can be a vessel for his resurrection. Such a thing happens every 500 years, and the forces that seek the freedom of the Demon God have been watching and waiting.

...this, though I suppose I took a few liberties with it. I don't know if version history should be a front-page thing, and I could go either way on the inclusion of credits there. I won't say they shouldn't exist somewhere in the project. They totally should. I just don't know if they should be on the front cover, as it were.