LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

Posts

author=Marrend
So, my thoughts on that look a little something like...

The World
The story takes place in a Medieval-like period, where Humans, Monsters and Demons exist. Humans live in a fear of becoming a Monster's meal, and also from being killed or kidnapped by Demons. This is an era where heroes are needed. Who will be the one to save the day? Who will stand up, and chase away the evil forces, and bring back the peace in Midgard?

Story
Mel, the orphan girl, had been adopted by Valleta family, living as a servant. As such, her life is full of hardship, and is often tormented by Raven, Valleta's only daughter who has twisted mind. One day, an event changed Mel's life.

She was forced out of the Valleta house. On one hand, she had nowhere to go. On the other hand, she was free to do as she pleased. She decides to go on a journey, and on this journey, she meets new friends, and will share with them many life-or-death situations.

However, Mel harbors a horrible secret she does not know about, but others might. A cruel, ancient god has been sealed away, and she can be a vessel for his resurrection. Such a thing happens every 500 years, and the forces that seek the freedom of the Demon God have been watching and waiting.


...this, though I suppose I took a few liberties with it. I don't know if version history should be a front-page thing, and I could go either way on the inclusion of credits there. I won't say they shouldn't exist somewhere in the project. They totally should. I just don't know if they should be on the front cover, as it were.


Thank Marrend, it was so quick and i had never got such a great description
(ノ^ヮ^)ノ*:・゚✧
Here is my description:

The story begins with four ferocious dragons that threatens the future
of Zangia.Demons have also appeared and attacked villages.The
King takes action,summoning three demigods to confront this great
danger.

The encroaching menace of Zangia must face the demigods
in epic battle.Will the demigods come out on top,
or will the dragons emgulf the world in fear.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
First, the site has it's own word-wrap feature. There is no need to insert hard returns, unless the description is supposed to be in the form of a poem. Which I don't believe it is?

Aside from that, I might suggest something like...

Four mighty, ferocious dragons loom on the horizon, threatening the future of Zangia. As if that was not enough, Demons have also taken to attacking it's villages. As an answer, the King summons forth three demigods to confront this danger. The epic battle of demigods against dragons approaches. Will the demigods come out on top, or will the dragons engulf the world in fear?

...this. Though, I note that such a description is only 377 characters, whereas the minimum character-count for descriptions is 500. As a point of comparison, the description you posted here had a count of 366 characters, and would also fall short. There should be something to fill the gap.

If I may ask, what did your initial description look like? I'm, like, 90% sure our system will not let users past the description screen during the initial submission process unless they have at least 500 characters in that text-box. Maybe there was something there that I'm not seeing here to build off of?

*Edit: I'm starting to think there could be an angle in regards to the demigods. I'm largely assuming the demigods are the player-party, and they have to go through tricks, traps, dungeons, and others stuff that can happen to people in RPGs before confronting the Big Boss (ie: the dragons). Maybe, the dragons are literally at the four corners of the world? Maybe they are all in one place? Either way, maybe talk a bit more about this journey to the dragons. What the party has to go through before that epic battle ensues.

*Edit2: Re-attempt based on that thought:
Four mighty, ferocious dragons loom on the horizon, threatening the future of Zangia. As if that was not enough, Demons have also taken to attacking it's villages. As an answer, the King summons forth three demigods to confront this danger.

The epic battle of demigods against dragons approaches. Yet, before the demigods face the dragons, they must face their trials: fiery volcanoes, icy caves, wind-swept cliffs, and great, tall mountains. Will the demigods come out on top, or will the dragons engulf the world in fear?

This is 522 characters, for reference purposes. Maybe I'm a terrible person for using a Four Elements trope, but, it's an example of what you could write to set expectations for how the game might play out without outright saying it.
author=Marrend
First, the site has it's own word-wrap feature. There is no need to insert hard returns, unless the description is supposed to be in the form of a poem. Which I don't believe it is?

Aside from that, I might suggest something like...

Four mighty, ferocious dragons loom on the horizon, threatening the future of Zangia. As if that was not enough, Demons have also taken to attacking it's villages. As an answer, the King summons forth three demigods to confront this danger. The epic battle of demigods against dragons approaches. Will the demigods come out on top, or will the dragons engulf the world in fear?


...this. Though, I note that such a description is only 377 characters, whereas the minimum character-count for descriptions is 500. As a point of comparison, the description you posted here had a count of 366 characters, and would also fall short. There should be something to fill the gap.

If I may ask, what did your initial description look like? I'm, like, 90% sure our system will not let users past the description screen during the initial submission process unless they have at least 500 characters in that text-box. Maybe there was something there that I'm not seeing here to build off of?

*Edit: I'm starting to think there could be an angle in regards to the demigods. I'm largely assuming the demigods are the player-party, and they have to go through tricks, traps, dungeons, and others stuff that can happen to people in RPGs before confronting the Big Boss (ie: the dragons). Maybe, the dragons are literally at the four corners of the world? Maybe they are all in one place? Either way, maybe talk a bit more about this journey to the dragons. What the party has to go through before that epic battle ensues.

*Edit2: Re-attempt based on that thought:
Four mighty, ferocious dragons loom on the horizon, threatening the future of Zangia. As if that was not enough, Demons have also taken to attacking it's villages. As an answer, the King summons forth three demigods to confront this danger.

The epic battle of demigods against dragons approaches. Yet, before the demigods face the dragons, they must face their trials: fiery volcanoes, icy caves, wind-swept cliffs, and great, tall mountains. Will the demigods come out on top, or will the dragons engulf the world in fear?


This is 522 characters, for reference purposes. Maybe I'm a terrible person for using a Four Elements trope, but, it's an example of what you could write to set expectations for how the game might play out without outright saying it.
Okay,thanks also my project was denied,my images sre below site standers.where do I go to get help for that.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
There's two threads specifically made for screenshot feedback. This one is geared more towards people uninitiated with the site, and/or the various RPG Maker engines used. The other one more for advanced users and tend to show more custom graphics (and tend toward harsher feedback) than the other thread. As an aside, this thread includes a list of tutorials for mapping, and taking screenshots, that might be useful in improving your product.

You can also try the #feedback sub-channel on our Discord, if you have/want that. This should be the invite code.
author=Marrend
There's two threads specifically made for screenshot feedback. This one is geared more towards people uninitiated with the site, and/or the various RPG Maker engines used. The other one more for advanced users and tend to show more custom graphics (and tend toward harsher feedback) than the other thread. As an aside, this thread includes a list of tutorials for mapping, and taking screenshots, that might be useful in improving your product.

You can also try the #feedback sub-channel on our Discord, if you have/want that. This should be the invite code.

Thanks a million.
The year is 2145 people of earth are terrorize by cropped law Enforcement the government has covered up human rights Information in labs computers so must be well guarded now you and your friends must become space cadets an uncover lost data and stop this evil organization this is a sci-fi story of a group of friends trying to find there way in the world while becoming Heroes of the solar system
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Well, I can manage...

In 2145, the people of Earth are terrorized. The government is corrupt to the core. It has stripped away all human rights, and clamped down on enforcing it's unjust laws. Information is also incredibly well-guarded. As a group of space cadets, you search the galaxy for lost and forgotten data that might just turn the tide against the maleficent organization the government has become.


...this out of your original text. However, I note that's it's only 386 characters. Which is shy of the mark by 114 characters. I can't really think up much else at the moment, but, there might something that you're not saying about how the game actually plays that could be talked about?

Remember that a description is a means to entice players to get them to play your game. Saying that the game is a sci-fi adventure about a group of friends trying to find their way in the world (Solar system? Galaxy? Universe?) whist becoming heroes in their own right doesn't actually tell players anything interesting, or noteworthy. Maybe think/write about what separates this game from the hundreds, if not thousands of games that are about essentially the same thing?
The year is 2145 and the earth lab computers seam corrupted by Unknown Alien technology and If not repaired the economy will be Destroyed. this Secret program will stop at nothing to take over the Earth now you and your friends must become space cadets. while Uncovering lost data and stop. this evil organization with the help of loco science institute. your goal is to recover the data from all three lab computers and turn it into the loco scientist. and stop a man name Ziler after he killed you're father five years in the past.
Mirak
Stand back. Artist at work. I paint with enthusiasm if not with talent.
9300
Now it has enough characters, but it requires a bit of punctuation. If you have trouble with it, try reading it and at the point where you have to stop to breathe add a period or a comma as necessary.
The year is 2145 and earth is at peace. people go on with their daily lives. however It did not last long. when they started to have problems with corrupted law enforcement. and unknown alien attacks. for earth resources. so now there is only one last hope. you are a space cadet that has graduated with a low score of rank c. and laugh at by you're pears and get a job that no one wants. a man name Zuko has invited your home planet with wild robots and other types of evil. now it is up to you and some strangers to save the solar system.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Could use some capitalization, and a bit of revision on punctuation. So, maybe more like...

The year is 2145, and the Earth is at peace. People go on with their daily lives. However, it did not last long. They started to have problems with corrupt law enforcement, and attacks from an alien source for Earth's resources.

You've joined a group of space cadets, graduating with a "C" rank, laughed at by your peers with a job no one wants: being a test-subject for a man named Zuko for his wild robots and other unsavory, questionable experiments. However, little does anyone know that you, and a group of strangers, are the best hope for humanity.


...this? I could be mis-reading more than a few things on my end, though.
author=Marrend
Could use some capitalization, and a bit of revision on punctuation. So, maybe more like...

The year is 2145, and the Earth is at peace. People go on with their daily lives. However, it did not last long. They started to have problems with corrupt law enforcement, and attacks from an alien source for Earth's resources.

...this? I could be mis-reading more than a few things on my end, though.

This paragraph changes from passive/present tense to active/past tense halfway through. This can be fixed by switching the "is"es to "was"es.
I need help with my description for my game The Babadook here is what I have
so far!
A child whom getting transferred to a private school, being plagued
by the violent being called The Babadook, once known as a myth from
a storybook.
Your choices choose your story as you choose to release the Babadook.
As you choose your choices you can choose your bitter end or to seal up the Babadook for good so it can never be released again...

This demo was made for the Release the Dead event, the full version with be released in August of 2020
Have fun with it I hope you enjoy it!
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
I'm still trying to make sense of that description. Maybe it's too early in the morning for me to parse sentences. However, I do question why is it even relevant that this unnamed child is transferring schools? Is there a reason for that? Does it have to do with The Babadook?

For what it's worth, I can guess/suggest...
A child is plagued by a violent, mythical being, called The Babadook. Even transferring to a new school doesn't help. As the child, you make choices that could either lead to your bitter end, ro to the sealing of The Babadook for good so that it will never trouble anyone again.

Made for the Release the Dead event.

...this. The name "The Babadook" seems to be ringing a few bells, though. I think it's a movie? I know nothing about it. Maybe you hinged too much on potential players to know the source material?

Sorry I can't be of more help.
Its great Marrend I will put it in the description thanks so much.

There is a movie about the babadook but this game is not based on that.
Can somebody help me with my game's description. thank you:
==================
The World
the story takes place in a fantasy world of the medieval time, inside the infamous prison called by "the Unknown Prison" where specially for imprisoning the most dangerous prisoners around the world.

Story
Ray Nighy wakes up in the infamous "Unknown Prison" without remembering anything about his past and right after that, he was forced to participate in the prison's Arena tournament. It was a twisted tournament where participants have to play a card game called "Strip Card Duel" that if the male fighter lose he will be killed but if it's the female fighter who loses, she will be... stripped instead.

The only way for a prisoner to escape the infamous prison is to defeat the arena's champion, but it's easier said than done for this prison is where many of inhuman prisoners gather. Can Ray Nighy succeed to become the first person who ever escape the Unknown Prison?

Key Features
- Collects Cards: build your own deck, defeat enemy and take their cards to enrich your card library
- Diverse Fighting Strategiest: there are many different characters & combination of skillset for you to try out, find your own strategy to conquer the prison's dark Maze, loot epic treasures, defeat mighty Bosses
- Meet Cute Fighters: in order to defeat female fighters, you need to strip her. There are 10 cute fighter girls are waiting for you, my hero.

Version
currently the game is in beta phase, plan to release on Feb 2020

Credit List (being updated)
March first, 2050 area mining facilities have become corrupted, by hoards of alien life known as Polands, and you are the last hope for the people of earth and other planets, graduating from ribbon academy you set off on your journey, meanwhile finding crooked file reports of unknown deaths, the academy needs your help, to repair this dangerous turn of events also restoring data this is a sci-fi world of robots and aliens some good some bad also a spaceship as your home base where you teleport to place to place
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
aboveYou, I must wonder if the game would be accepted on this site even if the description was fixed up. I can't see the screenshots to say with more confidence. So, on the off-chance that it is acceptable, I'm thinking...

Ray Nighty wakes up with a case of amnesia in the infamous "Unknown Prison". A prison set aside for the most dangerous of criminals. He is forced, against his will, to participate in a card game tournament where the consequences of loosing depend on the gender of the contestant. Males are executed, while females have articles of clothing removed.

Should Ray win, and defeat the champion, he would be allowed to leave. Of course, this is no easy task, as the inmates of the "Unknown Prison" will use whatever tactics, legal or otherwise, to win themselves.

Features:
-Card collection: Build your deck by defeating your foes!
-Diverse strategies: Find your own combinations of abilities and characters!
-Meet cute fighters: Will you be distracted by the female contestants?


...something like this.



redwall, what I can get together right now looks a little something like...

March, 2050. Area mining facilities have become overrun by hoards of alien life known as Polands. You are the best hope of repelling the threat. A graduate of Ribbon Academy, your journey will consist of finding reports of unknown deaths, and restoring lost data.

Your ship serves as a headquarters that you can use to assess threats, recruit allies, and travel from place-to-place. You will need all the help you can get against the Polands, and their killing machines.


...this.