LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

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Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Given what is there, I can suggest the following:

After a few years away from home, Officer Ethan was called to attend a party. He soon learns his father was murdered. After a series of apparently supernatural events that he couldn't explain, Ethan begins to uncover his dark family's long-hidden secrets. Will he found out who killed his father? Is it the same person that's been manipulating the events of late? Does either of these two have anything to do with his family's secrets?

This game contains domestic violence, murder, sexual assault, and is NOT recommended for children. Play at your own pace and risk.

The game contains 7 chapters with multiple endings, and an engaging storyline.


I'll note, however, that, within my capacity as site moderator, I can see the denial message. It suggests to have a paragraph on the gameplay. That shouldn't provide too many opportunities for potential spoilers. For example, is this strictly a murder/mystery where the player is tasked to search objects, or talk to people to uncover clues/leads? Does the "apparently/supposedly supernatural events" possibly include combat with creatures, whither they are actually supernatural, or not? As a suggestion, you can probably include such statements below, or with, the sentence after the trigger/content warning. So, as a further example, you could write something like...

The game contains 7 chapters with multiple endings, and an engaging storyline. Lead Ethan through the town to uncover his family's secrets, the truth behind his father's death, and the truth behind the strange events happening in town!


...this, in the case the gameplay is more centered on the murder/mystery aspect.
Frogge
I wanna marry ALL the boys!! And Donna is a meanc
18536
Notably there's nothing on what the actual gameplay is. The amount of chapters, endings, etc doesn't tell you anything about what you do.

Is there investigating? Do you talk to people and gather evidence? Is it more of a linear narrative game? Are there puzzles? Battles? Is the supernatural event that you mention in the story tied to the gameplay in any way?

Even something as basic as this would work:

Throughout the game, you will explore the (setting) and gather evidence to uncover the mystery. Some pieces of evidence will require you to solve small puzzles or perform quests to reveal them. There are no battles, but you may encounter a few deadly threats that you will need to learn how to avoid, get past, or defeat.

Or maybe it's something like this:

Most of the gameplay involves talking to people and gathering their alibis. You will use these alibis to piece together what really happened and solve the mystery.

Or even:

The game is largely linear. It mostly involves exploration and talking to people to move the story along. There aren't many puzzles or quests - it's more similar to an interactive visual novel.

As for the story paragraph, what you have already is fine if you just use Marrend's proofread version.
Spoiler:

His father gets murder the second day after he comes home and he is has to find the murderer by getting people's alibi and find clues and murder weapon and in the end say who the killer is and the mastermind is someone who wants his father to be murdered so he is making people do it for him but i don't want to reveal to much about the mastermind and supernatural is this is a loop game he loops with pandant he finds on 3rd day every time the game ends the 7 chapters are 7 loops but i don't want to reveal about the loop there no battle
Frogge
I wanna marry ALL the boys!! And Donna is a meanc
18536
I would highly suggest mentioning the loop mechanic since it seems to be the game's whole gimmick. It's not much of a spoiler. You don't really have to say anything about the mastermind. Maybe try this?

Officer Ethan is returns to his home for the first time in a few years to attend a party. But when his father is unexpectedly murdered, it causes him to question his family's dark history. As inexplicable supernatural events begin to occur, he must try to uncover the secret his family is trying to hide. Can he find the one that killed his father? And who is the mystery person pulling the strings behind the scenes?

The game is split into 7 chapters, in which you will be looping time with a magical pendant to uncover the truth. In each loop, you repeat the same 3 days as you witness events from different perspectives. You will explore, gather alibis, and discover clues. It is a mystery solving adventure game with multiple endings and a narrative focus.

This game contains sensitive content including domestic violence, murder, and sexual assault. Please play at your own discretion.

Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
If, by saying the game is a "loop game", you actually mean that the player plays the same in-day game over and over again until... whatever breaks the loop breaks it, and that this Groundhog Day effect is among the supernatural aspects that you'd rather not tell players about right off the bat? Still, even if that was the case, I think you could still write something like...

In this game, players will lead Ethan to question people and search locations for clues as to his father's murder. What ending you earn will depend on what items you uncover during the game.

...this. I could also suggest writing that not all discoveries will be related to the murder, or be obvious, but, I'm not sure how clues will be relayed in-game. Like, it's one thing to have searchable objects have a shine/outline to them, but, on the other hand, I'm not sure if you want to apply that kind of feature to only objects that grant a valid lead, given the type of game that it is.

*Edit: I would tend to agree with Frogge that if the game does repeat in-game days as a mechanic, it would not hurt to be forthcoming about it. You might be able to leave out the detail about the pendant, since the precise method/device of day-looping probably isn't important until people play the game? Borrowing/editing Frogge's suggestion for a bit...

Officer Ethan is returns to his home for the first time in a few years to attend a party. But when his father is unexpectedly murdered, it causes him to question his family's dark history. As inexplicable supernatural events begin to occur, he must try to uncover the secret his family is trying to hide. Can he find the one that killed his father? And who is the mystery person pulling the strings behind the scenes?

The game is split into 7 chapters, in which you will be repeating the same three days from different perspectives. You will explore, gather alibis, and discover clues. It is a mystery solving adventure game with multiple endings and a narrative focus.

This game contains sensitive content including domestic violence, murder, and sexual assault. Please play at your own discretion.
The game is like this he has to find the murderer the game is 7 days on the 7 day he finds the murderer but for some reason he goes back to the 1st day but this time someone else kill's his father this goes on until the 7th loop in the 7th loop he finds the mastermind all of the murderer are victim of his father's, his father is very bad people even he doesn't like his father
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
The misinterpretation of how many days the game loops can be easily corrected.

Anyway, I'm now understanding that the pendant that allows for the time-looping mechanic can be found on day 3 of each loop/chapter. How players come across this item isn't important to the game description. It might not even be important to the game description for players to understand that it's a different person that murders Ethan's father each loop/chapter. The idea of a mastermind existing might not even pop up in-game until maybe the fifth loop/chapter, so that definitely has no place in the description.

My opinion is that the things get across in regards to the gameplay is say that the game includes a day-looping mechanic, and that each loop the player has the opportunity to (if one excuses the reference) reach out to the truth with the actions the player can take (ie: investigating places and/or questioning people).
Officer Ethan is returns to his home for the first time in a few years to attend a party. But when his father is unexpectedly murdered, And an inexplicable supernatural events begin to occur, he must try to uncover the secret his family is trying to hide. Can he find the one that killed his father? And who is the mystery person pulling the strings behind the scenes?

The game contains 7 loops with multiple endings, and an engaging storyline.

This game contains sensitive content including domestic violence, murder, and sexual assault. Please play at your own discretion.

How is this

And thank you for all your help
Frogge
I wanna marry ALL the boys!! And Donna is a meanc
18536
You... pretty much removed the entire gameplay paragraph. Is there a reason you don't want to mention that you gather clues and talk to people? Because that's pretty much the most important thing to mention, as it sounds like that's what most of the gameplay is going to be.

Think of it like this - imagine that you're trying to sell the original Mario Brothers as a game to someone who has never seen a Mario game. You could say "You play as a plumber trying to rescue a princess from a turtle," but does that really tell you about what you do in the game?

Then compare that to this: "You play as a plumber trying to rescue a princess from a turtle. The game is a 2D platformer where you jump your way across 9 worlds. You defeat enemies by jumping on them, gather power-ups that help you in various ways, and search for secrets hidden throughout its various levels." Now you actually have an idea of how you as the player will interact with the game.

Perhaps some people will read that and go "oh, I don't like platformers, so I might not play this" but others will read it and go "oh, I love platformers, this is a game I should play!" But if you only tell people about the story, then how will they know that they'll enjoy playing through it?

At the very least, I would say don't make it any shorter than Marrend's version.

Officer Ethan is returns to his home for the first time in a few years to attend a party. But when his father is unexpectedly murdered, And an inexplicable supernatural events begin to occur, he must try to uncover the secret his family is trying to hide. Can he find the one that killed his father? And who is the mystery person pulling the strings behind the scenes?

The game contains 7 loops with multiple endings, and an engaging storyline.
In each loop, players will lead Ethan to question people and search locations for clues as to his father's murder. What ending you earn will depend on what items you uncover during the game.


This game contains sensitive content including domestic violence, murder, and sexual assault. Please play at your own discretion.

How is this
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Hrm. Maybe...

Officer Ethan is returns to his home for the first time in a few years to attend a party. But when his father is unexpectedly murdered, And an inexplicable supernatural events begin to occur, he must try to uncover the secret his family is trying to hide. Can he find the one that killed his father? And who is the mystery person pulling the strings behind the scenes?

The game is split into 7 chapters, each of which repeats the same week. In each chapter, players will lead Ethan to explore the city, and gather information via questioning people and searching locations for clues as to his father's murder. What ending you earn will depend on what items you uncover during the game.

This game contains sensitive content including domestic violence, murder, and sexual assault. Please play at your own discretion.

...a bit more like this?
Frogge
I wanna marry ALL the boys!! And Donna is a meanc
18536
Either of these will work. (Although the first paragraph has some typos that I fixed below).

Officer Ethan returns to his home for the first time in a few years to attend a party. But when his father is unexpectedly murdered, and inexplicable supernatural events begin to occur, he must try to uncover the secret his family is trying to hide. Can he find the one that killed his father? And who is the mystery person pulling the strings behind the scenes?
Thank you very much for all your help
Now i will talk to my brother jester who the co-developer and writer of the game he is the one that wanted the loop to be hidden and resubmit it

Thank you for your help
let me know what you think, thanks in advance.

A young hero ventures forward into an untamed world on a mission to become powerful enough to face The Gauntlet.

In this game, the player must fight monsters, learn to wield magic, and gear up to fight the monolithic challenge known as The Gauntlet. A massive 20 floor dungeon, The Gauntlet is a test for many powerful adventurers and only the most prepared among them have any chance at clearing it.

Learning the strengths and weaknesses of the monsters across the world makes this game a fun challenge for those who enjoy strategic gameplay. players can choose to play as a fearsome warrior wielding powerful melee weapons and heavy armor or they could choose instead to focus on powerful destructive spells as a high wizard. Anything is possible for those who follow the simple rock, paper, scissors like combat system where earth, fire, and water clash for dominance.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
I think the description is serviceable enough as it is. However, if I am to nitpick, it would be the capitalization of "The Gauntlet" to "the Gauntlet" when referencing the dungeon/location. So, more like...

...gear up to fight the monolithic challenge known as the Gauntlet. A massive, 20 floor dungeon, the Gauntlet is...

...this.

*Edit: If you mean to reference the name of the game, rather than a location within the game that happens to share the game's namesake, use italics.

...gear up to fight the monolithic challenge known as The Gauntlet. A massive, 20 floor dungeon, The Gauntlet is...
Frogge
I wanna marry ALL the boys!! And Donna is a meanc
18536
author=psyclosis
...for those who enjoy strategic gameplay. players can choose to play as

Minor nitpick but players should be capitalized at the start of the sentence.

As far as the rest goes though this would definitely be enough for an approved gamepage. It mentions both story and gameplay in adequate detail without bogging down in unnecessary details. Only thing to make it more flashy would be to add some images in between or something, or do a features list in addition.

Edit: From the description, the "untamed world" sounds like the most interesting aspect to me. Maybe it'd be worth elaborating on. Does it have a particular theme? Example: Made in Abyss, the anime, also has adventurers venturing into an untamed world. It would be worth mentioning that in that anime the creatures are primordial and the landscapes are filled with ancient artifacts of unknown origin. Those kind of details could help to sell your worldbuilding.
author=Frogge
Edit: From the description, the "untamed world" sounds like the most interesting aspect to me. Maybe it'd be worth elaborating on... Those kind of details could help to sell your worldbuilding.

I will definitely add more details when I have them. This is a very early concept and I want to work on mechanics before I work on art. Once I have a good amount of solid gameplay, I'll work on that.
Here's an updated version of my description.


A young hero ventures forward into an untamed world on a mission to become powerful enough to face The Gauntlet.

In this game, the player must fight monsters, learn to wield magic, and gear up to fight the monolithic challenge known as The Gauntlet. A massive 20 floor dungeon, The Gauntlet is a test for many powerful adventurers and only the most prepared among them have any chance at clearing it.

Learning the strengths and weaknesses of the monsters across the world makes this game a fun challenge for those who enjoy strategic gameplay. Players can choose to play as a fearsome warrior wielding powerful melee weapons and heavy armor or they could choose instead to focus on powerful destructive spells as a high wizard. Anything is possible for those who follow the simple rock, paper, scissors like combat system where earth, fire, and water clash for dominance.

Game Length (0H 40M - 2H 00M)


This is an early, incomplete, version of The Gauntlet.
Feel free to give feedback but please remember that this version is intended to balance the mechanical aspects of the Gauntlet. My attention is not focused on art or assets as of the moment.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Don't forget to italicize the name of your game. Another thing that's popping out at me is the game length can probably be simplified to say "40m - 2h". This is a very high variance, but, I suppose it largely depends on player experience.

You also likely don't need to specify that it's an early build, and explain things are rough, or whatever. Like, this is just my personal opinion, but, the game description should not change over time. It should describe where things intend to be. It's blogs that talk about where things actually are, where they are going, and what-not.
I hope this is good enough.
The game starts with Jared talking about his dreams of having great adventures in front of Alex's Memorial, in the village of Burg.
Fifteen years has passed since Dragonmaster Alex Jared's father The game follows the story of Jared Noa, Alex's son who thirsts for adventure and dreams of becoming a Dragonmaster just like his dad Alex. With the help of his best friend Kevin and sister Selene, Jared overcomes the White Dragon's trial and takes his first step towards becoming a Dragonmaster. The three sail to the city of Meribia to meet with Jesse the daughter of Kyle and Jessica. On their way, they meet magician by the name of Amber who joins them. Amber tells Jared that Ghaleon and Mia, the leaders of the city of Vane, should be able to tell him more about the other Dragons, as they were close friends of the late Dragonmaster Alex and the party sets out for Vane.


After admiring his father's monument, Jared and Rudy (Jared's pet chicken) run into Kevin who tells about the newly opened White Dragon Cave. Before heading off, Alex heads to the spring to meet with Selene. She gets upset about not telling where they're going and decides to tag along to keep them out of trouble. After receiving some equipment from their home, Jared and Selene meet up with Kevin at the entrance to town and embark on their first adventure.

This game is a straight sequel to the first Lunar ignoring
Lunar 2 Eturnal Blue.