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I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
Because the "post an insane lie about the person above you" thread was so glorious, I decided to up the ante.

Warning, if this gets really vivid and sexy it will be locked. Thus why I specified BAD erotic fanfics. I challenge you to come up with characters and situations that are extremely horrible!

1) You're not really limited to one paragraph, but try to keep it as short as you can, in the spirit of the topic.

2) If you accidentally double-post in this thread, you have to edit your second post to follow the thread rules. That is to say, you have to write an erotic fanfic about yourself and a video game character.

3) If you just want to comment on someone else's story without contributing to the chain of smut, put your entire comment in hide tags. Fanfiction should be about the last person who posted fanfiction - ignore the hidden comment posts.
"It's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly...timey wimey...stuff."
As LockeZ and Celes took in the devastation of the World of Ruin around them, they wordlessly took hold of the other's hand.

"Nothing will ever be the same again...will it?" asked Celes sadly, gazing deeply into LockeZ's eyes.

"No, but at least the house holding my dead girlfriend is still intact," said LockeZ.

Ignoring the creepiness factor of this declaration, Celes proceeded to remove all her clothing and pull LockeZ on top of her, because that's what normal people do in these situations.

"Oh LockeZ! It's been so lonely in the year I was unconscious with only Cid for company! I want to feel you inside me!"

LockeZ also removed all his clothing, unleashing his mighty sword. Celes quivered in anticipation as heat rushed to her womanly center.

"It's so...big!" Celes exclaimed. "Are you sure it will fit?"

"Not only that..." LockeZ began with a smile. "I brought a friend."

A tall man wearing a mask stepped forward, clearly not wanting to be identified during the act of debauchery about to take place.

"Thou wilt tell nobody of this!" he declared as he penetrated her with his unsheathed weapon.

Remember when I actually used to make games? Me neither.
Trihan gently caressed the ludicrous bottle that contained mail. Then he licked it.

The character here was a Bottle Mail from Phantom Brave. I'm also terribad at erotic fanfics. I also don't know what's a paragraph because I was educated by a moron turnip.
Nightowl, dressed in a frog costume, caressed the fat of Big's body. "That feels SO good...", Nightowl moaned in pleasure, as the act of lust continued. "FROGGY.", Big said to himself, not knowing what's going on, as he feels something weird between his legs.

3 sentence paragraph. .3.
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
"No," stammered Pyrodoom sheepishly, "I want to photograph you... wearing ONLY the necktie." Donkey Kong's face turned flush, the embarassment shining through his dark fur. What if the photo were found by someone? Their parents would never understand if this romance became public. It was a forbidden romance; a photograph was illogical. But logic alone wasn't enough to stop Donkey from succumbing to the moment. He lied on the bench and shivered as the cold ocean wind blew through his uncovered fur, while Pyrodoom kneeled down with the camera and began creating an eternal record of the beauty of their love.
The 524 is for 524 Stone Crabs
Walking down the midnight alleyway after swallowing every tomato from the local grocery store, Kirby had a sudden taste for flesh. He stumbled upon a grown man leaning on the side of the cold brick wall, disposing a cigarette butt on the trash-filled concrete he stood on. The two gave each other an inquisitive stare, until finally, the man, known as LockeZ, made the first move.
"You suck?" asked LockeZ. Kirby grinned and turned his head to the side, replying with coy "Yeah."
LockeZ agreed to hitch a ride with the pink puff back to his apartment. Upon arrival, Kirby showed LockeZ why he's always blushing. He gave him the best suck a man could ask for, and he blew just the same.
(Oh, LockeZ, what have you done?)

"Are you sure? What if... Zelda finds out?"
"Oh, Link, don't worry, she will never find out."
"But Ratty..."
Link and Ratty were kissing in Ratty's humble home. Ratty wanted to 'do more,' as he called it, but Link was reluctant.
"Really, Ratty, you know most Hylians don't approve of homosexuals... And what if Zelda DID find out? Do you know what she would do?"
"Just forget about her... and succumb to your desires..." Ratty said, as he led Link to the bed.


(Wow, that was kind of fun. I know it sucks, kinda, but that's the point, right?)
Okay, now I'm really scared of what one of you is gonna come up with involving me...
His hands were hot on your skin, but you didn't care. In this cold, heat could burn but you both ignored the heat, ignored the fire that licked at your bodies. You stood, arms circling his frame, hands touching and stroking forcefully at his back. His shoulder was bruised from the blows from before, when you'd been sparring, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered, but that his hands didn't stop their insistent search and that he continued to ply your body with pleasure.
Tugging at his scarlet hair, you pulled his mouth to yours in a kiss filled with the passion you'd both displayed on the field earlier that day. His moans, smothered by your lips, were drowned out by your own and the sounds of the afternoon faded away into evening as you both played with that most dangerous of emotions - love.

Honestly... pick a red-haired character from any game. Hm... Maxim from Lufia II. There you go. Enjoy~
...Also, it sounded worse in my head. >.< And I just realised I opened myself to 'shipping'...
I'm a dog pirate
Pfft, one paragraph. This deserves more than that...

She slowly unbuttoned your blouse, her hands trembling slightly. You could tell that she was very nervous. A true virgin. You had to show her how it's done.
You had to help guide her as she tried to unhook your bra. You wondered why she had so much trouble with your bra when she had breasts herself. But logic is thrown out of the window in the heat of the moment! Maybe she had a thing against braziers and didn't wear them? You would find out soon enough.

Her eyes opened slowly. Then she looked down... and you whispered softly into her ear...

"Do you like these muffins, baby?"

She pouted. "But they're not mushrooms. I want mushrooms... Where are my mushrooms?!"

Suddenly, any sexual charge that had built up over the last few minutes dissipated. You wee ~so~ turned off. "Who needs mushrooms when you can have muffins? I didn't think you liked mushrooms anymore."

She shook her head. "Naia don't want muffins! Naia wants mushrooms!"

"You got the wrong gender, girl."
"N-no stop. Deckiller-senpai." Your junior moaned as the two of you are heated by the passionate throes of love~

You feel slightly irritated and turned on as your junior continuously asks you to stop despite their hips moving on their own. The repressed feelings were so damn obvious.

Despite the fact the two of you met two days ago, one could say that this is true love~

Wow this is hard. Might as well use the painful memories of what I read before... >_>;
I'm a dog pirate
Squall said "whatever" as you tried to make out with him. THE END.
"If she gets to have her own way with Squall...then I guess you'll have to do...Deckiller."

Cloud tries to use "Meteorlaid!"
...It seems to be rather weak...
Deckiller is sad. :(
Cloud flees from the battle in utter shame.
Deckiller earns 1 Gil and 0 EXP.

...What's this?
Deckiller has learned the ability, "Totally Straight, yo!"
"It's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly...timey wimey...stuff."
Deckiller, I don't think anyone would like wearing braziers; they tend to be pretty hot what with all the burning coals.
Trihan lifted the Companion Cube, attempting to lick the love heart on the bottom.

GLaDOS' voice rang over the intercom. <Will you please stop that? Engaging in sexual activity with the Weighted Companion Cube is not recommended, and is, in fact, strongly discouraged. The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will not react to your advances.>

<If it makes you feel better, cake and prostitutes will be available at the end of this test.>
I'm a dog pirate
Deckiller, I don't think anyone would like wearing braziers; they tend to be pretty hot what with all the burning coals.

Lol it's like one of those bad fanfiction bad autocorrect crossovers ;)
always a dudesoft, never a soft dude.
The dungeon was dark and creepy. As Link decended into it, his lantern lighting his way, the green-clad hero found himself in the presense of a giant treasure chest.
As he opened it, light from within gushed all over Link's face, dribbling down his chin. He reached inside and held aloft his new discovery. Dun dun da Da! He found, Deckiller! At once, Link pulled out his Musicbox tool that played some smooth jazz. The Deckiller laid on a matress all naked and eager.
"Be gentle, Link-san," Deckiller uttered. His lips were quivering.
Just then, Link's hat propped up on itself, appearing to be the long-billed head of a bird.
"Let's have a three-way, Link!" the hat said.
Slowly, Link crawled onto the matress with Deckiller and his hat. He turned Deckiller onto his belly and made his way into the new dungeon, as Deckiller moaned deeply.
I'm a little disturbed that an earlier fan fiction inspired me. Whatever~<3

Dudesoft met his one true love by the lake. A simple request and a simple answer but after being rejected by a blonde hero and his friends his love was taken by surprise when Dudes handed Sairen the presumably blue liquid. And after days of getting to know each other, Dudes felt he understood him/her. And that passionate rendezvous~<3 The night it would finally make sense. In that well lit hotel room Dudes kissed Sairen lovingly and Sairen responded the same. Then it happened. Sairen lifted his/her shirt and pulled down his/her pants. Sairen's gender was revealed. Sairen is a...
"It's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly...timey wimey...stuff."
Sairen is a double post?!
Sairen used to have a gender. Then he became a double post.
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