WRITE ONE PARAGRAPH OF REALLY BAD EROTIC FANFICTION ABOUT THE PERSON ABOVE YOU AND A VIDEO GAME CHARACTER

Posts

quote author=Hexatona Suzy you are so prolific I am frankly intimidated at this point. May your smut live on in infamy forever! /quote

*bows*


LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
Flonne picked herself up off the ground and brushed the broken glass and splinters off her white dress. "Whew... Looks like I made it in without being seen," said the cute little blonde angel to herself. She looked at the broken window that she'd crashed through. Quite an entrance! She'd always wanted to be one of... what do they call those guys in the human world? Sex offenders? They were always climbing in through windows and that sort of thing, supposedly. Exciting!

She looked around at Hexatona's bedroom. It wasn't like she imagined it, she thought humans all lived in single-room huts. Maybe her info was out of date? Oh well. It didn't really affect her mission; she was here as a messenger of love! The angels all say that humans are all full of hatred, but are they really? It didn't seem fair to judge somebody based on rumors alone. She had to know for herself. She'd give this human some love whether he wanted it or not!

Hexatona entered the room wearing a bathtowel and turned on the light switch. "Who are you, and what are you doing in my room?" he asked.

Flonne screamed, "Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!" and bonked Hexatona on the head with a wooden staff.

"Owww...! What the heck did you do that for!?" yelled Hexatona.

Flonne started getting incredibly flustered. "Oh, I'm sorry. You scared me, so I accidentally..." She trailed off mid-sentence. Is this guy a human? She didn't know there were humans this good-looking.

Hexatona tilted his head, annoyed. "So who are you?"

Flonne clasped her hands together, gave a joyful smile, and responded cheerfully, "Nice to meet you. I'm a rapist!"
Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3702
Damn, that's perfect. Excellent Work, LockeZ! And one of my favourite series' too. This one is a bit cliche, but what would terrible fanfiction be without cliches.

OoOoO

"Thought you could skip out on me? On ME?? I fuckin' own this town, bitch! I'll get my bells one way or another!"

Tom Nook hit LockeZ with a shovel across the face and sent him flying across the dirt path out of town.

When he awoke, he was locked in the stocks in some poorly lit basement. He felt dizzy and tired. He was sore all over. And he was covered with something sticky all over him back, legs, and face. The whole room smelled of sex and piss.

Someone was railing him from behind. Then, a familiar voice spoke.

"Hnnnng! That's fifteen. Hey, LockeZ. You know, I'm not a raccoon. It's a common misconception. I'm actually a Tanuki. You know what the difference between a raccoon and a Tanuki is? Fuckin balls, man. Size of goddamned grapefruits. That's why I really wear that big-ass apron. You can imagine, walking around with these dumbbells between my legs all day, I need a special kinda release, ya' know? I'm not really into dudes, but I'll take what I can get, right?"

He pulled out, and he could feel ounces of disgusting fluid pouring out of him.

"Don't you worry, Lockez ol' boy - we'll pay off that debt, no probs. Between me and a few out-of-townies I got lined up, we'll be squared up in no time."
Hexatona doubled over, hiding his face as hot tears spilled from his eyes. "This - this never usually happens! I swear it!" he said in a pained whisper.

The feline witch waved a bony hand. "Save your excuses." She observed her slightly dishevelled appearance in a polished silver mirror before snapping, "And stop crying! You are worse than that infantile Alistair!"

"Wh - who is Alistair?" sobbed Hexatona. "Some other guy who couldn't get it up?"

"Whatever happens between other men and myself is none of your concern. Clean yourself up, and get off my bed."

Hexatona dabbed at his dispirited gonads with a linen handkerchief, rose from the bed, and tidied up the sheets he'd rather over-enthusiastically torn at moments before.

There was a knock at the door. Hexatona pulled up his pants and fastened his belt with fingers that had all too eagerly unfastened that belt and dropped those pants moments - you get the idea.

Morrigan let out a loud sigh. "Mother, don't pretend you haven't been standing there sniggering for the past five minutes. What do you want?"

The girl's skeletal mother swung open the door and strode in. "I was hoping the young man might lend me his spent essence. For a spell I'm working on."

Hexatona looked at both women, his face still sopping wet with tears. No comfort, warmth or reassurance was to be found in either face. Instead, two pairs of yellow cat's eyes studied him cruelly, and whatever humour hid at the corners of their thin mouths wasn't meant to cheer his heart.

"Oh... um..." he crept forward and dropped the soiled handkerchief into Flemeth's gnarled hands.

"Thank you, my dear. You were good for something after all."

"Tell him to go away now, mother."

"Go away now, mother," said Flemeth dutifully.

Hexatona shuffled off. He exited the cabin and disappeared into the grim fog in search of his friends' campsite. At least they, what with the turgid tale he would invent for them this evening, would not share in the disappointing flop of his ill-fated romance with the Witch of the Wilds.



Suzy struggled as she was captured and brought into the Embryon's homebase. Ever since the people turned into half demons, food became imperative.
Suzy was clinging to and begging Argilla, the most human of them all, who took pity on her and eventually sneaked her into a secluded room.
"Thank you so much for saving me! I .. I almost thought I would be devoured..!"
"Who says you won't be?" Argilla says with a chuckle, slowly moving closer. Unzipping and pulling down her combat suit. Her breasts swayed in the movement and Suzy couldn't help but stare at the firm soft flesh, gasping in awe. Argilla pulls Suzy closer, who starts carassing her just as two mouths begin forming, sharp teeth showing, their tongues tingling and reaching out for Suzy's ..
Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3702
OKay, let's just randomly choose a game out of my library - let's make this work:

1d787: 453 -> Metos: Disney Magick.

dammit.

1d787: 227 -> Final Fantasy Fables: Chocobo Tales. The game that time forgot.

... Wow, been a while here, time to dredge up some memory.

---

The road had been long, dusty, and filled with all manner of terrible beasts. Kylaila had almost given up hope when she came upon a tavern smack dab in the middle of a crossroads. Stumbling over herself, she almost crawled inside, and managed to perch herself at the bar. Behind the counter stood a dour looking woman with bright red hair in two tightly bound pig tails. She wore a name tag that read: "HELLO: My name is FUCK YOU" In any other circumstance, Kylaila would be intimidated beyond words but at this point she would drink tonberry piss.
"What're ya' havin', shortcake." FUCK YOU says.
Kylaila managed to croak out, "What would you order if you were an hour away from starving to death."
The woman gave her a quick once over, and a bit of a chuckle, before saying, "Well, asking me is a bit of a mistake - I'd go for bottle of Ghysal Wine and Fermented Baby Marlboro fronds, but how's a bit of wild game stew grab you?"
"That sounds lovely. Thanks, Fuck you."

At that the woman's slowly burgeoning smile falters for a moment of indecisive thought, before sudden realization dawns and she gives out a real hearty laugh.

"Oh my, I honestly forgot about this name tag. You know, you're the first person to actually make the joke the whole three months I've had this on." While the woman was talking, she ripped off the worn nametag and continued, "You can call me Irma."

The rest of the afternoon and evening was spent talking, laughing, and filling a cold empty bar with long forgotten warmth.

Over the coming months, Kylaila would return here again and again on her journeys, until something of a spark seemed to grow between them.

One evening their passions boiled over, and a new kind of magical evening began... and then Kylaila got the fuck out of there when a Black Chocobo showed up with a strap on and holy shit things got really weird and now Kylaila would rather forget about the whole experience.
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
I like the idea of rolling dice to pick a random game out of my library... but the dice picked Guitar Hero 3.

Gene Simmons from KISS is on the cover so I guess that makes him technically a video game character? But he's not really, he's not from a video game, so feel like it defeats the purpose of the thread. So I will exercise self-control, no matter how much I want to write stories about him sticking his XXL tongue in your armpits.

I should probably reroll until I get a game that actually has characters. But... no, I will make this work. Smut finds a way.

---

Hexatona was badly losing the game of Guitar Hero. He strummed furiously on his plastic guitar but to no avail. He didn't have the rhythm. As he tripped over his coffee table and fell backwards, the guitar cord was yanked out of the Playstation 2(tm). Staring at the ceiling and covered in spilled Pepsi, Hexatona couldn't read the message on the screen which said, "YOU ARE ROCKING OUT A BIT TOO HARD. Please ensure a Guitar Controller is properly connected."

The plastic guitar, however, was not about to be reconnected. It had landed in Hexatona's butt. He found the sensation surprising and a little painful at first, but... also strangely enjoyable. He started to pull it out, but as the colored keys on the guitar's neck popped one by one out of his anus, a switch was flipped inside him. He stopped, hesitated, and then slowly started moving the guitar the other way, back in. Back and forth and in and out. The massive size of the device pushed up against his insides.

Then the guitar started talking. "I am Caliburn, the Sword in the Stone. Only a true legend of rock can awaken my power. You have been chosen." A lightning bolt connected the talking plastic guitar to the Playstation 2(tm) and Hexatona gained control of the game again. But now it was complete control. As he moved the guitar neck up and down in his butt in time with the music, the rock meter and his dick both went up steadily, and Caliburn glowed with star power. Feeling the power of rock ready to burst inside him, Hexatona threw up the horns and jizzed all over the coffee table just as the song completed, earning him a perfect score.
Kloe
I lost my arms in a tragic chibi accident
2236
I randonly chose skyrim so this should be interesting! Yay!!!
----------

LockeZ took off his coat.
"Baby it's cold outside" says Dovakeen
"I know Dovy, even a dragon would shiver!" Lockez Proclaims
"Dragons? I'm not overkeen..." said the Dovakeen

"Baby, how powerful is your dragon shout?" Says Lockez dropping his trousers.
"Powerful enough to make you feel like the last Dragonborn's husbando!"

He then puts his mouth on Lockez's Staff of Skyrim and shouts
"Mpphhhhhh" because he forgot the dragon shout words...
Lockez feels a feeling of extacy flow through him like the blood of the Dragons as he squirts his magic into the mouth of the Dragonborn of legend.

Years later, Dovakeen would not be te last dragonborn, they made lots of little dragonborns somehow (don't ask)
The end.
---------
That was awkward as I know little to nothing about Skyrim, I haven't even installed it yet >.<
Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3702
Lockez: Tres bien. You accomplished your mission!

Kloe: No, girl - you did this thread (and Lockez) very proud!


Okay, in honor of my latest video game purchase, let's do 7th Dragon III!

(Also, in honor of this crazy mother fucker from my team:)


---

Kloe
Status: New Nodens Employee
Class: Samurai

Blitzen
Status: Rescued Atlantian
Class: Rune Knight

Rebecca
Status: New Nodens Employee
Class: Duelist

According to their Navigator, some new form of Dragon was detected far in the past - Even further than the fall of Atlantis. As the newest (and, really, only) capable team at Nodens' disposal, they were sent back to collect a sample.

The area was filled with monsters more terrible than any they had previously faced. It was a long, brutal slog through the narrow passages. Finally, Kloe, Blitzen, and Rebecca found their way to the nest.

"Oh my... god!" Kloe blurted out. It was like nothing she could have imagined.

"Hoo boy, how are we going to do this, girls?" Rebecca asked, shuffling her cards.

"That right there is Orichalcum! Looks like his whole body is covered with it!" Blizten whistled.

An enormous dragon, covered in metal, slumbered nearby.

"How on Earth are we going to kill that thing, let alone just nab a sample!?" Kloe said, in a harsh whisper, to her teammates.

"I guess... Hit it a lot until it dies, like all the other ones?" Rebecca shrugged.

"Wait!" Blitzen cried out, "Look, right there!" She pointed to something near the belly of the dragon.

"Is that... Oh god dammit, Blitzen, that's it's fucking dick. What the hell is wrong with you?" Rebecca sighed.

"No, really look! It's not covered with Orichalcum!" She said, smiling in that manic way that only she could really pull off. She seemed to be a few steps ahead of everyone else, waiting for the rest of them to catch up.

"Do you... want me to slice it off and hope he dies of blood loss..?" Kloe asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No... We just need a sample, right..?" Blitzen replied, not taking her eyes off the specimen.

A few moments of silence passed between them all, and then Kloe and Rebecca shared a glance. Their faces turned pale.

OoOoO

The team returned through the portal looking more discheveled, sweaty, and pale than usual. Even the unphasable Blitzen seemed to have lost a bit of her edge.

Julietta was there to meet them. "That took longer than expected. Did you get a sample?"

"B-Bucket..." Kloe stammered, holding a hand to her face, shivering.

In seconds, a bucket was put before her, and she immediately expunged about one and a half liters of thick, semi-coagulated dragon semen.

Blitzen rubbed her back with surprising gentleness, held her hair, and cooed "There you go, girl, let it all out. It's aaaaall over now."
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
An Age of Ishtaria fanfic:





"Being the last survivor of the legendary Mandragora race, I thought you would bind me with vines something," said Hexatona, using his hand to get his cock in where it was supposed to go, and then tickling the outside of Salix's labia with one finger as she got herself situated.

"Nope!" responded Salix cheerfully as she slowly moved up and down, sitting on Hexatona's lap. "I've pretty much just got petals on my head and make a lot of plant puns. Now keep deflowering me, servant!" She cooed softly as she moved her hips gently, and her toes curled a bit as something touched just the right spot.

"So nothing kinky is gonna happen in this fanfic? No burying me in the dirt or using mind-control pollen? Just regular, consensual, sitting-up sex?" Hexatona seemed to be in disbelief for some reason.

"Oh, fine, you can put it in my grass."
Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3702
"Oh, fine, you can put it in my grass."

goddamit
Two shapes on the far end of a secluded Besaid beach wrestled in the warm sunlight.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." and the laboured laughter ended as Tidus crumpled into a satisfied heap.

LockeZ flopped back, sand crystals hugging his form and coagulating with sweat and sea water to muddy lumps around his florid buttocks.

"Don't get too comfortable!" said Tidus as he jumped to his feet. "We gotta blitz!"

Shaking his head in disbelief at his lover's boundless energy, LockeZ rose and staggered after the bronzed beauty further along the beach to where Wakka and the Aurochs were doing their morning training.

LockeZ might have been adroit with some kinds of balls, but he wasn't much of a blitzer. Wakka and the others were kind enough to humour him because they didn't want to risk upsetting Tidus, whom they needed desperately to have even a marginal chance of advancing through the upcoming tournament.

For hours the nude men frolicked and juggled and dribbled, bodies glistening. But LockeZ knew it in his heart:

"You guys are nearly as terrible as I am," he said during their brunch break. Before he had time to sit down to his blistered crab-kebab, Datto smacked a mean Wither Shot towards LockeZ's vulnerable groin. Wakka sharply extended an arm, deflecting the blitz ball.

"Ow, you withered my testicles!" groaned Jassu as he collapsed in a pained heap over his food.

Tidus, a mouth full of crab meat and arugula, erupted into delirious, volcanic laughter: "HA HA HA HA. HA HA HA HA. HA HA HA HA..."

LockeZ felt a rush of gratitude and warmth for Wakka equal to the sudden capricious rush of exasperation and contempt for Tidus.

"Thank you," he said, plunging his eyes into Wakka's as he grabbed the man's solid, gleaming arm.

Wakka glanced from LockeZ's hungry face to that of Tidus as the blond bimbo stuffed coleslaw down his throat. Placing a large hand on LockeZ own, Wakka said softly, "You can thank me later, brother."
Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3702
Suzy, that was absolutely perfect for the thread. Great job. Tidus sealed the deal.


"Fei..." began Suzy, staring up into the innards of a Gear, wrench in hand. "Whose gear is this?"

"Oh, you must be new. This is Elly's gear. Usually she works on her own Gear, though." Fei said. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, just admiring some of the... workmanship is all. Thanks." She said, smiling and waving him off.

As soon as he turned a corner and was out of sight, Suzy's face changed abruptly and she spun on her heels. She began speed walking over to Elly's quarters.

knock knock knock

After a few moments, the door opened and a pale angelic visage filled the space. "Hmm? Yes?" Elly said.

"Hi, I'm Suzy. I'm one of the techs working on your gear. Can I come in?"

"Oh, uh, sure. What did you need?" Elly began, moving aside to allow Suzy to enter before closing the door. The moment the door closed, Suzy turned and leveled a steady gaze at Elly.

"I know."

"W-what to you mean?"

"Wanna play coy, huh? Let's just say I've noticed you have a pretty unique control mechanism for your Gear, Elly. I mean, you've got the one control stick way too close to the seat, and then, another one pointing right at your face? And those handles on the roof, they look like they can tighten-"

But Elly's face was getting more and more red, and she quickly buried her face in her hands. It was all she could do to whisper, "What do you want."

Suzy held up a data disk, "Oh, I got what I wanted. Handy things, those cockpit recorders. Frankly, seeing you fight while getting railed by your own Gear is just amazing. I would never have though to modify the controls that way... Now, from here on out - I'm your only mechanic. Make it happen. Secondly, you're going to keep doing what you're doing, or the crew is going to learn a few surprising things about you. And finally, you're going to be my slave."

Suzy sat down with a devilish grin on her face. "You can start by getting down on all fours, kissing my toes, and calling me 'Master' from now on."

Oh, glad to hear it. I AM embarrassed I keep defaulting to having people be hit in the groin though! Obviously never learnt my lesson from the Simpsons.


Hexatona trotted through the streets of sunny Wutai, camera in hand.

"Wow, look at those enormous carvings!" said his mom with an earnest gasp.

Spinning around in a panic, Hexatona flung his arms up and peered through the camera, searching desperately for something of erotic interest. Come on, there's gotta be a set of giant norks SOMEWHERE on that goddamned mountain!! he thought as sweat coursed down his face and back. To his immense disappointment, the ancient carvings were decidedly tasteful.

Mom gently grabbed his shoulder. "Oh, aren't they magnificent?"

"Yeah, yeah..."

Dad wended over with freshly refilled water bottles. He passed them around the family, then said, "We could go for a walk up there, see them up close?"

"I'd love to!" gushed Mom.

"Son?"

"Uhh... sure."

Dad shook his head. "If you're not careful, you'll realize you've wasted this holiday for nothing!"

Hexatona rolled his eyes and followed his parents through the town to the steep mountain trail.

They stopped to rest on the bend of a lofty path.

Mother wouldn't stop gushing about how stunning the town looked from this angle, this height, this time of day, et cetera. Dad had finished off his own water half way up, and was currently downing Hexatona's.

Hexatona heard a faint wail of a distinctly female register. He scanned the area with his hungry peepers thoroughly before deciding he'd investigate with his whole body. He propelled himself away from his parents with his spotty, insect-bitten legs. "Gotta pee."

Zipping up the fly of his cargo shorts, he tip-toed to the edge of the cliff and looked again for the source of the cry.

"We'll go on without you, son!" he heard his father call out.

Liberated, Hexatona searched every nook and cranny of the mountain, occasionally sighting his parents on a path above him, or hearing their disembodied bickering over who got to eat Hexatona's share of their packed lunches, if not Hexatona himself.

Hexatona carelessly exhausted himself with his thinking only of sexual quarry, and not of care for his own bodily health on this particularly hot and dry day.

He sank against a boulder, wishing he'd snatched his water away from his greedy father while he had the chance.

"...I am gonna kick your ass when I get down from here!" came the reverberating, girlish cry through the air like a snake betwixt stones.

Hexatona nearly fell over himself as he clambered to the direction of the shout. He saw below him beautiful girls sprawled against rocks and a very fat man laughing at them. Dang, look at the seize of that! thought Hexatona as he spied, even without his camera's zoom, the monster in the fat man's pants.

Breathlessly, Hexatona observed the scene, pushing away any admittedly weak feelings of chivalry in favour of intense, sweaty arousal. Forgetting himself, he began to paw at his own flesh.

He didn't hear the crumple of boots against little rocks and yellowed grass behind him.

"Get a load of this guy!"

"Gaaaah!" ejaculated Hexatona.

"Awww, gross!"

"Man, what the hell?" said a second burly guard. He raised a black walkie-talkie to his zinc-kissed lips. "We got a real sicko here!"

"P-please - I don't - " Hexatona's mouth flopped open and shut in utter confusion.

"You a tourist or somethin'?"

"Yeah - my p-parents... should be around here somewhere..."

"Oh, boy. Are they gonna be embarrassed by you, kid!" laughed the first burly man.

"Yeah, ordinarily we'd, you know, shoot you in the brains. But - ehhh. You can't have too great a moral conscience if you were whacking off to THAT."

"N - no, sir, I swear it!" Hexatona rose clumsily to his feet. "I'm a pig!"

"Oh, uh - he's with me!" said Dad, and Hexatona stared at him in disbelief.

"You knocking one off back there, too?" said a guard.

Dad shrugged.

The guard pursed his fat lips. "Ehh, get outta here you pair of horndogs!"

Dad grabbed Hexatona's arm roughly, and they walked briskly away.

"Let's get out of here!" he hissed, frightened.

Hexatona nodded obediently.

"We won't tell your mother!" said father.

"No!" agreed son.

"But I tell you what, we won't be forgetting this day any time soon!"

Hexatona glanced over his shoulder at the receding scene of debauchery.

It had been a sweltering day.



Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3702
I had to look up what the heck the party did in Wutai to remind myself of this scene.
Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3702
"A-holy shit, Suzy! This is a-better than any princess I've a-ever had!" Mario said, pinned underneath a fine lady who was grinding against him rhythmically. Scattered about the room were the discarded husks of mushrooms, stars, condoms, fire flowers, and a single shredded Tanuki Suit. Suzy paused for just a half-second, and said, "Mario, I get that you're Italian and something of a mascot, but can you maybe... tone down the... how to say this gently... your accent? It's kinda harshing my bliss over here." Mario coughed and his voice lowered substantially. In a fine Brooklyn accent, Mario continued, "Oh, uh, sorry. Old habits - some fans just kind of expect it." Suzy groaned loudly and redoubled her efforts. "Hnnng, it's so wrong. It's like seeing Mickey Mouse smoking a cigarette in the back alley. I fucking love it, it's so dirty. Get another fucking Star."
"You know, I've heard stories this fertility idol grants certain people the most terrible pleasure they've ever had in their lives," said Lara, looking lovingly at her new artifact.

Those burly men in her crew grunted and mumbled in reply as they scoffed their baked beans and beer.

One man though was intrigued.

"May I hold it?" Hexatona asked Ms Croft, holding out a somewhat timid hand.

"Oh, certainly. Be careful though; it's absolutely precious."

As he turned it in his fingers, watching its crystal surface reflect the firelight, Lara rose to her feet and said, "Well, I'm off to bed."

Hexatona felt a thick hand slap against his back.

"Off to bed with ya!" said hairy Dave.

Hexatona nodded absently. He was entranced.

Slowly everyone around him curled up into their sleeping bags.

...

Hexatona heaved and puffed, though he did try to stifle too loud a grunt or moan.

Someone behind him coughed. He jerked his head over his shoulder, hands frozen in place.

Dave just rolled over in his sleeping bag, oblivious. No one else in the camp had stirred.

Hexatona resumed his frantic pawing of his own swollen groin. The cool stone of the figurine in his other hand felt clammier with each stroke as his palms filled with sweat.

Working himself into a frenzy, Hexatona let out a restrained, wincing groan, and felt something snap in his hand.

"Oh no!" he rasped, picking up the stray piece of carved agate. "Oh no!"

He feebly tried to fit the two pieces of the statue back together. It was hopeless.

Anxiously he crept through the sea of his sleeping colleagues and placed the abused idol near the fire.

He slid into his sleeping bag and wished he could hide in there for the rest of the trip. Everyone would know it was him. He was the last one to hold it. How could he be so stupid! It was hardly worth the trouble, for one thing. "Most terrible pleasure ever" my foot, he thought grumpily.

Hexatona forgot his anxieties as he drifted off to sleep.

"Bloody hell!" came the anguished cry. "What's happened to the idol?"

Hexatona opened his eyes to the pale blue canopy of morning. He sat up and saw Lara throwing her arms about in a panic, the idol major in one hand and its estranged phallus in the other.

With narrowed eyes Hexatona glanced at the yawning Dave, who didn't seem too bothered about the whole thing.

Relieved yet still wary, Hexatona climbed out of his sleeping bag and approached his boss.

"What's wrong?" he asked innocently.

"Look at this." Lara furiously shoved the broken statue in his puffy face. "Dated 500 B.C. It's survived one and a half millennia intact. One night with us and its bloody penis breaks off."

"That some kind of curse?" said Dave through his muffin bar. "Should us dudes be worried?"

There were a few laughs around the camp, but Lara was having none of it.

"This isn't a bloody joke!"

Hexatona desperately needed something obscuring his mouth, because a guilty smile was beginning to pinch at the corners of his lips.

"Here ya go," said Gary, sticking a fresh brew of fairtrade coffee in a cardboard cup in Hexatona's idle hands.

He slurped at it, burning his lips and tongue. But that was okay. He could channel his building guilt and shame into that searing pain.

"Hexatona!" snapped Lara.

He twisted around to face her.

"I handed it to you last night, just before I went to bed. Anything to say?"

"Well, I - " he sipped at his coffee, winced, and took another nervous sip. Then, a different kind of feeling rushed over him. Not pain, exactly, but this really wasn't the most opportune time for such an experience - "Gaaaah!" Knees bent, he stumbled forward, spraying coffee onto his colleagues.

"What the hell is wrong with you, man?" said Lara, stepping around him.

"Oh no!" was all he could muster. "I - I'm sorry, I don't know why that happened - "

"I do," said Dave, spitting crumbs. "Dude just ejaculated in his pants because he jacked off to that there statue."

"I - " began Hexatona.

"Last night," continued Dave after taking another bite of his breakfast. "He thought we were all asleep. But I was awake, heh heh." He slurped at his coffee. "I saw you put that little broken dude down by the fire, sneak off ta bed. You dumbass."

Lara seemed less angry now, and more fascinated by what she was hearing.

"You mean - there really is a curse of some sort?" she said, wonder in her eyes as she held the broken figurine up to the light. "This is most curious."

Hexatona was about to yell something profane about Dave when more of that unfortunate ecstasy coursed through his body. His colleagues cried and shouted in protest: "Trying to eat my breakfast here!", etc. Hexatona felt hot tears roll down his sun burnt cheeks.

A most terrible pleasure indeed.
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
Altis's World Domination Journal and Bathhouse Naked Scubbing Minigame High Score List(temp)

Changed the title again, since really the world domination part of this adventure is becoming more and more trivial by comparison as we collect heroes and demon lords who all seem to have X-rated weak points. Relatedly, today we visited RMN World and Chou-Chou made Suzy_Cheesedreams into her minion. Like the heroes from the other worlds, she kept her original form instead of turning into a shampuru. (The demon lord, Kentona, didn’t fare as well. Suzy got to use him as a sponge to wash off with after he was transformed into a generic tiny shampuru.)

Because the scrubbing minigame was censored out of the English release, I still have the high score for fastest time. No one can challenge me without using an unlicensed patch of the game! This is it! My ultimate evil act, forcing people to break the EULA (and breaking the fourth wall pretty hard as well) to rub down our soapy, perfect skin in glorious CG! I'll get to be turned back into a demon for sure this time!
Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3702
I completely read that in her voice, too. Poor Altis, you try so hard to be evil.
Zakariya
Every misdeed has its own punishment, and every good deed has its reward.
1174
Here, I shall write something that features Franklin Clinton meeting our friend Hexatona, and the two...interact after the infamous daughter of Ash Ketchum plays a "trick" on Hex.

....enjoy. XP


After an exhausting trip home, Franklin shoved open the front door to his house, sighing explosively at possibility of having to spend time with Jimmy once more.

Franklin did not dislike the son of Michael in spite of his annoying behavior, though it was quite difficult to be the friend of someone who behaved like a cruel, ungrateful spoiled brat.

Man, sometimes I don't understand anything I do, Franklin thought as he tossed aside his jacket. That whole bullshit with Devin Weston is over, but it's like we gonna be dealing with at least one form of crap for the rest of our fucking lives. Even if we give up all the dangerous stuff in exchange for living life as normal folk, it feels like it ain't ever gonna end. At least Trevor don't care...

Franklin prepared to enter his bedroom for the evening, and stopped when he heard an unintelligible noise coming from the living room.

"Hey, who's there?!" Franklin shouted in alarm, mentally cursing that he didn't keep a pistol with him this time. "I ain't invite nobody over tonight! You get your ass outta here before I decide to kick it all over the fucking town!"

Already irritated with the situation, Franklin carefully approached his living room expecting a fist-fight, and stopped as his annoyance was replaced with utter fear.

Lia Ketchum was standing in the middle of the living room staring at the amusing individual known as Hexatona, who seemed heavily intoxicated for some reason.

Fuck...just mother fucking fantastic, Franklin thought in both rage and terror, tightening his fists at the situation. How'd this fucking psychopath even get in my crib?!

Lia quickly turned to see Franklin glaring at her, and gave the former gangster her typical devilish smirk.

"What the hell you doing here, you freak?" Franklin nearly shouted, slightly backing away hoping he would be able to find a weapon soon enough.

Lia's expression quickly changed into something that indicated anger, as if Franklin had said one of the most offensive things possible.

"I can invade whatever house I want to, dummy!" Lia retorted with a horrific tone, her expression changing back to her regular malicious smile. "Just like how I'm entitled to molesting whoever I want, or brainwashing people into making love to each other. Isn't that right, Hex?"

Hexatona merely ignored the twisted daughter of Ash Ketchum, staring off into space like he had no idea where he was, or if he was in reality for that matter.

"Looks like he don't agree either," Franklin snarled, remembering the "secret hiding place" for his stun pistol. "Now, hope you don't mind me leaving this fucked up scen-"

Franklin discontinued his sentence when Lia began sprinting in his direction like a savage beast, and before he had the opportunity to flee, the deranged teenage girl had him pinned to the floor.

The ex-criminal attempted to shove Lia off, failing due to her apparent superhuman strength. Franklin was initially unaware that the unethical adolescent was capable of overwhelming him like this, and shouted incoherent profanities once she threw him onto the couch like a pile of abnormally light tissue paper.

"As you probably know by now, I'm strong enough to kill you just by punching your empty head!" Lia stated with an vile grin. "Now, you're going to do something that will turn me on, or else!"

"Or else what, you evil fucking lunatic?" Franklin replied in a resentful manner. "You gonna crush my head with your chest?"

Franklin felt a rock form in his gut when he witnessed Lia giving him the fiercest glare he had ever seen, and wished he had brought Trevor home with him.

"Very funny, douche!" Lia shouted in disgust, slowly stepping towards the ambitious youth. "I don't kill people, and I'm NOT evil! What is it with you morons thinking I'm so bad? I'm the second most awesome person alive!"

"Who's the first?" Hexatona asked with a hiccup, staring off into space once again. Lia resumed smiling once more, and starting rubbing her hands together with sadistic glee.

"Hexatona, why don't you and Franklin do some 'exploring' in his bedroom?" Lia stated with a grim snicker, pointing towards the staircase.

Without warning, Hexaton grabbed Franklin by the waist and lifted him into the air, carrying the former gangster over his back as he proceeded to walk down the staircase.

"Hex, cut it out! Don't listen to that fucking nutcase," Franklin told Hexatona, struggling to free himself. "Put me down, homie! You ain't into dudes, remember?"
___
It's going along perfectly, Lia thought in grim satisfaction, smiling at Franklin's failed attempts to convince Hexatona to discontinue his actions. Once he's done with Franklin, I'm going to nail them both!

Lia suddenly noticed the shadow of a strange outfit in the corner, and stomped over to inspect who was hiding in the living room. Before she could fully advance to the edge, the unethical girl spotted what looked like a cell phone camera.

"Picking on everyone you meet...that's awesome," a familiar voice hissed with a noticeable amount of harsh sarcasm. "You don't even bother to consider whether their friends are present or not?"

Lia watched the male tsundere come out of hiding, the anger visible in his cold yellow eyes.

"Why'd you come to ruin my fun?!" Lia yelled furiously, feeling the urge to punch him. "I know you have better things to do! Why don't you try some more cosplaying, Zakariya?!"

The short-tempered youth began looking at Lia with an emotionless expression, it was clear he had no intention of letting her go without any sort of punishment.

"I can show this to the law enforcement," he said quietly with a flat tone, as if his anger was slowly drifting away due to the anticipation of punishing Lia. "Or...I could show it to everyone, including your mother. It can be done before you can lay a finger on me, but...I'm feeling generous tonight. If you refrain from physically harming me, perhaps your punishment won't result in soiling your relationship with your mother, and a bitter legal atrocity."

Lia's eyes narrowed at the young man's proposal; she knew he had something else in mind, and it was likely a perfect example of how harsh he tended to be.

"Is there anything else you want that I'm too cool to be doing?" Lia questioned angrily, causing Zakariya to give a lazy smile.

"Kneel," he whispered with an eerie tone. Lia's eyes narrowed in suspicion; it was rather odd to her that Zakariya would tell her that, although she still complied due to what could happen if she didn't.

Zakariya suddenly pulled a bottle of zip ties from out of his left sleeve, along with a large roll of duct tape. Before the immoral girl could react, Zakariya opened the bottle and swiped several of the plastic ties as quickly as he could, grabbing Lia's wrists and bonding them together.

Lia immediately attempted to break the restraints, and to her surprise, they were far too tight for her to free her wrists. Zakariya then pulled off a large strip of tape from the roll, putting the zip tie bottle on the table as Lia continued struggling.

Before she could start shouting, Zakariya savagely taped Lia's mouth shut and lightly pushed her onto the couch. The normally calm male didn't appear any less agitated due to Lia's homicidal glare, although it was clear he was relieved due to the obnoxious girl no longer posing a threat.

"My night just became much more pleasant," he said to himself quietly, ignoring Lia's furious reaction. "Now, you are my slave and after tonight, you will be forced to redeem yourself for your sick acts."

"Mggphhmmpphhhfff!"

Zakariya took a glance at Lia, giving her a smile that indicated both pity and amusement towards her situation.

"I don't know what you're saying," he told her quietly, closing his eyes as he looked at his phone. "And I really don't care. I'd rather listen to the sound of your attempts at insulting me than whatever nasty garbage you actually have to say."

"Mmmppphhhhh! MMMFFFFPPPHHHHFFFFF!!!!"

Zakariya was about to make a response to Lia's enraged, muffled rants and stopped when he heard Franklin shouting at Hexatona again.

"Seriously homie, that girl up there can give you a better time than I can!" Franklin shouted from downstairs. "Just don't do nothing beyond you throwing me on my bed, and we're cool. Alright?!"

"Okay....?" Hexatona responded with a slurred voice. "Ima gonna be taking this taser here!"

Zakariya's eyes widened in shock just as he attempted to sprint for the front door, and successfully escaped before Hexatona made it to the living room.

"Mmph...?"

Lia stared at the intoxicated youth, wondering what he was going to do to her. The daughter of Ash Ketchum was unable to escape due to being bound and gagged, and Zakariya had ran away fearing that Hexatona was going to attack him in his drugged state.

"Uuhhh...um, I did think you were hot. Mind if we do stuff in here?" Hexatona mumbled weakly.

"Mmmmpppphhhh?! Mmmmfffppphhhmmmpgggg!"

Lia furiously struggled to free herself as Hexatona placed his hands on her shoulders, and looked away once he began kissing her on the cheek.

"See how it fucking feels?!" Franklin shouted from downstairs. "Hex just tossed me on the bed and didn't do nothing else, and it felt more fucked up than hanging out with Trevor when he drunk. Karma's a real fucking bitch, ain't it?!"

"MMMMPHHHFFFFFMMMPPHHHHH!!!!! Mmmmmppppphhhhhmmmphhhhh!"

"I ain't got no idea what the hell you saying," Franklin replied with a bitter grunt. "And quite frankly, I don't give two fucks about it."

Lia cringed at Franklin's inconsiderate way of helping himself, and feel a tremendous amount of remorse for what she had done. Her hatred of Zakariya was now stronger than ever, and Hexatona was too intoxicated to realize what was happening.

As the perpetually confused youth got "closer" to Lia, the teenage girl felt the urge to scream as the punishment settled in.


I hope whatever fanfic I'm in next isn't too strange. XP