I realize that I'm going over the single paragraph stipulation, but, frankly my dear I don't give a damn:

The Patapon tribe gathered around Meden. "Are you sure?"

She nodded gravely, and said, "Yes. Does everyone remember the chants?"

They nodded their assent. It was time to begin.

Meden faced the other side, and said, "O Great Starmage, our forces are too diminished to go on! We need you, O Great Starmage!"

Like morning dew, Starmage appeared in a cloud of pale vapor, slowly taking form. The Patapon tribe whispered to themselves, in awe at Starmage's form.

"Is this what the Great Starmage looks like?" "Is this IT?" "How strange, two eyes..."

But Meden waved them into silence.

"Thank you for hearing our prayers, O Great Starmage. We need you now more than ever," Meden began, head bowed low.

"Pata pata pata pon"

She continued, "Our forces are too diminished. But, there is a special ritual only you and I can perform, O Great Starmage."

"Pata pata pata pon"

With great dignity, Meden removed her robes instantly, revealing her black, slick, supple body. Starmage was surprised, in more ways than one - and the Tribe became more excited.

"Pata pata pata pon"

Wordlessly, Meden beckoned with an outstretched hand. Around them, the remaining Patapons gathered, and began their portion of the ritual.

"Pata pata pata pon!" "Pata pata pata pon!" "Pata pata pata pon!"

Gently, Starmage picked Meden up in his arms and laid her down.

"Pon pon pata pon!" "Pon pon pata pon!" "Pon pon pata pon!"

"Oh no, I think he's in trouble!" "O Great Starmage!" "Hold on!"

"Chaka chaka pata pon!" "Pon pon pata pon!"

"Chaka chaka pata pon!" "Pon pon pata pon!"


"Pon pon pata pon!" "Pon pon pata pon!" "Pon pon pata pon!"

"Oh no, guys, it's not enough, guys!" "What do we do?" "I know, Everyone, The PonChaka!"

"Pon pon chaka chaka!" "Pon Pon pata pon!" "Pon Pata Pon Pata!"

"Pon pon chaka chaka!" "Pon Pon pata pon!" "Pon Pata Pon Pata!"

Panting, Meden cried out, "Now!"



And the true ritual began. Their bodies in sync, the Patapon tribe did their best to keep up with their priestess and The Great Starmage.

ponponpon ponpatapon ponponpon pataponpon ponponpon dondonchaka ponponpon

pon pon ponponpon HAI Bondiaboooooo!


Some time later.

"Umm... Miss Meden. I just wantd to say, thank you," an older member of the tribe said to her. "Without you, we would be lost."

"Of course, it is my duty. There is no need to thank me. Go and make The Great Starmage proud" she said, smiling benificently upon her new flock of charges. And, perhaps, with a bit of whistful longing.

Cheat sheet:
pata pata pata pon - advance
pon pon pata pon - attack
chaka chaka pata pon - defense
pon pon chaka chaka - charge
pon pata pon pata - retreat
DON DODON DONDON - Miracle Dance (Earthquake)

Also, feel free to jam out to this sweet jem.


"Tee hee hee! Your driving me nuts Hexatona! Come oooooon let's have some fun~!" Hexatona was a little nervous, a commanding officer... and a faceless soldier? He wasn't going to question it.

"Awwhahaha yisss, let's do this bitch"
Lash bent over her desk of notes.

"Do you see that Hexatona? It's the pinnacle of Black Hole technology!!" Hexatona saw.
"Ohhh oh God. Oooohhh fuck me ohh fuck ohhh fuck. Oh hhhhhahhhhaaauugh FUCK HEXATONA HOKY FUCK AAAHHHHHHH OH GOD"

Hexatona tottaly wrecked that bitch.

(I agree 100% with this portrayal)

Let's see if I can write terrible smut with a cold.

The town was bustling with activity, but Xoe was on the look out for one particular person. And.... There! The man in the green tunic and hat. She was sure of it.

"O Hero! I'm a friend. I've heard of your great journey, and I want to help. You look... tired. Come inside and refresh yourself." Xoe said, dressed a little oddly for the weather, and gesturing to her door.
Link looked at himself quizzically, then at Xoe, tilted is head contemplatively, and joined her.

"Well, have a seat, Hero. There's cool water, and cookies. Take a break, and I'll use my special technique to revitalize you." After a few minutes of light chatter, she told Link to close his eyes, so that she could begin to revitalize him.

Silently, she crept under the table, and lowered her dress. Xoe's *puff puff* massage was the talk of the local boys. Let's see if it will be the talk of legends.


Sighing wistfully, she waved off the hero who waved back enthusiastically. One of her friends happened to be walking by on the road. "Oh hey, Xoe. Looks like you've got something on your face. Right... there." Her friend pointed to her cheek.

Xoe wiped it away and licked off her finger. "Oh, frosting. I was making cookies."
It walked in. A churchill in a corner of its mounth. A witty smile on its pink face. It breaths out like a furnace. Right over Hexatona's pale face. Hexa sits on small chair, too small for him.

"Sir Kirby, I'm here from the agency."
"Call me mount."
"Should I get naked or something."
"Where were your clothes made?"
"Vietnam or Indonesia, I guess."
"Get naked then."

Hexa starts to undress in a hurry.

"Make it slow, pup."

Kirby suits itself in a big armchair. His keen eyes are on hexatona's knees and other usually hidden parts of the body. Kirby licks his lip and throws away the cigare.

"Come closer, dear."

Now, there is only one thing Kirby can do. It swallows.
(Hexatona: Masterfully written)

Intrigued by Cap_H's skill with the Nunchucks, Ancient Exile approached the warrior at the bar. "Sir, I have never seen someone wield Nunchucks quite like you do. It is intoxicating." She said twirling her hair in-between her fingers.
Cap_H smiled. "Thank you kind lady! Well, I do have a Doctorate in Nunchaku, mind you." A Doctorate?!

Ancient Exile knew where she was spending the night.

I lost my arms in a tragic chibi accident
Xoe smiled at peach, the damsel in distress at their beck and will. All tied up and helpless. That's what they decided on beforehand. Peach loved this side of her beloved Xoe. Xoe then proceeded to do what Xoe did to her little bad Princess. Spend the night driving her crazy and causing their love to grow. Just like every night.

(I wanted to ressurect this thread because it's the best thread)
The TM is for Totally Magical.
The overweight Italian plumber took Kloe into his arms and kissed her deeply, tasting of garlic and prosciutto. As they broke their embrace, Kloe looked into his eyes with concern in her heart. "But what about Peach," Kloe said. The bold, slightly greasy plumber blew air through his mustache. "Don'ta worry. She'sa inna 'nuther castle." With that, he dropped his overalls. Kloe's eyes sparkled. "Oh my! What a huge mushroom!" The plumber's mouth twisted into a sideways grin as he said, "Of course! It'sa me! Mario!"
I lost my arms in a tragic chibi accident
"All according to Keikaku" said Piano (note: Keikaku means plan)
He retured home from the rescuing of his girlfriend, Princess Zelda.
"Well, excuuuuuuuuusssseee meeee Princess, but I though we we're gonna have sex, not just stand around doing nothing"
Before Piano could say another word, Zelda was naked, and so was he, the power of the triforce I guess, not the triforce of power or courage or wisdom but the one in the middle... The Triforce of Lewdness was PianoTM's triforce.
Using this, he had the most mindblowing sex he'd even had, and Zelda's Triforce of Wisdom really payed off, tons of kinky ideas. And so the Legend of Zelda ('s Bedroom) continued the next day, but for now Piano rested asleep after a long day of adventures and doing a princess!
*squeak squeak*
Kloe brushed strands of sweaty hair from her face and rolled onto her stomach, reaching for the packet of cigarettes on the coffee table.
*squeak squeak*
My god, will he stop with that infernal squeaking? she thought to herself with a restrained roll of her eyes. "Got anything to eat?"
"You're still hungry after that sausage-fest?"
*squeak squeak*
"Sex really takes the energy right out of me," she sighed.
"Not me, baby! I feel like I could take on a T-rex!" *squeak*
If anyone finds out about this... I'll never live it down. Kloe rose to her feet and sauntered to the kitchen, dusky sunlight falling across her totally bangin' bod. She opened the fridge and shook her head in disbelief, purple hair fluttering through the air like satin ribbons. "Is this all you got?"
"The best dogs in Balamb! What could be better than that?"
*squeak squeak* *fist pump*
As the blond idiot danced around the room with post-coital vigour, Kloe gathered her belongings into a dishevelled lump, and started to dress herself. She tucked her folded glasses away into her bag, not wanting to see with any renewed clarity the imbecilic smudge of self-satisfaction on the boy's face.
"I gotta get to afternoon class. See you around."
"Later, babe!" *squeak*
Kloe moved quickly to the exit, though without her glasses she predictably collided with something hard and knobbly.
Kloe rubbed the spot where the doorknob had whacked into her groin.
"Oh, sorry sweetheart! Zell, I didn't realize you were having a friend over today."
As the rotund woman moved aside to let the girl pass, Kloe uttered a hurried, "Hi, Mrs. Dincht..." then ran onto the street, her head swimming. Panic was splashing around in there, making her thoughts race with its paddling little feet...
"Adel's tits, watch where you're going!" raged the dark blur in the large shiny lump thing.
Kloe shoved her glasses onto her eyes, quick enough to see the dude's erect finger hanging out the car window.
"Kiss this, baby!" he said as he drove off, his car ejaculating thick black smoke into Kloe's face.
She backed against Zell's house out of the way of other vehicles, and, her arms crossed against her ample jugs, walked home to Balamb Garden's warm, inviting lights on the hills yonder.

~the end~

e: the implication being that Zell has sex with his sneakers on.
I don't know why I refuse to write just paragraphs. I just can't. I need to write more. Is that wrong of me? These terrible fanfiction topics are my favourite part of these forums. Thanks for bringin' it back, Kloe, you unredeemable pervert.


It was another hot day in Akihabara, but there was something Suzy absolutely must have. And she knew, out there, somewhere, in some shop - it was there. It was waiting just for her.

The limited edition, 6 inch Agatha from Twilight Princess, complete with button that said "私はあなたがバグがあることを知っています" when you pressed it.

It would probably take all of her money, but who cares when you can have something like that sitting on your shelf forever. All yours, only yours...

Just before she was entering the 13th shop that day, she noticed that someone was walking around with their cellphone out, taking pictures. He was walking slowly, snapping a new one every few steps - obviously taking pictures of all the people crowing the streets. He was wearing a suit, black sunglasses, impeccable shoes, Headphones, and had a steel baseball bat on his back.

"What a creep..." Suzy muttered, watching him suspiciously.

Seconds later, he snapped a picture in her direction, and paused. He pocketed the phone, walked right over to her... And then passed her by and whispered something she couldn't hear to someone just behind her.

To her utter astonishment, the one he talked to pulled out a giant baguette and started viciously swinging at the creep! Not only that, but a whole bunch of other people totally just joined in!

"Oh my God, it's the Human-Shaped Anti-Artlien Weapon!" Suzy heard one person say. Someone else shouted, "The Defender of Akiba! I need to take a selfie!"

Suzy was going to just completely avoid this huge mess, when some stray baguette (or was it a giant novelty Eifel Tower?) clocked her clean in the face!

"Oh hell naw, that does it!" Suzy shouted, rolling up her sleeves, and entering the fray.

She'd barely landed any punches when it happened.

The creep suddenly shouted, "We can dance, we can dance - everybody take off your PANTS!!"

In a fantastical, almost too impossibly-fast to see whirl of punches, blows, and grapples, the creep sent every single combatant flying in every direction, ripping off all of their clothes in the process!

Oh my god, this feeling...

When he came to her, the feeling of his hands on her clothes... Having them torn away like an animal... Being thrown around like a ragdoll...

Hah... Hah...

But, it wasn't over yet. In some moment of frozen time, she could see him perform some ancient ritualistic movements, and shout, "SECRET TECHINQUE! HOW ABOUT THIS!?"

And all of their underwear - everyone's - were magically ripped off of their bodies!

The street was filled with screams and shrieks! Horrible black and violet smoke poured from all the combatants, seeming to dissolve in the sun. When all the others had died away, there was still one scream - but it was a scream of ecstasy.

"Oh my god, that was... Hnnnng, that was my fetish! Hah, what is your name!" Suzy yelled, pointing at the Creep, unashamed of her complete nakedness.

"Uhh... N-Nanashi... Ma'am. I'm sorry, I though you were a Synth-" began The creep.

Suzy stomped over to him, grabbed him by the lapels of his suit, and kissed him. All the people watching, all the sounds of cameras going off, being surrounded by piles of discarded underwear and clothes... She was...

In heaven.
Eh I'm disregarding the one paragraph rule as well

Hexatona woke, head throbbing, jagged music piercing his eardrums and warm evening sea wind enveloping him like a cloak of black salt. He wriggled in his seat as he tried to place himself in the world.

"You nodded off, partner!" growled the driver, a balding, dishevelled man with a ripe musky stench. Moonlight danced across his grimy, scabby skull-top.

"I thought you were headed to Los Santos?" said Hexatona breathlessly.

"Yeah. Well, this is an uncommon route. Just wanted to miss the traffic."

"At midnight?"

"It's a busy fucking highway, man." The driver kept his angry eyes forward, and Hexatona was glad for it; they were heaving over an unforgiving forest road. Shrubs and roots of trees bulged from the ground. Branches thwacked across the car, hungry fingers in the night. "Twenty fucks!"

Hexatona's body stiffened as the car jerked across the road. The driver thrust a boot against the brake and they stopped short of a thick, twisted tree.

Both men sat there, panting. Insects flitted about in the yellow milky headlights before Hexatona reached across and turned off the ignition, his hand brushing the other man's knee, drenching them all in darkness.

The driver lifted his head slowly. "You know, there's a legend of a beautiful creature roaming these parts. An animal of such splendour and majesty..."

There was a long, pained silence. Hexatona placed a hand lightly on the man's leg.

"Go on," he said, his voice as soft as the breeze washing over from the ocean.

The man, he realized, was crying.

"Are - are you that creature?" ventured Hexatona. He rose from his seat and said with a soft grunt as he landed on the man's lap, "I think you must be..."

As they made love in that car, Hexatona felt a thousand eyes upon them: the stars, the owls, the sleepy squirrels.

The two men seemed to pick up the rhythm of the sea, bodies moving in time with the waves. Hexatona looked upwards to see an owl hovering above them, its wings beating in slow motion.

"Mother of goooooooddd," roared the driver as Hexatona clutched at his shiny head, greasy hair tangled around sweaty fingers.

Hexatona felt such an excruciating rush of ecstasy, he was for a second certain a volcano was exploding inside his body, lava pushing through every vein in every limb and extremity.

"Unicorn," muttered the driver, his face buried in Hexatona's throbbing breast.


"I was talking about a unicorn." The man glided a gnarled hand over his head, pushing away from Hexatona. "Let's hit the road."

Hexatona moved clumsily back to his own seat as the car jerked and spluttered. The beauty of what had just happened seemed to be cast away in a cloud of ambivalent smoke. Mowing down that owl certainly didn't enhance the atmosphere.

"Damn bird. That thing gave me the fucking creeps," spat the driver, wrenching the steering wheel around as they wound up a particularly steep hill.

The men sat in silence, though the radio provided enough noise to fill the night again.

Soon a foreboding structure appeared before them. Hexatona's skin prickled as they drove through the gate of what was a wooden fortress of some sort.

Dumbfounded, Hexatona felt his throat tighten and his thoughts raced.

The driver stopped the car and stretched his arm across the back of Hextona's seat as hulking shapes approached them.

"Out!" snarled a pale, ghoulish man with hair like moss.

"Do as he says, man," said the driver impersonally.

Hexatona felt cold steel press against his cheek.

"Out, fucker!"

Hexatona cried out a garbled plea, and the driver laughed a pitying, bitter laugh.

"Where's my coinage?" Hexatona heard him say, and his heart collapsed. He watched in disbelief and horror as the driver was handed a wad of grimy, worn money. Hexatona was pulled roughly from the car and thrown onto the ground.

"Keep it up, Trevor," said a man with a shotgun resting across his shoulder.

The driver disappeared wordlessly from the fortress, the gate closing behind him, angry punk music haunting the air.

Trevor... thought Hexatona numbly as cold, indifferent hands dragged him to an unknown fate. My unicorn was named Trevor.
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
Garrosh Hellscream, warchief of the Horde, let out one of his signature hellish screams, while Suzzosh Cheesescream let out a different kind of scream. Hers was more like "OH YESSSSSS!" while his was more like "RRRRAAAAWRG! BLOOD AND THUNDER!" She suddenly stopped and yanked his giant orcism member, which he named Gorehowl, out of her Ragefire Chasm (a venereal condition that she was using protection for). Suzy seemed visibly turned off and started asking if Garrosh could maybe just do the thunder and maybe hold off on the blood, because even though she was into big strong men taking control of her, she could kinda see where this was going and she didn't particularly like having her organs ruptured. Garrosh sighed and sheepishly agreed to use only thunder from now on.
How lovely. Garrosh and I were able to communicate effectively; an important part of a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

LockeZ ran timid hands over Fujin's milky back. "Is this okay for you, milady?" he said, trembling.


"Do tell me if I'm causing you any discomfort."

"NO." She rolled over onto her back and grabbed his arms forcefully. "KISS."

"Whatever you say!" LockeZ said through a nervous giggle. He puckered his rosy lips just in time as Fujin smashed hers into his face.

She pulled at him, wrenching him into the firm enclosure of her arms.

LockeZ felt anxiety bubble up through his chest into his throat.

"Ah - d-darling?"


"Could we - I'm not sure I'm - "


"Well - it's just such a huge thing. I mean, it is and it isn't. But I'm not sure I'm -"


"Right, I'm not sure I'm ready - yet."

"REASONABLE." Fujin released LockeZ and swept strands of hair from his face.

"Someday, I will be. I want you to be the person with whom I - I - "


LockeZ felt his face flush with colour. He clasped Fujin's calloused hands in his own.

"You're so understanding. So patient."


"I love you too," he said with a warm smile.

... It's all about the communication

Aww, that was real nice.


"For a guy huh? Can't say I see the attraction, but whatever. But sure, I can help you. Take off your clothes, let me see what I'm working with here." Metallia said, offhandedly waving at Suzy while picking a few spell books off the nearby shelf.

Squashing down her embarassment, Suzy did as she was told.

"Hey, you follow orders pretty good. I hear they like that sort of thing." Metallia said, still not really looking up at her while thumbing through the pages. Suzy continued to stand naked, blushing furiously.

The witch Metallia gave a final nod at her book, then finally turned her gaze towards Suzy's body.

"Well, looks like everything's where it's supposed to be. I'm not seeing the problem."

Suzy stammered, "W-well, the guy I like likes girls with a bit more... bounce on top. I've tried everything - drinking tons of milk, pulling on them, massaging them, soaking them in holy water... They won't grow!"

"Yeah yeah, spare me your life story. You want big tits, right? Fine fine, give me a minute," Metallia said. In moments, she'd thrown strange ingredients Suzy couldn't even name into a cauldron. In almost no time at all, Metallia had a glass vial filled with a bubbling fuchsia liquid. Just as Suzy went to reach out and grab it, Metallia jerked the vial back.

"Uh uh uh, I don't work for free. Also, let me explain how this works. One sip will give you another cup. Two sips will bring you up to my level. Three will give you some goddamned udders, and four will probably knock people unconscious as you turn around. I guarantee results. But first, my payment."

"Well.. I don't have much money - is there something... else I can do to repay you?" Suzy said, twirling her hair.

"Yes, actually - I'm really lazy and Arlecchino went and fucked off somewhere. Clean my house. I mean like frikkin spotless, alright? Do a good job or I'll switch this with something that'll make finding future dates a bit problematic."

Suzy deflated. That wasn't how this was supposed to go.

"Hey, consider it marriage training. Now, go on, git crackin'!"
Hexatona wriggled out of his achingly tight jeans with glee as the beautiful exchange student bounced around the room in her brightly coloured underpants.

"Woo woo woo!" said the girl, swinging her nunchaku about the room in a dangerous fashion.

Hexatona shook his head, praying this wasn't simply a devilishly erotic dream. He had been waiting for this ever since he saw the girl tumble out the cafeteria, showering herself with hot espresso and custard doughnuts that fateful spring morn. Ing.

"Can't wait to get to it baby!"

"You sound just like Zell!" Selphie giggled, her strangely upturned bangs bouncing in time with the rest of her body.

"That doofus? I'd like to see his hot dog measure against mine!"

Selphie's lagoon-green eyes fell upon Hexatona's steaming dog. "One please, with extra sauce!" she said before she burst into a geyser of bubbling laughter. "All aboard the mustard express, woo woo woo!"

"You're confusing metaphors a bit baby - but all right, I like your enthusiasm... COME GET SOME HOT MEAT!"

Selphie danced on her tip-toes for a few seconds, flinging her nunchaku upwards in a fit of excitement and immense sexual arousal from the sight of his member. Unfortunately - and perhaps, rather predictably - one stick of the nunchaku struck him square in the genitals, and he doubled over in excruciating pain.

Surprisingly, though, he was still rather aroused. Perhaps, once the worst of the pain passed, he would ask Selphie to strike him again on the shaft - far more gently, of course.

"...Maybe this is a beautiful new horizon for me to cross on my hoverboard of dreams, baby..." he wheezed, before passing out.

(Why can't I stop eroticising FF8 please help)
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
You already did Fuujin, which is just about the best possible character from FF8 to use in erotic fanfiction, so I feel like FF8 has jumped the shark unless you plan to include Brothers or Grandmaster NORG.


"No this isn't okay, you're too young," protested Suzy. But when Link pulled out the Master Sword, his blade was so massive that he suddenly looked to be seven years older. At this sight, Suzy succumbed to the moment, and her weak point began to flash. She dropped to the ground and was stunned. With a cry of HYYYYUP! Link performed a leaping strike and plunged his weapon into Suzy's tender bits. After repeating this process three times, she felt herself exploding, and realized Link had taken her heart.

"check out mine, little bro."

Sacred disregarded his brother's request. Instead he kept his attention to the incredible creature towering before him.

"Hey, you guys new to the orgy scene?" said the giant man in a deep, jovial voice that flowed into Sacred's bovine ear-holes like thick velvety honey.

Minotaur was distracted by his own reflection. Sacred had to answer for the pair of them: "FAIRLY NEW. SEEMS LIKE A PRETTY COOL CROWD."

"Oh yeah, some of these people are incredible."

YOU'RE INCREDIBLE, thought Sacred, staring up at the man whose appearance was so similar to his own - what with his enormous jagged horns and muscular build - yet so different.

"Name's The Iron Bull." And the man extended a ripped, green arm.

Sacred stifled a gasp as Bull clasped his hand. "DAMN, THAT'S A HELL OF A GRIP YOU GOT, MAN."

Bull lowered his angular face to Sacred and whispered, his breath hot as a solar flare, "You don't know the half of it..."

"whoa, bro. that's quite a bone you got there."

"He's not kidding," said Bull with a laugh and a more than generous glance at Sacred's bulging groin.

Sacred began to feel a little unsure of himself. He was too giddy around this "Iron Bull", like a damned teenager from some accursed Garden. What if he made an ass of himself?

His thoughts were interrupted when an unassuming man drifted over to them.

"Drinks? Nibbles?" The boy's hastily written nametag read: LOCKEZ.

Minotaur sniffed at the silver platter of strange little cakes. He noticed then the boy smelled strongly of sweet musk.

"are you on the menu?"

"Oh - I only serve the drinks, sir. A-and nibbles!"

"what's that awesome smell?" said Minotaur as he stepped around behind the waiter and aggressively smelled his neck.

"Hey, cool down, man," warned Bull, pushing Minotaur rather gently away from the bashful LockeZ.

"I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THIS, MY BROTHER - " started Sacred.

"what the hell, bro? I thought we came here for a good time," retorted Minotaur. He stomped his hooves huffily on the shag rug. "well, where's my good time?"

"Come on, man - you're dirtying the rug!" It was clear Bull was starting to get annoyed.

"BRO, I BEG YOU. BE COOL." Sacred couldn't believe Minotaur was embarrassing him like this. And in front of The Iron Bull!

"If it pleases the sirs, I may offer myself to this man to defuse the tense atmosphere presently filling the room?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" said Bull, grabbing LockeZ by the shoulders. "You deserve better than that. No one here is going to bully you into doing anything with your body that you don't want to do!"

Sacred's heart melted. Bull was perfect. He was so sure of that. It had been minutes, and he was perfect.

LockeZ picked up nibbles from the floor that had flown astray during Bull's touching reassurance.

"Sirs," he said, hurrying out of the room.

Minotaur snorted. "give me a break."

Sacred's nostrils flared as angry air plumed out of them. He stomped over to his big bro, heaved the man over his shoulders, stomped to the entrance, and hurled Minotaur out into the castle courtyard.

"That guy was an asshole," said Bull, gently resting a huge and strong hand on Sacred's back, making the slightly smaller man quiver with desire.

This was going to be an unforgettable evening.

Suzy you are so prolific I am frankly intimidated at this point. May your smut live on in infamy forever! If only Xoe were here to see this.

Additionally, I felt that maybe we should add a rule where people can comment freely. Maybe make just regular comments RED and then people know to not make red comments part of the chain of smut? Would be easier to keep the thread alive, and more opportunity for people to talk about what was said. Just a thought.


This is the fully represented contents of a book found on dungeon level 4, as found by a search party looking for one Suzy Cheesedreams.

As if led by dreams, I, Suzy, the Level 1 Sludge Elf Conjurer, descended into the dungeon in search of the Orb of Zot.

Day 1: I'm not sure why I did this. The only thing I can do is cast Magic Dart. I'm piss poor at everything else. Be a brickmaker, they said. Goddammit, what was that. Okay, hold on, Diary, let me take care of this.

Day 2: Sorry, got knocked unconscious for a while. Super hungry. Talk later.

Day 5: Okay, getting the hand of this. I'm level 7, and I can cast a few more spells. Mostly fighting bats and other crap like that.

Day 7: Jesus fuck, goddamned orcs everywhere. And it's not like just randomly orcs, there's priests and warriors and they were right by the goddamned stairs!

Day 10: This page is covered in a great deal of blood. Okay, I am like a fuckin' mystical ninja. Darting around corners, firing off spells, dissapearing into the shadows - I'm the BOSS of this goddamned dungeon!

Day 11: Okay I take it back. Ate some weird mushroom and now I have some extra fingers. Now I can't wear my gloves and my spells are a bit weird.

Day 12: I should avoid all mushrooms. Extra eye - but hey, I get infravision so yay!

Day 14: This page is covered with a thin layer of dried slime. Fucking fuck fuckity fuck fuck - goddamned polymorpghers! My one arm was turned into a tentacle! It just nicked me!

Day 22: Still haven't been able to fix this shit tentacle. I've got a pack full of potions but I don't know what any of them do. Maybe I'll clear out a floor and try a few out just for giggles. Maybe I'll find some kinda potion to get my body back to normal.

Day 23: Just woke up fucking a kobold to death. Was that some kind of cursed berserk potion? Just the thought of that filthy dog lizard inside me filled me with so much revulsion I am tempted to go back and set his body on fire again. Protip, Tentacle arm is great for strangling things.

Day 24: Okay, honestly, I am having a hard time getting that encounter out of my head. I'm horny and hundreds of feet below the earth's surface. I found a wand a little while ago. Didn't really do anything when I tried to use it, so I think it's dead. I might use that to quench my urges.

Day 25: The page is covered in some unknown substance. Okay, that wand wasn't empty. Thankfully, not like a wand of monster creation or something. Another fucking WAND OF POLYMORPH. You don't even want to know what I changed into. My body is all... I'm inhuman. I can't go back, even if I find this stupid artifact! Suzy you shit for brains!

Day 29: This body is actually quite useful. I don't feel so bad about it, now. I seem to have aquired so many resistances that nothing has been able to touch me. However, I think the mind I have now, it's changed. It's influencing me. I want to breed. And breed and breed and breed and breed and breed.

Day 31: I'm like some kind of serial killer of this dungeon. All I do is fuck things to death and invent incredible new magics that have never existed before.

Day 100: I am a part of this dungeon now. My body is beyond the realm of humanity - beyond the horrors of supracosmologic gods. I am now the god empress murder fucker of this dungeon, and I will never again see the light of day. My humanity is almost gone, but the last shred of it that remains wanted me to return this record to the surface. Perhaps, one day, it will find it's way into the hands of my family. Mom, Dad, Bro - I'm sorry. I should have listened to you and made bricks. Don't come looking for me. The old Suzy is gone. I just wanted you to know.

I'm happy.
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
Added such a rule, except I decided on hide tags instead of red. It's more immediately obvious what's going on to readers, and it makes the fanfiction stand out instead of making the peanut gallery comments stand out.

I'm not really worried about the fanfics becoming too long, but I'm a little worried about them becoming too good.
I can write bad erotic fiction! I'll show you!


The party was in full swing. While everyone came in pairs, the pairs had long broken up and flowed around the room. Surreptitiously, Hexatona found himself surrounded by a couple unassuming looking Toads. One of them asked, in a far gruffer voice than he expected, "Hey. Heard you, uh, and the Princess had a bit of an encounter, eh?" The other, with a really nasally and annoying voice, chimed in quickly. "Yeah! Everyone's talking! How is it, we just gotta know!"

Hexatona knelt down, and placed shakey hands on both of their shoulders. For the first time, the Toads noticed the dark rings of exhaustion around his eyes. The shallow, empty look in his eyes. He stared at them with those eyes, and managed to choke out, "Let's just say, if the Princess ever offers to bake you a cake... Say no. Just... Say no."