THE MESS-UP A WISH FOUNDATION

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(How?!)
Granted your never get a new console bricked, but as soon as it isn't considered new anymore it bricks.

I wish Alpha would stop being such a pair of pants.
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
32347
Granted. He was never a pair of pants to begin with...but now you are.

I hope my kitten doesn't die.
The Wii U wouldn't even turn on. Straight out of the box, completely dead. Nintendo was pretty cool about it. They asked me a few questions and had me try a few things, but the guy pretty much determined that it was dead in a few minutes and had me send it back for "repairs" ... though they sent me an entirely new console.

The PS4 worked for about a week before it died. The screen would flicker, then the sound would get garbled, and then the console would shut off. And then fucking Sony tech support had me on the phone for 45 minutes. "Is the PS4 console plugged in? Are you sure it's plugged in? Can you plug it into a different outlet? Have you accidentally turned the television off? Push this series of buttons while standing on your head! It should work now... Oh, it doesn't work?" Thankfully, it got to the point where the PS4 wouldn't actually stay turned on long enough for me to try any of these "solutions" and the dud FINALLY decided that, "sadly, your PlayStation 4 console MIGHT be defective." No shit, Sherlock! I told you that 45 minutes ago!

I also had an Xbox 360 die, but it was due to the "disc tray error" and not the red ring of death (which I never experienced).

ANYWAY...

Granted, I am not a pair of pants, but I am wearing pants.

I wish I knew what it meant to be a pair of pants...
author=pianotm
Granted. He was never a pair of pants to begin with...but now you are.

I hope my kitten doesn't die.

(Now I'm bummed)
The kitten will live forever because it stole the life force of a human. You are that human. I'll try to make it to your funeral.

author=AlphaOmega247
I wish I knew what it meant to be a pair of pants...

(Wow, you got some 'good' luck!)
Granted, you are now a pair of pants. What does it mean to you? To be a pair of pants?

Do I get two wishes now? No? Fine.

I wish Alpha had wished for more money. So I could wish it away from him.
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
32347
:( The kitten didn't make it. We're not sure what she got into, but it dissolved part of her lip. Two of four kittens got poisoned by it. One survived. The kitten that survived is missing part of her lip, too, though it isn't noticeable.

Anyway. Granted. Alpha wished for more money than either of you know what to do with. Unfortunately, it arrived via airplane cargo door malfunction and landed on top of you, crushing you to death. The perfection of the scene was completed by you seeing the shadow of the falling money and raising an umbrella. The crates the money was in had ACME stenciled on the side. You'll have to supply your own slide whistle sound effect.

I wish for more business.
Granted, you have so much business that you can't handle it, and people go elsewhere with their business.

I wish for less business.
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
32347
Granted, you're fired, you can't find another job, and are now homeless. Now you'll do anything, no matter how hard, humiliating, or degrading "for five bucks!"

I wish I could figure out why explorer.exe keeps crashing.

EDIT: And I solved it literally seconds after posting this.
(Don't worry alpha, your fake brother will take you in. For five bucks.)

Granted, you discover the reason and buy some iffy software online to fix it. The FBI discovers this is an illegal program and tracks you down for using it. They bust down your door and beat the crap out of you, though you showed no of resisting.

I wish for more sleep.
Granted! There's no longer sleep than the eternal sleep of death. Sweet dreams!

I wish that the ways I mess up with wishes didn't implied killing people, because I think that's starting to get old.
TehGuy
Resident Nonexistence
1827
author=Ilan14
Granted! There's no longer sleep than the eternal sleep of death. Sweet dreams!

I wish that the ways I mess up with wishes didn't implied killing people, because I think that's starting to get old.


Granted, though now you seem intent on inserting food-related objects into their wishes

Frankly, I wish I could upgrade my PC to that new Haswell stuff :V
Granted, but it is hacked by a group of domestic terrorist called T.U.UR.D. (Terrorist Using Ur Devices). They make it so that you are unable to use your P.C. ,then commence to buy a bunch of stock online. They put you in so much debt that you have to run away from society.

I wish for a castle. Not just any castle, but a moving castle.
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
32347
You own a castle! You're in it! It's moving...right off the edge of the mountain summit was build on. Pity it doesn't fly.

I wish Suikomafia would get on with it!
Granted, but I don't know anything about Suikomafia, so I'll just corrupt the wish by saying that it was canceled due to rain?

I wish for a cookie! Because that's sounding really good right about now.
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
32347
(Dude, it's spamming the Welp forum for three days in a row followed by a two day break for the past two weeks. Suikoden Mafia Game On Peeps. How could you miss it?)

Granted. Cookie is 60s term used to describe genitalia. It's also a term used to describe a dried and hardened pile of dung. For this wish, you're not getting anything that even remotely resembles something that went near an oven.

I wish my head phones had a longer cord.
Granted, but such length of headphone wire is unheard of in Missouri. The people don't like change. As a result, they send a lynch mob of cops to your home. The cops know they can't actually lynch you, so they arrest you. Once you are taken to the prison they beat the crap out of you for no reason.

I wish to be fluent in all languages spoken by man and beast alike. I shall know the songs of the birds and the troubles of all humans.
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
32347
I only want a 6 foot cord. Is that so much to ask???

Granted. Aliens abduct you and reprogram with the mathematical key to linguistic perfection. Once you know all languages, they consolidate into the divine language...Esperanto. Now nobody can understand what you're saying, the cops get pissed at you, beat you for no reason and deport you. You encounter the same problem in each nation. You become the first human being to be deported from all nations on Earth. Julian Assange is envious and Edward Snowden calls you a show off. Richard Branson takes pity on you and uses you in Virgin Space's first extra-terrestrial experiment. You now live on the moon with access to every video game, movie, TV show, novel, and comic book you could ever want. The food sucks. It doesn't taste bad. It's just bland and pasty. Still, you will never starve. Unfortunately, you live an 8x8 and if you want exercise, you need a suit that takes two hours to put on, and you have no human companionship for the rest of your life, except a video monitor with Richard Branson's face asking if you're okay, and smiling and putting his thumbs up when you answer, both of knowing damned well he can't understand a word you're saying. It's not a great life, but it could be worse, all in all.

I wish someone would buy the movie rights to that granted wish.
Granted. It's done by the same crew that produces Doctor Who, except their budget is even smaller than usual. It's also the first film to be written not in English, but in the modern language of Sexual Innuendo.

I wish for a PS4.
Granted, but you get my original PS4. You know, the one that fell over dead after about a week.

I wish that my current PS4 has a long and healthy life. Or at the very least, lasts long enough for me to beat Dragon Age: Inquisition.
Seiromem
I would have more makerscore If I did things.
6375
Congratulations, your PS4 lives through your playthrough of Dragon Age:Inquisition!
It explodes from exhaustion as soon as you beat the final boss You don't see the ending scenes or the credits and you don't know what happens at the end! You go into a coma at the shock of it all and wake up 16 years later, when your family has decided to end your fruitless life due to expenses, at the beginning of being cremated. Tis a shame.

I wish for a flow of Gam Mak inspiration on such a scale that has yet to be seen by this generation of Gam Makers, or any thereafter!
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
32347
Granted. You have a flow of DaVinci like inspiration and you sit down to your computer working non-stop for months. You build the greatest game ever made, with perfect battling scripts, a brilliant, emotional, poignant story, and beautiful animations. Just as you are getting ready to upload it to the internet, your computer bluescreens, wiping out your project.

I wish to be a better developer. Not great, just good enough to make decent games.