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SORRY SHULK, I'M NOT REALLY FEELING IT...[SERIOUS TALK]
Posts
Xenomic
1752
Xenomic
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CloseSo lately, I've been in a bit of a dump. Well, moreso than usual, I'm always kinda in the dumps due to my lifestyle (haven't been able to nab a job in 7 years for reasons unknown, 99% of the time I'm in my room the day, nowhere to really go in town, don't really interact with IRL friends much and can never seem to get ahold of them anyways). And lately, I've been starting to even get tired of doing what I normally do (for the record, all I do are Let's Plays and work on Touhou Fantasy. That's it...I don't play games unless it's for Let's Plays, I don't really talk very often with people even on Skype, I just...don't do much of anything). Even when I get motivated to DO do something (i.e. drawing, spriting...which are the only two things I've ever been motivated in doing outside of what I normally do), I still can't seem to work up the will to do them. I know I've been suggested to work out by a few people here and there, but ehhhhh working out! When I'm NOT doing those two things I normally do, I...just sit there or end up falling asleep. Yeah, it's pretty bad.
Outside of that, I don't really talk much to people due to being well...kinda anti-social. That, and even if I DO strike up a conversation, there's...honestly not much for me to say.
Guess point is, how to work up motivation to doing anything other than what I normally do? Recently I've been having urges to try spriting and drawing again, but everytime I think about it or even look at trying them (i.e. open up Paint and try to start anything), I get turned off almost instantaneously. I WOULD like to be able to make my own works and stuff without having to rely on others, but...I know that I don't have the patience to DO said works. The very very last sprite I tried working on took a full month to do, and that was on and off despite not really doing much during that month. I know spriting and art takes practice in general, but arrrrgh effort and patience and all that junk.
I don't even know what the real point of this topic is. I guess I just feel like blowing off some steam, so it may not seem like much to some people...
Outside of that, I don't really talk much to people due to being well...kinda anti-social. That, and even if I DO strike up a conversation, there's...honestly not much for me to say.
Guess point is, how to work up motivation to doing anything other than what I normally do? Recently I've been having urges to try spriting and drawing again, but everytime I think about it or even look at trying them (i.e. open up Paint and try to start anything), I get turned off almost instantaneously. I WOULD like to be able to make my own works and stuff without having to rely on others, but...I know that I don't have the patience to DO said works. The very very last sprite I tried working on took a full month to do, and that was on and off despite not really doing much during that month. I know spriting and art takes practice in general, but arrrrgh effort and patience and all that junk.
I don't even know what the real point of this topic is. I guess I just feel like blowing off some steam, so it may not seem like much to some people...
Try working out or engaging in some kind of physical hobby, even if you wouldn't normally be inclined to.
Sitting around is very self perpetuating and its easy to fall into a cycle and bum yourself out. A quick jog or a trip to the weight room is a great way to clear up your head, boost your mood, and keep you healthy.
Sitting around is very self perpetuating and its easy to fall into a cycle and bum yourself out. A quick jog or a trip to the weight room is a great way to clear up your head, boost your mood, and keep you healthy.
Xenomic
1752
The thing is, it's something that I've done for well over 25 years. Big wall of text incoming...hope you're ready for some monologuing.
I guarantee that it's due to my upbringing too. Outside of the speech problems, being bullied so often in school over that and my face (bilateral cleft palatte, you see, isn't fun. Granted, I had the missing upper lip issue taken care of when I was real young, but I couldn't do nothing about my deformed nose until I was 21 since I had to wait until all of the surgeries for my face was taken care of. Lots of work done on there, 21 years worth of surgery, mind you...), lack of interaction with anyone and lack of anything to do (keep in mind, that throughout pretty much all of my schooling years, my schedule was A) Wake up, B) Go to school, C) Come home and do nothing for the rest of the day, D) Go to bed, rinse and repeat. Don't have school? Well, that's just 8 more hours of sitting there doing nothing! Oh, I did have video games...but I could only play them on weekends and only about 2 hours max), kinda cumulated into this issue of mine I suppose...
I once had a great passion for art, to the point that as a kid I always drew anything I could. Eventually I ended up being able to mimic art that I could look at, mostly from ye ol' Digimon cards that I had. However, whenever I tried to do anything original and on my own, I just couldn't do it. And due to not having any money or any way of being able to further my abilities in that, it...kinda died out. I eventually gave up out of sheer frustration and quit drawing for about 10 years, then tried again, gave up again, and didn't try until around the start of this year. Then, even though I had tutorials and was actually starting to progress, that frustration and lack of motivation kicked in yet again, and well...I haven't drawn since January/February of this year. I still have good tutorials and the like, Hatter knows as I've given him some good video tutorials, and I have bookmarks to some other tutorials as well, but I already know that if I were to try, I'd just end up in the same situation as before. I don't know what it is or why that happens, but it just...does. The same with spriting. Back when I first got into MUGEN, I ended up running into someone who made a Midnight Bliss for Nakoruru, GaryXCJ...something like that. I actually got motivated enough that I started sprite editing and trying my own Midnight Bliss sprites, and eventually they started to get much, much better. However...as with my drawings, I could never EVER do what I wanted myself. If it wasn't sprite edited or whatnot, it just...never worked out. And I just never could do animations ever either, which ya know...my project kinda likes having animations and whatnot. And then...after about 1-2 years into the project, I finally ended giving up on spriting at all. I did still try to sprite some here and there, but they never really seemed that great to me. The last sprite I did looks like crap to me, and even the best sprite I've done from scratch doesn't even look that great to me. Eventually, I just left the project as open-sourced and as a kind of training grounds for newer spriters to come in and try their hands at spriting. Myself though? I just don't know man...
I DO kinda talk to people online. But it's very far and few in-between. And 90% of the time it's just me spouting nonsense as I even do IRL. If I have nothing to say, it just defaults to that. And it kinda annoys me that I do that because it's just stupid and doesn't add anything to anything. I remember having a couple people actually SAY that I sounded interesting to them, and I honestly don't know how given that...I don't really speak about anything, and I don't really DO anything that's really interesting or whatnot. : S
So yeah, monologue aside, I dunno about the whole working out thing myself. We do have weights and stuff here at home, but it never felt like I was accomplishing much doing that, even though I rarely did it at all. *Shrugs*
I guarantee that it's due to my upbringing too. Outside of the speech problems, being bullied so often in school over that and my face (bilateral cleft palatte, you see, isn't fun. Granted, I had the missing upper lip issue taken care of when I was real young, but I couldn't do nothing about my deformed nose until I was 21 since I had to wait until all of the surgeries for my face was taken care of. Lots of work done on there, 21 years worth of surgery, mind you...), lack of interaction with anyone and lack of anything to do (keep in mind, that throughout pretty much all of my schooling years, my schedule was A) Wake up, B) Go to school, C) Come home and do nothing for the rest of the day, D) Go to bed, rinse and repeat. Don't have school? Well, that's just 8 more hours of sitting there doing nothing! Oh, I did have video games...but I could only play them on weekends and only about 2 hours max), kinda cumulated into this issue of mine I suppose...
I once had a great passion for art, to the point that as a kid I always drew anything I could. Eventually I ended up being able to mimic art that I could look at, mostly from ye ol' Digimon cards that I had. However, whenever I tried to do anything original and on my own, I just couldn't do it. And due to not having any money or any way of being able to further my abilities in that, it...kinda died out. I eventually gave up out of sheer frustration and quit drawing for about 10 years, then tried again, gave up again, and didn't try until around the start of this year. Then, even though I had tutorials and was actually starting to progress, that frustration and lack of motivation kicked in yet again, and well...I haven't drawn since January/February of this year. I still have good tutorials and the like, Hatter knows as I've given him some good video tutorials, and I have bookmarks to some other tutorials as well, but I already know that if I were to try, I'd just end up in the same situation as before. I don't know what it is or why that happens, but it just...does. The same with spriting. Back when I first got into MUGEN, I ended up running into someone who made a Midnight Bliss for Nakoruru, GaryXCJ...something like that. I actually got motivated enough that I started sprite editing and trying my own Midnight Bliss sprites, and eventually they started to get much, much better. However...as with my drawings, I could never EVER do what I wanted myself. If it wasn't sprite edited or whatnot, it just...never worked out. And I just never could do animations ever either, which ya know...my project kinda likes having animations and whatnot. And then...after about 1-2 years into the project, I finally ended giving up on spriting at all. I did still try to sprite some here and there, but they never really seemed that great to me. The last sprite I did looks like crap to me, and even the best sprite I've done from scratch doesn't even look that great to me. Eventually, I just left the project as open-sourced and as a kind of training grounds for newer spriters to come in and try their hands at spriting. Myself though? I just don't know man...
I DO kinda talk to people online. But it's very far and few in-between. And 90% of the time it's just me spouting nonsense as I even do IRL. If I have nothing to say, it just defaults to that. And it kinda annoys me that I do that because it's just stupid and doesn't add anything to anything. I remember having a couple people actually SAY that I sounded interesting to them, and I honestly don't know how given that...I don't really speak about anything, and I don't really DO anything that's really interesting or whatnot. : S
So yeah, monologue aside, I dunno about the whole working out thing myself. We do have weights and stuff here at home, but it never felt like I was accomplishing much doing that, even though I rarely did it at all. *Shrugs*
I agree with Feldschlact IV, do something active, like, well, what he mentioned. Go on a nice relaxing, incredibly cheap vacation. Go to your nearest card shop, play some MTG or Yu-Gi-Oh. Anything you might end up having fun with, or not! Try new things. Also, if you do spend 99% of your time in your room, you might want to get a ton of sun screen, as you won't have much resistance, most likely. You'll be like a heavily stereotyped vampire who just got out of his coffin. Remember, actual vampire's only lose their powers in daylight! But seriously, do some activity.
Xenomic
1752
I don't go out much because I do have allergies to pollen, grass, and ragweed which just murders me something fierce. Oddly enough, this vampire isn't as white as you'd think. Somehow. Then again, I do go to bed at like...5-6 AM when the sun's coming up. Hm...
Don't have any card shops, not anymore. That disappeared years ago, back when I used to play UFS. And once I quit UFS, it went away around then, and there hasn't really been any card games since then that I've been interested in. Used to play YGO, but stopped soooo many years ago. Used to play in local tournies and whatnot. Was fun beating the #1 in the world at that time, that it was. Too bad I never went to any serious tournies...
I guess that's another problem is that...I just don't HAVE fun with anything. I honestly don't even really know the meaning of the word. Like, I may get a laugh here and there from things, but I never really have FUN with them. The only exception to that rule in the past year was pretty much when I played Tales of Symphonia. And that's it. Nothing else has been "fun" to me...
Don't have any card shops, not anymore. That disappeared years ago, back when I used to play UFS. And once I quit UFS, it went away around then, and there hasn't really been any card games since then that I've been interested in. Used to play YGO, but stopped soooo many years ago. Used to play in local tournies and whatnot. Was fun beating the #1 in the world at that time, that it was. Too bad I never went to any serious tournies...
I guess that's another problem is that...I just don't HAVE fun with anything. I honestly don't even really know the meaning of the word. Like, I may get a laugh here and there from things, but I never really have FUN with them. The only exception to that rule in the past year was pretty much when I played Tales of Symphonia. And that's it. Nothing else has been "fun" to me...
author=Xeno
So yeah, monologue aside, I dunno about the whole working out thing myself. We do have weights and stuff here at home, but it never felt like I was accomplishing much doing that, even though I rarely did it at all. *Shrugs*
You have to be consistent if you want to see any sort of positive net on anything, this included. Nobody really usually picks up a dumbbell or goes for a jog and says "MAN THAT WAS GREAT I FEEL 100% WOW TOTAL IMPROVEMENT". You have to be consistent. If you pick something up and don't stick with it, you can say 'it's not your thing' and that's totally up to you, but you can't say 'this didn't work'.
In a month you look at yourself in the mirror and, not even considering any physical changes (and there will be, you'll probably look brighter, healthier, and happier), you'll feel better as well.
If nothing else, it's something different. If you're bummed, you can't do the same thing day in and day out and expect different results.
Feld has beat me to the wise advise, doing something active is probably the best thing for you. And keep in mind, considering your schedule has pretty much been a thing for 25 years, anything out of your schedule is going to seem meh. I'm almost certain your brain will not like the idea of something new, but it's most likely what you need right now.
You may have to try it out even if the idea turns you off at first!
You may have to try it out even if the idea turns you off at first!
SnowOwl
5188
Go take some courses or something. The problem with you not talking to people is basically a downward spiral. The less you talk to people, the worse you'll get at talking to them. Force yourself out. You're turning into a potato.
Gleason
5
author=SnowOwl
Go take some courses or something. The problem with you not talking to people is basically a downward spiral. The less you talk to people, the worse you'll get at talking to them. Force yourself out. You're turning into a potato.
I can attest to this, having been in that spot myself. When I first started back to classes at 26, I sat in the back, didn't talk to anyone unless called on, etc. It sucked. I'm not sure what motivated me to change that, precisely, but at one point I started sitting in the middle of the class room, making a point to talk to people, etc. It made a world of difference, and hell, I even got invited to come to lunch or wings a few times.
Xenomic
1752
I don't have the money to be taking courses. Hell, the time I went to technical college, the grant I had didn't even fully cover the tuition cost, and didn't cover the books. Only reason I managed to do anything was due to folks paying all of that...when we really couldn't afford it. And then...well, just couldn't afford to keep going after 1 1/2 years.
I never talked to anyone during that entire time either. I DID help some people every now and then, but other than that, that's all the talking I did. Just...nothing to talk about and I don't feel like listening to most people either.
I never talked to anyone during that entire time either. I DID help some people every now and then, but other than that, that's all the talking I did. Just...nothing to talk about and I don't feel like listening to most people either.
LightningLord2
230
I suppose the only help you can get is consulting a therapist, as I suspect you having a clinical depression. Helpful advice isn't going to be useful for you in that case.
SnowOwl
5188
People told you what you need to do but you don't want to do it. You're just too lazy to do anything about your problem, and you don't really seem to want to do anything except talk. There's no easy solution to your problems. It's not magically going to solve itself. Stop being a big baby. To quote my favourite idiot "just do it".
Xenomic
1752
It's more like they told me but most of it is things I can't really do (i.e. taking courses due to lack of money, going out to places due to no places to really go to, etc.). The one thing I COULD do that's mentioned is work out. That's about it from what I see.
And I know there's no easy solution, of course there isn't considering I've been dealing with this for years. So I don't get where the don't want to do it bit is coming from...?
And I know there's no easy solution, of course there isn't considering I've been dealing with this for years. So I don't get where the don't want to do it bit is coming from...?
SnowOwl
5188
You want to change, but you don't want to do any of the required hard parts required for the change to happen. That's the problem.
I'm gonna be the guy that brings up the elephant in the room
.
You say you haven't had a job in 7 years...is there any medical reason for this? If not, I'd suggest you try a little bit harder to get one - reasons being (1) A job will get you out of the house, talking to other people, which is something you clearly need, and (2) you get the satisfaction of having extra cash to spend on whatever, and knowing you can be self-reliant, which is a massive confidence-boost.
.
You say you haven't had a job in 7 years...is there any medical reason for this? If not, I'd suggest you try a little bit harder to get one - reasons being (1) A job will get you out of the house, talking to other people, which is something you clearly need, and (2) you get the satisfaction of having extra cash to spend on whatever, and knowing you can be self-reliant, which is a massive confidence-boost.
Addit
6394
It almost sounds like you’re just getting a little bit tired and frustrated of doing the same old routine that’s been going on for quite some time now and you feel a bit stuck and helpless about what to do to shake off all that collective rust and get back on the right track. I mean, I understand a little, as the older that I’ve gotten suddenly doing things that I used to enjoy doing for hours and hours on end, like playing games, making games, and even watching various sports programs on T.V. (oh no) are starting to feel all samey and not nearly as fun as they used to be back then. So there are a lot of days that I don’t do anything sometimes other than just sit around for two whole hours or just watch mindless random stuff on Youtube. But I do find lately that if I do something else for an entire day that I don’t usually do often and then I come back to all that stuff again, I do find that I’m way more effective than I am if I did it every single day. It’s weird.
I think you just need to find something else to do it for a little while and cycle between that and what you’ve been doing all this time and that might help kick start the ol’ furnace again and get ya goin’. Doing the same old thing time in and time out after a while does and can start to dampen your spirits a little some days. Exercise and getting away from all that every once in a while can definitely help, but it’s probably also just as good to find something else to do in the meantime. I mean…surely there’s something that you’ve wanted to try out doing but never had the opportunity to do ‘till now, right? Well, now’s the time!
And seven years without a job, huh!? Well…I’m not here to judge. It sounds like you have some hefty medical issues that’s going on, so I’m not going to say too much about that other than to just keep on trying. One of these days you’re bound to get something. ^^
And it looks you still need some more cheering up. This should help:
I think you just need to find something else to do it for a little while and cycle between that and what you’ve been doing all this time and that might help kick start the ol’ furnace again and get ya goin’. Doing the same old thing time in and time out after a while does and can start to dampen your spirits a little some days. Exercise and getting away from all that every once in a while can definitely help, but it’s probably also just as good to find something else to do in the meantime. I mean…surely there’s something that you’ve wanted to try out doing but never had the opportunity to do ‘till now, right? Well, now’s the time!
And seven years without a job, huh!? Well…I’m not here to judge. It sounds like you have some hefty medical issues that’s going on, so I’m not going to say too much about that other than to just keep on trying. One of these days you’re bound to get something. ^^
And it looks you still need some more cheering up. This should help:
This sounds exceptionally familiar to me. Like, even fairly recently, I've had thoughts of "Geeze, I just don't want to do anything!" or worse, "Nothing I'll do will make any difference, so why try?", or some other self-defeating, depressing, thought. It's hard to fight thoughts like these, because there's no motivation to do much of anything.
For my own part, I tend to play more games on days when I have these bouts of depression. Maybe it's not the healthiest thing to do, and probably not even all that much different than a typical day, but, it sometimes helps? I dunno. It's hard to explain.
For my own part, I tend to play more games on days when I have these bouts of depression. Maybe it's not the healthiest thing to do, and probably not even all that much different than a typical day, but, it sometimes helps? I dunno. It's hard to explain.
Xenomic
1752
@Yellow Magic: Hard to say. Part of it IS me not going out checking on applications enough as I should, and the other part is the part I don't know about. Like I've mentioned before, I have a feeling that a big part of why nobody has hired me yet is due to my speech in general, because who wants to hire a guy that has trouble talking in a place where you'd have to communicate with people daily? That's what it feels like to me anyways. They don't know that I'm pretty much half-deaf either (I say "pretty much" since I'm not LEGALLY deaf, but I have pretty bad nerve damage in my left ear to the point that I don't really hear much out of it anyways, so I just consider it deaf), so I doubt that'd factor into anything either.
@Addit: Oddly enough, there's really nothing else I've really wanted to try heh. What I do is really all I have interest in, outside of attempting spriting and art which, as mentioned before, end up too frustrating for me despite how much I try at them. I mean, outside of maybe making another card game that hopefully won't be another version of Yugioh or whatever like the first two iterations of card games I made were. I'm a pretty big stick in the mud when it comes to that, mostly due to the aforementioned lack of interest and motivation for everything heh. Anytime anyone asks me what I like or what interests me, I always have nothing to say since well...I honestly don't know myself! ^^;
But yeah, the seven years thing is already mentioned up above. After I lost my first job (and walked out on the second one), I did keep trying as usual after that, but I just couldn't get anything and then it just ended up checking less and less and...well yeah, kinda just ended up as it has. ^^;
@Marrend: Aye, that first line of thought is pretty much how I feel about everything exactly. There are times I have Touhou Fantasy open, ready to put in data and stuff, and just...sit there for like 2-4 hours not doing anything at all, despite the fact that I have the game open and my Notepad++ file open with the dialogue to put in. Or maps to make. Or ya know, anything else to do with the game. Whenever this happens to me like last night, I just end up doing absolutely nothing and just...being loathsome about everything. I can't even work up playing games like I used to (buddies have suggested many games before for me to play WITHOUT LPing them (since that's the only time I play games normally), but it's like...ehhhhh...). ^^;
@Addit: Oddly enough, there's really nothing else I've really wanted to try heh. What I do is really all I have interest in, outside of attempting spriting and art which, as mentioned before, end up too frustrating for me despite how much I try at them. I mean, outside of maybe making another card game that hopefully won't be another version of Yugioh or whatever like the first two iterations of card games I made were. I'm a pretty big stick in the mud when it comes to that, mostly due to the aforementioned lack of interest and motivation for everything heh. Anytime anyone asks me what I like or what interests me, I always have nothing to say since well...I honestly don't know myself! ^^;
But yeah, the seven years thing is already mentioned up above. After I lost my first job (and walked out on the second one), I did keep trying as usual after that, but I just couldn't get anything and then it just ended up checking less and less and...well yeah, kinda just ended up as it has. ^^;
@Marrend: Aye, that first line of thought is pretty much how I feel about everything exactly. There are times I have Touhou Fantasy open, ready to put in data and stuff, and just...sit there for like 2-4 hours not doing anything at all, despite the fact that I have the game open and my Notepad++ file open with the dialogue to put in. Or maps to make. Or ya know, anything else to do with the game. Whenever this happens to me like last night, I just end up doing absolutely nothing and just...being loathsome about everything. I can't even work up playing games like I used to (buddies have suggested many games before for me to play WITHOUT LPing them (since that's the only time I play games normally), but it's like...ehhhhh...). ^^;
don't worry about lack of motivation. What you need now is discipline. Motivation is fleeting and ephemeral, but focus and discipline is what will pull you out of this funk.
I've been there...
I've been there...
Xenomic
1752
Discipline, eh? So I need a Master Roshi to help me out? :V
In seriousness, maybe. Though I'm pretty sure I know what you're talking about with discipline, do explain a bit eh?
In seriousness, maybe. Though I'm pretty sure I know what you're talking about with discipline, do explain a bit eh?
