I AM HERE TO DISCUSS FEELINGS??

Posts

BizarreMonkey
I'll never change. "Me" is better than your opinion, dummy!
1625
I want to talk with all of you about complex feelings... feelings like having an entire forum at my disposal for my own psychotic amusement. The feelings of having people hate/love me so much they can't even banish me properly.

Y O U ' R E----A L L----S O----W E A K .

Even I know at this point it'd be more than justified in every conceivable manner to ban my ass, hell, I don't even have my games up anymore, but as if they should be enough reason to house a psychopath.

Apparently me being banne isn't enough to actually be banned, but I intend to correct that.

From my youtube channel when someone asked me to ban evade... Protip this is the feelings part of the post!
Bizarre Monkey
The "game" stopped being fun at it's base level, and so now all who play my twisted game over there suffer unless they are me. I think it may be best if I simply never return. I've been distancing myself a lot from forums as of late, and RMN was the a prime impetus behind that, but not the original motivation, just a good reason to go forward with. Forums are something which i tend to use to procrastinate on heavily, since I've become more or less a recluse I've done more work than I had in the past month. Anyone who really digs what I do will find me wherever I choose to hide, and those who don't or even they who dislike me are simply out of sight, out of mind. Don't get me wrong, I'm still around on the internet, and likely will be until my days are gone, but forums... it'll mostly just be substantial progress reports or updates and then gone again. My good friends in the CCC are the only people I really should feel the need to answer to. It's just a shame five forums and at least 50 people felt my wrath before I realized that. I'm not gonna make a goodbye thread, or any crap like that, because that means I still want to be around. My days with the rpgmaker community as a whole are pretty much over. Not it's members so much, but the forums? I'll be around once or twice every few months or maybe longer dependent on progress to unveil a shitstorm of progress then be off again before a word is said. My foolish clamoring for fame has fogged the real interest I had, and that is making games because I just love making games, bigger, better, bolder, bizarrer-than! Recently, all the use a forum has had is to remind me of why I avoided social media and stepped away from society in the first place. I'm also super happy now, I'm doing what I love and enjoying my friends' company. Where once they provided an escape, forums have now just become like another prison, another obligation.

I want to stay away. I was supposed to be banned for 30 days, yet I don't think it's even been 10?

I'll be elsewhere, just not here. My games are gone from the database.

There's no personal problems from where I'm standing, but I dunno some people think I'm a douche, well, that's your problem now, dearies!

But since this is a feels thread I made to discuss how I feel, I must say I feel you guys are only doing yourself a disservice keeping me around.

It's come to a point here in our love hate relationship that I don't hate or love anyone, I just don't care. I'll say stupid things, I will not be sorry. I will continue to use the site as my dump until I no longer can.

You think I'll learn anything from warns or even suspensions?

No.

It's over.

E N D----I T----W H I L E----Y O U----C A N .

I have 0% self-control.

If you keep me around, I'll annoy you, I'll annoy EVERYONE!

So incase it wasn't obvious.

I'm asking you to do the job properly this time.

Ban me, you silly little children.

Don't be fooled, this isn't a goodbye thread.

It's a 'ban me or I'm no joke-- just going to go on as usual and continue to exploit you all for deranged social experiments and personal amusement.'
unity
You're magical to me.
12399
Come on, BM. There was really no need to remove your games from the site. That's not fair to yourself or anyone else.

I don't think you should be permabanned or anything because people can always change. Heck, you've started to change on more than one occasion, but you just can't make it stick quite yet.

You can overcome this. Just show a little more self-control ^_^
Marrend
Guardian Ghost of the Description Thread
20541
I'm not aware of too many instances of perma-bans. If that's what you're really after... I dunno, it seems to me that you could have just asked the administration rather than making this thread?

Hell, I don't know.
Craze
i bet she's a diva with a potion popping problem
13865
dude

get some real help with that locus of control. you aren't running any "experiments," you're just douching up a medium-sized community. ("YOU JUST DON'T KNOW YOU'RE BEING PLAYED" yeah okay settle down)

get some help. you're an aussie, right? i'm sure they have mental health programs that could hook you up with a counselor. there is absolutely no shame in doing so and it could help you, well, make some friends outside of your "collective".

the real world isn't homestuck. it's full of people that, if you keep this up, will continue to ignore and dislike you even more. but the good news is that anybody can change!

get some help =P
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
6003
what the fuck is wrong with you
BizarreMonkey
I'll never change. "Me" is better than your opinion, dummy!
1625
@Unity: Why bother with self control when it could be made so thoroughly easy?

I am asking for a perma ban, I gotta say I'm impressed with how much you guys can take.

But really, you'd be making more people happy, myself included, if you banned me for good.

The real reason I deleted my games is that in truth i don't wish to be associated with them under this personality.

If I had the personal power, I'd change my name as well. Mostly I'm just ashamed, but I don't really want to go to the effort or indulge in the time it'd take to get respect and be a better person here.

I act this way here, and only here, because I've accepted damnation.

The upside to this is that when people say stupid things, I can call them out on it and not give a hoot for the circumstances.

I'll keep doing that so long as I remain in the position to do so... or until people stop taking the bait, but most here have a terrible track record with that.

Hungriest fish I ever lured. :/

@Marrend: The premise of me apparently being banne but not banned was too funny not to publicize.
BizarreMonkey
I'll never change. "Me" is better than your opinion, dummy!
1625
author=Craze
dude
the real world isn't homestuck. it's full of people that, if you keep this up, will continue to ignore and dislike you even more. but the good news is that anybody can change!

get some help =P
I don't act like this anywhere else.

You should feel honored, I guess?

I'm already seeing a psychologist, by the way! Have been for two months.

But shit don't change over night.

Dunno how homestuck got involved with this at all, though! I mean i love the webcomic ~ath but my post didn't even have a single reference to it.

I'm not incredibly experienced in the real world, but I have been going to college the last half year, and I'll be going again this following year once break is over.

I'm too prideful to go by another name, yet too ashamed and assured of disaster to rebirth the name in a new light.

author=LockeZ
what the fuck is wrong with you
Quite a bit.

I don't feel like making a 2000 word post explaining it, though.

So here's it brief as can be:
Suffice it to say society and myself have been at odds ever since I've been 8, and since 15 until recently I've lived essentially as a hermit.

The internet is where I first started to enjoy society. In a way, my life on the internet is more where I was schooled in human psychology and how to speak with people than anything in real life.

People think I'm weird when I pronounce myself like I'm in a movie or game, but essentially, I guess that's what I like to think, that on the internet, I can be the cool guy, I can play this or that role.

What role I play depends on what the audience is best geared towards, from most observations you guys are absolutely enamoured in the suffering field, so I provide my country what it needs!

I know that sounds really dorky and... kind of insane, probably? That's just how my mind sort of works!

Deep down all I really want is admiration from my peers, in whatever way I can obtain it.

I had a really tough time, making myself seem 'cool' to you guys, I like to be seen as cool, it's sorta my thing. As I failed to be cool, I got more and more frustrated, which led to some of the leaves / hiatuses I went on, and their idiotically natured 'i'm off for a while' threads in the intro/farewells section.

I think ultimately i sought too much approval, and then got desperate, then i gave up.

Which brings us to the current reality, where I am instigating drama and getting warns, and joked about how hard I'm about to get banned, with no ensuing substance.
unity
You're magical to me.
12399
Being permabanned is the easy way out. Stand up to the challenge and become a productive and respectable member of the site. It's within your grasp if you can just get more discipline.

Your voice need not be silenced. Past failures don't mean "give up." They mean learn from it, pick yourself up, and try again.
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5331
Being so annoying that nerds on a nerd forum can't even stand you is not really the same as watching your best friend and sibling die and then being slaughtered.

If you seriously feel you can't control your own actions, it is time to have a talk with a licensed professional, because that shit ain't healthy.
BizarreMonkey
I'll never change. "Me" is better than your opinion, dummy!
1625
author=Sooz
Being so annoying that nerds on a nerd forum can't even stand you is not really the same as watching your best friend and sibling die and then being slaughtered.
What the hell are you even saying??

This is probably in reference to something I said and don't remember saying... but you've held onto? If you want an apology for me saying something crude, then you can either reply and be upfront about it instead of hiding behind shit I don't recognize or PM me, I'm not beyond eating humble pie if I've said something disgraceful but... I just really have no idea what the hell you're on about and am thereby forced to speculate?

author=Sooz
If you seriously feel you can't control your own actions, it is time to have a talk with a licensed professional, because that shit ain't healthy.
I am already seeing a licensed proffesional, it just so happens licensed proffesionals aren't miracle workers or something!!!

Also in real life I'm very different to how I act here. I just went into this my last post about how I'm a wanna be movie star or some derp.

author=unity
Being permabanned is the easy way out. Stand up to the challenge and become a productive and respectable member of the site. It's within your grasp if you can just get more discipline.
Here's a thought, I'd rather make games??

It is the easy way out, but it's the way out I want.

If you'd keep me around just to prove a point at the expense of even more of the forum's sanity, fine by me, I suppose.

author=unity
Your voice need not be silenced. Past failures don't mean "give up." They mean learn from it, pick yourself up, and try again.
Hm, yeah I guess but...

I just, don't really want to?

It's odd, I'm completely divided in this behaviour, you guys are seriously the only ones I can be both friends of, and yet talk absolute shit to at once. It's weird.

Like I don't even hate anyone here, I used to but I got over that.

Like on MV.co I'm really well behaved and don't even have to try to accomplish that, on Dinoctopus everyone knows who I am and love that I am such an insufferable prick, but even there I'm incredibly filtered in comparison to here.

I dunno Uni it's up to the triumvirate.

What's important to me is that I feel good, I'm happy, and without or with you guys, that doesn't really change much. I am happy now, and that's primarily what I'm seeing a psychologist for, the road to my own happiness, which is already pretty stoneset, but evidently I'm still stressed.

Thankfully, and the reason I'm absolutely lucid in asking for a ban, is that I now know being seen anyway here, between disliked, cool, annoying or whatever. This site doesn't have much stock in my personal inner being, because i haven't let it out much, everytime i have, it's backfired because holy shocker being honest is actually not what people wnat at all!

The steel walls I mentioned in one of my idiotic 'goodbye' threads were put up not to keep you out, it's to keep me in.

I don't really feel up to changing, but maybe I will in the future, is it worth it, am I actually not that big of a deal?

If so, that's great. But I've the crawling suspicion that "My voice shouldn't be silenced" may be held largely in contradiction to the general public. But, hey, I ain't been here in 11 days or something, what do I know?
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
6003
author=BizarreMonkey
If you'd keep me around just to prove a point at the expense of even more of the forum's sanity, fine by me, I suppose.
Your games are worth more than the forum's sanity, but you could also just shut the fuck up and stop being a raving lunatic and then there wouldn't be any more problems.
bubble tea is legit good, you should try some time!
BizarreMonkey
I'll never change. "Me" is better than your opinion, dummy!
1625
author=LockeZ
Your games are worth more than the forum's sanity
Um... thanks I, guess? That's sort of a moot point now, though.

The games are gone.
author=LockeZ
but you could also just shut the fuck up and stop being a raving lunatic and then there wouldn't be any more problems.
I'd rather be banned than silent.

author=JosephSeraph
bubble tea is legit good, you should try some time!
I will treat myself to some this Christmas if I can afford it! Really have been wanting to try it but whenever I get around to it it seems I'm flat out of cash.

Anyway, I gotta go for now, if I'm banned by the time i return, rad, if I'm not, then I'm gonna have to start asking more questions about things and go into even more complex feelings!

My props to whoever gave me this avatar though, I actually really like it.
Cool! Have a nice day! ^-^
Also yeah you can do bubble tea at home! It's pretty fantastic. I've been making it crazily these last months because it's SO yum!
Yellow Magic
Could I BE any more Chandler Bing from Friends (TM)?
3154
The problem with modern media is how it's made every single person think that they are the hero of a fantasy story.

Your problems will end once you stop believing in that delusion.
I AM HERE TO DISCUSS MENU SYSTEMS IN JRPGS

I heard this is the only socially acceptable place to do that.
Yellow Magic
Could I BE any more Chandler Bing from Friends (TM)?
3154
Facebook achievement posts. Twitter tirades. Bizarre Monkey topics.

FM-2030 is rolling in his cryogenic chamber.
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5331
author=Yellow Magic
The problem with modern media is how it's made every single person think that they are the hero of a fantasy story.

Your problems will end once you stop believing in that delusion.


LOL if you think that's a recent problem. Humans have been doing that shit since we were aware of a self.
BizarreMonkey
I'll never change. "Me" is better than your opinion, dummy!
1625
author=Yellow Magic
The problem with modern media is how it's made every single person think that they are the hero of a fantasy story.

Your problems will end once you stop believing in that delusion.
But it's fun!

Also for me it isn't really so much an effect of the modern media -- at least not mainstream media, since I've avoided it like a plague since age 16', as it is a perverted sentimentality that has been nurtured from an overabundance of solace.

I'm very much in my own little world sometimes, it is a pretty great world! The shadowed monkeys all being badass cloaked rebels against an ever expanding army of whiny children, but this one monkey quietly seeks to earn the approval of said children.

That one monkey is me, the one who loved.

But, alas! Love has a steep price! For the monkey was also pretty rude without realizing it, his Machiavellian antics that got him places in his own rebellion didn't always sit so well with the more prim but still nonetheless whiney children.

One particular group of these whiney children absolutely mistify the cloaked monkey, he tries everything, and realizes it may be best, just not to try at all!

Tragically, our simian hero falls weak-kneed to the hoards of children, but then, the children ask him to throw them bait, he throws the most obvious bait one can, they latch onto that bait like hungry pirahna, fighting over it with only one goal, to be right.

In one action, a once crumbling chimp finds vigor, with simply a few words, or even less action, he is now not only a rebel, but an impetus of chaos, the catalyst for war for anyone but him.

He is like a god now... some brave heroes face him and his wickedness, but when he even asks, they cannot do it.

They could not banish the monkey. They didn't know why, he didn't know why, They parted ways, and now the monkey is at a table with them, expressing feelings, ones of the complex variety!

Maybe I'm giving my bad self too much credit? Maybe I'm relying too much on epic intergalactic mind battles with my peers that I imagined for the scenario above just now.

Or just maybe you keep me around, despite all my faults, because there's something in me you want more of.

If it was my games, you had more than enough chance to show it, no, I don't believe my games are all that is keeping me here, those silly things with only one even reaching 100 downloads?

Come on, there must be a reason you guys still treat me like I deserve better than silence.

Is it my caddish bravado?

My silly way of wording things?

My goofy happy-go-lucky nature that I have sometimes?

The fact I can actually complete a game and even on time sometimes??

I dunno, I guess I see less in me from trying to place myself in your shoes than you do.

I mean, I haven't done anything super outrightly ban-worthy. I'm just a very annoying pottymouthed git who likes to see other people throw chips sometimes.

By chips I mean tantrums. :0

Who knows, maybe some of you think I'm cool in some way, what way, I couldn't say.

I do really put way too much stock in the power I have, I suppose.

I like to make out that there's much bigger stakes than there is, it makes me feel important. I like feeling important! You probably do, too!

There's ways... certainly, in which I could change for the better, I just need an endgame, and since 'getting feedback on games' hasn't exactly been one that bears fruit, recently it's been the not so highly regarded thing of 'instigating drama to watch others bicker, then claim notoriety when the air is still moist with my taint.'

But perhaps there are better ways in which I could be utilized. I'd have to think on it. Just know that whatever the endgame, it needs to have a pretty positive bonus for me in it. I'm incredibly self-serving, I make no attempt to engage in anything I've no interest in unless it's something I want to mock, in which I'll engage in it purely to mock it, that's just how I roll.

Many of us are this way, I'm just really aware of it. But the upside of being so aware of my faults is I have an easy time to correct them, with proper motivation, that is!

Tell me 'oh biz your games are great' all you like but considering the feedback here has been less in every instance than any other forum or game marketing platform I go too (some of which are remarkably inactive), I don't really think I believe that. There's some reason you clowns keep me around and if it was just my games you had ample chance to prove it.

Help me help you, tell me what you actually think is cool about me so I can be that guy and not this James Bond Villain-worthy circusfreak I'm playing now.