[RMVX] ] THE INTRO OF MY FIRST GAME (VIDEO)

author=unity
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I watched the intro. While you did very well to capture the old-school feeling, the English (both spelling and grammar) is very poor, even for an early RPG. Lines like "You... you pathetic heretics!! I will... I will send you all to the place you must be!!" sound really awkward and will more likely get a giggle out of the player than be taken at all seriously. Unless this game is supposed to be totally silly and is a parody and I'm missing something, I'd avoid lines like that.

As for mistakes, here's just a few examples I caught:

"I can blow them with only one strike."

Here, "I can blow them away with only one strike" would sound much better. Trust me on this.

"Guys, the time is over."

That doesn't sound natural. "Guys, we're out of time" or something else would work better.

"We don't have time to loose"

"We don't have time to lose" is what you're looking for. "Loose" means something else entirely.

"Wait a second, a will turn off the fire."

First off, the "a" should be "I". People generally don't "turn off" a fire like you would a stove or computer or something. They "put out" the fire.

"Guys this is extrange. I don't like this."

You should use English spell-checking. Extrange isn't a word. You're probably looking for "strange" here.

"The party tries to open the door, but it is closed."

But why is it still closed? Is it locked, barred, broken, or what?

"There is nobody on the castle?"

It should be "there is nobody in the castle" or maybe, alternately "where is everyone?"

"We must go on. The world fate is in our hands. We couldn't loose."

"We must go on. The world's fate is in our hands. We can't lose."

"Have you wake up?"

"Are you awake?" Also, the candles dance on the walls here. I'm pretty sure they aren't supposed to move?

"Erease that gloomy face, guy. We are alive!!"

It's spelled "Erase."