HEXATONA WRITES TERRIBLE EROTIC FANFICTION OF RANDOM RMNERS AND VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS AND NOBODY CAN STOP HIM

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Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3787
Feel free to join in! Will I be banned for double posting? WHO CAN SAY

All I know is, nobody can stop me.

Nothing can stop this from happening.

Not you.

Not anybody.

In honour of this Auspicious Occasion, my first target will of course be LockeZ.

----

HALF-MINUTE HERO

One day Lockez was out walking his dog when BAM - TIME GODDESS OUT OF NOWHERE
"LOCKEZ YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE"
"Waa!? Okay, pardon, what?"
"THERE IS NO TIME YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS TO SAVE THE WORLD"
"WHAT!?"
"SHUT UP, TAKE THIS" she hands him a large pink sword of an odd shape, oddly pliable. "NOW, UNLESS I ORGASM IN 30 SECONDS, THE WORLD WILL EXPLODE!"
"That seems a bit constrived"
"SHUT UP, TIME'S A TICKIN ASSCLOWN"
He does the thing.
Wiping sweat from her brow, she checks her hourglass, "Hey, 2 seconds to spare, nice work kid. See you next level."
The Time Goddess disappears.
LockeZ stares at the pink sword with mild distaste. He throws it. The dog brings it back.

~Fin~
Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3787
I should let Suzy get in on this too.

----

Hojo paced back and forth in the dimly lit confines of his lab, a book in hand, furiously taking notes while glancing at a screen on the nearby desk.

"Subject S.C.D., acquired wandering near Cetra ruins, has been instructed to initiate coitus with Subject XIII. As an added incentive for co-operation, Subject has been notified that failure to accomplish this directive will result in being used in other, even less pleasant research."

He regarded the screen once more.

"Subject's advances towards Subject XIII thus far, while amusing, have so far met with abject failure."

Hojo then walked over the the desk, Holding down a finger near a microphone.

"Red XIII, we talked about this."

"Hojo, for the last time, stop trying to get me to mate with humans! I have no idea what you're trying to accomplish even."

Hojo sighed, "You don't seem to be grasping the concept of captivity, here. I have you under my control. As such, you will perform as I please!"

"And, really, what did you tell her? I mean, the things she's trying here, it's cute, and funny, but she's simultaneously looking pretend aroused while trying to stop herself from vomiting."

Hojo released the button with another sigh, and returned to pacing. Past the racks of specialty videos, past the recording equipment, the special viewing area. He nodded to himself once more, and came back to the desk.

"Okay, XIII. No, Nanaki, just this once. How long have you been in here? We must be going past our 1 year anniversary since the Turks brought you to me, yes?"

"...What's your point?"

"I imagine you must be fairly... frustrated right now."

"..."

"..."

The two of them both seemed to stare at each other in some form of understanding, through the cameras that separated them.

"Fine. ONE time!"

"Thank you, Nanaki."

Releasing the intercom button, Hojo quickly scribbled

"Results today. We shall see if they bear fruit."

And headed over to the special private viewing area he had assembled.

~Fin~
I am so honoured that I am the second unwitting participant straight after Lockez.
Corfaisus
"It's frustrating because - as much as Corf is otherwise an irredeemable person - his 2k/3 mapping is on point." ~ psy_wombats
7630
Oh fun! Do me! DO MEEEE!
Mirak
Stand back. Artist at work. I paint with enthusiasm if not with talent.
8231
I liked the lockez one. Btw off topic but am i correct to pronounce "lockez" like i do "coach z"?

Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3787
Yup, it's Locke Z
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5177
These are A+ fanfic.
Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3787
author=Corfaisus
Oh fun! Do me! DO MEEEE!


Hmmm, I can hardly deny such a heartfelt request.

-0-0-

It has been a number of days since The Hero of Time (or so the fairy had said at the moment) had expired right in front of him with a moblin arrow right in the eye. The fairy (who's name had been Navi) was so flabberghasted by the turn of events, she seemed to be overcome with some sort of embarassment and shock. In a stunning turn, the fairy had turned to him, commanded him to put on the Hero of Time's Clothes, and pretend to be him for the remainder of his journey.

In between the "Hey! Listen this time!"'s and "No one will know, right? I mean, like maybe 5 people saw him before."'s Navi had brought Corfaisus up on the journey.

Next up was fighting the King Dodongo. Navi remarked to herself how oddly excited Corfaisus had become at the mention of the creature, but chalked it up to him finally really getting into the role.

It wasn't until they had finally descended into the cavern, he had seen the great beast, and started removing all his armor and shouting that she began to really ponder just how excited he had been.

"Ohh boy, this is... this is a once in a lifetime chance! C'mon big guy, one bit, gobble me up!" Corfaisus shouted, waving his arms frantically.

"C-Corfaisus, what in the hell are you doing!?" Navi shouted, jumping up and down in his face. "What a minute... Are you one of those... EWW! EWEW EW~!!!"

It wasn't long before the inevitable happened. Corfaisus shouted in jubilation as he saw the giant gaping maw of the Great King Dodongo opened before him, and he practically leapt inside before dissapearing in one great gulp.

Two seconds later, it's mouth erupted in flames, and it went about it's business.

Navi just floated there for a few moments, shaking her head. "Nope. I'm just done. That asshole tree can find another goddamned fairy!"

And floated off, to get a few stiff drinks.

~Fin~
Corfaisus
"It's frustrating because - as much as Corf is otherwise an irredeemable person - his 2k/3 mapping is on point." ~ psy_wombats
7630
Love it! You got my personality down perfectly (and so did that Dodongo, if ya know what I mean).
halibabica
RMN's Official Reviewmonger
13703
I absolutely can stop this. I just choose not to.
Same. Write on, pal.
Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3787
Fire Emblem Fibs: Slumberland Rodeo

After a long mission, involving a lot of desert sand, poisonous arrows, and being stuck partnering up with that utter buffoon, Liberty was looking forward to just relaxing.

She had just settled down for a quiet evening of reading when she heard the tell-tale grating of the gravel in front of her tent. Then, the tent flap opening.

"Uh, hey there, Liberty!" Said Vaike.

Sighing internally, Liberty answered curtly, "Hello, Vaike."

"So uh, yeah, The Vaike was wondering if maybe you wanted to join him for a drink?"

"I appreciate the offer, but I will spend tonight reading, thank you."

"Aww, c'mon, I thought you and the Vaike had a little something going on that last mission, ya know? You were sticking pretty close to me." He said, smirking a bit and scratching the back of his head.

Liberty paused her reading, and leveled a cool, spiteful gaze at the man over her reading, and said, "Ah. I think you are misunderstanding the difference between sound battle tactics, and affection. Let me assure you, any proximity to you you have attributed to affection, has been soundly, and firmly, been because of sound battle strategy."

The Vaike paused a moment, thinking about what was said. "Ah. So, umm, hmm...
What book are you reading? Looks interesting!"

Liberty began again in her cool tone, "I see that being kind but direct is insufficient. Let me be more direct. Vaike, if you ever come into my tent again, I will use this 'interesting book' to send you to a realm of agony we do not yet possess the vernacular to express properly."

"Sooo, that's a no on the drink, then."

"Correct. Goodnight, Vaike."

The sound of a closing tent flap and disturbed gravel faved into the distance.
Liberty reached over, and took a sip of tea.

"Ah, perfect temperature."

~Fin~
Jeroen_Sol
Nothing reveals Humanity so well as the games it plays. A game of betrayal, where the most suspicious person is brutally murdered? How savage.
3945
I was promised terrible erotic fanfiction. So far we've gotten just fanfiction.

Gotta step up your game, Hexa. Let's see some of that terrible smut of yours.
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5363
At some point you're going to run out of people who posted in the original terrible erotic fanfiction topic and have to actually start asking people permission, but honestly that thread got way more willing participants than it ever should have, so it might be a while.

Also, half a minute is all I need baby
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5177
I mean, normal fanficcers don't ask permission

Also LockeZ please post your mixtape.
Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3787
author=Jeroen_Sol
I was promised terrible erotic fanfiction. So far we've gotten just fanfiction.

Gotta step up your game, Hexa. Let's see some of that terrible smut of yours.


Hey, if you got time to lean, you got time to clean, buster!
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5177
author=Jeroen_Sol
I was promised terrible erotic fanfiction. So far we've gotten just fanfiction.

Gotta step up your game, Hexa. Let's see some of that terrible smut of yours.


I mean if the erotic parts never happen or get skimmed over, I'd say that makes for pretty terrible erotic fanfiction.
InfectionFiles
the world ends in whatever my makerscore currently is
4368
Horny weirdos
Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3787
Welp, if that's what ya'll want... Sorry SgtMettool, it was just too easy.

Advance Wars: Night Shift

"Oh, Sgt. Mettool~!" Lash squealed, quivering next to him. "BeHAVE yourself! You're absolutely incorrigible!"

"S-Sorry, Lash." He said, grinning sheepily, suddenly a bit self conscious and covering his nude lower half with part of the sheet. It was not exactly 'protocol' to have this sort of encounter with a commanding officer after all.

"Oh no you don't, young man!" She said with a purr in her voice, tearing down the sheets. "I want to see all of you."

As she moved, he could see her body in profile against the moonlit window. At that moment, she looked down, and said, "Goodness, already? My my my... I think we need to teach you a proper lesson in how to please a lady, hm?"

"M-Ma'am?" Mettool said, blushing.

From the side of the bed, Lash brought up a leather coil. "Hmmhmhm, they don't call me 'Lash' for nothing, Sargent. Now..." She bit her lip, and tightened the whip in her hands. "From now on, call me... Commander!!!"

Ka~Krack!

"Ow!" he yelped, crawling backwards up the bed "Lash, I don't know if-"

"I SAID, CALL ME COMMANDER, little bitch!" She shouted, with a primal growl in her voice now.

Ka~Krack!

"Aah~! S-Sorry... C-Commander"!

"Aaaaah... Much better." She sighed lustfully. She leaned in close, and licked the side of his face playfully. "From now on, your body belongs to me..."

~Fin~