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NEED HELP WITH A STORY ABOUT KNIGHT AND HEROISM
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arekpowalan
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CloseI want to make a classical coming-of-age hero's journey, but I have problem with setting the tone and story progression. Let me elaborate.
Story:
----
"Arthur Smith is a 8 years old farm boy in the Kingdom of Vinland. His father is a famous knight, and he dreams to follow his footstep. He and his younger brother Lance trains himself in a local academy to become a squire. One day on a field trip, a massive earthquake hits and sends Arthur down a large hole. There, he meets a young girl named Nadia. Arthur and Lance rescues Nadia and bring her home. They find out that the girl has an amnesia, and doesn't remember where she came from. The three quickly become friends.
Meanwhile, there's an Empire that is invading and trying to conquer Vinland. Vinland itself suffers conflicts that happen within the country. Nadia's appearance causes paranoia among adults whereas the royal families start arguing with one another for petty reasons. Ultimately, Vinland's chancellor betrays the royalties and lets the Empire attack and burn down the kingdom. Lance Smith gets kidnapped by the Empire and Arthur himself watches his father bravely fights the enemy's general to his death.
Arthur himself gets rescued by his father's best friend. He and Nadia migrate to Eagleburg, where they train to become freedom fighters. 7 years later, Arthur becomes a squire. He and his comrades embark on a journey to defeat the empire to rescue Lance and defeat the Empire. But as they progress, they slowly uncover something else more terrifying than the Empire that is directly connected to Nadia."
---
As you may have guessed, I have gotten this idea from "Dragon Quest 5", where you play as a kid who grows up despite tragedies to become a hero. I also want the story to be like "Lunar/Lufia", where the story focuses on childhood friend romance and down-to-earth comradeship. Overall, I want the story to be as lighthearted and inspiring as possible. But there's an issue with the story easily becoming too complicated, preachy, and most worryingly, too dark for "EVERYONE 10+" rating.
Problems
1.
The setting is based on a Medieval Europe, potentially Tolkien-esque fantasy with anime art style. It also deals with knighthood and typical good-evil fight, although the Empire won't be completely evil. The setting is perhaps the most worrying for me, because too many war stories today won't allow for much traditional heroic adventures.
Perhaps it has to do with overall perception about military-based stories. War has been something associated with darker themes, such as deaths, rapes, losses of innocence, questionable authority, and most importantly convoluted politics that pulls the story away from the main characters. Anti-war stories are very common nowadays as they keep hammering in horrible images and moral messages about pacifism which can be very preachy and annoying.
While I won't glorify war in any way, I want the story to be more about people who overcome tragedies than about reasons/consequences of war. As such, I want to make sure the story doesn't come off too angsty, paranoid, or depressing. However, I don't know how to approach this kind of theme in this particular setting.
2.
The main characterization of Arthur is based around "chivalry", which has become a dying art in the middle of the war. The kid is supposed to be a slight-book worm and dorky person anybody should be able to relate. A passionate person who likes his job and strives to become the best at what he does as he continues to grow more mature and stronger.
However, since the character is extremely idealistic - almost Superman level of heroic - I find it difficult to balance out between his optimism and his angst. The main problem about his arcs is that he grows to refuse to hurt or kill enemy's soldiers and his constant doubts to the power hungry leaders. Antagonists will constantly look down on him and he won't be able to keep being happy all the time. Most importantly, he wants to end the war in peace, but it's too easy to write Arthur's character to be angsty or to be pacifist nutcases. Any tip to help building his character and character development is welcomed.
Any help will be highly appreciated. Any question can be asked. Thank you in advance.
Story:
----
"Arthur Smith is a 8 years old farm boy in the Kingdom of Vinland. His father is a famous knight, and he dreams to follow his footstep. He and his younger brother Lance trains himself in a local academy to become a squire. One day on a field trip, a massive earthquake hits and sends Arthur down a large hole. There, he meets a young girl named Nadia. Arthur and Lance rescues Nadia and bring her home. They find out that the girl has an amnesia, and doesn't remember where she came from. The three quickly become friends.
Meanwhile, there's an Empire that is invading and trying to conquer Vinland. Vinland itself suffers conflicts that happen within the country. Nadia's appearance causes paranoia among adults whereas the royal families start arguing with one another for petty reasons. Ultimately, Vinland's chancellor betrays the royalties and lets the Empire attack and burn down the kingdom. Lance Smith gets kidnapped by the Empire and Arthur himself watches his father bravely fights the enemy's general to his death.
Arthur himself gets rescued by his father's best friend. He and Nadia migrate to Eagleburg, where they train to become freedom fighters. 7 years later, Arthur becomes a squire. He and his comrades embark on a journey to defeat the empire to rescue Lance and defeat the Empire. But as they progress, they slowly uncover something else more terrifying than the Empire that is directly connected to Nadia."
---
As you may have guessed, I have gotten this idea from "Dragon Quest 5", where you play as a kid who grows up despite tragedies to become a hero. I also want the story to be like "Lunar/Lufia", where the story focuses on childhood friend romance and down-to-earth comradeship. Overall, I want the story to be as lighthearted and inspiring as possible. But there's an issue with the story easily becoming too complicated, preachy, and most worryingly, too dark for "EVERYONE 10+" rating.
Problems
1.
The setting is based on a Medieval Europe, potentially Tolkien-esque fantasy with anime art style. It also deals with knighthood and typical good-evil fight, although the Empire won't be completely evil. The setting is perhaps the most worrying for me, because too many war stories today won't allow for much traditional heroic adventures.
Perhaps it has to do with overall perception about military-based stories. War has been something associated with darker themes, such as deaths, rapes, losses of innocence, questionable authority, and most importantly convoluted politics that pulls the story away from the main characters. Anti-war stories are very common nowadays as they keep hammering in horrible images and moral messages about pacifism which can be very preachy and annoying.
While I won't glorify war in any way, I want the story to be more about people who overcome tragedies than about reasons/consequences of war. As such, I want to make sure the story doesn't come off too angsty, paranoid, or depressing. However, I don't know how to approach this kind of theme in this particular setting.
2.
The main characterization of Arthur is based around "chivalry", which has become a dying art in the middle of the war. The kid is supposed to be a slight-book worm and dorky person anybody should be able to relate. A passionate person who likes his job and strives to become the best at what he does as he continues to grow more mature and stronger.
However, since the character is extremely idealistic - almost Superman level of heroic - I find it difficult to balance out between his optimism and his angst. The main problem about his arcs is that he grows to refuse to hurt or kill enemy's soldiers and his constant doubts to the power hungry leaders. Antagonists will constantly look down on him and he won't be able to keep being happy all the time. Most importantly, he wants to end the war in peace, but it's too easy to write Arthur's character to be angsty or to be pacifist nutcases. Any tip to help building his character and character development is welcomed.
Any help will be highly appreciated. Any question can be asked. Thank you in advance.
Crystalgate
694
Why is Arthur a farmboy if his father is not just a knight, but a famous one even? Shouldn't he be a Page? If a man turns out to be an excellent knight, chance is the people in power will bet on his sons (at least the oldest one) also becoming at least good knights. Is it even important to the story that Arthur is a farmboy?
In case you're open for changing that part, traditionally is goes like following: Page at 7, Squire at 14 and Knight at 21. Your setting does of course not need to follow those steps.
Problem 1:
A lot of the problems can be solved by just not causing them. If you don't want the story to be too angsty, paranoid and depressing, then don't make it so. Likewise, while you can't get away from the horrors of war in your story, you don't need to gorge on them. Most important, you don't need to preach.
Problem 2:
This problem is related to a contradiction that occurs when people put a modern armchair interpretation of chivalry and fighting with honor into a setting where people actually fight in deadly battles. In short, knights supposedly were chivalric and fought with honor and that's true, but it was according to that time's idea of chivalry and honor, not the modern interpretation.
Chivalry primarily meant being a good knight and fighting with honor meant bringing victory to your lord. For example, fleeing from battle before your commander orders a retreat is dishonorable since it can both endanger your comrades in arms and hurt your lord's war effort. However, the idea that knights would not attack an enemy in the back is complete bollocks. As a rule of thumb, a soldier's code is for the benefit of his lord and comrades in arms, not for his enemies. The code will include how to behave in times of peace as well since misbehaving soldiers can cause great damage to the society, but it will certainly not instruct the soldier to be inefficient in battle.
Chivalry is not a dying art in battle, it just wasn't what people think it was.
If Arthur refuses to kill and even hurt his enemies, he cannot feasible defeat them. Usually, the author has to writer's fiat in a way for it to work for the heroes. I'm thinking of Ys VII and VIII where the world threatening villains had to kill the corrupt politician villains because the heroes just wouldn't do that.
The only suggestion I have here without access to more information is for you to dial back on his pacifism.
In case you're open for changing that part, traditionally is goes like following: Page at 7, Squire at 14 and Knight at 21. Your setting does of course not need to follow those steps.
Problem 1:
A lot of the problems can be solved by just not causing them. If you don't want the story to be too angsty, paranoid and depressing, then don't make it so. Likewise, while you can't get away from the horrors of war in your story, you don't need to gorge on them. Most important, you don't need to preach.
Problem 2:
This problem is related to a contradiction that occurs when people put a modern armchair interpretation of chivalry and fighting with honor into a setting where people actually fight in deadly battles. In short, knights supposedly were chivalric and fought with honor and that's true, but it was according to that time's idea of chivalry and honor, not the modern interpretation.
Chivalry primarily meant being a good knight and fighting with honor meant bringing victory to your lord. For example, fleeing from battle before your commander orders a retreat is dishonorable since it can both endanger your comrades in arms and hurt your lord's war effort. However, the idea that knights would not attack an enemy in the back is complete bollocks. As a rule of thumb, a soldier's code is for the benefit of his lord and comrades in arms, not for his enemies. The code will include how to behave in times of peace as well since misbehaving soldiers can cause great damage to the society, but it will certainly not instruct the soldier to be inefficient in battle.
Chivalry is not a dying art in battle, it just wasn't what people think it was.
If Arthur refuses to kill and even hurt his enemies, he cannot feasible defeat them. Usually, the author has to writer's fiat in a way for it to work for the heroes. I'm thinking of Ys VII and VIII where the world threatening villains had to kill the corrupt politician villains because the heroes just wouldn't do that.
The only suggestion I have here without access to more information is for you to dial back on his pacifism.
Sorry, I read the first sentence and got bored. Why writing a story so many did before?
It just sounds like a mix of Norse and Saxon myths with a pinch of final fantasy.
Your writing is good, so you should aim higher.
It just sounds like a mix of Norse and Saxon myths with a pinch of final fantasy.
Your writing is good, so you should aim higher.
Ramshackin
1462
author=arekpowalan
While I won't glorify war in any way, I want the story to be more about people who overcome tragedies than about reasons/consequences of war. As such, I want to make sure the story doesn't come off too angsty, paranoid, or depressing. However, I don't know how to approach this kind of theme in this particular setting.
No need to talk about the reasons/consequences of war. The story is about a group of freedom fighters who set out to take down the evil empire and rescue their friend. It's such a familiar tale that people don't need to be told much more to fill in the details. We've seen the situation before, we already know the reasons for war, we know the consequences. Skip them, and feel free to focus on what we don't know - the characters.
@Crystalgate Thank you very much for this. I think I have more idea on how I should do things. Let me try again.
"Why is Arthur a farmboy if his father is not just a knight"
Maybe my wording was wrong. Arthur and his dad just have a farmer's background. Arty and his brother are pages. They are top candidates for academy (which happens in locate in a countryside, since Vinland is a small country) and are presented to the future king of Vinland. Arthur later serves this king royally and pridefully.
"The only suggestion I have here without access to more information is for you to dial back on his pacifism. "
Here is a fixed version:
- Arthur isn't actually a pacifist. He just doesn't like fighting other people to the death. He never has a problem fighting the Empire before because the villain only use monsters and golems to fight. Once Arthur has to fight living targets, he only stuns and take those soldiers into custody. He also uses wits and tactics to try to minimize casualties on both sides (he knows how since he reads a lot of books). He also has zero problem taking down evil people.
- Instead of focusing on the war and battlefield, Arthur is sorted into a special unit where the primary role is to scout ahead and do odd jobs for the army. This way, the focus is more on Arthur and friends gaining new comrades, facing adversaries and helping out people. The player will also get more freedom to move around this way.
- Since the focus of the story is Arthur and Co. overcoming challenges, I supposed having the heroes deal with overpowered villains should be a better highlight than the army stuff.
"Sorry, I read the first sentence and got bored. Why writing a story so many did before?
It just sounds like a mix of Norse and Saxon myths with a pinch of final fantasy.
Your writing is good, so you should aim higher."
My goal is not to create an original story. I want to expand upon preexisted concepts and character archetypes, paying homages to them while adding my own.
Thank you again for the critiques. Please let know what you think.
"Why is Arthur a farmboy if his father is not just a knight"
Maybe my wording was wrong. Arthur and his dad just have a farmer's background. Arty and his brother are pages. They are top candidates for academy (which happens in locate in a countryside, since Vinland is a small country) and are presented to the future king of Vinland. Arthur later serves this king royally and pridefully.
"The only suggestion I have here without access to more information is for you to dial back on his pacifism. "
Here is a fixed version:
- Arthur isn't actually a pacifist. He just doesn't like fighting other people to the death. He never has a problem fighting the Empire before because the villain only use monsters and golems to fight. Once Arthur has to fight living targets, he only stuns and take those soldiers into custody. He also uses wits and tactics to try to minimize casualties on both sides (he knows how since he reads a lot of books). He also has zero problem taking down evil people.
- Instead of focusing on the war and battlefield, Arthur is sorted into a special unit where the primary role is to scout ahead and do odd jobs for the army. This way, the focus is more on Arthur and friends gaining new comrades, facing adversaries and helping out people. The player will also get more freedom to move around this way.
- Since the focus of the story is Arthur and Co. overcoming challenges, I supposed having the heroes deal with overpowered villains should be a better highlight than the army stuff.
"Sorry, I read the first sentence and got bored. Why writing a story so many did before?
It just sounds like a mix of Norse and Saxon myths with a pinch of final fantasy.
Your writing is good, so you should aim higher."
My goal is not to create an original story. I want to expand upon preexisted concepts and character archetypes, paying homages to them while adding my own.
Thank you again for the critiques. Please let know what you think.
Pages:
1
