WHO'S BANGING WHO?

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StevieRayBones
I refuse to grind with monsters I've just met for money.
265
I grew up on Super Mario, Zelda, Secret of Mana, final fantasy 7 and 8....

For the record I don't think princess toadstool took Mario's plunger...I think that's part of his allure to save her...I think he never got any but was driven by the hope of even a kiss...she didn't love him.


But who in those old games were getting laid?
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
32347
I respectfully disagree. There's something odd about the fact that Princess Toadstool is always getting abducted. I don't think Bowser is actually the bad guy. I think he's helping Mario and Toadstool. I think it's what's turning Toadstool on; seeing her heroic plumber defeating armies for her gets her blood pressure up.

Meanwhile, Link had to be getting laid because apparently, each game isn't the same Link but an ancestor/descendant. Somebody had to be doing him. Those Links didn't just come from nowhere.

We all know that Solid Snake had a solid snake. That just goes without saying, and Meryl got spied hard.

I'm not so sure about Samus, though. Sure, she's hot, but it seems like she's got some horror in her past and is too obsessed with righting wrongs to have time for love.

The two Contra dudes definitely banged.
I bet Cloud and Tifa have hooked up atleast once between FF7 and Advent Children... it got awkward when he called her Aerith though...
Rosa took Cecil's dark wave, if you know what I mean.
Mirak
Stand back. Artist at work. I paint with enthusiasm if not with talent.
9300
I like to think the two blobs from Nuts & Milk had a happy fuck once they got rid of that one dude.
Mirak
Stand back. Artist at work. I paint with enthusiasm if not with talent.
9300
Also the Penguins from Binary Land


They're all gay
StevieRayBones
I refuse to grind with monsters I've just met for money.
265
I definitely believe cloud banged tifa and Cecil Rosa...squall for sure Ronoa(relying on a shit memory for her name)

I even think Link may have given Zelda the Master sword....but Mario.... though I know princess toadstool gave him a bigman, I just see it as him saving her for nothing
Hexatona
JESEUS MIMLLION SPOLERS
3702
author=Arcmagik
I bet Cloud and Tifa have hooked up atleast once between FF7 and Advent Children... it got awkward when he called her Aerith though...

I think canonically they shacked up when the team gave them some alone time right before the crater final dungeon

EDIT: I'm more curious about which Zelda's actually Shacked up with their Links. I think that ALTTP they were related, possibly? The Manga goes in that direction anyway.

I think FOR SURE Wind Waker did. Ain't no way they're on a ship for god knows how long and not gettin to know each other.
I think it's been said in the SNES game that was a mistranslation for LTTP, I never seen the manga so I can't say for sure. As for Cloud and Tifa, JRPGs tend to reflect some culture concerning how love is handled in Japan as they always make it really really subtle in SE games except on rare occasions like FFX.

When Advent Children came out, they made it pretty subtle between Cloud & Tifa feelings for eachother.

SunflowerGames
The most beautiful user on RMN!
13323

Old games with hookups=
Leisure Suit Larry
author=pianotm
I respectfully disagree. There's something odd about the fact that Princess Toadstool is always getting abducted. I don't think Bowser is actually the bad guy. I think he's helping Mario and Toadstool. I think it's what's turning Toadstool on; seeing her heroic plumber defeating armies for her gets her blood pressure up.

Meanwhile, Link had to be getting laid because apparently, each game isn't the same Link but an ancestor/descendant. Somebody had to be doing him. Those Links didn't just come from nowhere.

We all know that Solid Snake had a solid snake. That just goes without saying, and Meryl got spied hard.

I'm not so sure about Samus, though. Sure, she's hot, but it seems like she's got some horror in her past and is too obsessed with righting wrongs to have time for love.


Actually, it's explicitly stated (Skyward Sword and Hyrule Historia) that Link is a reincarnation, not a descendant. But at certain points Link was like the last of the Hyrule Knights or Zelda was the last princess.

Link sometimes got lucky? We know Link to the Past Link was the last knight, so yea. We think that Twilight Princess Link got lucky, cuz didn't he like kiss her? We... suspect Wind Waker Link got lucky cuz he was in like three games with Zelda in some form or another. Ocarina/Majora's Mask Link, probably not. He spent alot of time as a child, went back in time at the end, then got stuck in a forest on auto-loop. Oracle of Seasons/Ages, he was a child much of the time (read the manga), and didn't hang out with Zelda much since he was busy with the Oracles.

Zelda is a massive tease. You can't depend on her to pass on future generations.


They don't even get to kiss in the show, from what I saw.
Corfaisus
"It's frustrating because - as much as Corf is otherwise an irredeemable person - his 2k/3 mapping is on point." ~ psy_wombats
7874


Sometimes you get lonely, you know?
author=Arcmagik
I bet Cloud and Tifa have hooked up atleast once between FF7 and Advent Children... it got awkward when he called her Aerith though...

Why would he Tifa is Cloud's true love not Aerith.

*prepares to fight someone and/or everyone to the death on this point*

(Also I think the Japanese censors were a little weird and overzealous but it's heavily implied that Cloud banged Tifa early in the first disc of FFVII before they get out of Midgard or even assault the Shinra tower, making that sex act at least canonical. I am pretty sure that "waking up next to you who wouldn't" or whatever line you can choose after they sleep together is bowdlerized ribaldry meant to imply they fucked.)

oops used a bad word.

We know Link to the Past Link was the last knight, so yea.

I sure hope he gets to "use the Master Sword" after all that. Also yeah replaying it as an adult and actually paying attention to the dialogue, Ganon disguised as Aghanim HUNTED DOWN and RITUALLY MURDERED seven virgins who contained the last of the Hylian bloodline? I thought "THAT'S pretty fucking dark for an early Nintendo game", but I suppose at the end of the game if you win you do kind of reverse it all.

Also a throwaway line about the soldiers* in the Light World being under Aghanim's control and having gone insane made me really think about that little blue splash of light every time I killed one of them representing the fact that I had murdered an innocent human being who was fighting me solely because they were mind controlled!

Nintendo's preferred optics be damned, Link (that iteration at least) is a stone cold killer.

* Not those fuckers in the red armor w/ the tridents/bombs or the gold armor guys with the morningstars. Those guys are def. in on it and deserve to die.

Sorry for my brief tangent into violence return to your discussion of sex.
Decky
I'm a dog pirate
19645
well this brings me back to being 14
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