PLEASE HELP WITH MY STORY

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Hi everyone!

I recently started a semi-new game based on a world I made over the course of five years! This is my third draft. (The game doesn't have a title yet.) I've read several articles for here on RMN. My ego is out of the way, and I'm ready for criticism! I'll explain what I need help with before you read the story. But it helps if you can highlight anything that works. I tend to think everything I do sucks. ^^;

So, I'm already aware of a few things. My antagonist, Hoshi, hasn't really proven that he's evil. The main characters have a bit of agency, but they hop from place to place without breaks for character development. In addition, Hoshi doesn’t have agency of trying to stop the main characters. Also the main gameplay mechanic, the news camera, becomes a bit of a throwaway after the main protagonists start breaking the law and trespassing in illegal areas. I don't know how to fix that yet. Also, I don't know how to make people care about the story. I'm somewhat open to cutting the story down to one nation, even though I have no idea what that would look like. I just know that most people on RMN seem to recommend smaller stories. Thanks for reading!

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Debbie is a determined researcher that’s adamant that the land’s ruler Hoshi, is a tyrant. She thinks the he is hiding something, but she can’t figure out what. People tend to regard her as a conspiracy theorist.

Debbie’s friend and neighbor, Jet, loves investigating with her. He likes to imagine himself as a detective snooping around for evidence that would help “solve their case”.

There are two factions in Spectacle. Loyalists are the ones that follow Hoshi. They believe that Hoshi saved the world from being destroyed by the gods. Renegades are the ones that still believe that the gods were good, and Hoshi is just a conquerer looking for power.
Nearly every day, the news shows renegades being apprehended by Hoshi’s police force, but never Hoshi himself.

One day, a villain attacks Simpleton, the town that Debbie and Jet live in, with the intent of drawing out Hoshi. The camerawoman runs away before the dispatched heroine, Kobashi, could defeat the them. She leaves behind her camera, the emoter camera. Debbie picks it up off the ground. She hides it from Kobashi and waits for her to leave. Then, she tries it out. She notices that there are few lenses that she can use. When she uses the joy lens, the world instantly changes into a joyful wonderland. The sad lens makes everything look depressing, and the fear lens makes everything look creepy. It also reveals a monster behind her.

After defeating the monster, Debbie shows the camera to Jet. Since Hoshi controls the media, she feels like the camera’s unusual functions are bonafide proof that Hoshi is evil. Why would he need a tinted lens to emotionally manipulate what’s recorded? Jet is convinced. Fearful that Hoshi might repossess the camera if they confront him, Debbie and Jet decide to hold their own investigation. Debbie goes to her research papers to see where they can head to.

Debbie discovers documents about Curio, a city that was abandoned after Hoshi destroyed it during a fight with a powerful renegade. The city was memorialized because several people died there. This was also Hoshi’s last know fight with a criminal.

Jet asks if going to research was, “legal and ethical”. Debbie says, “Jet, you know we have a duty to know the truth surrounding events like this. Start letting that inner detective out to investigate more.” Jet concedes.

They go into one of the abandoned houses and find underground tunnels that lead to several items, including mysterious documents. They then return to Simpleton to analyze the documents.

When Debbie and Jet analyze the documents, they get a riddle.

“Joy to quell.”
“Sadness to move.”
“Fear to silence.”
“Love to control.”
“Comedy to trust.”
“Heroic means flawless.”
“Evil means destruction.”

In the afternoon, the news reports that a thief has stolen important historical documents from Curio. She also questions why important documents were stored in an abandoned city. Jet says, “Generally, you don't touch things that are memorialized. Debbie says, “Well, I’m glad your, ‘legal and ethical’ side took a vacation for justice.”

After a while, Debbie says the riddle sounds like (nameTBD), a poem that is one a statue in Romora, the city of romance. They go there and view the poem. The poem says this:

“Oh, my eyes! How clearly I see!
I laugh with my heart filled with joy.
Though sadness and evil overtake my mind,
My body churns with good.
Though fear lingers in my soul,
Love makes me whole.”

They say that Samira made that poem.

Then, another villain struck. The hero, “Vance” was dispatched, but fans got in the way of him apprehending the villain. Debbie follows the trail of the villain, though Jet’s eager to meet Vance.

“Hey there, citizen! I gotta get going! Somebody has to catch the renegade!”

Vance winks at Jet before leaving. Jet practically faints. Jet wants to follow him. The only reason Debbie agrees is because she wants to watch another “hero/villain” fight.

They follow them into a building where Vance corners the villain. The camera crew catches up. Jet watches the fight with his eyes while Debbie uses the camera. She uses the different lenses and gets some surprising results. The villain calls Hoshi a liar, and that "The legend is a farce!" , but Vance says that he’s lying to try and rile up the other people. Vance defeats the villain. Debbie turns the camera off and hides it.

After Vance and the camera crew leave with the villain, Debbie and Jet go to investigate the villains claims. They find more information that leads them to investigate the Phantasm, which has a library detailing the legend of Hoshi.

In Phantasm, blueprints to block off an area of land in Spiritain in order to make sure that no one access this energy where discovered, but not entirely intelligible.

Jet suggests that they go to the cafe in Mundawe (one they like going to when in a rut) to rest. Debbie agrees. At the cafe, Debbie contemplates breaking into the Stone House. Jet reminds Debbie, “legal and ethical”.

“Okay, Jet, seriously. Would you follow the rules of a tyrant, or fight for freedom?”

“We’re free right now. You sound like a Renegade.”

“But not as free as we can be. They prevented us from going to in the Stone House! You saw the blood!”

“Let’s just try another temple instead. We’ll go to the Blazing Santcuary.”

“That’s all the way in Spiritain.”

“Would you rather go through the jungle, a wasteland, or frozen terrain?”

“I see what you’re saying, the Blazing Sanctuary is the next most accessible. But before that, let’s go back to Simpleton, so I can add our findings to the notes.”

The duo goes to the next closest temple, the Blazing Sanctuary. Rueban recognizes Debbie and calls her, “a wanted woman”. Debbie recognizes Rueban.

“You’re Rueban (Title TBD), aren't you?”

“Ah, another person recognizes me!” Rueban says.

Rueban then uses his hallmark charisma to get inside of the sanctuary. Jet is mixed about entering, but he lets his “inner detective” get the better of him. “So much for ‘legal and ethical’.”

Rueban goes inside and starts deciphering the writings on the wall. The writings talk about a dark aura that lies furthermost south of the continent ((Note: In order to keep the world good, the dark aura was created to absorb evil intentions. But as time went on, the aura became too massive, and evil started spilling into the world.)). Debbie and Jet also go inside and use the camera. They find the fear lens. ((Note: This is Hoshi’s plot. By biding his time, he is waiting for the dark aura to become so massive that its power will be strong enough to kill the gods. In the meantime, he can gain the trust of the citizens by blocking it off and claiming that he didn’t want the aura to fall into the wrong hands. He can also gain more trust by defeating criminals that were spurred by this aura.)) Rueban is dissatisfied.

Rueban tries to awaken the deity with a plea, “If you don’t return soon, he will destroy everything, including you.”

The deity, Arcanea, answers, “It’s almost time. Justice will prevail.”

Rueban is excited to hear Arcanea's voice, but she doesn’t say anything more. He also mysteriously receives the Crest of Arcanea. Rueban is touched by this gesture. “But why?” He asks.

As the group exits the Sanctuary, Kobashi is outside waiting, along with a camera crew, “I should have known you were trouble since that day in Simpleton!” She says. “You’re a Renegade, aren’t you?”

Debbie, Jet, and Rueban fight Kobashi. They win, but the news cameras immediately label them as evil using a copy of the evil lens. Rueban laughs, “I’ve already been labeled as, ‘evil’. You’re lens will do no more to me.” The crew retreats in fear that they might end up like the camerawoman who went to Simpleton.

Rueban goes to Debbie and Jet and says, “Welcome to the Renegade Force. The violet lens will only view its surrounding with suspicion, as if everything is evil. Now, you are one of us.” Debbie and Jet also sense the change but they cannot explain it. Debbie shows Rueban the camera and he gasps. “I did not realize you had the emoter camera!” Rueban says, “Hoshi and his allies use a golden lens to make themselves appear heroic. If we had that lens, we could show the world the truth, as well as rid ourselves of the evil lens’s added effects.” Rueban invites Debbie and Jet to his house (or mansion?) in Mancery.

Once the team gets to Mancery, the residents treat them like criminals, but a few confide they are happy someones questioning Hoshi. Rueban tells the story of the hero who stopped the gods from destroying Spectacle. Debbie, Jet, and Rueban were only children when this event occurred. The story is as follows:

One day, the Embodiments were displeased with the way that the people were behaving. There was to much evil in the world. They were planning on wiping out the human race. But, Hoshi traveled to the legendary island where the Embodiments were raised, and defeated them. He destroyed their bodies, but was unable to destroy their souls. The Embodiments retreated to their temples and fell into a deep sleep, while waiting for Samira to create new bodies. Hoshi has been considered a hero ever since, and he was thus appointed the ruler of Spectacle. He stationed guards at each temple to make sure that they don’t wake up again without him knowing.

Debbie scoffs at the story, claiming that Hoshi did not have to become the ruler of Spectacle simply because he “saved the day”. Rueban contends that it’s not the full story. The Renegades believe that Hoshi is the true villain and have fought to prove it for years. However, over time, they’ve been captured and jailed for their beliefs. Rueban has made a name for himself by working as a powerful open renegade. No one could capture him because of his smooth talking and powerful magic. The crimes in Curio originally get attributed to him. He also says that it is remarkable that Debbie was able to obtain one of the cameras. Debbie tells the story of the attack on Simpleton. Rueban laments because the attack on Simpleton was renegade trying to draw out Hoshi. Debbie asks about why Hoshi stopped fighting. Rueban says it’s purely political. It’s to make himself look grand. Rueban tells Debbie that she’s a wanted criminal because she took the documents from Curio. Jet didn’t realize that the news was talking about them. Debbie agrees. Rueban offers to join their team because he is also hunting for the truth behind Hoshi’s actions, he believes that the Embodiments were not going to destroy Spectacle. Debbie allows this. Jet is okay with it too. Debbie declares that the group should return to the Stone House to try and enter it.

The team returns to the Stone House.

The newly obtained fear lens reveals blood on the outer walls! They want to go in and investigate further hey aren’t allowed inside. Debbie asks, “What can I do to get in?” The guard says, “There’s nothing you can do, it's under lockdown. We monitor to make sure the gods don’t wake up again.” Debbie says, “You don’t see blood on the wall there!” The guards say, “That was preserved from Hoshi’s battle with Terry!” “You already know about it?” “Wait, how can you see it?” The guards ask.

Now, there is an inconsistency. According to the legend, Hoshi fought all five gods on a separate island.

Rueban persuades the guards into believing that they can enter the Stone House. They make it through the teleporting puzzle and make it to Terry’s bedroom. There, they find the love lens, which views everything from a romantic perspective. Terry appears in spirit. He sees Debbie with the camera and asked, “Where did you get that?” Debbie says, “I got when one of Hoshi’s camera crew ran away. They left it behind.” Terry explains that the device is sacred and explain its origins.

The creator of Spectacle, Samira, created the camera to use to help raise the young embodiments. Samira recorded videos to teach them right from wrong. The embodiments got to keep their favorite lens for safe keeping.

Terry asks Debbie to collect the other lenses and find out the truth about Hoshi, since the Embodiments were still recovering. Terry says he’s dangerous. Jet asks about the story where the Embodiments would destroy the world. Terry can’t answer that for some reason. He says, “It's up for debate.” He points the team to their next searching place, Guff Falls. That’s where Terry’s brother, Guff, keeps the Comedy lens. Terry also gives the team, “The Crest of Terry”. Jet asks, “Are we the chosen ones?” Terry says, “Well, in a way, yes. I’ve chosen you, so you are “the chosen ones.”With the new information, the team leaves the Stone House. Debbie is excited about the confirmation, but Jet wonders how they’re going to convince anyone else.

The team heads to the nation of Laughlin to continue their research. Around the village or Troppen, the villagers talk about how there’s extra security around the pathway to the Outland. The thief is still at large, and they just hit the Stone House. Debbie knows that the news is talking about her and the team.

The team then heads to the Outland. Debbie shows the guards the Crest of Terry and Jet says, “We’re the chosen ones!”, thinking that they would consider them heroes.They gasp because they hadn’t seen anything like that since Hoshi had had them. Hoshi proclaimed that anyone with the crest should be honored. Rueban twists this honoring into forcing the guards to let them pass. The team moves into the Outland.

After treading the winding jungle pathways of the Outland, the team finally arrives to Guff Falls. They obtain the Comedy lens, and Guff goes to meet them. Guff asks about what they are doing. Debbie explains that they are going after Hoshi because they are renegades. Guff exclaims that no one usually believes that the he and his siblings were the ones in the right. Again, Jet asks if the gods are going to destroy the world. Guff says, “No! We only wanted to beat up the baddies!” Debbie is shocked. Hoshi has been lying about his motives the whole time! Debbie shows Guff the Crest of Terry just to make sure that Guff was on their side. Guff sees the crest and tells them that they must be, “here to return fun-loving peace to Spectacle”. Guff then explains that the Comedy lens sees everything as if it were a joke. Guff says that Hoshi uses a the lens to downplay serious issues. Apparently, this is what’s happening in Spoofy. According to Guff, “No one’s having fun anymore over there.” He suspects that Hoshi is to blame. He asks the team to investigate. They agree.

The team heads to the village of Spoofy. They see that the small village is almost in ruins. Debbie turns on the comedy lens. They receive information that looks like how the village is portrayed in the news, which is silly and fun. So, Guff was right. The villagers are actually sad and depressed that Guff is no longer around. But they were told to act happy and silly, or their village would end up like Curio. ((Note: Curio’s destruction was twofold. A renegade did challenge Hoshi, but the added destruction was because Curio was a city of renegades.)) Now there’s a pattern. Hoshi seems to devastate towns and villages that support the Embodiments. (This means that I need to show information that proves that Curio was supporting the Embodiments.) The team returns to Guff Falls to report to Guff. ((Note: Once the team clears a dungeon, they then have the option to warp to the deepest part. In this case, they get to warp to Guff falls instead of traveling through the Outland all over again.)) Guff is displeased with the fact that the village has been decimated, and he calls for the team to continue their investigation. Debbie asks if Guff has a crest like Terry that they can use to make people stop chasing them. Because currently, they’re being treated like criminals. Guff gives them the Crest of Guff, but warns that only the people in Laughlin will recognize it and stop. Debbie explains the story about being captured by the camera crew at the Blazing Sanctuary. Guff replies that the lens that was probably to blame was the evil lens, which is the lens that Andria has. Rueban asks for the location of the heroic lens. Guff lets the team know that his brother, Ronan, is keeper of the heroic lens. He then states that it might be a bit difficult for them to get the lens from him since he is particularly defensive about it. The team thanks Guff for the information and leaves.

The team heads to Packtion. They are immediately ambushed by Vance. Jet gets an idea. He asks Debbie to use the love lens. It’s exactly how Vance looks on TV! Jet shudders, wondering what would be revealed if they used a different lens. They defeat them. Then Don appears. He charges into battle with them, screaming,

“I won’t let you invade the Temple of Might! I’ll protect Ronan and get recognized as an official hero by Hoshi!”

((Note: This will just have to be a cutscene because I don’t have a battler of Don.)) The battle is lengthy because Don is a powerful opponent. Perhaps even the strongest opponent they’ve faced.

He asks, “Why are you going around to the domains and stealing the crests?”

Jet replies, “We’re not stealing them, they were given to us!”

Don says, “Really? Prove it to me!”

Debbie laments that see never took any footage of them getting the crest. ((Note: I might change this so that Debbie has the ability to show someone the footage of them receiving the crest.)) As the fight rages on, people notice that Don is super powerful. More “heroes” show up to stop him because he’s not an official hero.

“Come on! I had them on the ropes!” he complains.

While Don argues with the next wave of heroes, the team escapes. ((Note: Because the team is still being treated like criminals, it may not make any sense for them to still be able to buy items from shops that don’t recognize them.)) After stocking up, the team heads out for the Ancient Wasteland. At the entrance, Don is there waiting for them. “You guys didn’t think that I would let you off the hook, right?” However, before Don gets to attack, another wave of heroes appear.

“Listen, you can get your citizen’s dues for slowing them down, but we’ll arrest you for vigilante justice, if you don’t stop.” Don concedes and leaves. The team beats the heroes and heads deeper into the Ancient Wasteland.

Finally, the team reaches the Temple of Might. They wait for Ronan to wake up. When he does, he attacks the crew, thinking that they’re one of Hoshi’s forces. Debbie shows him the crests of Terry and Guff, but it’s no use. Ronan thinks that Debbie defeated them in battle, since that’s one of the ways that a person can gain a crest. ((Note: Hoshi may have his own crests from doing that.)) Ronan than sees that Debbie has a camera and flies into a rage, “How dare you carry mother’s sacred device!” Rueban tries to calm Ronan down, and Ronan says, “You’re silver tongue will not sway me!” Then Don shows up. He bows to Ronan and says, “Destroy them! I know you can do it!” Ronan says, “I know that voice. You must be Don. You’ve come here to (pray?) several times prior. Here.” Ronan gives Don the crest of Ronan. Don starts crying. “You recognize me?” Don says. “Yes, you are a powerful warrior with an honest heart. Now, I must tell you a secret.” Ronan whispers, “Hoshi is the enemy.” Don exclaims “What Hoshi, the enemy? But how?” Ronan says, “He attempted to destroy us and become a god. We are still recovering from the battle. One day we will rise and defeat him once and for all.”

Ronan says, “Look at the world around you. There are no prophecies, legendary weapons, or magic crystals. This was done on purpose. Our mother, Samira, felt like adding those things would cause an imbalance that would allow evil to rise. She wanted to create a world where good naturally overpowered evil. And yet, there are still thieves and murderers. People who harm out of spite and jealousy. People with evil ambitions, like Hoshi. We proposed the world be destroyed and recreated in such a way that evil did not exist altogether. In grief, Samira left the planet. We do not know where she went.”

Debbie’s heart sinks, “So…Hoshi really did do the right thing. He stopped you from destroying Spectacle.”

“We were torn. We could not decide whether or not to destroy Spectacle. But Hoshi’s intentions were impure.”

Jet asks, “So, if we stop Hoshi, will continue your plan to destroy Spectacle.”

“We will continue our debate. That is the most I can tell you. However, leaving Hoshi to his devices would be more dangerous.”

Jet says, “You don’t need to worry about that, that’s what we’re trying to do.” Debbie agrees, saying, “We wanted to ask you for the heroic lens because we’ve been framed as evil by Hoshi.” Ronan says, “I do not yet trust you with the sacred viewing lens. However, I will give it to Don.” Ronan gives the lens to Don, “Look through the lens and focus on our adversary. Are they worthy of this lens? If there is no new truth to be found, the lens will do nothing.”

A gold light shines around the Heroes, brightest around Debbie. “Yup! They look like heroes to me!” Don exclaims. “So their goals are honest. Give her the lens.” Don gives Debbie the lens. She puts in the camera and records herself and the others.

“Hi everybody, we’re the good people! We’re going to prove Hoshi is the bad one and defeat him!”

Ronan says, “To prove beyond doubt that Hoshi is evil, you must obtain the evil lens from Andria. Leave the crest with Don.

Don says, “Maybe I should team up with you!” Ronan says, “That is a good plan.” Don joins the team.

The team leaves the Temple of Might, and Don starts crying again. “I didn’t think anything like this would happen. Unfortunately, there’s a camera crew outside. “He has the crest of Ronan!” One person exclaims. “

Do you think he stole it?”

“No way, that’d be three stolen crests! The Embodiments must be awake! Let’s go tell Hoshi!”

“Shouldn’t we arrest them first. This news is too big! We have to tell Hoshi! We’ll deal with them later!”

Now, the team faces a race against the clock. They head to Probex before entering Crystalline. Immediately, the people of Probex are confused. They want to treat the team as heroes, but the don’t know why yet. This makes them extra confused because on the news, they’ve been shown beating up guards and weilding crests. The crew stocks up before going to Crystalline.

When they reach the Forbidden Laboratory, they see that Hoshi’s forces have already been there. Jet has reservations about entering because it’s forbidden. Don reminds him the Ronan was the one who said to come here. They go inside. It’s still intact. Andria appears.

“Are you here for the evil lens?” Andria asks.

“Yes, we are.” Debbie responds.

“I’ve been monitoring your travels.” Andria says. “Please, take this lens, and go to Hoshi’s castle. It’s in Kidoken. You will be able to unveil his malevolent ambitions with it. Do not let it fall into his hands. Also, take this, the Dignites will be less hostile towards you.”

Andria gives Debbie the Crest of Andria. Then they leave the lab.

Outside of the lab, Hoshi’s forces have gathered once more.

“You may be able too fool a lot of people, but you’ll never fool Hoshi! We know you’re the bad ones!

“If you’re really want to prove you’re good, fight us without the camera crew!” Don says.

The team defeats the heroes, and they head for Hoshi’s castle.

At the castle, they unveil Hoshi’s plot to destroy all of the Embodiments and become a god. Using the evil lens, they see that the plot is truly evil. Using the heroic lens, nothing happens, just like Ronan said.

Suddenly, the team is ambushed by Hoshi’s forces. The team fights and wins. Jet asks about the whereabouts of Hoshi. One of the crew members reveals that he went into Trepid to start his plan. ((Note: Will need to explain more about Trepid beforehand). The team is so close to victory. They leave the castle and chase after Hoshi.

At the entrance to Trepid, Debbie realizes that she never get the crest of Arcanea. As a gesture of trust, Rueban gives the Crest of Arcanea to Debbie. He reveals that he secretly got it form Arcanea after speaking with her. Debbie thanks Rueban for the crest and for trusting her. Trepid is treacherous, but the team made it through alive.

When they reach Hoshi, they confront him about why he would do such a thing. Hoshi responds, “The Embodiments were going to wake up eventually. I needed more power. I heard about a sealed away power that I could use to make myself stronger, and here it is!” Hoshi absorbs the power to become really strong. The team fights the uber powerful Hoshi and wins.

Hoshi doesn’t want to give up, but Samira shows up and defeats him fully. She takes him away, thanking the team for their help.

When the team returns to Mancery, they are met with an angry mob. However, Arcanea shows up. Using the footage that Debbie recorded over their journey,(especially the part recording Hoshi’s plans” she reveals the truth. Debbie, Jet, Rueban and Don are heroes! The crowd is stunned. How could Hoshi be the evil one? Debbie says, “All he wanted was power and control, we saw him in Trepid when he absorbed the dark aura.” Arcanea says, “These people are heroes, and they should be treated as such. The crowd then cheers.

In Hoshi’s castle, the team is treated to a feast. Samira offers Debbie a position as queen. Debbie turns it down, saying she doesn’t want to end up like Hoshi. She’s just glad it’s over. She’d rather be on a board making decisions. Samira decides to make a council called, “The League of Spectacles, and has each of the members if the team placed at the helm. Then Samira leaves.

Samira is shown chastising Hoshi. “You had one job, and you deliberately tried to become all-powerful.” Hoshi says, “But at least I kept the world intact! Thomas couldn’t even do that!” “Forget about Thomas.” Samira says, “His case was an accident, you tried to take over on purpose. We’re through.” Samira then kicks Hoshi out of the world. “I hope I never have to deal with him again. I’m just glad the planet is safe.”

The End
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Well. This kind of thing certainly goes far beyond the scope of the description thread, that's for sure!

I'll try to come back later, and read it in it's entirely. However, even skimming it, I'm noticing you calling out specific conversations that are had in the game. I'm not really sure if that level of detail is something we'd need to know to make suggestions, or make comments, about the story?
I think that the story is only as good as the game. It doesn't matter what kind story you tell, it just has to be fun for the player. Sometimes the player doesn't really care about the story so you have to start slow and simple, reward the player meaningfully. The story, how you want it to progress, should actually progress how the player wants to. Doesn't mean you have to make multiple choices or different endings, it means that whatever the player did it was for enjoyment. This requires a lot of playtesting so remember that. A player shouldn't feel like they're being forced to watch an hour long movie they don't want to see. The sooner you get the player to "play" instead of watching cutscenes and reading things they don't understand, the better.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
What I would suggest, at least in terms of a game description for RMN, is to write something like...

In Spectacle, there are two factions. The Loyalists are the ones who follow Hoshi. They believe he saved the world from the wrath of the gods. Renegades believe that the gods weren't entirely evil, and that Hoshi is merely a man seeking power. The media, tending to lean toward a pro-Loyalist stance, often portrays the apprehension of Renegade members by the police force, and avoids any portrayal of Hoshi, himself.

The town of Simpleton was attacked by the Rebellion, with the intent of drawing out Hoshi. Naturally, the media is quick to cover the details. However, they find themselves over their heads, and attempt to escape before being dispatched by Kobashi, a heroine of Renegade. In their haste to escape, the camera crew left behind one of their cameras. Debbie, a determined researcher, was curious, and tried it out.

There was a "joy" lens that make the surroundings seem bright and pleasant. There was a "sad" lens that made the surroundings seem heavy with depression. There was a "fear" lens that made the surrounding uneasy, and revealed the presence of a monster to her.

She quickly shows the camera to her friend, Jet, and the monster starts to take notice of their presence. They dispatch the thing, and consider why such a thing was in the hands of the media. The only thing they could come up with was that the media, on top of being controlled by Hoshi, is using this lens to further his goal of domination.

...this. Though, that should not be the entirety of your description. Some descriptions talk about particular features that are in the game, such as particular quirks/features in combat, simulations of farming or fishing, or other kind of thing that puts your game apart from the others.

Though, looking at it again, what you're posting here feels strangely like my most recent (and currently in-progress) written Let's Play thread, only with less video/images? Though, I'm aware you can post images as part of submitting gamepage, and media can be submitted after a gamepage is accepted.
Overfence, thanks for your response! I'll keep your tips in mind.

Marrend, thanks for your response! You wrote a description for my game that was better than what I wrote.

I know basing a conclusion just on two responses may be silly, but I'm going to use this to say that I'm almost done writing! :D
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