KINDA SERIOUS TOPIC; HOW WELL DO YOU GUYS/GALS GET ALONG WITH YOUR DADS?

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This came to mind when I was reading an article in a magazine written by a guy who lamented the lack of connection he ever really had with his (deceased at the time of his writing it) father. The overall point of the article was to discuss the fact that a lot of adult males have rocky, distant, or sometimes nonexistent relationships with their fathers, and to implore its readers to improve their relations with theirs if they can, before its too late.

It made me think about the relationship I have with MY father. I don't hate the guy or anything, but it always has been pretty distant. My parents divorced when I was pretty young, and afterwards my dad was pretty successful with his auto detailing business, so he never had time (or made any, really) for me and my siblings. And then he moved to Arizona. Sure, he was good at throwing money around sometimes, but my relationship with my dad was pretty much like how Fight Club put it in a conversation between Tyler and the main character, if you've ever seen it;

Tyler Durden: My dad never went to college, so it was real important that I go.
Narrator: Sounds familiar.
Tyler Durden: So I graduate, I call him up long distance, I say "Dad, now what?" He says, "Get a job."
Narrator: Same here.
Tyler Durden: Now I'm 25, make my yearly call again. I say Dad, "Now what?" He says, "I don't know, get married."

I'm not at the 'get married' part yet (I'm not done with college yet either) but it pretty much sums up in 'call him every now and then and he gives me some one liner advice/words and I call him next year ad infinum'. I dunno, when I think about it, I'm not really resentful about it, since I'm an adult and I don't really NEED him anymore, but hey, I figure it might be an interesting thing for everyone to talk about.

What type of relationship do you have with your dads? Close? Distant? Nonexistent? Is Father's Day something you actually circle on the calendar or forget until someone casually mentions it? Discuss.
My father's almost never at home, letting his four children alone.
And when he's at home he's just watching TV or sleeping. When I was younger I was living with my mum, so there is no real relationship. I actually think this is sad :/
Not very well. I will post more about it later when I get back.
Yellow Magic
Could I BE any more Chandler Bing from Friends (TM)?
3154
Pretty damn good when he isn't living in another country (which he will be in two weeks) :(
Also sometimes he decides to completely ignore my advice (edit: or whatever else I'm saying for that matter) which is annoying. He rarely actually needs it, though, so it's more to do with my perfectionist tendencies than anything.
Compared to some other people's, my relationship with my dad is pretty good, but there's definitely a lack of communication. He always watches TV, I'm always at the computer. Even though we're only one door apart there are some days on which I don't see him at all. All it would take to improve our relationship is a little effort from both of us, but I'm always stressed out from school when he's feeling talkative, and he's always watching soccer when I'm feeling talkative.

It's kind of depressing because while I do know him as a father, a very funny and laid back one, I'd like to get to know him as a person too.
tardis
is it too late for ironhide facepalm
308
My dad has always been a totally badass father figure to me. We've always gotten along amazingly well, we can talk pretty much anything out, and he's always supported me in everything I do. He's a workaholic, but he works from home, self-employed. Keeping in mind, he's not the desk job type- he's in the car business. Meaning he restores, fixes, rebodies, and what-have-yous every kind of exotic automobile you could possibly conceive of. Back when I was younger and people would come over to my house, everybody thought we were ridiculously wealthy because of the sheer volume of cars we owned.

But that's all fairly off topic.
I've always gotten on well with my dad. We do stuff together from time to time- lunch, maybe a concert once in a while- and he always gives me pretty cool advice.

Father's Day has never really been a huge deal in my family... We don't dig it so much because it's mostly just an excuse to sell hallmark cards. I'll usually buy my dad a CD or something. I bought him the all-a cappella version of Dark Side of the Moon last father's day.
post=104618
Keeping in mind, he's not the desk job type- he's in the car business. Meaning he restores, fixes, rebodies, and what-have-yous every kind of exotic automobile you could possibly conceive of.


hey our dads sorta do the same thing

except my dad at this point probably does as much paper pushing than actual hands on work
It's... okay, I guess. Like meh, compared to other people's we're good, but we're on two different wavelengths a lot of the time. And things've been really depressing lately with him and my mother. For instance, he's been sleeping on the couch downstairs for the past year or so, and whenever I hear them talk she's so damn cold. Most of the time he tries to be happy, but once in awhile he gets this really cruel mean streak and says stuff like "Fuck this" and "I'm outta here" and "You kids are spoiled brats," even though he doesn't mean it. We still talk occasionally, but it's always about trifling things. It's sad being around him, I guess. He's inadvertently self-destructive because he always has to take control of everything (but I guess that's a problem with fathers in general) and doesn't care for himself that much. That's personal stuff though, I'm not sure if I can help him with it.

All the same, we're still friendly to each other. If he's watching TV at night and I'm in the kitchen I'll ask if he wants ice cream or something and make it for him. We'll go out for dinner sometimes, make jokes. So it's not all bad.

I haven't told him I'm gay yet. Should probably get to that soon, even though I don't think he'll be very pleased. :\
tardis
is it too late for ironhide facepalm
308
post=104621
I haven't told him I'm gay yet.

waitwhat
please do this as soon as possible. the longer you wait, the worse it'll be when you do it.
Yeah I haven't given it much thought until now because I didn't really accept it until recently. It'll take guts.
It's okay.

Growing up, I never really had much connection to my father outside of financial means, even though he was present. Actually, he is part of the reason I played video games alot as a child - he'd buy us video games, have it set up in another room so that we were out of sight and could not be heard. Of course, I'm not trying to pass complete responsibility in that matter over to him. He also had anger problems when I was a child, which caused me for a long to time to deeply resent him, but that isn't an issue any longer with me no longer living with him.

But yeah, it's okay. I see and talk to him from time to time and we actually get along really good (better than we did when I was a child) since we have similar personalities to a degree.
My father and I have nothing to do with each other anymore. He was a bad father, and I didn't bother being the manly, non-single person that he wanted me to be. I can tell how badly he wanted to change who I was, but I refused to change. Why do I have to be strong and manly? Why do I have to get a girlfriend? All that wasn't important to me. So, because of our different values (and my father's short temper...) we don't speak much at all, especially since he lives in another house now. I recently heard from my brother that Dad was beginning to think I was gay. While he's only half-right and I don't give a damn what my father thinks of me anymore, I think it's pathetic to talk about your son behind his back...
LouisCyphre
can't make a bad game if you don't finish any games
4523
Me and my dad get along really well and I'm really thankful for that. I spend a relatively large amount of time over at his place, considering the distance between where we live, and while I'm there we do a lot of things... well, I'm grateful neither my mother nor grandmother have heard about some of these things. :D

He holds on to a lot of my more masculine possessions, most of which I can't have myself until age X by decree of my other parent, such as my '65 Dodge pickup (<3) and my incredibly old 1873 Winchester .44-40 rifle. (Hey, does that number sound familiar?)

We tend to vanish into the woods for a few days during the summer or breaks, usually bringing .22's (the Winch would disntegrate on touch, it's so damn old :P), fishing stuff (like I know how to fish), some food, and the clothes on our backs. We shoot the rifles (I'm a better shot than he is), fish for... fish (I've never caught anything in my life), and drive the truck all over rocks where it wasn't meant to drive all over.

Yeah, me and my dad get along pretty well.
I like my dad. I guess. My parents got divorced pretty early on (eleven or twelve). But that didn't change that much in the relationship. Or perhaps it did. I think my father is the one that turned me into the science fiction geek I am today. Though he must have been subtle about it because I didn't really notice that he was hugely into SF until I was too.

Of course he did have all the Star Wars. And he did get me my first tabletop RPG for one of my birthdays (that would be my eleventh birthday, the only reason I remember is because on the box it says "for eleven and up"). And he did take me to my first SF convention.

I guess I get along with my father well enough. I meet him nearly every week.
I have a lot of issues with my dad! He is from some Shanghai countryside, and basically he acts like an uneducated farmboy a lot of times. He acts really uneducated and doesn't respond to logic. When he gets frustrated or angry, which is really easily, since he feels people think he's stupid, he will resort to breaking things... and other things. In just one day this week he broke like 10 glass cups. I don't really want to talk about it any further... but... I don't want to say all bad things about him, but these are just the first things that come to mind. I don't hate him or anything, I just don't get along that great.
My parents divorced when I was about 2 or 3, so I don't actually remember ever seeing him at home or being part of the family. Since then he's had children with other women. I always saw my dad and my half brothers and sisters every weekend at his house. We didn't really connect.

When I was older (around 13 or 14) I realized I had a choice whether to go there anymore or not. I chose not to go. I haven't seen him properly since then (I am 19 now). Which is sad really because he only lives about a 15 minute drive away. Occasionally he might be in the same pub or place as me and we'll give each other a nod from across the room. It's not awkward because he doesn't mean anything to me anymore.

He was never intentionally a bad father; he just doesn't have his priorities right. He treats all his children differently and has never made an effort to contact me outside of weekends, come to parent's evenings, school plays or even phone call. I would have liked for him to actually try to get to know me.

I thought about certain things recently, like if I would invite him to my wedding and if he would even come or not. Or will I go to his funeral. But I don't know. I think my mum has done really well raising me but I think a lack of a father figure has affected me we have a very small family so no uncles or anything to fill the gap.
My father died when I was pretty young [6], so I guess you could say that while he was alive we got along pretty well. All the interesting stuff about him I found out throughout the years after he died; I was too young to go scuba diving with him while he was alive, didn't really remember things like the time he ate a box of gourmet chocolate ants because it was a ‘gourmet' gift, etc. I missed out on a lot stuff we could have done together if he had lived actually, although there were other father figures in my childhood.
post=104622
please do this as soon as possible. the longer you wait, the worse it'll be when you do it.

tardis leads my life. I told my dad and my mom. He said "Keep your options open" and mentioned a lot about how I'm probably just young and confused. Myeh. Well at least the hard part is over. And at least it was civil.
Yellow Magic
Could I BE any more Chandler Bing from Friends (TM)?
3154
post=104653
He said "Keep your options open"

Is it wrong that I laughed at this?
Nah, I'd have found it funny if I was anyone else.
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