CRITIQUE REQUEST: ...DO I WRITE GOOD FIGHT SCENES?

This is a goldmine if you read A as "WIP" and B as "Holbert".

post=111680
This is a goldmine if you read A as "WIP" and B as "Holbert".

That can be arranged.

WIP dashed forward, ready to strike. His entire body stiffened as he closed in on his fiendish opponent; this was it, the supposed final confrontation...

Holbert tightened his grip on his weapon and slashed diagonally once WIP was in range. He was dangerously fast, so much so the he matched WIP's agility. Fortunately, WIP performed a somersault and evaded, countering with his kusarigama. Holbert blocked WIP's strike; a deadlock occurred. It was as if reality was lagging. Both combatants seemed to see one another's actions in slow-motion, giving him the necessary time to deliberate his attacks. Of course, this was an illusion; WIP's training and Holbert's demonic power assisted in their quick reaction time.

Both warriors strained and attempted to break the other's fortitude. Only a few more seconds elapsed, WIP retracted his blade and jumped into the air. On his descent, he slashed downward. Holbert was able to guard against his attack. Before WIP had even made contact with the ground, Holbert shoved him with his sword. WIP soared through the air and slide to a halt once gracing the wooden floor. Holbert stylishly brandished his sword and clasped the handle with both hands in a diagonal position. Focusing his power once more, Holbert formed a violet shade around his nodachi's blade. Lifting the sword into the sky, he swung down forcefully and a violet wave shot from it.

WIP's eyes bulged--what an astonishing attack! Though WIP was bewildered by WIP's outstanding display of strength, he didn't allow his concentration to falter. He rolled to the side and avoided the massive wave, which tore apart the wall behind him. WIP gave a fleet glance back to view the damage and then looked back at the evil tyrant. The heat of the flames below could be felt on the floor. Soon Holbert's chamber would be enveloped in a raging inferno. Not only this, but WIP was sure that their brawl was greatly damaging the castle as well; mostly from WIP's energy-based attacks leaving ugly gashes on the walls. WIP's patience was now dying; he felt it was time to finish his mission if he were to escape with his life. He rushed ahead. A conceited scowl formed on Holbert's face, one that signaled WIP's chivalrous attempts were futile. WIP leaped into the air once again, but this time, he was thrown backwards by an invisible kinetic blast from Holbert's outstretched hand. WIP crashed onto the floor, dust bolted from beneath him. The stinging pain he felt in his back would surely produce struggle.

“I have grown bored of this, WIP.” Holbert proclaimed, “I've had enough of your moronic attempts at claiming my life. You will never succeed, plain and simple..."

...

...

WIP's eyes bulged--what an astonishing attack! Though WIP was bewildered by WIP's outstanding display of strength, he didn't allow his concentration to falter.

Uh oh! Trouble! Better double-check who's doing what Mitsu!

Another thing was while I was reading it, it feels like, uh how should I say it, person A and person B does this and that rather than being more descriptive, like maybe if it has effects on the overall surrounding like immersing the reader to the situation (with settings and stuff) it might've been better?

Wow, man. You're pretty thick.

You are not describing very well how they are doing such things. "Slash downward" is boring.

Your heart is in the right place, but the narration is all over. Here's why:

- Perspective. Who's perspective is this being told from? A is obviously portrayed as the hero, and B the villain. The narrative implies knowledge of both sides, and even observational items not necessarily acknowledged by either A or B (B was fast, matches A's agility for example; neither combatant is thinking this, so who is?). It doesn't sound like a narration so much as a story someone is telling.

If someone is telling the story, then he's being way too verbose (like a narrative). If not, and I don't think it is, it's way too biased and informed. Here's some pointers:

1) Lose the biased adjectives and phrases: "fiendish," "stylishly," "evil tyrant." The narrative is supposed to be neutral (again, unless someone who obviously is biased is telling a story). These additions should be gathered from dialogue, or context from previous chapters in the story.

"Stylish," for example, is a matter of opinion. Something isn't "stylish" until someone observes it and decides it is. If you replaced it with "loosely," for example, then the bias is gone, and it works: "loosely brandished his blade..."

2) Don't explain things to the reader unless it's occurring at that moment, or the point of view character is thinking it. Don't tell us that the "lagging reality" is an illusion and why; this robs the literary power of the "lagging reality" metaphor in the first place! This undermines your creativity.

Other examples of explanation:
"...one that signaled A's chivalrous attempts were futile." By describing the scowl as "conceited," you've already told the reader that B does not feel threatened by A. The reader can then draw their own conclusions. No need to expound upon that.

3) Be more discrete about speculation. This again makes us think that a person is telling the story and adding in their own opinions. Examples:

"It was as if reality was lagging." A person telling a story might make that speculation ("it was as if"). Because no one actually is telling a story, then it comes off as you trying to explain things to the reader (see point 2).

"Before A had even made contact with the ground..." Cut out the word "even," it's unnecessary. Having the word "even" in there makes it opinionated speculation; speculating that as opposed to landing on the ground first, being shoved while still in the air is much more impacting or much more representative to B's skills (opinion). By cutting out "even," the narrative is telling us readers simply that he was shoved before he hit the ground. Then, the reader can form their OWN opinion on B's abilities.

There's quite a few other things. Typos, spelling errors, and grammar errors, but some proofreading can help most of that. Like Karsu said, this just reads out like an anime battle in written form (which you may have been going for, but you take many pitfalls with it). It's a hallmark in anime for things to be over-explained, leaving nothing to viewer interpretation. Usually, someone is observing the battle on TV, and THEY make the remarks about moving super-fast, and what each character is thinking or doing, or why things are possible. Don't let this poison you. Creative writing gives readers something to chew and swallow, or spit out. Don't undermine that by pre-chewing everything (metaphors much?)

post=111698
Isn't it okay to explain the thoughts of more than one character if the narrator is telling the story (rather than, say, a story in which a specific character is telling)?

Creative license says you can do whatever you want. However, to make it easy for you, I'll say no. I say this because there is an obvious bias here; A is the hero, and B is the villain. Don't invest the readers into the thoughts of the villain because it disturbs the reader's relation to the hero. Assuming the villain loses (whether he does or not), there's a lot of thought that's wasted because the reader was never intended to relate to them. This isn't a solid rule, but for a simple story backdrop like you have, good vs. evil, it's almost definitely the best way to go.