IF EVERY DAY WERE MONDAY

Also known as Dark Gaia's pretentiousness in prose form.

If Every Day Were Monday is a piece of short fiction I wrote about two months ago. It ended up being published in a short story anthology and is currently in the running for the John Marsden Young Writer's Prize. John Marsden is a famous Australian writer. It is strongly influenced by Orwell's 1984 and it explores the theme of identity versus conformity.

I've currently got a book deal to publish a collection of six of my short stories. This story is one of the six that will be in the book.

Despite that, I'm not too happy with it. I think the writing's a bit too heavy handed and tends to be long winded. Characterisation is stilted too, but that isn't really the focus of the story. What do you think? I think my main strength is writing imagery and describing locations, though something just doesn't sit right with me about how this story flows. That said, the publisher didn't point anything out so maybe I'm just nitpicking...

It's a bit long to copy here into the post, so here's a PDF, uploaded here:

http://www.mediafire.com/?xt2kttknr2tzqeq

Oh I didn't realise that, I'll just throw it up on Mediafire then. I'd copy it out into this thread but it's about ten pages long... Which is actually quite short when you consider my last "short story" came out at about 35.

EDIT: Done!