YEASTER WRITES SOMETHING PT3

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WARNING: NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART!



BACKGROUND: Last night , the assignment was to write from the perspective of someone's whose thoughts and actions don't make any sense to us, and write it so that we would be able to get a picture of what kinds of things would go on in that person's head, while the rest of the world goes "WTF O.o"

So, I decided to write about... Well, read it here.



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“HEAVEN ON EARTH”






My heart fills with light as I press my lips against his. I can almost feel it pouring out of my eyes. I thought that I would never feel this way again after the first time, but—pardon the dramatics—but I seem to glow even brighter. Each time feels like the first. I’m convinced that this is the highest I’ll ever reach to perfect bliss.



I sit back and stare at the boy. My son is about his age, but not nearly as beautiful. His blonde hair walks a thin line between long and short, kempt and messy. His piercing jade eyes peer into my dull brown ones. He’s like a glass doll come to life, not a speck of hair on his body, his glistening skin as white as marble. Who knew Mother Earth was capable of such perfection?



I have spent my whole life being a shadow. Never the bachelor. The star student. The top biller. Neither my wife nor son can stomach the sight of me. And how could I blame them? Who would want to be seen with me?



Yet, he does. Where I see a monster, he sees a king.



Some may say it is because of his age, his ‘lack of experience’, but I do not believe it so. Perhaps ordinary children cannot enjoy the pleasantry of quote-unquote “true love”, but this is no ordinary child. I am sure of it. In fact, he’s…well…something of an angel. Yes, an angel. Made especially for me.



As I lay him on the carpet, his eyes shoot into mine, wanting. I close my eyes and enter.



Heaven on Earth. If heaven exists at all, surely, this is it.



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Thoughts??
Dudesoft
always a dudesoft, never a soft dude.
6309
I can't read this without staring at female Michael Jackson.

Edit: just read it. Oh the irony of my post.
author=Yeaster
(blank)


Excellent cliff-hanger. Can't wait for part 4.
Yeah, it wasn't... Well, appropriate, apparently.


I wanted to delete my post outright, but if I whip something else short over the week, I'll post that in its place.
Dudesoft
always a dudesoft, never a soft dude.
6309
Really? Who flagged it? It was fine. You stated clearly the purpose of your writing, and it evoked emotion. I found it very well done.
Haha, thanks! I really do appreciate hearing that. =)


No one flagged it. But I posted it somewhere else and...well, let's just say the reaction was...unfavorable.

Basically, I pussy'd out, and planned to replace it with something safer. I can re-post it though, if anyone's curious. Just as long as no one thinks I'm a sick freak afterward.
Please repost it. Please? Pretty please? Or just send it to me in a pm.
Dudesoft
always a dudesoft, never a soft dude.
6309
Huzzah! Glad to see it's back up. Too bad about wherever you posted it last time. A writer should be free to express him/herself, even if the subject matter is offensive. Which yours is not, so I don't see what their problem was.
chana
(Socrates would certainly not contadict me!)
1584
Tough subject, congrats on daring that one. If very slight (?), well done too!
What was that person's problem? There's nothing wrong with this story, in fact, it's rather well written. I enjoyed that little tidbit of writing Yeaster!
chana
(Socrates would certainly not contadict me!)
1584
There is something wrong with the story, the character is, in fact, a monster, but there's nothing wrong (in general) with having written that sory which is a piece of fiction. But that's probably what you meant.
Um, I was talking about the person who person(people)who disliked the story. Or did I accidentally block someone?
chana
(Socrates would certainly not contadict me!)
1584
I'm answering this : "There's nothing wrong with this story" (not feeling concerned by what you said on whoever that "person" is), just reacting (not argumenting either), get it? :)
Oh! I see now. Darn internet communication difficulties. So, yeah. You're right, that IS what I meant.
Based on the assignment, I'd say you did an excellent job.
Wow, thanks for the feedback, guys! It was an in-class assignment, and I was late, so I only had about 5-6 minutes to write it before it was time to read.
Dudesoft
always a dudesoft, never a soft dude.
6309
Lol that's the only way to write. Under pressure.
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