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Sacred Reviews: Milk Quest


"Milk Quest" is a comedy game so devoid of jokes that's about as funny as watching paint dry. In fact, I think the drying paint is more amusing then this game by about 10 to the power of c. To make matters worse the game's mystery unravels pretty early on when it becomes apparent that Jeff and his friend are merely in a badly designed RPG Maker game. Or at least I imagine that's what the reveal is going to be based on a few choice comments from a "mysterious" sorceress.

Though, I suppose I should move on from randomly raging about how bad the game is to keying on certain topics as to why the game blows chunks. The sad part is that I think the bad design is meant to be part of the joke.


The game features a ton of maps that are just bland areas filled with only a couple of tiles. And even features massive rooms filled with nothing!

So much so, that you just start to get visually bored with the game and want to shut it down in order to find something more visually stimulating to look at. And I imagine if I was a certain angry video game nerd I'd be throwing in an image of dog shit at this point in order to get my point across, but I'm not cruel enough to show people the kind of presents that Lacey, my brother's mutt, leaves in the backyard.

And while bad mapping can definitely work as a joke. It only really works in a small amounts in my opinion. And even then I imagine people would get more amusement out of tiles that appear to be glitched rather then bland rooms full of nothing but wasted space. Especially when you need to repeatedly backtrack through these kinds of areas in order to beat the game.


On the gameplay side of things you spend all of your time either completing fetch quests or on navigating mazes in order to be given more fetch quests. And as we all probably know, fetch quests are extremely boring. In fact, the only thing probably worse then a fetch quest is probably an escort mission.


Normally I'd skip over this section. After all, I only really notice the music in a game if it's really good for the most part, but I can't ignore just how random the soundtrack is in this game. You'll go from annoying techno beats on one map to music meant to make your skin crawl on the next. I suppose this also meant to tie into the joke about how badly coded this game is, but just comes as across as annoying.


Considering the main joke of this game is just how badly designed it is. I'm not sure if the following is a bug or if it was intentional. But if you talk to your mom a second time after giving her the milk she'll freak out on you for not buying it and cause a game over.


I entered this game with the hopes that it would be a short comedy game that would be good for a few laughs or at least a chuckle or two. Instead I'm leaving this game feeling highly frustrated and like I should avoid any other projects that the developer is attached to. After all, this game's attempts at comedy are so bland and boring that I honestly gave up on this game when the finish line was in sight.


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I'm happy to see that I wasn't the only one that dropped the game as soon as I realized that I had to backtrack through those horribly long and boring dungeons.
Yeah, this is a pretty easy game to drop. I have thought about turning what footage I do have into a Let's Try in order to get some additional points, but even I'm not willing to subject my subscribers to a game this awful.
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