Chrono Trigger

Here goes, my third review...

First of all, I would like say that this is the most "original" title I've ever seen; Chrono Trigger. Sounds like a game about time travel with art drawn by Akira Toriama, but I could be wrong. Well, here goes...

WTF...

This game is a death trap. By talking to one guy, I'm dead. I must say, this is a very... interesting idea for a game. I go into the town. Everything looks extremely odd. I go to my menu to see that almost every option says DUH on it. And yes, as the previous reviewer stated, the healing items really are beer and penis.

God help me...

I can't even sleep in the inn because if I do then Action 52 takes over the world. At least this game is a little more literal with the essence of time than other RPGs were you must destroy this evil ASAP yet you can let the days waste away and nothing happens.
After I'm finished with the town from Hell, I'm now in the world map. I'm happy (or maybe not) to say that at least the battle system functions (which is a shame, I wish that it was so broken that my computer would explode so that I wouldn't have to continue playing this game.) Of course when you finish the battle, you are barraged by "penis" on the victory message (I swear, this game has more "penis" than a gay bar,) and that instead of getting the message of "obtained" or "level up," you get the word "sh*t" (are you really suprised?"
I go into the next town only to get blown up...

God give me strength...

Third playthough, I avoid the "evil town" and go into the forest. I find a sign that tells me to save, oh wait, I mean "SHAVE" often, for almost everything in this game kills you. Kinda reminds me of Dragon's Lair for NES.

Seventh Playthrough, I made it out of the forest of death and got to "The City." Very drab and the music is just so redudant. I try to enter a building and I explode. I'm honestly not suprised anymore.

And by the way, if you play this game, you will become well aquainted with the Game Over screen VERY quickly. The people laughing at me is probably deserved seeing as how I decided to actually play this "game."

Fourteenth Playthrough, I got to a maze filled with bombs... you know what screw this. Do you really expect anything different?!

Thirty-sixth Playthrough, finally cleared the maze, only to die again.

After about maybe 70+ funless deaths, I'm ready to break down my review.

Story: 1/5
It's your job to stop the evil Action 52. Simple as that.

Characters: 0.5/5
You're a ghost thing with a Link Kirby, a drunk/retarded girl and a weird, purple turtle thing. They don't say anything other than random Japanese stuff (I think) in battle.

Battle System: 2/5
It's just your standard RPG2k3 battle. Nothing special. My big complaint is that every enemy is too easy. I find it really strange how your enemies can't kill you, yet a worm, an "evil building," and a "booby trap" (if you think in induendoes, then your image of it is probably correct,) can.

Graphics: 2.5/5
The game's built to have an 8 bit look to it, and honestly, it really doesn't look all that bad. It's certainly not great but this is definatly the highlight of the game.

Music/Sounds: 1/5
Random music, random sound effects, that's really all it boils down to. The only track that was really given consideration was the Game Over screen, with those people continuosly laughing at you.

Creativity: 2.5/5
This game is definatly unique. Must I go into detail. I'm sure you can already guess whether or not this is a good or bad thing.

Overall: 1 out of 5.
My big question is what compelled Ratty524 to make such a travesty. He said that he intentionally made this game to be bad. Why? Are you really that bored? Are you really that much of a sadist? This is definatly not the best he could come up with because his other game, Tina of the Stars, is apperantly pretty good. My guess as to why he made this I guess is because he already had a good game so he needed a bad game to even it out.

Final Notes:
My only thought on how this can be good is that it can be a good prank. Simply download the game and ask your friend, "Hey, you want to play a remixed version of Chrono Trigger that's better than the original?" Just let him play and watch as he screams bloody murder and hurls his hard drive out the window.

More Final Notes:
As I look more back at this game, I kinda see the charm in it now. It is a unique experience. If it wasn't for the excessive potty humor, I might've able to relate better with Tardis's review, so consider this bonus points, Ratty524.