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A interesting game, but with lots of dragging.

Hi, I am Jakandsig, and in todays episode is me reviewing this greatly irritating game called PHALATH.

So, when I first turn on the game(I will always say turn on so don't ask), this appears and vanishes in 3 seconds:

If this was made on paper I would feel sorry for the trees, so I'll just consider this a loading screen. I find pictures to be able to give the general idea of what I'm reviewing.

After that, we are granted by the greatness of the title screen:

Actually, not that bad, and I've seen my share of title screens. I'm just happy it wasn't that wastful picture above. Then I probably would have pressed cancel, or in this case, QUIT.

Now, I was wondering what was inside past the layer of the title screen, however, I had to take a deep breath and ask, "What would Bernie Mac do?" and after realizing that thought had nothing to do with anything let alone the game, I pressed NEW GAME. The story is a tad interesting to read, I'll just throw it out here for all to see as me typing it won't have the same...uh...interesting feel:

Not sure how to pronounce Ctath, but so far so good. I mean, background of the Ekil things would be acceptable, but good so far:

Wait... They are goblins now? Ok, still alright, let's keep going:

Ok, not only does the Goblins random appearance surprise me, but they have technology to sent people in dimensions? They must of really hated him. Last part of the story:

As I quote:"Life eventually moved on and both the imprisoned lieutenants and moved on with their lives" what the Fuzzy Muffins am I reading?
Ok,ok, so they send a guy to a different dimension (Did they really hate him that badly?) and killed off a bunch of evil Eliks after random Goblin attacks. But Darkness is returning................

Alright, so because I assumed this was a full blown Sci-Fi game from the start, I couldn't wait to see what this game looked like. Hoping it wasn't like the last part of the story above.

But as of now, I give the score: STORY:4/10

So finally, I was awaiting to see the best part of the game, the GRAPHICS! Ok, It's not the most important part of the game, but it helps. I pressed the space bar and saw this:

HOLY CHOCOLATE JESUS HOSTESS CUPCAKES! THESE ARE THE BEST ORIGINAL HOMEMADE GRAPHICS I SEEN SINCE- Alright, joking aside, this before you is gray and blacking the default RTP tile set. Adding that you are apparently in a prison does add some interest in the style he used. It looks pretty cool, so I score: GRAPHICS:5/10

Next is the part that makes the story go lower than the score posted above, and I add a new catergory of predictability. Which scores a perfect 10. Why? Because as soon as that lady comes to you she says, "I have something to tell you" after 15 secs, the main character finally says, "what?" and this is what she tells him in response:

ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS? It's bad enough I hate to wait 5 minutes for 3 text boxes to appear, but to get the most predictable things said to me is just wrong. I was hoping I wasn't right when I said, "He'll be back", but at least don't just kill the excitement at the beginning of the game!

In the meantime, I was wondering how he got back from that alternate locked dimension in the first place. This eventually led me to think that "Some random Goblin used some item to bring him back", but already amazed at the surprises the game gave me already, I knew this game would have a perfectly logical explanation as to why my alternate dimension brother from another mother came back. Then, I got this as the excuse:

...... There's so much wrong with this one text box that I'm not even going to list the 200 plus things wrong with it and let you guys figure it out for yourselves.

So, after the horrible........................AWESOME stuff I just saw, we finally get to the GAMEPLAY. To me the GAMEPLAY is like the Statue of liberty. We need a hand to hold that torch, even though in this case the story was the torch and it lit the statue on fire, but will the statue be able to handle it?

Sadly no......

First, we get this very helpful information:

This is extremely helpful, because I could have sworn I had to press "L" ">" "%" "+" to move around. This game introduces the use of the four arrow keys that are close together on the keyboard, and make it easier to move, although I prefer to have my hand go to random places on the keyboard to move.

Joking aside, it is time to play! After following the above instructions, I learned to move like a master. It was pretty sweet. The game play uses a on-the-field battle system. You attack with your sword with "A" and you can add items in slot like things to use them later and so on. However, I had a complaint about the sword before I even used it, and it was the fact the Fuzzy Muffin had the length of 1.5 cms. It made a jabbing motion instead of a slash motion also. Now, look at this here:

The most IRRITATING PART OF THIS GAME. Is the collision system. Which probably was never tested. Yes, in the above picture, I am being damaged by the soldier guy, yet he never touched me. no imagine me 2 blocks to the right I am now. I would have still gotten hit. in some cases I was 4-5 blocks away before that punk Fuzzy Muffin beat the living life outta me.

The above became so IRRITATING, that I could only go about 20 minutes in the game after dieing 50 million times and finally quit. It was just plain uncalled for. It does have one interesting thing:

The difficulty system with a custom menu screen. The difficulty system increases how hard everything is and the enemy rate and stuff like that. However, neither difficulty breaks the collision problem mentioned above and if you want a real challenge, try HARD! Nothing is better than getting killed by 2 enemies that are no where near you. Especially if their attack is to bump into you. Must be a dimensional bump, get it? No? Screw you! That joke was funny. Score: GAMEPLAY: 3/10

Next is music, which uses some RTP along with really irritating "Ghost coming to kill you" music which has nothing to do with this game. MUSIC: 4/10

Finally comes Design, and Design may not matter to much if it isn't odd looking, and this is not the case:

Because nothing says "YOU ARE IN A PRISON" like a random bed, a pick-axe and a shovel. Along with random rocks and stuff that should belong in a CAVE, no real PRISON GUARDS, ad 2 treasure chests. Rightttttttt. But it's not to bad, just weird. DESIGN:6/10

That's basically the scores which I add to give this game a 2 star rating. The story is odd, the design is odd, the gameplay is irritating, the controls have a nice explanation, and there is one more thing. The freeze rate in this game is to high. Do you really need a teleport event to LOOK UP? I thought there was a "MAKE CHARACTER FACE UP" command? Also, text boxes have this 40 minute delay between each one, and transitions from screen to screen, including teleport events, have this nice long black screen. This cause the game to add to the IRRITATION already there. Why does this game hate Mr. Fuzzy Muffins so much?

So that's basically it, would I recommend? 50/50, as it can be interesting to have a challenge.

+Gameplay is challenging
-Gameplay is to challenging
-Gameplay is a little TOOOOOOO Challenging
-Gameplay likes to kill you without being near said object that attacks you.

As i said, words/pictures alone may not be enough, so if you're curious, you may try the game. I'm not going to go to your house and kill you... Yet....


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I am going to use this review as an argument towards the use of templates. This is a mess, and there are too many pictures.
Awww, are pictures to hard for you?
They are a little disruptive to the flow of the review, yes.
i think the main issue here is not the pictures but more that you are a horribly unfunny cretin and should not try to make jokes ever again on this plane of existence or the next *takes natty ice and fades into nega-ether*
And in your attempt at humor you have ended up with a completely disorganized mess that doesn't allow for easy reading.
*click to edit*

+it haz LETTERS
-not funny
-TOOOOOOOOO Many pictures
Yes, all of you can't see well so no more pictures. Got to look out for the blind you know.

Just kidding. I hope, yeah, I only planned to do pictures once anyway to see how it would look.
even that joke doesn't make any sense.
The 524 is for 524 Stone Crabs
Am I the only one who is okay with this review? :(
Guardian of the Description Thread
They (the pictures) are a little disruptive to the flow of the review, yes.

Other than this, it doesn't seem too bad? I don't know. I'm disrupted by the pictures!
The pictures don't add anything. Especially the ones where you show gameplay. In the one where you complain about the collision the monster is in the adjacent square to the hero, what's the problem?. Besides, if there is a problem with hit detection who's fault is that? Obviously the creator of this game.

This isn't a great review though. It's like a Corfaisus review with lamer jokes. You don't suggest what should have been done and you pick small mistakes or typos in order to setup your "jokes".

When you describe the story, typing it out would have THE SAME EXACT effect as showing screens of it. It's a black screen with words and this would be a white screen with words. Also, the story says "they joined with goblins" and you say "wait, so now they are goblins". Your deduction skills are unmatched, good sir

I had a complaint about the sword before I even used it, and it was the fact the Fuzzy Muffin had the length of 1.5 cms

Fuzzy Muffin? ....such a legitimate complaint too. Makes sense that the first weapon would be small.

You bash him for a nonsensical sentence:
...... There's so much wrong with this one text box that I'm not even going to list the 200 plus things wrong with it and let you guys figure it out for yourselves.

And follow it up with this gem:
To me the GAMEPLAY is like the Statue of liberty. We need a hand to hold that torch, even though in this case the story was the torch and it lit the statue on fire, but will the statue be able to handle it?

Must be a dimensional bump, get it? No? Screw you! That joke was funny.

You guessed it right. Nobody gets your jokes.

*so uh, be more informative. it's a review, not stand-up comedy. also just put images in hide tags
Actually, nobody gets my jokes? You seem to be the only one. So now you must be this great guy since you seem to know how EVERYBODY feels. No, you're just fooling yourself.
Wow I'm surprised someone actually reviewed this.

I'd like to point out a few things within the review. One, the combat script is not made by me, so for me to actually work out the collision system is impossible since I'm not a scripter. As for story side, the Ekil never turned into Goblins nor did the Goblins ever become technological masterminds. The hooded figure isn't a female either. The prison has been a place that has been mined for ages, and while it's never explained, it's hinted that the prison had a defense system of sorts. But regardless, the story was meant to be basic and well simplistic, not some excellent plot. Just something to enjoy for an hour or two.

I know you're trying to be funny in the review, however when I look at it, I just find it downright insulting at some points.
Some constructive criticism: Make sure your games don't have loading screens by accident. I swear, Some text boxes, and some transfer events freeze to much during the game.
I've never had any of those problems, it could possibly be your computer that's suffering from it.

Also as for the last sentence in the story, I guessed I removed some of the sentence and forgot to fix it.
Try playing the game from the download you posted.
I have plenty of times and I've never ran into any issues with it. Also, I don't need to download a game that I put up on here, that just makes no sense. It could also be Action Battle Script, I remember the earlier versions of it would run sluggish as hell on my old computer and I am using the last good version of the script, so that could possibly be the culprit.
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