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This page is for discussion of the artistic side of content creation, such as writing and characterization, as well as for the posting of incomplete content for the purpose of receiving feedback from each other.

Feel free to discuss characters and stories you are working on.
The old Custom Content thread can be found here. The first archived artistic discussion thread can be found here.

Posts

author=Kevincalanor
author=Marrend
Darigaaz, "Onamae Ferdinand" sounds terrible. "Onamae Kazuhiko", however, sounds slightly more legitimate.
Lol, that's quite direct :p
However, Onamae Kazuhiko indeed sounds better, Ferdinand stand out too much interchange student or something alike, also some new chars currently use <player>'s old name "Ferdinand as a gag now. ^^


"Kazuhiko" it is, then. Yes, it sounds much better. And I think I will use "Ferdinand" as a bad nickname the characters could use to pester him with. As in, 'he's like a big, gentle, lonely bull, so we called him Ferdinand.' Might have caught him smelling flowers once. +5 Soul.
I went on and spoke with Takuya about the girls at 1A, and he got me these reports from the council.
Here they are, keep your eyes open if you see one of them around x3



Also you can now read Hinami's Story 15 this way ^^
STORY 15
CONDITION = 15 DONE
ID = 0
(...)
ID = Reiko
Heya, what's your name?
ID = 0
My name?
MUSIC = anxious.mp3
(Two female students had come right up to me.)
ID = Uramisa
Yeah. What's your name?
ID = 0
Wh-who wants to know?
ID = Reiko
We're just curious.
ID = 0
Yeah?
ID = Uramisa
Yeah.
ID = 0
You're not hitting on me, are you?
ID = Uramisa
Us?
ID = 0
(The two female students snickered.)
ID = Reiko
Maybe.
ID = Uramisa
Sure, maybe we are.
ID = 0
(Wait, no they're not. These two girls look like 1st year students.)
(They could be classmates of Hinami.)
(They could be jealous classmates of Hinami.)
(...)
(I've got a funny feeling that my name should be none of their business.)
...
ID = Reiko
So what's your name?
ID = 0
Why should I tell you?
ID = Uramisa
C'mon, tell us.
ID = 0
Nope.
ID = Uramisa
C'mon.
ID = 0
No.
ID = Reiko
Why won't you tell us? Two girls show interest in you and you won't even tell them your name?
ID = 0
Forget it, okay?
ID = Reiko
C'mon, tell us.
ID = Uramisa
Let him go, Reiko. We'll find out another way.
ID = 0
(Reluctantly, the two girls began to turn away.)
ID = 2
FRIENDLY
SHOW CENTER
<player>, when did you become a ladies' man?
ID = Reiko
Thanks! Be seeing you, <player>!
ID = Uramisa
Be seeing you, <player>!
ID = 0
(My hand was on my face.)
ID = 2
OTHER1
Did I say something wrong?
ID = 0
Yes, Keika. Yes you did.
ID = 2
NEUTRAL
Haha, I must be missing some context here.
ID = 0
That's usually the way of it.
ID = 2
But I just noticed you talking with those two girls. I didn't know you had the guts to try to chat up two girls at once, <player>.
ID = 0
I didn't want them to know my name.
ID = 2
FRIENDLY
Wow. Holding your cards close to the table. You've really been studying up on the art of pick up, haven't you?
ID = 0
I wasn't trying to pick those girls up!
ID = 2
OTHER1
Oh. You weren't?
ID = 0
No.
ID = 2
UNFRIENDLY
My bad.
ID = 0
(Oh well, what's done is done.)


There's a report of a third one too.

Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Okay, I see what you're doing. Though, it would probably be better off for you to have a CONDITION = 15 DONE in "game_stories_7.txt" as part of their INTRODUCE story, and do something like...

ID = 0
(I see two female students. Wait a sec. I've seen these two before. They were the ones that were all creepy about asking my name, and Miki inadvertently told them!


...or something like that.


Also, I'm randomly seeing in "game_stories_7.txt", STORY 12; BRANCH A...
ID = 0
(Akari chased the poor boy around the roof.)
(His initial tactic was to use his friends for cover, but his friends weren't standing by him in his time of need. They tended to scatter when Hinami came near, the same as the rest. Eventually he was able to make it to the stairs with Hinami close on his tail.)
(...)
(That didn't sound good. I hope he didn't have too bad of a fall there.)


Correct me if I'm wrong, but should it not be "Hinami chased the poor boy around the roof"?

author=Marrend
Okay, I see what you're doing. Though, it would probably be better off for you to have a CONDITION = 15 DONE in "game_stories_7.txt" as part of their INTRODUCE story, and do something like...

ID = 0
(I see two female students. Wait a sec. I've seen these two before. They were the ones that were all creepy about asking my name, and Miki inadvertently told them!

...or something like that.

I don't really like the idea of tiding a route to something that far on the game, never got into Hinami's route while playing to be honest, but it would be weird if the event play through normally with <player> knowing her names and record, guess I'll have to plan it more thoroughly. :p
Secret agent Morita is clean though, and I love the way that report sounds. ^^

I'll let this set up for now, same goes for Yuriko.
author=AlessaMain.txt
#Bump into Alessa on the Hallways
STORY 1
#Met Alessa thorugh Eliza
CONDITION = 22 DONE IN ElizaMain.txt
#Met Hinami one way or another, this will prevent problems further on.
CONDITION = 22 DONE IN game_stories_6.txt OR 65 DONE IN game_stories_6.txt
PLACE = Hall A

Oh crap, I'm offtracking away form the finishing touches again...
I mentioned it earlier, but I hadn't been able to upload it at the time of mentioning. I now have Mikari's town wear in an acceptable place, aesthetically. There's still some stuff that needs to be done (mostly some additional shading and re-cutting the bottom) but yeah. I will also start using the hide tag for images so as not to take up so much space.


I really need to re-cut the bottom.


I keep not reacting to anything mentioned even a few posts back when I make a new post. ^.^; Ummm... when I get the chance, I might download that male tachie thing mentioned earlier and mess around with it. The 2.5 update, too. Not right now though. My internet sucks (think 200MB limit cellphone tethering). Why am I even ranting about this? It's useless imformation.

author=Kevincalanor
ps. I keep stoping and staring/reading Falcon's avatars, guess I'll end up copying that too eventually. :p

Yay, someone said something! Ahem, I mean... Ya, I mostly added text so I can give people just a wee bit of a feel for my characters and their personalities, since I'm having an odd amount of trouble actually writing them. Regrettably, it's not really much of a feel though, seeing as it's just a small blurb of text that's mostly obscured by each of their heads. ^.^;
author=BDFalcon
I mentioned it earlier, but I hadn't been able to upload it at the time of mentioning. I now have Mikari's town wear in an acceptable place, aesthetically. There's still some stuff that needs to be done (mostly some additional shading and re-cutting the bottom) but yeah. I will also start using the hide tag for images so as not to take up so much space.


I really need to re-cut the bottom.


Bwah! Falcon got another custom part set up! A Cute one! I need to create something and fast x3
Seriously now, with some touches at the points it'll be perfect, it's cool you managed to make a completely new outfit without too much radical edits. Yup I see the tie x3

I may have mentioned this sometime ago, but then again, you need to release a .psd or something alike with these custom parts. Spread the power and the awesomeness to the authors! /o/
Said the guy who is keeping two outfits and one char on hold without a reasonable reason

author=BDFalcon
Yay, someone said something! Ahem, I mean... Ya, I mostly added text so I can give people just a wee bit of a feel for my characters and their personalities, since I'm having an odd amount of trouble actually writing them. Regrettably, it's not really much of a feel though, seeing as it's just a small blurb of text that's mostly obscured by each of their heads. ^.^;

Lol yeah, I spend some time staring trying to figure what's written behind their heads. However it was fairly easy to read (and rofl) with Haruka's fairly straight message. x3

PS. Made some more little progress on Eliza, got some forced multilines done. Your wait may be compensated with a bonus screen or something alike. ^^
I want to release her ASAP now that we have v2.5 :3
Hey guys!~
It's been a while, and I can successfully say that Megumi's beta will be released sometime this week or next week. (Most likely this week.)

She doesn't require Clean Mode to be Off because I've seen the built-in character scenes so many times I probably have it memorized. Probably. But yeah! In the meantime I'll probably edit this post later and add the file! ^_^

Also, BDFALCON--those clothing edits are awesome! Especially that girls' dress, it's adorable. (◕‿◕✿)

And to Marrend--I tested Emiko, didn't get through a whole playthough yet, but I really like the music you're using, and I really like her personality. I'll make sure to continue testing her character.

EDIT:

Also!~ I remade Megumi's tachie set, since I didn't like her appearence nor did I think her appearance fit her personality. So!~ Here she is...



To Kevincalanor...~
I fixed the grammar issues in the profiles file. I got about 1/4 of the grammar fixed with the ElizaMain. Btw, I see those EARS, is she a Yokai? I swear she looks like a fox yokai and now I remember the "wolfypack" part. Is she a wolf yokai?

author=Render
EDIT:
Also!~ I remade Megumi's tachie set, since I didn't like her appearence nor did I think her appearance fit her personality. So!~ Here she is...



Seems that you have been buzy all this time. ^^
Her last tachie was tending to "she's very inattentive and doesn't aspire for much" , now is more to the "have a dry wit at times, and, at some points be a little irritable."
Looking great so far, I'll be expecting further updates :3

author=Render
To Kevincalanor...~
I fixed the grammar issues in the profiles file. I got about 1/4 of the grammar fixed with the ElizaMain. Btw, I see those EARS, is she a Yokai? I swear she looks like a fox yokai and now I remember the "wolfypack" part. Is she a wolf yokai?


Whoa, you're going to check it all? That a quite lot of stuff to fix. xD
About the ears, I'm thinking a quite lot about that, although not really important to her own route, one can (should, as there's no supernatural elements on her route) just consider that those ears at the pic are fake and things are settled.
I have some future plans that may require the truth behind Seiko's lineage, she will be a Half-yokai or a descendant of the Deity Holo.
It stills undecided because the reason of her ears on her original history "Extinction" just can't happen at HTC (She was a target from a experiment due her combat skills) Tried to make a RPG out of Extinction once, but didn't went too far, I don't know anything out of the complete ordinary at RPGVX after all :p

I wonder if someone walk by the spoiler hide tags x3
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
author=Render
Hey guys!~
It's been a while, and I can successfully say that Megumi's beta will be released sometime this week or next week. (Most likely this week.)

She doesn't require Clean Mode to be Off because I've seen the built-in character scenes so many times I probably have it memorized. Probably. But yeah! In the meantime I'll probably edit this post later and add the file! ^_^


I approve of more content being able to work in Clean Mode, as a general rule.

author=Render
(◕‿◕✿)


I keep wondering how people do things like this. I mean, emoticons aren't my thing, but, it's something of a curiosity all the same.

author=Render
And to Marrend--I tested Emiko, didn't get through a whole playthough yet, but I really like the music you're using, and I really like her personality. I'll make sure to continue testing her character.


That's good to hear! I've had thoughts of writing backwards, since I know where I want to end up, but not how to get there from where the content stands. I seem to be getting a lot of nowhere with my current projects, so, maybe, it's high-time to get back on this?
Yay~! It's here! Here's a very beta version of Megumi.

It's only about 18 stories, but I wanted to make sure I was heading in a good direction. But I hope its okay so far, I'm quite the perfectionist so I'm pretty anxious about this. But, yeah~!

author=Kevincalanor
Whoa, you're going to check it all? That a quite lot of stuff to fix. xD
About the ears, I'm thinking a quite lot about that, although not really important to her own route, one can (should, as there's no supernatural elements on her route) just consider that those ears at the pic are fake and things are settled.
I have some future plans that may require the truth behind Seiko's lineage, she will be a Half-yokai or a descendant of the Deity Holo.
It stills undecided because the reason of her ears on her original history "Extinction" just can't happen at HTC (She was a target from a experiment due her combat skills) Tried to make a RPG out of Extinction once, but didn't went too far, I don't know anything out of the complete ordinary at RPGVX after all :p

Yep, yep! Did you only want me to check the story file? Oh well! x3 Also on Eliza's origins are quite interesting--I ACTUALLY did see one of the pictures you posted of her from "Extinction." But yeah, as for that anime you linked I'll have to add it to my animes-to-be-watched list! (I went to the Holo link and got interested in it >.>) But in Megumi's character she's suppose to be a raccoon yokai, but that won't apply in her Heartache 101.


author=Marrend
I keep wondering how people do things like this. I mean, emoticons aren't my thing, but, it's something of a curiosity all the same.

Well, you can either use the alt and fn keys to make them, or you can just copy them off of the internet which I totally am not guilty of.
author=Render
Yay~! It's here! Here's a very beta version of Megumi.

It's only about 18 stories, but I wanted to make sure I was heading in a good direction. But I hope its okay so far, I'm quite the perfectionist so I'm pretty anxious about this. But, yeah~!

Woot! that was fast ^^
Downloading right now :D

author=Render
Yep, yep! Did you only want me to check the story file? Oh well! x3 Also on Eliza's origins are quite interesting--I ACTUALLY did see one of the pictures you posted of her from "Extinction." But yeah, as for that anime you linked I'll have to add it to my animes-to-be-watched list! (I went to the Holo link and got interested in it >.>) But in Megumi's character she's suppose to be a raccoon yokai, but that won't apply in her Heartache 101.

I was only thinking about the new ending stories, but I'm sure that the people that download it will be as grateful as I am with you fixing it up x3
Is that all files is a little too much text to look up xD
It's one of my favorite animes, and Holo is my favorite anime char, Eliza got some serious influences by her x3
(although she's far to be a copy, one does not simply "copy" Holo to begin with...)
A Tanuki ^^ She's a trickster then? Well, guess I'll figure it out when the download finish. :3


Last but not least there a little thingy to you guys ^^
Takuya is here (Now with right expressions) :D

I've set His ID as 100, my sugestion is to write his files using both ID and the name, so you can keep the black font. He using the same color as the girls looked weird :P


ID = 100
UNFRIENDLY
ID = Takuya
It's taking forever to work this out.

Encounters are turned off. No custom responses, signs or whatsover, working with that generator and zooming certain locations to fix the tachies was awkwardness enough for one week. I'll never complain about breast shading again... ._."
I'll gladly accept any updates/suggestions/fixes for it though. ^^



More images (with Miki): 01 02


PS. The File and folders are named Built-out cause they're meant to be updated with any other unofficial stuff we come up next, like Masashi, the 1A girls, Hinami brothers and so on... ^^
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Snagging 'em both, should have some kind of feedback... eventually.

author=Kevincalanor
I've set his ID to 100. My suggestion is to write his files using both the ID and the name, so you can keep the black font. Using the same color as the girls looked weird :P


ID = 100
UNFRIENDLY
ID = Takuya
It's taking forever to work this out.

I recall doing the same tech with Kaza Sei, and the Mitsuya Masako cameo in the original release of Emiko.

Anyway, I half-expect Takuya to become "tachie-only"? Though, I dunno. Maybe you're planning on an actual route with him. At some point. Like, after "wolfpack" gets done?

*Edit: I hate how the code tag formats the text with spaces between lines, and you have to edit your post to have it displayed correctly. Have half-a-mind to point this out in the "User feedback" thread.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Did a quick skim of Megumi's file. I found something odd that I didn't think would work (but does anyway), and one thing that returned an error when I tried to run her.


Let's get the error out of the way. In STORY 17, it has a "PLACE = Class A", where it should be "Classroom A". Minor technicality, but, yeah, the parser can be pretty finicky like that.


Now, the odd thing. I didn't think it was possible to have a PLACE command inside a BRANCH. I've never seen this before, and it just struck me as something that should not work. Except that it does. I don't know how long that functionality has been there, but, I have to wonder what other kind of header commands we can use like this that we (or maybe just me) don't know about.
Damn! I thought I error free, but I did add that part at the last minute. .-. Sorry about that, I won't be able to fix it in the files till Wednesday since I don't have my computer right now.

Edit: If you just change the 'Class A' to 'Classroom A' in Story 17 then it should be error free since I play tested rest.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
True. No other error popped up after making that change. So, the content can be played after making that change. I, uh, just, er, haven't gotten around to the part where I play the content yet.
Decided to randomly share what the fore-mentioned 'supernatural element' is regarding Sanshi, prompted by the previous 'hide' tag conversations. By the way, MAJOR SPOILERS. -EDIT- The stupid hide tag won't let me use thumbnails properly, so you're in for seeing some tachie pre-maturely =.=;

Given previous talk about youkai, I have decided to reveal that Sanshi is actually an oni. I'm actually building my own original mythos around oni that I will likely end up using in a comic or visual novel or other such game. As such, Sanshi will likely be a bit of an early advertisement for... whatever that will be. ^.^; Anywho, here's her current 'oni form' tachie.


There's still things that I need to finish regarding her, and if anyone would like to help me figure out just how to shade her horns, I would greatly appreciate it. ^.^

-EDIT- I had more typed up in this hide tag, but decided to remove it for the sake of not having heavy spoilers out in the open.


I went and ignored everything else again. ^.^;
author=Render
Yay~! It's here! Here's a very beta version of Megumi.

New content!
Criticisms (spoilers):

This is brilliant. Megumi herself is silly, spontaneous, and adorable; I like her. She clearly has her own personality, and it's an endearing one. It's very different from what I interpreted from her alpha tachie.

I like the direction you're going in, but it's not clear enough for me to judge any more than that.

There are some problems, though:
- The player doesn't think to himself very much. He usually has thoughts he keeps to himself (seeing as how he's a person).
- There could be some more description of what's happening around the player. This is a personal preference, but I felt the need to say it. Just disregard my opinion here.
- Current description of events could be more detailed. "Megumi left." That's it? She left? How did she leave?
- Panties in the vending machines? You've gotta be fucking kidding me. I know they exist, but I doubt the local convenience store (set within walking distance of a school) would sell used panties, and I especially doubt that this is a normal thing in Japan.
Either way, I find it ridiculous.

There are awesome points, too:
- Megumi is adorable in both appearance and personality. She says such ridiculous things, acts ridiculous, feels like a ridiculous real person, and looks cute.
- Landmines! We actually need to be damn careful of our choices. Wrong choices aren't always affection drops; they can be the end of a route.
- Your use of the music, constant expression changes, and occasional pauses set the mood well.


Let me summarize: there are some problems, but you're making a good story. Keep it up~.
author=Mute
Let me summarize: there are some problems, but you're making a good story. Keep it up~.

About the vending machine part--I only added it there because it's a real thing that's actually pretty common in Japan. But I do think I'll edit this part out, since I'm not the biggest fan of it either, and only used it for comedic relief in the scene.

To the player having thoughts--I agree, I thought something was lacking there.

For the "Megumi left." Parts, they do this in the built-in characters so I wanted to make her exit pretty brief since the player and her usually would say their goodbyes.



On the rest, thank you! I'm thinking about going back and changing a bit up from it on some parts. I also wasn't sure if the player acted like himself, but I guess with a bit more "thinking" dialogue he should! Thanks for the criticism, Mute~! I'll work on these problems.

EDIT: Mute, I DO have another question for you about the Soul Check...
Did you get to it? And did you think it was cheesy? Either or, I tried to make it like a realistic problem.

author=Render
About the vending machine part--I only added it there because it's a real thing that's actually pretty common in Japan.


Shortened note: The used panties vending machines are illegal and disgusting to anyone with a sense of basic right and wrong. Those who suffered enough brain damage to doubt this can be anything but gross and against the law, in a developed country, in the 21th century, read the hidden text below. Also see a doctor. This isn't an insult, and it's dead serious. Any portrayal of them in Heartache are required to be negative henceforward. The scene may be funny, but the machine should not. It's a rule, not a suggestion. Overseer off.

Poppin' your bubble there, they actually are NOT. Few were made compared to the population and size of Japan, and they were outlawed with lightning speed before this century on the grounds of *ghasp* being staggeringly sexist(Oh SNAP, and not your underwear it doesn't). That - one would think crucial - part is forgone in articles, news and the ever oh-so-reliable gossip for the sake of 'JAPAN IS WACKY WUBLUBLBUBLU' and such holy concepts.

In fact, should the player, and especially like, any girl from Heartache encounter it, I don't think any of them would neglect reporting it to the authorities. This is a thing that even Kyouki would be disgusted by. It's objectification so blatant the ass-backwards Japanese government could see it. That shouldn't need to be spelled out for anybody.

There are only copies of them in sex shops now, and they sell new panties, not worn ones, or alternatively found in just as illegal as all fuck fetish clubs run by the yakuza that the government can't touch. People do see them, but only in their new, tame role, or in a place they really shouldn't be.
author=Dozen
Also see a doctor. This isn't an insult, and it's dead serious. Any portrayal of them in Heartache are required to be negative henceforward. The scene may be funny, but the machine should not. It's a rule, not a suggestion. Overseer off.

Whoa, whoa. I'm not into that stuff if that's what you were thinking. Like I said, I was using it as a comedic relief, and I wasn't a fan of the scene to start with. And YES, I do know they were illegal, I've been to Japan on vacation and heard of them (I was pretty happy that I didn't see them, I wouldn't have wanted any of my family or me to see the men/women into that kind of stuff.) And "see a doctor"? I didn't portray them in a positive matter in the script, I understand that your dead serious about this stuff, but I wasn't saying I agreed with those machines, I didn't really even portray them as good or bad. Like I said in my previous comment, I was going to cut the scene out.