Eternal Sorrow: The Game

(Warning: here be spoilers and all manner of strange beasts!)

There is something endearing about minimalism. While we enjoy a complex story, three-dimensional characters, challenging gameplay and top-notch graphics, most of us players - if pressed - will admit to a sneaking sympathy for a "save the princess" quest, a handful of funny stock characters, and NES-style gameplay if it's done well enough.

Minimalism is, of course, also a good route to take for a writer working on his first major project. There's a good reason why many authors advise budding literary geniuses to start with short stories - a novel requires a scope and a depth that is often beyond the reach of a beginner, and it's always good to start small. (I know this from my own experience - both my first stabs at writing games were too sprawling in scope, and ended up annoying potential players for precisely that reason.)

Now, what does this tell us about "Eternal Sorrow"?

Gameplay: (2 out of 5)
Well, it's minimal. No one will dispute that. There is a grand total of three game screens (dungeons, if you will), and actual gameplay occurs only on two of them. Battles occur as random encounters, and there are a grand total of two enemy types - "troublemakers" and "teachers". Neither of them deal any appreciable damage, both are weak, and this "shooting fish in a barrel" quality - while hardly challenging - can be satisfying if you're just looking to crack some skulls. As a game, it's not great - as a stress management tool, it scores higher.

Graphics: (1.5 out of 5)
All the dungeons are drawn using a repetitive, minimalistic (here I go with that word again!) style. The only original touch seems to be the blackboards*, but none of the decor really serves any purpose, and cannot be interacted with. The characters are drawn in a style that was dated even at the time of Hugo's House of Horrors, though they work reasonably given the sort of game this is.

Characters: (1.5 out of 5)
There are three characters who have any sort of dialogue: the hero(ine) John (it makes sense in context - no, actually, it doesn't), an annoying guy whose purpose is to break the fourth wall, and the Big Bad, Rachel the school principal. The annoying guy works well as comic relief, but the other two simply didn't get any development.

Story and writing (3 out of 5)
This is where Eternal Sorrow had its chance to shine - but missed. The key to making a minimalistic game work is either challenging gameplay or good writing, and having fallen short on the first count, this game had a chance to redeem itself on the latter. The basic idea - a game that is an adaptation of a non-existing work - is potentially funny, as is the "empty / haunted school" setting. What little writing we see is enough to tell us that the author clearly has both style and wit - but unfortunately, just as we begin to catch a hint of promise, the story "is over before it began" (to quote Kevin "Bloody" Wilson.) At the end, I can only wonder what could have been.

Final score: (2 out of 5)
In retrospect, I feel this review has been a little harsh - Eternal Sorrow was clearly thrown together in a limited span of time, and some of the flaws listed above may simply reflect this. However, I'm a firm believer in the principle (as old as the Bible, if not older) that when someone has talent, I'm within my rights to expect something better. Eternal Sorrow is a harmless way to kill fifteen minutes, but it's more of interest as an indication that the author can certainly produce something far more substantial and entertaining. When he does, I shall be one of the first to line up and play it.

Recommended only if you have a little time to kill, and like your humour silly.

* During my teacher's training course, I was told that this word was racist, and should be replaced by "chalkboard". Call me a contrary old cuss, but anyone who gets "racism" from "blackboard" is being way too sensitive.