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Going, Going, Gone

After seven years, I figured it is time to hang up my game development mantle and focus my creative energy on pixel art and creating resources for the greater RM community.

While it is painful to let go of a project I've been working on for close to three years, I've never felt more free, more happy and so unrestrained after I cancelled LoTL.

Now as to why I cancelled it:

I don't think any of you realise just how difficult it is, or how emotionally draining it is, to work on something you care about so much, only for it to be forgotten by the greater masses. I've been putting out demos to receive feedback for this game ever since June and the feedback, if I am frank, was pathetic. Now, I am not an attention whore, but how on earth can you expect a game developer to continue with his or her project if they have absolutely no clue as to how they faring without C & C?

Yes, to some of you, the project looks grand, an epic in the making, and sometimes I told myself that, just to give myself a bit of a confidence boost because despite what you may think, I have very low self-esteem in RL. No matter how awesome or epic LoTL may have seemed, I was still a human being who craved just a little bit of recognition of my work. And a video game, no matter how great it seems, will amount to nothing if its developer feels like an ant. Being human, we all crave a little warmth and attention. It is human psychology.

I was always under the impression that this community operated on the 'scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours' mentality. I.o.w, if you expressed interest in someone else's work, they would probably return the favour and support your own project. That's what I've picked up after studying 100s of blogs on this site. And it's always the same people who respond to certain game projects. To an outsider, this creates an almost 'elitist' mindset, and also explains why the vast majority of games on this site go unnoticed because the cool cats were too invested in their own work and the works of their friends. That's honestly how I feel, and my lack of inactivty on this site stems from that exact same mindset.

That subscriber count? Those profile views? They meant nothing to me. I would have exchanged all of it, for a few simple sentences of constructive criticism. Only my testers ever gave me that.

But the damage is done. I don't need anyone's sympathy or pity. I will stand on my own two feet, continue with my pixel art and maybe one day, just one day, sell them. Then I can finally have peace of mind from earning money from something
that I love doing.

Posts

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author=Link_2112
Kentona is always saying he is running out of ideas of games to spotlight and nobody is coming forth with suggestions.


Rather than waiting for these suggestions to come forward, maybe Kentona should rotate the spotlight reins with another community member.

Someone old, someone new, someone different, someone we haven't already heard from on RMN before, in order to keep RMN's perspective on the community new, fresh and interesting with a fair sense of varied exposure.

A community should enlighten us, a community should enrich us.

There are a variety games being made by users with a variety of tastes everyday single day - there's so much you guys aren't seeing.

If you really loved rpgmaker, you would be actively seeking out these individuals to see what type of stories, ideas and creativity they're bringing to their games, because you really love the craft - you really love rpgmaker - and want to expose others to the different games that are being made with it.

One community member can only know so much.
Since I can't find the words to describe how I really feel, I'll just leave a link to an excellent blog over at LifeHack ( a great site, really ).

http://www.lifehack.org/445063/8-seeming-weaknesses-of-creative-people-that-are-actually-their-strengths

The 'Changing their Minds too Often', 'Becoming Bored Easily', 'Dreaming Big' and 'Making Lots of Mistakes' pretty much summed up what I was going through when developing LoTL. nhubi once called me whimsical. I can see where she was coming from now...

My mind's always busy. I always have 100s of ideas that never get executed ( and not all of them are game-related ). I'm always thinking of ways to make extra money, thinking up ways of trying to channel my creativity into an outlet other than gam-dev etc. etc.

Still, to everyone who has supported this game from Day One, all I can say is, thank you. I know I may have disappointed some of you ( if not all of you ) for putting the lid on this thing, but one day, whether it's in a a month, year or five, I'll come back to this. Maybe I'll do a BadLuck.

You never know.
One thing that happens often with these kind of big long projects is that people prefer to wait until it is finished instead of play and replay its hundreds of hours over and over. That's why I don't find surprising that my game has maybe 1-2 hundreds of downloads, at least 3 years with a demo out, and around 140 subscribers, while smaller games with much smaller amounts of subscribers have thousands of downloads and, as a consequence, way more feedback.

My games receive a comment so rarely that when it happens (never) is like "What problem is it now? D;", then I read the "nice! DLing" and say "oh, ok thanks for saying hi" :^). But nevertheless I'm accustomed to be on my own bubble just doing pixel art, scripting or whatever I'm in the mood of for my own amusement, often ending in total lose of track of time and effort (?).

Anyways Luchi! Yes, maybe it's time to make TLotL commercial. Just remember, being commercial means you'll need even more effort put into promoting the game. If not, things will probably won't change, and your child will feel as lonely as it is. :C Cause I can feel your pain, we want to give our children a place in the world. An ear to listen to our words. And so on. Whatever.
I came across this today and it got me thinking about this blog. It's perfectly fine to quit, and nothing you've done is wasted! Working on this gave you plenty of practice with all kinds of skills, like your pixel art, storytelling, design, etc. I'm sure you'll put them to good use. If cancelling this has made you happy and relieved, it's a sign you made the right choice for yourself, and as the linked post + many other people have said, you can always come back.
I've been mulling over this for the last week, and I think I know what I want to say (which is pretty much what everyone else has said). Like you said, you can always come back with fresh eyes in a year's time or something. Sometimes it's best to take a step back and work on other things that you enjoy; you don't want things to become a chore.
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