Soul Sunder

Woohoo! Soul Sunder is now available on Game Jolt!

http://gamejolt.com/games/rpg/soul-sunder/55537/

That's pretty much the announcement. Wish me luck! The following is now going to be me just talking to myself. I'm not sure if I should be showing this off since I'm always hesitant to talk about myself online, but the act of writing this alone was therapeutic for me. Perhaps someone out there who reads this can benefit from it. Whether it's helpful to you, or material you can just use to point and laugh at me, whatever. Here it is:


(Please note that every use of pronouns does not refer to you, the reader. It refers to me. As stated before, this is merely me talking to myself.)

I was staring at the screen for about eight minutes trying to work up the courage to click the unhide button. I finally managed it, though! I've had to fight myself every step of the way. I have a really bad habit of doubting myself. It's not a lack of self-esteem so much as the fact that, as the developer, the flaws are a lot more glaring to me than the draws. Those flaws, in my fear-addled mind, are amped up tenfold and make the game not worth showing, let alone playing:

"The item crafting system is inherently flawed! Those that aren't in the know about RM will give it crappy ratings!"

"Your art is laughable! You're still learning how to draw! Are you really going to show off those amateur drawings out there in the indie scene?"

"You got lucky to get where you are now! Don't be getting such a big head and thinking that everything you do is going to be amazing!"

"Sure, Nova, it may have had a good reception here on RMN, but out there on Game Jolt? You'll get torn apart like a steak thrown to a pack of starving wolves!"


... Stuff like that.


And then I realized something. Something that I probably should have realized the moment I got my first subscriber to this game (which was the first game I put up here on RMN, btw):

... So?

"Even if it does get crappy ratings. So? What's the worst that could happen? Someone comes and shits on a personal project you devoted the last year and a half to? ... Okay, that's pretty bad. But it won't kill you! It's not like a crappy review is going to stop you from making games entirely! So what else? What else could happen? The game gets ignored? Yeah, that still sucks, but it's not like this is your only chance to make an impression! If Soul Sunder happens to tank on Game Jolt, it's not the end of the world. Besides, no matter how important one web site is, it's still just one.

If the comments are constructive criticism, there's no reason to be upset. This is material I can use. Material that will help makes this project and future projects even better! If they're opinions, that's also no reason to be upset. Not everyone is going to like it. To withhold a game because people out there may not like it is foolish, and a guarantee that nothing you make will ever see the light of day. Ever.

At the end of the day, whose opinion of your game matters to you? If you could only pick one person, who would it be?"

My answer: My own.

The game isn't perfect, but there are two things that separate it from other projects out there:

1) It's complete. I've made about 4 games already while many aspiring game devs out there quit before they even complete one. That alone is worthy of celebration. Some people take years to get a project to a playable state before giving up and quitting.

2) It's yours. This is a title that no other project, no matter how big and popular, can ever achieve.


"What's your opinion of your game? Do you like it?"

You know what? Yeah. Yeah I do like it. I like it a lot. I like the characters I've made. I liked the scenario I wrote. I liked the gameplay mechanics I implemented. I don't like a glitch that I'm aware of but can do nothing about. It does make a focus point of the game really clunky and unintuitive. However, that's not the ENTIRE POINT of the game. As such, can it really be considered a deal breaker? Well, that's up to the players to decide.

"But I'm not asking the players. I'm asking YOU. Do YOU think that it's a deal breaker?"

... No. No I do not.

"If you really like what you've got, great. You're certainly not the only one who thinks so, either. In the end, isn't that enough?

Sure, you're not where you want to be, but what's wrong with that? You're not going to produce one thing and have it define your entire career, right? You're not trying to become super popular on the internet with your games. I mean, if you did, awesome."

"If you think your game is good, then show it off to everyone you can find. If you believe in your project, then you can look past its flaws and appreciate all the effort that went into making the game a good one."

I'm not Archeia. I'm not Luchino. I'm not anything like the people I've taken inspiration from even before I learned who they were. I used to feel incompetent whenever I compared myself to others. They're so much better than me, I thought, who would have time to give my stuff a try when there's so much better stuff out there now?

I've now learned that trying to compare myself to others is an insult to both them and myself. I'm me. I have my own style of gam mak. I have my own voice to tell my own stories. There is no one else on the planet that can claim to be me.


Even if no one on Game Jolt likes Soul Sunder. Even if no one in sites outside RMN likes Soul Sunder. Even if no one else on the planet likes Soul Sunder, I like Soul Sunder. And you know what? I couldn't ask for anything better.

It was a this point that I finally clicked the Unhide button on Game Jolt. Whatever happens now, I have absolutely no regrets.



I ought to make a game out of this message.