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O hai, oppai.

  • Decky
  • 01/27/2014 08:40 AM
Welp, this is quite the silly game here. Alex Gets Oppai is basically what it sounds like: you're Alex, and you're trying to collect as many sets of women's breasts as possible. Thankfully the breasts are "censored" - otherwise, the game would've been denied for pornographic content!

Gathering oppai is not that easy, though. Think of this game as sort of a tetris hybrid: the screen is gradually scrolling upwards, and random storage containers (ranging from square to rectangular, in various shapes and sizes) are raining down on you. Ice blocks disappear gradually, but the rest of the blocks are there to stay. The blocks fall at random, and there's no real way to tell which block is coming next, so it's hard to figure out a pattern. This makes the game very challenging...

Be prepared to see this screen a lot.

I died quite a few times due to the unpredictable nature of the game. Often I would die as I was jumping around gathering oppai (which, ironically, are of a uniform shape and size, unlike the raining blocks). Or I'd get squished under a block because my reflexes suck.

One of the neat features of this game is the wall jump. Much like Samus in Metroid, Alex can wall jump up various crates to avoid falling off the screen and dying. This is extremely helpful for those tall boxes that rain down every now and then. Thankfully, the controls (including both the jumping and wall jumping) are fairly responsive, but they do take some time to get used to - especially when the screen scrolling decides to randomly speed up.

As for the oppai themselves, they're pretty innocent: collect them to gain a lot of points. I think the most points I was able to gather was 20,000: I had managed to grab about 7 oppai or so. It takes some time for the oppai to start raining down (probably about 20-30 seconds or so, and by then about a dozen blocks will have fallen). You also have to watch out for enemies that will rain down with the oppai: they can kill you if you're not careful!

We men are constantly getting smashed by icy figures before we can get the oppai. It's called "cockblocking".

The presentation of the game is solid: I liked the graphics, the silly sound effects and death grunts, and the background music that reminds me of a typical action scene from an anime series or Star Ocean.

Basically, the only major flaws of this short game (as far as I'm concerned) are the randomness of the falling blocks/oppai, and perhaps the lack of special features or planned level design. It's a very basic premise, and it's fun for what it's worth, but it feels like a test/experiment more than a cohesive game. I'd like to see it developed into something further, though!


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Thank you so much for the review, Decky. I honestly didn't expect anyone to actually give this game a review, since even I myself think it's too small to deserve one because indeed it IS a 'prototype made playable'.

As for the difficulty, well ... the Goddess of Sadism is behind it, so what do you expect >_>; XD

We men are constantly getting smashed by icy figures before we can get the oppai. It's called "cockblocking".

I don't get the complaint about the randomness of blocks falling. Do you feel the same way when(if) you play tetris? This game would be boring and sucky if the blocks weren't random.

The ice blocks only disappear when you touch then, btw.
I'm a dog pirate
Well, the thing about tetris is that you get a preview of the blocks and you have control over where they land.
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