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Did I actually enjoy this?

  • Kylaila
  • 07/10/2014 09:38 AM
Densetsu no Kusoge is a rage adventure RPG for the IGMC2014. Its main purpose is to rip away any patience you may have and annoy you to an unhealthy extent.
Before you go "WHY, WHY DO YOU GIVE THIS GAME ANY STARS!?" on me, I dare say it is outstanding in its genre.

Surprisingly, it offers the same intrigue as fine trash. Instead of putting one amazingly annoying sound after another, It ridicules common tropes. It annoys you cleverly. It exploits the joys annoyances found in all kinds of games and puts them together into one. People who give you important skills or items die soon after for no reason. You find useless items aplenty, need to select whom to heal at the healer thrice when you play only one playable character and so on.

The start is epically ridiculous. PRESIDENT vs CONGRESS, as the latter is the evil in the world of course
for it is against pollution and global warming and getting back at you

And the PRESIDENT'S DAUGHTER has been kidnapped - now it is your, and only your task to rescue her. This world has elders and swords and lasers to aid.. or impede.. your task, of course. It mixes all kinds of things.
Not to mention that your epic main theme is hurtingly unmelodic. On purpose. It is a tinkered version of themes we should all know.
But the game is not evil enough to have us hear that all the time, the world map is quite alright.

Luckily, you can name your hero. It ends up as FECES either way, which I find a very suitable name for the great adventure you are facing.
For you are to find 3 gold cards to enter the CONGRESS and rescue the PRESIDENT'S DAUGHTER. Without any battles against the actual CONGRESS needed, of course. They are just to cover for the travel expenses.

The main feature of Densetsu no Kusoge is that everything takes a bit longer - to make matters worse, you have an overall timelimit of 1 hour and 10 minutes.
For the first 15 minutes or so, it is actually quite enjoyable to sit back and slowly go your way. I have no idea, why, but for some reason it is. Once you submit to your crawling, it is only half as bad.

Remember Ocarina of Time? Know what got on my nerves when I got back to it? The text speed. Oh yes, the texts. I'm sure everyone remembers the owl.
Here, too, the text speed is s-l-o-w. Intro included. Every interaction is slow. Every step is slow. Additionally, your interactions need to be described precisely.
You don't just use keys or open doors, oh no. It must say "You used the key to open the door" in snail-like letter appearances. Every other way is not sufficient.
You also obtain items in regular intervals, which you can or cannot pick up (which requires another "Are you sure?" in case you do want to pick something up). In case of potions, the YES - NO is reversed when you need to confirm picking it up.

Your walking speed is abysmal. Any other NPC walks perfectly fine, of course, but a hero needs to conserve energy. You also don't walk normally, you can only walk in the direction you are facing, any other direction-key is for changing directions. We need to be precise, don't we?
This alone makes traveling quite time-consuming.

There is just one key to surviving in this world: Save. Save often. Save everywhere.
Any step you needn't take again is a gift.

There are also some interesting gimmicks to how you can lose something. Or how out of proportion this world is.
For example, anything you buy uses up all of your money. Buy a Potion for some gold? Now it's back to zero. Some monster go down with a needlessly long animation that is usually used for boss-fights. Even small crabs.
You fight (read: escape from) skeletons that look like elves, you battle robots called "JUNK".

With the music, the inability to even move properly, there is only one thing becoming clear:

You, your world, and your quest are useless, and ridiculous.
The commentary on your great heroics and the great loss should you die make for a good dose of irony.

Never have I felt so sad..

This game is slow. It is mean, yes. But somehow a certain level of fairness remains. All text is slow, except the battles themselves. The introduction, slow. Attacks, fast. (nothing is more torture than slow combat, really). If you are surprised, the enemy gets infinite turns. (the same goes for you, of course)

You need to travel ridiculous amounts to get to the cards, but you actually get hints. You actually can find them, as there are special doors on the map.
There are random teleporters, there are cases where you need to travel over seemingly impassable terrain, but most areas are marked or have odd formations. Some need to be tried out via brute-force.
There is (in most cases) a logic you can follow to get them. And of course, save. SAVE. Otherwise you cannot possible beat the game during the time limit. You will need enough time to beat this even if you have direct hints.

There are many things you will certainly not get right on the first try if you don't have a good amount of luck.
Good thing I came across the hidden village right away. There is also a teleport-skill you will direly need (as it saves battle time and secures an escape for unbeatable or fatal foes). I was lucky to find that one easily as well (keep on the left side. Yep.)

Neither did I

Nevertheless, after you've had your time sitting back, you notice how the timer is slowly going down. And after a long search, your patience is shrinking and it becomes the chore it's supposed to be.
Yes, I was amused. I laughed at the pointlessness of everything. I laughed heartily, but I was about to surrender shortly before I finished it. (right before one of the easiest parts, actually)

It is annoying, it is needlessly long and needlessly difficult, but it is cleverly annoying. The distorted soundtrack fits so incredibly well, it is so oddly catchy on its own.
Densetsu no Kusoge does everything it's supposed to do very well, yes, the mapping is monotonous, so is the gameplay, so is the story, but it could've been shortened a bit. Some cards were cryptically hidden and without hints barely obtainable.
It is good at making you want to stop playing.

If it were shorter, it might actually be a quite amusing game. And I believe that is the scariest part of it all. Finishing it was rewarding, somehow.

There is no recommendation to be done. Just don't do it. Don't.
If you really could take any fun out of it, you will know. You need to be patient, you need to be into trash, and surely you would know right away if this was something for you.
I had a morbid feeling I was going to enjoy it. And while I enjoyed it only partly, I would be lying if I said all of it was a chore.


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The 524 is for 524 Stone Crabs
I am surprised by this star rating. Thanks for the review! xD

I'd be lying if I said EVERYTHING was intentional with this game, though. Some aspects to it, such as the skewed shop systems and the music, were originally ment to work differently. However, as I was playtesting this monstrosity, I just found that those elements just WORKED for what I was going for, so I left it that way.

Which ending did you get when you beat the game, by the way?
Star ratings do not reflect the pure enjoyment of a game. And need to consider what this game was going for .. so yeah, it makes a great job of what it's supposed to do.
Trying what works is part of the process, my friend : D and if it works, that's what's important.

Well, I rescue the PRESIDENT'S DAUGHTER and rebuild humanity. And bring penguins to exction, I suppose.
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