Goblin Noir: Cement Shoes are Highly Unfashionable

This review is for the updated version as the IGMC build was bugged.

Though listed as a visual novel, Goblin Noir contains many of the standards of the RPG game genre, combat, fetch quest, progression through levels etc, but it also combines that visual novel feel and dynamic through narratively driven plot and cut scenes. So I'd say it's more of a hybrid.

The story opens with Shelia, a smart-mouthed dame who takes fashion very seriously having to report back to her boss in the Viper Gang that a deal went south.


Never dis Sheila's threads.

Being as forgiving as gangsters are her boss lays the blame solely at Sheila's high heel shod feet and gives her an ultimatum, get back the money by midnight or she can trade in those tasty dogs for ones made of cement and a one way trip to fishtown.

A lot of the fun of this game is the setting, an alternate universe where goblins, trolls and other fantastical creatures exist and have been integrated into society, set in the midst of the roaring 20's with jazz permeating the air, prohibition breeding the growth of shady speakeasies and a roaring trade in bootlegging and gangsters with name like Uncle Benny and The Don rule the streets and control from the shadows. Our fashionista protagonist is right at home in the fast paced and dangerous world in which she travels and can talk or flirt her way out of just about any situation she gets herself into. Which as she's just been forced to move from lackey to gumshoe serves her well.

Conversation forms the backbone of the battles in this game, with Shelia's starting skills being chat, flirt, intimidate and sass (she gets joke later).


Don’t take any wooden nickels, Sheila.

Each of her conversational opponents has their own skills, such as Interrogate in the case of the police and Glare from the doorman. How you respond to their skills and the application of your own is what will ultimately determine your success or failure in these verbal jousts. In addition to simply causing damage attacks can cause a mood change in your opponent, when that happens certain skills become more successful, but Shelia can also be affected by moods which makes her less likely to succeed, or to reduce her options as she becomes unable to articulate finer points. Strategy is a big part of these discourses, with learning about your opponent before you make any attack absolutely vital, because unlike standard monsters in RPG battles, each person is an individual and just because you've won a battle with a copper once by embarrassing and then insulting them doesn't mean it will work if you were to meet another.

There are only limited narrative driven confrontations, probably because the eventing behind the battle system must have been extremely labour intensive, but the results are fun and well considered, with very few instances of repeated dialogue and that is there simply as a clue to choose a different approach. The final battle with the culprit was quite intense and I only had the tiniest sliver of life left when I hit upon the sensible but counter-intuitive response that got me through. You need to think if you want to succeed here.

The graphics are a blend of RTP, packs and some custom art, most especially the face sets and character sprites. This game is based off the artwork of an eponymous web comic in production so the artist applied their skill in illustration to the portraits of the characters and some of the objects seen, the vintage cars being a prime example.


But it was such a pretty car.

The music fits the era well with a light touch of jazz and blues playing throughout the game, and adding to the immersion level well. The humour however is where the game really shines, the story is a fairly simple one, and indeed is pretty much a long fetch quest. But the sassy one-liners and modern goblin woman attitude of Sheila who cheerfully challenges traditional societal roles, both her own and others, the pulp noir dialogue straight out of Raymond Chandler, the refusal to take itself too seriously and the completely non-quest related interactions just made this game a joy to read and play.


Your world needs more sunshine.

There is some nice little in game additions like the option to scroll through overly long dialogue sections so you don't miss anything being said due to the pace of delivery, the streamlined menu just giving you what you need, including save being always on, and the ability to turn off the tutorial dialogues if you wanted to go it alone.

Goblin Noir is perhaps one of the most overlooked game in the IGMC, and indeed unfortunately for the developers the version they uploaded had a bug that couldn't be fixed, luckily for me I'm not a judge so I get to play the game as it was intended. It's not perfect, for a narratively driven game it still has a few spelling and grammatical errors, the custom graphics could be expanded upon to give the game a more coherent art deco, post war look in keeping with the music and characterisation, the number of confrontations could be expanded as well to enable a more in-depth story and a few more locations to visit and explore before the final showdown, because it did feel a little rushed at the end. However the pros definably outweigh the cons in this little beauty and I can only recommend you play it, it's the bees knees.



We can only hope.